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I'm Married but still have feelings for EX...

  • 24-03-2009 11:32pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone,

    Had to let off steam .... Is there any way to get an ex out of your head. I love my husband very very much. We have been going through a rough time lately and the last 6 weeks after marriage counseling we are getting on better than we have in years, and I love it, it is great to be back to where we were before.

    Now I think I am actually feeling guilt. 6 weeks ago I met an ex I haven't seen in over 10 years. I poured out my heart and explained everything and he listened and played devils advocate and bounced suggestions off me as to why things were the way they were in my marriage and because of the conversation with him I told my husband it was either counseling or divorce. Thankfully he agreed to counseling.

    I feel guilty - I mean, I get butterflies when I think of him and an ache in my heart as I know I won't be with him as I have made my decision - not that he asked me to be with him or anything like that, as he is going through a rough patch at the moment and he too is in counseling in relation to his marriage.

    We both acknowledged the seriously strong feelings we have for each other at the moment and agreed that we cannot stay in contact as it isn't fair on either of our partners as we are both aware of what could happen, but I notice I am thinking about him when I am on my own, or driving to work etc and have to stop myself sending him texts or emails to see how he is.

    Will time stop me thinking about him or lesson the feelings I have. Is it gratitude in a warped way that I am feeling that it took my ex boyfriend to help save my marriage. if I hadn't of met him I know I wouldn't have fought to save my marriage and would have just called it a day.


Comments

  • #2
    upmeath
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭upmeath


    A chance meeting... a good conversation... but it was counselling that saved your marriage. Don't put the ex on a pedestal, leave him in the past and get on with what you have now, you said you're happier than you have been in years. You chose the path you're on because you grew out of that relationship and went past it, you left it behind.


  • #3
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    upmeath wrote: »
    A chance meeting... a good conversation... but it was counselling that saved your marriage. Don't put the ex on a pedestal, leave him in the past and get on with what you have now, you said you're happier than you have been in years. You chose the path you're on because you grew out of that relationship and went past it, you left it behind.

    +1

    Meeting up with your ex that you currently have no issues with, and he too is having issues with his marriage. Of course both of you are going to feel comfortable around each other, there's not the usual hassle.
    This feeling will pass - and you need to concentrate on your marriage.
    Your ex is an ex for a reason.


  • #4
    stapolinhosting
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 350 ✭✭stapolinhosting


    Its not unusual to think about an ex. Especially if you had some problems in you current relationship. It only natural to think about him.
    If your husband is a wonderful as you say, then the ex will soon fade from your mind :)


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well done for agreeing not to get in touch and sticking to that. It can't be easy but the longer you don't get in touch, it will get easier.

    Focus on your marriage. Remind yourself of all the reasons you love your husband and how much better things have become. Also think about all the good things to come if you can keep going to counselling.

    Please tread carefully here. So many people could be hurt if you made the wrong move.


  • #6
    upmeath
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭upmeath


    Far away hills are always greener, but you can already see that this faraway hill has its own troubles, and I'd leave it on the horizon.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all,

    Thanks for the replies, the logical part of my brain is telling me to cope on that no-one will love me the way my husband does and if anything ever happened to him I would be devastated. I know that all marriages go through a rough patch and it can't be like it is in Hollywood all perfect all of the time.

    But, my heart hurts when I think of my ex. Damn. I would love it I didn't have these feelings, it would make my life a lot easier. I believe things happen for a reason. I have yet to see what this reason is - BUT IT BETTER BE GOOD.


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