Fiancé the cheat

LegacyUser

I am supposed to be getting married in three months but i have just found out my best friend and made of honour has been sleeping with my fiance, it has been going on for months. I am so mad i want to kill both of them, what the hell am i going to do? we have been together for the last 8 years and i thought we were happy but obviously not. I cant imagine going through with the wedding now but how do i call it off without everybody knowing what a cheat heis and what a whore my ex freind is??

RossFixxxed

Why would you care if people found out. Take a firm line and do it. Don't let it drag on or it will only hurt you more. Band aid time, count to three and tell them where to go.

Sorry to hear that happened. There's much, much better our there. Get the only real revenge that matters, have a better life.
R

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

how do i call it off without everybody knowing what a cheat heis and what a whore my ex freind is??

And what would be the problem with everyone knowing?

He's an idiot to do this to you 3 months before hand, but I suppose better you find out now.

star-pants

TBH I'd rather people knew how horrible your fiance & bestfriend really are. That's just disgusting. I can't imagine how upset/sick you feel *hug*

Call it off, throw him out, let people know what happened.

StroppySu

Oh god, so sorry to hear this happened you.

How did you find out, are you 100% positive that it's true?

I'm not sticking up for anyone here, just making sure you are positive before I start the "kick him & her to the kerb" speil.

cantdecide

That's terrible. I can't comprehend how you must now be feeling:(

For now, break up with him. Nothing is set in stone but in fairness, it sounds terminal to me.

She is a whore and he is a cheating b*****d. It's the truth. You don't have to broadcast it but there's no point in lying if you must give an explanation...

bubblewrap

You poor thing, to find out he was cheating is bad enough but with your best friend, words cannot express how low the pair of them are.

Don't be afraid of people finding out, they deserve to be outed, disgusting people. :mad:

Sephiroth_dude

expose both of them for what they really are........cheating bastard and whore of a best friend and kick both there asses out the door.I am sorry to hear this though,at least you found out rather than 5,10 years down the line.

LegacyUser

i feel sick, i found out thursday nite my partner got a text late i thought it was my phone picked it up and it was from my friend saying 'thanks for last night i had a great time' he supposedly had a work thing up the country and my ex friend was supposedly in dublin shopping. i knew straight away they were cheating so i had to confirm it i text her back and said i had a great time too i really cant get enough of you when can we meet for sex again and she texts back and says i am yours anytime you want it..oh god it is just sick i cant function i got up fri morning my partner had already left for work(im off sick at the moment) i changed the locks and have been locked in the house since with my mobile off and phone plugged out. I cant imagine facing anybody, help.

cantdecide

That's not good, OP. You have to confide in someone. You need support, not isolation...

Oh The Humanity

Hi There,

So sorry to hear this, its low behaviour by them both.

Listen, forget about trying to 'save face' now, unfortunately on top of everything else they have also taken that choice away from you now too.

Sing it from the rooftops, you have nothing to be ashamed of, they have, so remember that.

Also, hurtful as it is, more people probably know about 'them' than you realise, so it could be too late to worry about trying to keep it on the low down.

Keep the chin up and surround yourself with real friends and family right now.

Sorry and hope you feel better soon.

biko

Probably best is to ring some other friend that can come over and sit with you.
You shouldn't be alone now.

I don't understand: How do you know it's been going on for months if you just saw a text, texted back and got a reply?
Or are the two "Unregistered" different users?

LegacyUser

Do not try to hide this from your friends and family. I've been in this situation and I know you feel humiliated, as well as hurt and betrayed. I was completely honest with anyone who asked me and basically exposed them for the low lifes they were. Everyone who knew us all was completely disgusted. Neither of them have any friends really now as a result. Nobody wants to have anything to do with such people. Do not try to cover it up, you have enough to deal with at the moment without the extra stresses of trying to hide it. Just be honest with people, maintain your dignity and you will be shown to be a decent person while they are shown to be the thoughless, disgusting people they are.
I know it's hard now, but you will get through it, and you'll realise they both deserve each other, while you deserve so much better.

