Christians dating non Christians

Splendour

Although I would never advocate a Christian dating an athiest, I'm wondering is it biblically ok for a Christian to date someone who claims to believe but are not born again.

What are Christians viewpoints on this topic?

2Scoops

Splendour wrote: »

Although I would never advocate a Christian dating an athiest

Why not? Surely, it would be an excellent opportunity to evangelize?

Splendour

2Scoops wrote: »

Why not? Surely, it would be an excellent opportunity to evangelize?

Well yes,but what about dating which may lead to marriage? This is obviously the reason people date in the first place...

JimiTime

Splendour wrote: »

Although I would never advocate a Christian dating an athiest, I'm wondering is it biblically ok for a Christian to date someone who claims to believe but are not born again.

What are Christians viewpoints on this topic?

Strangely enough, it was someone who was non-religious who I married. I say non-religious because she didn't really have much of a view on things spiritual. Either positive or negative really. We had some great discussions, and I can honestly say, we make an amazing couple. I was very much the thinker, as in I had all the details, and bible verses, whereas she was more action. I was the professing Christian, while she was the one that was acting Christian. We are both Christians now in perfect compliment. Even though when we met, she had no real faith as such, she thought me so much just by being loving etc. She also brought, not intentionally, my hypocricy to the fore and made me look at 'me'. So in my experience, I would not have a blanket rule against dating someone who is not 'one of us':) Yes, as our spirituality is the most important thing in our lives, there must be compatability. Once you are open and honest, you'll know who will work and who wont IMO. You may be like me, thinking you got it, only for someone who does not really consider their spirituality come teach you a lesson:)

Dave147

Splendour wrote: »

Although I would never advocate a Christian dating an athiest, I'm wondering is it biblically ok for a Christian to date someone who claims to believe but are not born again.

What are Christians viewpoints on this topic?

What a ridiculous and narrow minded opinion you have.. Do you ever stop to think about how stupid that sounds? My girlfriend is Christian and I'm atheist, we're very much in love and neither of us have ever been happier, I don't see why someone being a different religion to you would be an issue when dating.. And no, not everyone plans to get married, marriage has become a complete sham of a sacrament. When I finally do have kids we'll both explain to them about Christianity etc, but it will be their choice and it won't be forced on them like it was everyone else.


Wow, I hate ultra-religious people.

JimiTime

Dave147 wrote: »

What a ridiculous and narrow minded opinion you have.. Do you ever stop to think about how stupid that sounds? My girlfriend is Christian and I'm atheist, we're very much in love and neither of us have ever been happier, I don't see why someone being a different religion to you would be an issue when dating.. And no, not everyone plans to get married, marriage has become a complete sham of a sacrament. When I finally do have kids we'll both explain to them about Christianity etc, but it will be their choice and it won't be forced on them like it was everyone else.


Wow, I hate ultra-religious people.

Calm down mate. You have a relationship that works for you. Grand. For some, its different. If ones spirituality is of a certain importance its quite fair to seek such a compatability in a partner. For something as trivial as music I had my views. As a musician, I didn't really want someone who wasn't into music. For something as important as my spirituality, its only fair that I should seek compatability also. I know I would never be interested in an atheist, not because of a superiority complex but because it just would not work for me and certainly not for any potential children.

roverm

Splendour wrote: »

Well yes,but what about dating which may lead to marriage? This is obviously the reason people date in the first place...

not neccessarily. not the first thing which comes into my mind when i date someone. sometimes people just want a bit of fun and then religion should never come into the equation

Fanny Cradock

OK, a bit of house keeping.

Folks, let's not turn this into the reverse of the could you go out with a religious person thread. There might be some overlap, but let's try keep the threads separate.

Dave147 wrote: »

What a ridiculous and narrow minded opinion you have.. Do you ever stop to think about how stupid that sounds? My girlfriend is Christian and I'm atheist, we're very much in love and neither of us have ever been happier, I don't see why someone being a different religion to you would be an issue when dating.. And no, not everyone plans to get married, marriage has become a complete sham of a sacrament. When I finally do have kids we'll both explain to them about Christianity etc, but it will be their choice and it won't be forced on them like it was everyone else.

