Think sister's fiancé is a muppet

InReality · 24-03-2009 1:01pm #1

Hi

I'm wondering what people would do in this situation.
I don't think my sisters fiance is good enough for her and that he is a bit of a muppet.
He has no regard for money at all, and my sister is the main wage earner in the house.
My mum says he bullys my sis a bit and doesn't treat her well.

Any ideas ?

Diddler82 · 24-03-2009 1:06pm

Need a bit more info I reckon,

Does she see this as a problem? Was he recently laid off and looking for work and how long is she with him, is there kids involved etc?

A lot of boardsie's can give great advice but I think we need some more information on their circumstances.

Kinetic^ · 24-03-2009 1:07pm

Until you hear it from your sister,mind your own business.

Beruthiel · 24-03-2009 1:10pm

One of my sisters is with a total muppet at the moment. None of us would ever tell her.
At the end of the day, it is none of our business and she is old enough to run her own life.
As Kinetic^ said, until your sister asks your opinion, keep out of it.

seamus · 24-03-2009 1:11pm

You have to let other people make their own mistakes. Live your life, love your family, but don't try to live their lives.

If she's making a mistake she'll eventually figure it out and you'll be there to support her.

Cormb · 24-03-2009 1:20pm

Hi
I reckon theres not much you can do unless
1. the sister gets you involved or tells you
or
2. you feel the "bullying" is of a level that is so serious that something needs to be done.

If you felt that this was a serious enough issue, you may wish to take a "softly, softly" approach and gradually mention it. It may well be that she feels she need help with or talk about the situation, but is wary/afraid of bringing it up with family.

Regards
Cormb

jimmycrackcorm · 24-03-2009 1:34pm

InReality wrote: »

I don't think my sisters fiance is good enough for her

You have not pointed out what he has done wrong but indicated a snobbish opinion on your part.

Gholimoli · 24-03-2009 2:22pm

Beruthiel wrote: »

One of my sisters is with a total muppet at the moment. None of us would ever tell her.
At the end of the day, it is none of our business and she is old enough to run her own life.
As Kinetic^ said, until your sister asks your opinion, keep out of it.

So if your sister (god forbid) wants to kill her self and does not ask your opinion on the issue ,you still think it's none of your business?

What if all it takes is for you to show her a different point of view and then she would not want to kill her self again, do you still think it's none of your business until she asks your opinion?

im not trying to be smart at all ...i have obviously used extreme examples and i am genuinely interested to know if here is a line with this mentality or not...ie there is a line at which point you would intervene for what you think is in her best interest even if she does not ask for it?

InReality · 24-03-2009 2:30pm

I think marrying the wrong person is a serious enough problem.
I'd prefer for her to avoid it if possible.

There's no kids and he has a job, they have been together for 4/5 years. The bullying would not be a big thing , could have been a once off impression by my mother.

But I don't think this lad as much maturity most people do. My sis
seems to have to handle anything serious "money/house etc" herself.

missbaker · 24-03-2009 2:41pm

InReality wrote: »

I think marrying the wrong person is a serious enough problem.
I'd prefer for her to avoid it if possible.

Just because you think he's not right for her doesn't mean she thinks it! She obviously thinks he's the right man for her so it's best you leave your nose out. Her fiancee - her business

shellyboo · 24-03-2009 2:47pm

InReality wrote: »

But I don't think this lad as much maturity most people do. My sis
seems to have to handle anything serious "money/house etc" herself.

If she was living on her own, you'd be commending her for managing those things herself. Just because she has a partner doesn't mean he has to do it. It's not his sole responsibility. Perhaps she's just better at that stuff than him? Perhaps, since she's the main breadwinner as you say, she prefers to deal with the money stuff, since it's HER money?

You're not really giving any great reasons for not liking the bloke, tbh.

martdalto · 24-03-2009 2:54pm

Thinking he's a muppet isn't good enough reason to get involved!

If you think he is a bully or abusing her, and have evidence to back it up then it would be advisable to approach her. Otherwise, I'm afraid, it's just a simple case of you not liking him.

