Housemate from hell...but a mate..

Irishcrx

Hi guys,

I'm having a slight mental break down regarding a house mate of mine and need some advice, a little background. He's been living with me since last August and I was a little concerned about letting him move in to start but decided since he's a friend to give him a chance but he just takes the piss completely month after month.

He doesn't work, he's on the dole which I'm ok with as I know work is hard to find , but in 8 months he hasn't even looked for a job, he sits in the house all day smoking hash , he eats everybody elses food and never buys any, he never cleans up after himself I have to clean up after him all the time my girlfriend does aswell who also lives there , he has been late on rent 4 months in a row as well as bill money but yet can afford to buy drink and drugs. In December he found a dog and begged me to let her stay and I agreed as long as he looked after her and cleaned after her...needless to say me, my gf and other housemate look after her, feed her , walk her she's not trained right and tears up parts of furniture.

I've warned him a million times to clean up his act but nothing changes, he now has a broken foot from being an idiot on Paddys day and it's even worst now he has an excuse to do sweet FA and loves it. It's getting to a point where for my own sanity and peace of mind I'll have to tell him to leave cause he is destroying the house I could spend 3 hours cleaning after i come home from work and I come home the next day for lunch and it's a kip again, table full of smokes, drinks, dirty cups , floors stained, his breakfast rotting on the ground, washing up pilled up for someone else.

I just feel bad cause I know if I kick him out no other landlord will take him or the dog in and if they did he wouldn't last a week and to be honest we love the dog and don't wanna see her go and he is a friend and we get on well but living together I am starting to hate him.

Sorry for the rant.

gandalf

Well if he is a mate you need to say what you have written above to him. After that if he doesn't amend his ways he is not really a friend and you need to cut him loose.

ManOfMystery

Sometimes you got to be cruel to be kind. The only way your 'friend' will ever learn to live responsibly by himself is to be left on his own without someone cleaning up after him. You aren't his parent; he is not your responsibilty, and as a grown adult, he should be capable of cleaning up his own mess and showing you some respect.

Asides from the living arrangement, this guy doesn't sound like a particularly good or caring friend.

jon1981

4 words ... "out on his ass!" mate or no mate i would not put up with that.

i have a pet hate for laziness

Oh The Humanity

I just feel bad cause I know if I kick him out no other landlord will take him or the dog in and if they did he wouldn't last a week and to be honest we love the dog and don't wanna see her go and he is a friend and we get on well but living together I am starting to hate him.

Simple, kick him out and tell him you'll keep the dog 'until he gets set up elsewhere' -which of course he wont, so the dogs yours. You can train the dog properly now that he wont be around.

Your mate is a gobsh1te and not your problem. By cleaning up after him and putting up with his unacceptable behaviour you are only enabling him.

Show him the door.

biko

If any other friends tries to give you lip about this tell them to take him in.

anthony4335

You have to for your sake ,tell him bluntly to shape up or be gone. This will put a strain on you and the rest in the house and if you are not carefull you might just end up alone in the house with him.

mike65

If he were a friend to you, he'd not be acting like a leech. Truth is is he taking you and the others for a ride. So collectively you have to put it to him in non-hostile fashion that he has to start to pull his weight by contributing to the running of the flat both financially and practically (after all he's the one at home all day) and then seeking work.

If he reacts badly then there is only one course of action.

ohanloj3

gandalf wrote: »

Well if he is a mate you need to say what you have written above to him. After that if he doesn't amend his ways he is not really a friend and you need to cut him loose.

totally agree you are being a great mate to him but it should work both ways.

I've never heard a truer saying - you don't someone till you live with them!!

I had a similar problem myself when renting with a friend, when we moved in we were best mates, by the end of it we don't even talk.

Although she was good at paying rent and that. And instead of moving a dog in she moved her boyfriend in, who dictated what we watched on telly. He liked having baths not showers and my friends ensuite had no bath so he used to come into my bathroom use the bath (and all the hot water) and my bubble bath and lie there for hours, so I couldn't have a shower when I came home from work!

Also she was terrible at cleaning up after herself- dirt on the floors, dirty dishes in the sink, leaving rubbish bags piling up in the kitchen instead of taking them outside!

God, just thinking about it makes my blood boil!

mike65

ohanloj3 wrote: »

I've never heard a truer saying - you don't someone till you live with them!!

So true

Snowie

as above said kick him out or change the locks when hes not there pack up all his stuff and leave buy the door with a note !

Sorry but the chap is cleerly taking advantage of you, which booth unfair and immoral, He maybe was a friend but he sounds like an anoyance kick him out...

Have been in a similar situation myself. Theres a number of things you can do. The first and most obvious one is to kick him out in his ass. But its not the right thing to do.

This guy is your mate, and he needs a bit of help by the sounds of it. In my experience the weed is the crux of the matter here, having been a heavy smoker for years i know how easy it can be to just sit around the house all day long getting stoned and drinking beers.

Think about introducing a smoking outside only rule. Its a small change but you will be amazed at how off putting it is to a stoner to actually have to get up and go out to have a J. Should cut his smoking in at least half.