Wow, I hate ultra-religious people.

You would be well advised to relax, Dave.


Now that I'm back into my civvies - Splendor, I wonder how one accurately distinguishes between the claim to belief and being born again?

I really don' know if there is an official line. About the only thing I can think of is from 2 Corinthians 6:14 - 16 where Paul offers some strong words of advice. I guess it is applicable to people other than believers in Belial Though I would personally like to see some theological interpretation and background to it. From a slightly different angle, Paul again talks of a related topic in 1 Corinthians 7:12-13.

As far as I can see, and I may be completely wrong, there is no outright condemnation of dating non-Christians (assuming people had any concept of dating 2000 years ago). Maybe what we have is just advice, albeit strong advice. This said, I've never dated a Christian girl and admittedly it has sometimes lead to bumps in the relationship.

prinz

My fiancée is a very committed Christian, I knew this when we started going out and to be honest it did cause some difficulties. However I consider myself extremely lucky to be with her. She has taught me so much about real love and respect and how to make a relationship work. I was raised a Catholic and tbh she has reignited an interest in me in Christianity. I cannot imagine another way anymore. That and some great Christian music that I know nobody else is going to be listening to on the bus We still disagree over things, usually she's right but I don't always admit it. I think her family had reservations because I wasn't involved enough in the religious side of things but over time I now think they accept that I am willing to help their daughter live her faith and at the same time rediscover my own.

prinz

JimiTime wrote: »

As a musician, I didn't really want someone who wasn't into music.

Off topic (please dont ban meh) but know any good Christian bands? American groups seem to be the best but hard to find their stuff in the shops here

JimiTime

prinz wrote: »

Off topic (please dont ban meh) but know any good Christian bands? American groups seem to be the best but hard to find their stuff in the shops here

I've never really heard any tbh. The snippets I have heard are not my thing. I'm much more a 60's, 70's man myself.

The Mad Hatter

prinz wrote: »

Off topic (please dont ban meh) but know any good Christian bands? American groups seem to be the best but hard to find their stuff in the shops here

Link

PDN

By all means start up a thread on Christian bands, but let's keep this thread to something approaching on topic. The subject is Christians dating non-Christians.

Splendour

JimiTime wrote: »

Strangely enough, it was someone who was non-religious who I married. I say non-religious because she didn't really have much of a view on things spiritual. Either positive or negative really. We had some great discussions, and I can honestly say, we make an amazing couple. I was very much the thinker, as in I had all the details, and bible verses, whereas she was more action. I was the professing Christian, while she was the one that was acting Christian. We are both Christians now in perfect compliment. Even though when we met, she had no real faith as such, she thought me so much just by being loving etc. She also brought, not intentionally, my hypocricy to the fore and made me look at 'me'. So in my experience, I would not have a blanket rule against dating someone who is not 'one of us':) Yes, as our spirituality is the most important thing in our lives, there must be compatability. Once you are open and honest, you'll know who will work and who wont IMO. You may be like me, thinking you got it, only for someone who does not really consider their spirituality come teach you a lesson:)

Thanks for honest answer Jimi. Can I ask if your wife was a Christian before you married? And if not were you married in a Christian church?

Gambler

I'm an atheist and I'm married to a catholic. We got married in a church and the brother that married us is someone we've both known for years and who knows my feelings on religion. We had to jump through a few hoops because I'm an atheist (she had to get permission from the bishop and we had to go through a few extra steps with our celebrant) but over all it was ok and no major problems.

Might I ask why you "would never advocate a Christian dating an athiest"

Splendour

Dave147 wrote: »

What a ridiculous and narrow minded opinion you have.. Do you ever stop to think about how stupid that sounds? My girlfriend is Christian and I'm atheist, we're very much in love and neither of us have ever been happier, I don't see why someone being a different religion to you would be an issue when dating.. And no, not everyone plans to get married, marriage has become a complete sham of a sacrament. When I finally do have kids we'll both explain to them about Christianity etc, but it will be their choice and it won't be forced on them like it was everyone else.


