Can't help it

LegacyUser

I've got a serious problem and it's driving me mad. Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years next month, we of course have our fights and arguments but apart from that we are still very much in love and still do couply things and sometimes i look at him and think ''we're so cute'' and can't help but smile when we do cute stuff, like when he kisses and nuzzles my nose in public, sounds perfect right?

Yeah, but i don't know whats wrong with me. I'm so paranoid that he's cheating on me. Not even cheating, there is no time for him to cheat on me, he spends most of his time with me, when hes not with me he's in work, and if he's with his friends i'm usually there too.
but i have to check his phone constantly, making sure girls arn't texting him, i look at his history on his computer to see what he's been looking at.
i compare myself to every girl who walks past us, even though i am very confident in myself, i am attractive (don't mean to sound big headed here, but i am just comfortable with myself) and he tells me every single day how beautiful i am and how much he loves me, something is still there. in the back of my head.

i know i sound a bit crazy but that's why i'm posting here, what should i do? he looks at my phone sometimes too so if i told him i looked at his he wouldnt really care.
i don't know why i'm so paranoid, i've never been cheated on. not that i know of.
but when i was younger, like 17 i cheated on a boy who i didnt really fancy and he was mad into me and i broke his heart and maybe this is karma or something?

any advice!

kevmy

Well first off checking his texts and computer on a constant basis is a massive no-no. The only time it would be even warranted would be if you had serious signs that your oh was cheated. Even then it wouldn't really be advised.

First thing you can do is stop invading his privacy.

Second is stop concentrating on outside influences and start concentrating on the two people in the relationship. His friends, other girls, your family whatever, none of these can ever break up a relationship the only people who can do that are you and your oh. Also the people who can save it.

Third it's not your bf problem it's yours. You can't trust him, you snoop on him, you are being clingy.

Fourth as for what you can do. Talk to him, tell him you're a bit paranoid, tell him you worry (although maybe leave out the checking his phone bit). I'd also advise not needing to know where he is all the time. If you can't learn to trust him you will drive him away by constantly checking up on him.

LegacyUser

you really need to lighten up and enjoy the moment,there are no guarantees in this life ,relax or you will chase him away.

SarahSassy

Firstly - You CAN help it... Its your own behaviour so you and only you can control it.

The reason you dont trust him is because you yourself cheated on a decent boyfriend so you think everyone else is willing and capable of doing the same...

Its your baggage from your bad behaviour and not karma thats at play here..

Everyone should start off at 100% trust levels and stay at that or reduce from that deoendent on their behaviour. Your bf is at 100% and seemly likely to stay there... Manage your own guilt and demons and dont be intruding on his privacy... V poor behaviour on your behalf. Are you sue you are mature enough to be in a good relationship?

Koushki

kevmy wrote: »

First thing you can do is stop invading his privacy.


Third it's not your bf problem it's yours. You can't trust him, you snoop on him, you are being clingy.

No where in the post did the OP said it was her boyfriends problem, and also she said that he looks at her phone too, so like. it's him being silly too.

OP, paranoia gets you nowhere, and your boyfriend sounds like a lovely decent guy. so try to stop worrying about it, the more you cheak his phone the crazier you'll drive yourself. just stop, relax, don't cheak his phone, don't snoop around, cause he appears to love you very much. you sound like you don't have much to worry about.

Smoking weed can make you real paranoid, do you smoke it often?

LegacyUser

"OP, paranoia gets you nowhere, and your boyfriend sounds like a lovely decent guy. so try to stop worrying about it, the more you cheak his phone the crazier you'll drive yourself. just stop, relax, don't cheak his phone, don't snoop around, cause he appears to love you very much. you sound like you don't have much to worry about."

i totally agree with this. Take it from me, i read this post and went......that is me...or should i say...that was me.....we broke up a week ago and im gutted...but you know what? i drove him away...and it was this type of behaviour that culminated in a row to end all rows and a break up...i had no reason to doubt him but i did...and like you didnt know why i did or how it came about but it just grew worse and worse, causing rows and general stupidness on my part.

Now were broken up and i dont even blame him, it just got ridiculous-my insecurities that is.

so nip this in the bud, like the previous poster said, he sounds like a good guy (mine was too) so relax and trust him, dont smother him, dont drive him away.

i have never posted on here before but just read this and because it seems like the start of the road i went down i wanted to warn you.

Please relax and enjoy how much he loves you and the great time you have together...before you end up like me

SarahSassy

I think what also needs to be pointed out is the stress and upset you may be causing you partner.

Imagine you are doing nothing wrong but you are constantly being checked up on. By the end of it, and it will end, you would not know what is good behaviour and what is bad behaviour.. You are messing with his honest head and messing up his head by treating an innocent party like this..

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

I agree with above poster checking computer or phone is a big no-no, it's a real invasion of privacy. Personally I would never ever check my oh phone and have no reason to.

No offence OP but you certainly don't sound as comfortable in yourself as you may think, you sound terribly insecure and must lack self confidence.

My brother went out with a girl like you for 4 years and in the end she chased him away, she would check his phone, emails etc and he was the same told her he loved her, how beautiful she was but in the end it wasn't enough, they would be walking down the street and she would accuse him of looking at other girls even if he wasn't. And she was the most stunning girl but she let her insecurities get the better of her and let what was a good relationship go to waste.

OP this is foolish behavious, it sounds like your bf really does love you, I would stop this carry on before you either drive him away or worse give him reason to cheat.