Secondly, you have to tell him that everyone in the house is sick of his behaviour and that if he doesnt cop on hes gone. Make a roster for everyone jobswise in the house and make sure everyone sticks to it. A bit anal I know but if at the end of the week if his is the only name without any of the jobs done next to it you have to approach him about it.

Money wise you also have to put the skids under him. Tell him that you and everyone else in the house cant afford to be feeding him. He has to buy his own food. Rent and bills have to be paid in time.

If he still isnt changing then you need to get rid of him.

Keep the dog.

It would be unfair on the animal to leave it with him.

Aoife9

Sounds to me like you are his mate but he is not yours. He is a selfish prat and you need to get rid asap maybe keep the dog as he'll probably starve it but cut him loose now he is not your problem he is a professional leech.:mad:

partyguinness

Show the loser the road...

LegacyUser

Hi Op.

Sounds like you and your girlfriend and your other house mate are getting on well together, all conscious of each other and responsible people.

I think deep down you know he has to go i wouldnt be able to try shape him up and do the whole smoking outside thing,

Deep down you all want him gone and to live in peace, think how much better it will be.

He also knows himself that he is not in the best shape at the moment, and if you had a chat with him he will have to understand, be firm though dont let him think he might be able to stay because he will push you on it, if your uncomfortable with giving him a months notice give him two, at least youll know he is going...

I wouldnt say anything about the dog untill the end, if he cant find a place that will take a dog then he will have to ask you to take it, but dont try sort everything out for him, its the least he can do after all the sh!t he has put you all through.


Dont feel selfish- he surely doesnt- part of growing up is protecting yourself and girlfriend and your environment together, anyone who thinks your being unreasonable is immature
you have to learn to put your needs first,

He also sounds like he has some addiction issues, its like your all walking around him, the dinosaur in the living room! enabling him isnt helping him as others have said,



Good luck xx

Beruthiel

Irishcrx wrote: »

I just feel bad cause I know if I kick him out no other landlord will take him

Tough sh!t, you're not his mammy.

Ask him to leave.
As others have said, you are enabling his behaviour and he will continue as is until he is forced to face up to himself.
Kicking him out might start that process.

Cormb

gandalf wrote: »

Well if he is a mate you need to say what you have written above to him. After that if he doesn't amend his ways he is not really a friend and you need to cut him loose.

I agree.
In the event of you having to kick him out, you may also be giving him a much needed kick up the backside and get himself sorted out.

Irishcrx

I've warned him a million times but it's in one ear and out the other, I suggested a cleaning schedule last week , everyone else agreed except him he then claimed to do plenty of cleaning when in reality as he knows he doesn't do a tap...not one bit and he makes all the mess all the time. Also tried the not smoking in the house thing but he doesn't stick to it, and when I'm in work he'll do it anyway cause he won't listen to my gf or housemate...I've no option left really he is 23 and acts 12.

Miss Fluff

The lazy waster is walking all over you ffs! He's not your mate as no real friend would turn the place into a sesspit and except their mates to tidy up after them. Tell him to sling his hook asap.

gandalf

Irishcrx wrote: »

I've warned him a million times but it's in one ear and out the other, I suggested a cleaning schedule last week , everyone else agreed except him he then claimed to do plenty of cleaning when in reality as he knows he doesn't do a tap...not one bit and he makes all the mess all the time. Also tried the not smoking in the house thing but he doesn't stick to it, and when I'm in work he'll do it anyway cause he won't listen to my gf or housemate...I've no option left really he is 23 and acts 12.

Well then he's been warned and I would say your only option is to ask him to leave.

I have lived with people who didn't bother to pull their weight and it creates alot of unnecessary stress for those that are.

Aoife9

Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind that he has to go now you just need to tell him make it soon;)

thepoolgirl

Come on buddy get a grip and get rid of this loser of a mate.
Pack up his stuff and kick him to the kerb.

Are you a man or a mouse...:p

Icdb

You should rent the movie You Me And Dupree... sit and watch it together.. point out the similarities poke fun at him.. and shame him into getting his act together... or just throw the bum out on the street...

You have to be cruel to be kind... and if you don't the guy will keep on walking all over you...

You could do things like throw all his mess and dirty dishes and stuff in his room... he might get the point then..

Sir Oxman

Advice from someone who was in the same boat as you last year - tell him to leave.

If you don't heed this advice, you deserve no sympathy. Seriously.

LegacyUser

Turf him out
on his ass.

He doesn't sound like a friend but in the event that he is, be diplomatic when you're kicking him out- make it like a business appraisel- this is why you're ****, and this is why you're leaving. Even though it sounds as if he deserves to be hit and screamed at, don't actually let it end that way- once he's out he'll prolly start maturing pretty fast and realise the error of his ways and yiz can be back to being friends-provided that he doesn't move back in- and it'd be a pitty to ruin that possibility by getting all hot and cross about it.

Keep the dog.

jdivision

Frankly he's not a mate, he's a coaster taking advantage of your hospitality. I've seen other people taken advantage of like this.