Wow, I hate ultra-religious people.

Sorry if you are offended Dave but I'm sure there are many athiests who would have the same view about dating a Christian.
As JimiTime has pointed out if something is so important to you in your life you would want your 'other half' to have similar interests. When it comes to Christianity, it's a completely different way of thinking to the athiest view.

Am glad it's working out for you and your girlfriend...:)

Splendour

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

Now that I'm back into my civvies - Splendor, I wonder how one accurately distinguishes between the claim to belief and being born again?

I have friends who say they believe in God but that would be as far as their 'religion' goes. They believe but don't necessarily follow Jesus. I don't think we can accurately distinguish between the two.

philologos

Gambler wrote: »

I'm an atheist and I'm married to a catholic. We got married in a church and the brother that married us is someone we've both known for years and who knows my feelings on religion. We had to jump through a few hoops because I'm an atheist (she had to get permission from the bishop and we had to go through a few extra steps with our celebrant) but over all it was ok and no major problems.

Might I ask why you "would never advocate a Christian dating an athiest"

Gambler, I don't mean this is any disrespect just to have that clear before I start to deal with your post .

I find that my faith can be a matter of profound difference between me and atheists, and I'm particularly rather public with it. i.e everyone would know that I am a Christian, and it wouldn't be something I would feel deserves to take a back seat. If people have questions to ask me I will answer them honestly based on my religious views etc. However it is in issues such as how public you should be with your religion that atheists often differ with Christians, and in a relationship that could be particularly difficult. I'm not saying that it can't work, I'm merely saying that there could be a lot more hurdles to jump than with someone of a similar religious disposition.

We've all seen how difficult some of these hurdles are considering the thread in Personal Issues concerning premarital sex lately where the two basic options for the poster according to most were to dump his faith or dump his girlfriend. I personally don't think either of those options should ever have to be put to anyone for their beliefs.

And Dave, I think we are all in agreement, that if your relationship works that is a brilliant thing.

Merch

Well, I have nothing against inter faith relationships, I will say Im not fond of people that spout extreme religious views or limit themselves (or others) by religious opinions or facts???

I though this thread was going to be about inter faith between christians and muslims or muslims and atheists?? wonder how that's go
Guess I'd need to get a muslim to answer that one.

Although I am aware of a UK couple she was a non christian (not muslim) and he was a non practicing christian
her family weren't happy, I can understand her Dad having opinions on it, brothers I guess but cousins, brothers in law it was a bit crazy and none of their business.

Personally Lebanese girls look hot to me so Im guessing the syrians arent far behind?? (yes I know all people from the Mid east arent necessarily Muslims)

Gambler

Hehe my wife's full time job is with a Gospel Choir, there's no doubt that she's a christian!

Splendour

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

I really don' know if there is an official line. About the only thing I can think of is from 2 Corinthians 6:14 - 16 where Paul offers some strong words of advice. I guess it is applicable to people other than believers in Belial Though I would personally like to see some theological interpretation and background to it. From a slightly different angle, Paul again talks of a related topic in 1 Corinthians 7:12-13.

As far as I can see, and I may be completely wrong, there is no outright condemnation of dating non-Christians (assuming people had any concept of dating 2000 years ago). Maybe what we have is just advice, albeit strong advice. This said, I've never dated a Christian girl and admittedly it has sometimes lead to bumps in the relationship.

Thanks for the links to Corinthians. 2 Cor.6, 14-16 is exactly the reason I asked the question of dating non believers. Yet this piece could equally pertain to business partners or other people we get 'yoked' with on the path of life.
I agree with you though that it is indeed very wise advice as I can see how there would be 'bumps' along the way... a A friend of mine is married to a non Christian and she says at times it is difficult. I think this is all the more pronounced when children come on the scene.

philologos

Merch wrote: »

Well, I have nothing against inter faith relationships, I will say Im not fond of people that spout extreme religious views or limit themselves (or others) by religious opinions or facts???