If she's happy paying the lions share for everything and organising the households finances, then it's nobodies business. Is he supposed to contribute more, even if his job doesn't pay as well as hers? Is she supposed to only go out with someone who is in a better job than she is?

Unless you have any real concerns for her safety it's not your place to interfere.

LeixlipRed · 24-03-2009 2:54pm

InReality wrote: »

I think marrying the wrong person is a serious enough problem.
I'd prefer for her to avoid it if possible.

There's no kids and he has a job, they have been together for 4/5 years. The bullying would not be a big thing , could have been a once off impression by my mother.

But I don't think this lad as much maturity most people do. My sis
seems to have to handle anything serious "money/house etc" herself.

Sounds like you just don't like him. I don't like plenty of people but I don't go around interfering in their personal lives. You have no idea what your sister sees in him. And so what if he's not mature?

Beruthiel · 24-03-2009 2:58pm

Gholimoli wrote: »

So if your sister (god forbid) wants to kill her self

That is not the topic we are discussing. Please stick to that.

I consider my sisters b/f to be a muppet. She clearly doesn't.
My opinion of her b/f is my problem and certainly I have no business sticking my nose in.

The OP has not given any clear evidence that her sisters b/f is anything but someone she thinks is not good enough for her sister.
My advice is towards the information given.

Craft25 · 24-03-2009 3:16pm

so your sister is a level headed, organised mature person and she chose an immature airy fairy fella.. So what? What's it to you.?. it's horses for courses isnt it, opposites attract and all that, it's her choice what she's in-to & like others said unless you see some sort of abuse going on I'd keep my nose out of it

InReality · 24-03-2009 3:19pm

Maybe it sounded like I'm dying to tell her what I think of him.
I'm not at all.
& my inclination is to say nothing as it is her life and her decision.

But - I don't want her to be upset if he fecks off in 3/4 years and leaves her with kids.
I just see that happening & its not that I don't like the guy , I just don't see him as being reliable.

Beruthiel · 24-03-2009 3:25pm

InReality wrote: »

But - I don't want her to be upset if he fecks off in 3/4 years and leaves her with kids.
I just see that happening & its not that I don't like the guy , I just don't see him as being reliable.

Seriously. You cannot predict the future.
You have no idea how it will turn out and you cannot 'save' your sister from the realities of life.
I'm getting the feeling that you do not trust her?
That you consider her incapable of making her own decisions?
Is she not with this man because she loves him?
So she is the mature one, and takes care of the bills, nothing wrong with that. It's all about balance and trust.
Either way, we ALL have to make our own mistakes in this life.

Craft25 · 24-03-2009 3:27pm

InReality wrote: »

Maybe it sounded like I'm dying to tell her what I think of him.
I'm not at all.
& my inclination is to say nothing as it is her life and her decision.

But - I don't want her to be upset if he fecks off in 3/4 years and leaves her with kids.
I just see that happening & its not that I don't like the guy , I just don't see him as being reliable.

Would this be the end of her world? I think not - sure she'd have kids to love.
Let her make her own mistakes.

Are you a bit of a controlling character do you think? You cant create the perfect world around you, you just have to roll with the punches.

aare · 24-03-2009 3:32pm

Both of my little brothers have partners who are so obnoxious, and genuinely nasty, in very different ways, that I would be inclined to question their right to exist...

However, it is, absolutely, NONE of my business...

Venting is fine, but keep out of it, because it is NOT your business either...

But be there for her if she needs you...

LegacyUser · 24-03-2009 4:48pm

Op Maybe your picking up on your mother and other family members concerns, your sister might be feeling no one likes her fiancée and she will feel ganged up upon and it may push her away.

if your mother has issue with it let her but dont gang up on your sis, she is an adult and should be respected.

username123 · 24-03-2009 4:51pm

You have to let your sister live her own life and make her own mistakes.
What if you stuck your nose in now and told her what youve said on here - who do you think she is going to side with? Her fiance or her sister who is making odd predictions about how the guy may or may not behave in the future.

Just because you have a low opinion of him doesnt mean your sister shouldnt be with him, how would you feel if he had a low opinion of you and told your sister that she should cut you out of her life? Peoples relationships are their own business, no one elses.

Think sister's fiancé is a muppet

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