I agree with you about limiting others, however, I think it is up to every individual to decide for themselves if non-Christians are going to be compatible in a relationship with their Christian lifestyle. In some cases it may be and in some cases it might not.

Merch wrote: »

Although I am aware of a UK couple she was a non christian (not muslim) and he was a non practicing christian
her family weren't happy, I can understand her Dad having opinions on it, brothers I guess but cousins, brothers in law it was a bit crazy and none of their business.

So her entire family were criticising her for her own decision?

Merch wrote: »

Personally Lebanese girls look hot to me so Im guessing the syrians arent far behind?? (yes I know all people from the Mid east arent necessarily Muslims)

Well Syria and Lebanon used to be joined together as one I think. Lebanon is home to the highest population of Christians in the Middle East (40% of the population, and Syria with 10%), so in that part of the world it isn't certain that people are going to be Muslim.

Splendour

Gambler wrote: »

Might I ask why you "would never advocate a Christian dating an athiest"

Because the two are so opposed it would cause too many rifts and disagreements. As it is I have to keep my mouth shut about my faith when I'm with my Catholic family, I can't imagine how difficult this would be if dating an athiest. I can't imagine an athiest being open to praying before a meal or listening to Christian music...

Merch

Jakkass wrote: »

So her entire family were criticising her for her own decision?
Well Syria and Lebanon used to be joined together as one I think. Lebanon is home to the highest population of Christians in the Middle East (40% of the population, and Syria with 10%), so in that part of the world it isn't certain that people are going to be Muslim.

Criticizing no no much worse they were trying to physically remove her and then I think ostracise her from the family, Imagine her brother in law turning up saying this isnt on and Im taking your girlfriend away. fo*k off mate!
Think thats the way it is in some places in the UK

As for them places being all together think that was called antioch
Ok kidding yes they are geographically close so I am sure they have been together and apart many times.
And yup theres christians and all sorts, probably some we never heard of too
:eek:

nouveau_4.0

Splendour wrote: »

Because the two are so opposed it would cause too many rifts and disagreements. As it is I have to keep my mouth shut about my faith when I'm with my Catholic family, I can't imagine how difficult this would be if dating an athiest. I can't imagine an athiest being open to praying before a meal or listening to Christian music...

It isn't an issue unless you make it so in my experience. I'm a non believer, and I've never had an issues with Christian girlfriends.

As long as you're both mature enough to be understanding and respectful about a difference of beliefs it should be ok, as it doesn't really affect practical life.

Also, why do you specifically like music because its christian music? I thought music is one thing that spans all faiths, if its good, its good.

JimiTime

Splendour wrote: »

Thanks for honest answer Jimi. Can I ask if your wife was a Christian before you married?

She was 'technically' a christian, as she was a baptised catholic. She went to catholic school etc. She would have been what alot refer to as a christian by birth rather than by decision. She never really thought about it much, no mass, no love for the church or anything. I, on the other hand was a zealot, and a hypocrite of the highest order. My behaviour was far from christian, but my christianity gave me a bit of a superiority complex when it came to talking the talk. My wife never talked the talk, but her behaviour was far more christian. We helped each other really. I learned to walk the walk, and she learned to talk the talk:) So by the time marriage came about we were both how shall I put it, 'concious' Christians yes.

And if not were you married in a Christian church?

We are non-denominational, so we got married in Marylebone Registry Office in London. Believing that both the church and marriage is in our hearts, the building didn't really matter. The ceremony was a bit legalistic though. As far as we were concerned we were married over a year before that anyway as our hearts really beat as one then. The wedding ceremony was more for other peoples benefit. It was a public declaration of what we were, and made what we were official. As I said, the 'Godly' marriage took place over a year before the wedding (Again, thats the two hearts coming together. Not consummation:)).

prinz

nouveau_4.0 wrote: »

Also, why do you specifically like music because its christian music? I thought music is one thing that spans all faiths, if its good, its good.

I love all music. However Ive experienced many people bieng dismissive of a band/their songs because they are about God, and not about sex/drugs/murder etc. Listen to Kanye West - "you can talk about sex durgs and videotapes, ...but talk about God and your record won't get played". How often do you hear Amazing Grace on the radio :rolleyes:

Splendour

nouveau_4.0 wrote: »

It isn't an issue unless you make it so in my experience. I'm a non believer, and I've never had an issues with Christian girlfriends.

As long as you're both mature enough to be understanding and respectful about a difference of beliefs it should be ok, as it doesn't really affect practical life.

Also, why do you specifically like music because its christian music? I thought music is one thing that spans all faiths, if its good, its good.

Some questions I think about with regards to mixed relationships...
Where do the Athiest and Christian get married? If the wedding takes place in a registery office, the marriage will not be a marriage in the eyes of the Christian and if in a church the Athiest is being hypocritical.
How do you decide on raising children? Should they be brought to church or not? What kind of schooling should they receive?

As for the music question; I love most types of music-Christian or not Christian! I listen to Christian music for both the music and the lyrics.

Gambler

Splendour wrote: »

I can't imagine an athiest being open to praying before a meal or listening to Christian music...

Hehe well my wife doesn't pray before a meal so that's not an issue. As for listening to christian music, start imagining. I often go to my wifes gigs and enjoy them a lot :eek:.

Gambler

Splendour wrote: »

Some questions I think about with regards to mixed relationships...
Where do the Athiest and Christian get married? If the wedding takes place in a registery office, the marriage will not be a marriage in the eyes of the Christian and if in a church the Athiest is being hypocritical.

Well, we got married in a church and I don't see any hypocrisy in that. I was open with the celebrant as to my beliefs. I wanted to get married because I wanted to openly and legally commit to my partner and I believe that marriage is a good thing and important for a family. I don't see any conflicts in that?

Splendour wrote: »

How do you decide on raising children? Should they be brought to church or not? What kind of schooling should they receive?

I think you will find that most Atheists would want their children to come to their own conclusions on what to believe (or not believe) and so from my point of view I am happy for any children to be exposed to the church through their mothers work and regular activities.

They would also obviously at some stage be curious about my feelings and I will answer any questions they have openly and honestly.

School wise I think myself and my wife are of the same opinion - religion and education are two separate matters. School is where you go to learn about reading, writing, maths etc. Religion is something that should be done at home and through any church\religious groups you want to bring your children to.

From this point of view we are probably going to put our kids into an educate together school as long as we can get one in our area when the time comes.

tba

Splendour wrote: »

Some questions I think about with regards to mixed relationships...

These are easy

Splendour wrote: »

Where do the Athiest and Christian get married? If the wedding takes place in a registery office, the marriage will not be a marriage in the eyes of the Christian and if in a church the Athiest is being hypocritical.

Hyprocritical is not the correct word, they are respecting the wishes of the person they are marrying, no atheist would reject that.

Splendour wrote: »

How do you decide on raising children? Should they be brought to church or not?

Children should not have any issue forced upon them, they should be allowed to make their own decision, this usually will change several times until they reach adulthood.

Splendour wrote: »

What kind of schooling should they receive?

A broad one. Awareness of religion is not an adoration in anybody's eyes, I'm sure both parents can agree on this.

JimiTime

Splendour wrote: »

Where do the Athiest and Christian get married? If the wedding takes place in a registery office, the marriage will not be a marriage in the eyes of the Christian

TBH, this really puzzles me Why would a christian not view the marriage as real unless 'the wedding' takes place in a church? I would have thought that most christians would have realised that marriage has very little to do with weddings, priests and buildings? Btw, I wont be offended, so be as honest as you want.

prinz

JimiTime wrote: »

TBH, this really puzzles me Why would a christian not view the marriage as real unless 'the wedding' takes place in a church? I would have thought that most christians would have realised that marriage has very little to do with weddings, priests and buildings? Btw, I wont be offended, so be as honest as you want.

Christians who see marriage as a union before God, presided over by his servant in the guise of the celebrant? I see God and State as very different things - and rightly so. If I want a marriage endorsed by the boss above it has to be done by a recognised religious celebrant in a house of God. I will be getting married IN Germany so have to do a civil ceremony, and we will be doing a religious ceremony afterwards by choice. Being 'married' in the eyes of the State and in the eyes of God are two very different things in my opinion. Not saying either is better or worse, but for Christians I thought it was obvious that a marriage had a lot to do with weddings and priests, and of course a church.

Zombrex

prinz wrote: »

Christians who see marriage as a union before God, presided over by his servant in the guise of the celebrant? I see God and State as very different things - and rightly so. If I want a marriage endorsed by the boss above it has to be done by a recognised religious celebrant in a house of God.

Why?

I'm with JimiTime on this one (I'm not religious by the way), I never understood the idea that you have to get married in a church with a priest to have your marriage recognised by God.

Had this debate with a friend of mine a year or so ago when they were having great trouble getting a church. The suggestion that they don't get married in a church didn't go down well. The reason given was that it wouldn't be proper wedding from a religious perspective, if they didn't get married in a church. Discussing this with them though this reason seemed more cultural than religious. They wanted to get married in a church because people from their religion traditionally got married in a church, ie it was the "done thing". They really had little theology to back up their idea that they had to for it to be a proper recognised wedding.

Isn't the important commitment you make between you and God? What is the requirement for the priest and the church? You could get married in a field in Leitrim and God would still be there (based on my understanding of the Christian God) watching ready to hear your commitment to him.

JimiTime

prinz wrote: »

Christians who see marriage as a union before God, presided over by his servant in the guise of the celebrant? I see God and State as very different things - and rightly so. If I want a marriage endorsed by the boss above it has to be done by a recognised religious celebrant in a house of God. I will be getting married and Germany so have to do a civil ceremony, and we will be doing a religious ceremony afterwards by choice. Being 'married' in the eyes of the State and in the eyes of God are two very different things in my opinion. Not saying either is better or worse, but for Christians I thought it was obvious that a marriage had a lot to do with weddings and priests, and of course a church.

I certainly understand that this is a Catholic stance, but I didn't think it was a position shared by the broader Christian community. The RCC believes church buildings are 'the house of god'. They believe in a priesthood of mediators etc. If this is ones belief I could understand why in turn, one would believe that one should be married by a priest in a church. Splendour however, is not a RC, so I'm wondering why she feels the building is important.

I was under the impression that most Born Again Christians would be of the belief that the Church is the body of believers, not the buildings they worship in. Also, Christ said that 'where 2 are gathered in my name, there I will be also'. IMO, the wedding ceremony is of little consequence. As I said earlier, its for the benefit of making ones commitment public. Knowing what marriage truly is is whats important.

prinz

JimiTime wrote: »

Knowing what marriage truly is is whats important.

100% True that :rolleyes:.

Must be a Catholic thing then. tbh when i think about i feel closer to God, when I'm out and about. I don't particularly like most RC churches. I know at the time they thought they were building places of worship fit for God but, meh i like simple things/places/buildings, have sat in awe in Notre Dame and Sacre Coeur recently though. Because of the sheer scale of them. However I'd rather be up the mountains. That said, I just figured the sacraments and that should be administered in a designated place, including marriages.I think the Church in R.C. has been blessed and sanctified to make holy ground, maybe that has something to do with it. Im not as well up on these things as everyone else on here so i'll just read and learn ta.

On a side note, I always thought the C.o.I had the much nicer chapels. I was born and raised Catholic, lapsed for a while and now I reckon I'm a non-denominational Christian. Maybe that's wrong to say. My fiancée would say there needs to be structure rather than making it up as I go along.

Fanny Cradock

Well, one can have a structure and also be non-denominational. I go to a church that is considered CoI but is really more Evangelical/ Pentecostal in practice. If I'm not looking for something quite as 'charismatic' in its approach to worship then I feel happy to go somewhere else.

I would tend to agree with your fiancée.

prinz

I am happy enough with most Catholic teachings, just some things I don't agree on, and at the moment don't know enough about any other Christian Churches to identify myself with any one in particular. My OH goes to Mass fairly often and when she's not there she's at a Korean free Church prayer group and bible study class. Works for her. I'd like to find something that really appealed to me. Sorry going way off thread again. It's my new resolution to read every thread on this forum to learn some more about other denominations.

Splendour

JimiTime wrote: »

I was under the impression that most Born Again Christians would be of the belief that the Church is the body of believers, not the buildings they worship in. Also, Christ said that 'where 2 are gathered in my name, there I will be also'. IMO, the wedding ceremony is of little consequence. As I said earlier, its for the benefit of making ones commitment public. Knowing what marriage truly is is whats important.

It's not the building which is important; I agree with you that it's the body of believers which make up the church and not the building. But marriage vows are either taken before the eyes of God or they're not. So if an Athiest doesn't believe in God then he/she are not part of the body so how can the marriage be valid in the Christian sense?

JimiTime

Splendour wrote: »

It's not the building which is important; I agree with you that it's the body of believers which make up the church and not the building.

So why would you say that a marriage ceremony conducted in a registry office would not be a real marriage to a christian?

But marriage vows are either taken before the eyes of God or they're not.

And do the eyes of God limit themselves to certain buildings? I certainly see nothing to suggest they are.

So if an Athiest doesn't believe in God then he/she are not part of the body so how can the marriage be valid in the Christian sense?

Well marriage is not exclusively christian. We as christians are certainly told the wisest courses of action to take with regards to marriage. I.E. 'Marry in the Lord'. It certainly does not make a marriage less valid if those marrying are not christian. The couple, by their actions and feelings dictate the validity of their marriage. I would certainly see the wisdom in a Christian marrying a Christian, but its got nothing to do with the wedding ceremony or its location.

Splendour

JimiTime wrote: »

So why would you say that a marriage ceremony conducted in a registry office would not be a real marriage to a christian?

I didn't,but I imagine if a Christian pastor were to oversee the wedding, of course it would be a real Christian marriage.

Splendour

JimiTime wrote: »

Well marriage is not exclusively christian. We as christians are certainly told the wisest courses of action to take with regards to marriage. I.E. 'Marry in the Lord'. It certainly does not make a marriage less valid if those marrying are not christian. The couple, by their actions and feelings dictate the validity of their marriage. I would certainly see the wisdom in a Christian marrying a Christian, but its got nothing to do with the wedding ceremony or its location.

'Marry in the Lord' - this is exactly where my original question is leading to. Can an Athiest and a Christian marry in the Lord if one of them is not part of the body? I agree it's got nothing to do with the location (personally I'm not too concerned with location at all) but the ceremony is a different kettle of fish.


A Christian friend of mine who was marrying a non Christian wasn't allowed to get married in our church as he wasn't a believer. However, a neighbouring church had no problem in marrying them. Obviously different churches have different views on this.
The daughter of an elder in our church is dating a non believer and he has told her should they get married, he can't preside over the ceremony.


Ps. Can't do that darn mutlti-quote thing, hence my putting up individual posts...

Splendour

Splendour wrote: »

I didn't,but I imagine if a Christian pastor were to oversee the wedding, of course it would be a real Christian marriage.

Though I imagine if a couple were stranded on a desert island and wished to get married they could marry without a pastor. 'Where two or three are gathered I am there...'

JimiTime

Splendour wrote: »

I didn't

,

I may have misunderstood you, but below is what I was referring to.

splendour wrote:

If the wedding takes place in a registery office, the marriage will not be a marriage in the eyes of the Christian

Thats the bit I was confused about. Why would it not be a marriage in the eyes of the christian?

but I imagine if a Christian pastor were to oversee the wedding, of course it would be a real Christian marriage.

Am I right then in saying, that you are saying, that its the person that performs the wedding ceremony that validates the marriage as christian or not? Why can't it be a christian marriage if done by a registrar? I understand its not a 'religious ceremony', but the marriage itself surely is defined by the couple?

Fanny Cradock

You simply hit the Multi-Quote button for each post you want to include and then press the Quote button.

Splendour

JimiTime wrote: »

,
Am I right then in saying, that you are saying, that its the person that performs the wedding ceremony that validates the marriage as christian or not? Why can't it be a christian marriage if done by a registrar? I understand its not a 'religious ceremony', but the marriage itself surely is defined by the couple?

Hmm...I'm not sure Jimi though I can't imagine why a Christian couple would choose being married in a registry office as opposed to a church. (obviously there has to be a civil ceremony also as per the law of the land. If I were marrying another Christian, I don't think I'd feel properly married if there wasn't a church ceremony.

But back to my original post. I see there are mixed views on this-and my own views too are mixed up about it! For the past couple of years I would definitely have been of the belief that a born again should only marry a born again, but I find myself questioning this over the past few months...

prinz

Splendour wrote: »

A Christian friend of mine who was marrying a non Christian wasn't allowed to get married in our church as he wasn't a believer. However, a neighbouring church had no problem in marrying them. Obviously different churches have different views on this.

Actually i forgot i have experience of this.When my sister was getting married our local PP refused to do the ceremony in our parish for the same reason, hubby to be at the time is atheist. However, they contacted another priest friend of the family and he saw no issue with marrying them in his church. Had forgotten that. Was a good few years ago.

JimiTime

Splendour wrote: »

Hmm...I'm not sure Jimi though I can't imagine why a Christian couple would choose being married in a registry office as opposed to a church.

Well as a non denominational Christian, I can certainly think of one:) As i said, you would have to view the church (as in the building not body of believers) as something more than a building. I see absolutely no issue other than simple preference myself.

If I were marrying another Christian, I don't think I'd feel properly married if there wasn't a church ceremony.

Fair enough if you feel that way, I'd be thinking though, why do feel that you wouldn't be properly married? I suppose its just a strange concept for me.

PDN

I will conduct marriages between two committed Christians, irrespective of which denomination etc they belong to. As a solemniser licensed by the State I will also conduct marriages where the couple are both non-Christians. But I won't conduct a marriage where one person is a committed Christian (ie actively pursuing a committed relationship with Christ) but the other party is an unbeliever or a Christian in name only.

Gambler

PDN wrote: »

I will conduct marriages between two committed Christians, irrespective of which denomination etc they belong to. As a solemniser licensed by the State I will also conduct marriages where the couple are both non-Christians. But I won't conduct a marriage where one person is a committed Christian (ie actively pursuing a committed relationship with Christ) but the other party is an unbeliever or a Christian in name only.

So you would marry people of different religions who aren't christian but you wouldn't marry two people of different religions if one of those religions is christian?

Why?

prinz

PDN wrote: »

I will conduct marriages between two committed Christians, irrespective of which denomination etc they belong to..

That's good.

PDN wrote: »

As a solemniser licensed by the State I will also conduct marriages where the couple are both non-Christians. ..

That's good.

PDN wrote: »

But I won't conduct a marriage where one person is a committed Christian (ie actively pursuing a committed relationship with Christ) but the other party is an unbeliever or a Christian in name only.

Seeing as how the vast majority of people are Christian in name only can't see you getting much business.Would you therefore also not marry a Christian and a non-Christian?

May I ask what you deem to be "actively pursuing a committed relationship with Christ" to mean? Does attending service once a week mean you are actively pursuing a relationship..or is it just going through the motions. i.e where do you draw the line on someone?