Sephiroth_dude

pack up his stuff and leave it outside the door.

John_Mc

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

pack up his stuff and leave it outside the door.

Better off burning it!

Sephiroth_dude

John_Mc wrote: »

Better off burning it!

thats an excellent idea!

Bottle_of_Smoke

I can understand how humilliating this could be for you, I'd hate to think of people talking about how my fiance and best mate did that but I just don't think something this big can be contained, you might as well tell friends/family the truth and get it over with. For all you know they might end up as a couple, best being honest from the start.

You really have my sympathies, as relationships go this is possibly the most horrible thing that can happen. Scumbags.

Cecilia Ann

OP, OMG- that is soo horrible and I want to say that I am so sorry that this has happned to you..It happens all the time but that in no way makes it any better for you. If you are sure that it really has happened you CANT go through with it, you really cant.It will be a slow and painful time for a while but you will definitely get over it, believe me...

You could actually go through with Wedding you know, and when the time comes for him to make his speech or whatever- you could say a few words and then tell everyone what has been going on and show both of them to be the horrible people they really are...

I know- thats not really an option, why go through all the expense of a wedding etc. Its just something i saw on an email before-it was the groom who exposed his fiance and best friend at the wedding. I can tell you- he wasnt the one with the red face it was them.

Basically what im trying to say is its not YOU how should be ashamed its them...Does your so-called mate know you know??

LegacyUser

i got up fri morning and i knew what they were doing so i rang my male cousin who is very good friends with my partner. he said he had heard about the two and it had been going on for a few months at least he said he couldnt get invloved but had always decided that if i asked him the question he wouldnt lie. i havent had it out with my partner or ex friend and i dont intend to until i feel like it let them stew.

Stheno

Unregistered wrote: »

i got up fri morning and i knew what they were doing so i rang my male cousin who is very good friends with my partner. he said he had heard about the two and it had been going on for a few months at least he said he couldnt get invloved but had always decided that if i asked him the question he wouldnt lie. i havent had it out with my partner or ex friend and i dont intend to until i feel like it let them stew.

You really need to talk to someone close to you for support at this time.

Also you said you'd changed the locks, do you own the house you and your fiance have, or is it rented/owned jointly?

LegacyUser

no the house is mine my family are very wealthy, my ex partner works in a pub part time while i work my ass off im in sales. I have always bought everything, i bought him a 09 bmw jeep in jan by christ he wont be keeping that the loser.

RuailleBuaille

OP that is so awful, I'm so sorry. The time will come when you'll be glad you found out, however hard it is now. Whatever about him being cheating scum, it's your friend you should be gunning for IMO, that is an unforgiveable betrayal in every sense. Partners stray and your friends are the ones who are supposed to pick up the pieces, not tear you to pieces. As others have said, I'd be singing it from the rooftops, you have done nothing wrong other than trust two scumbags and I'd feel no shame in telling everyone.
You've had a lucky escape, and there's a new door opened for you, walk through it and don't look back.
The very best of luck.

cantdecide

Have you spoken to anyone apart from your cousin??

CathyMoran

Reitterating what others are saying - you have nothing to feel guilty about. I do not see anything wrong in telling his family, he may give another reason for the split that could portray you in a bad light?

You do need family and friends at the moment but ultimatly the best revenge you can have on him and her is getting on with your life.

Redpunto

Surround yourself with people you trust and love - is there someone who could sort out cancelling the arrangements for the wedding?

SarahSassy

He doesnt deserve a discussion. Change the locks on the house and report the jeep as stolen...

They deserve each other and I would not be shy about letting people, his family included, know what he has been up to....

Sorry to hear this but you will get over this and better now than 10 years time.

SS

PS also clear out any joint bank accounts you have before he gets to them.... HE obviously has no heart so hit him where it hurts... Short sharp and sweet.

MIN2511

SarahSassy wrote: »

He doesnt deserve a discussion. Change the locks on the house and report the jeep as stolen...

Please do not do this.... That's just way OTT!!!

SarahSassy

MIN2511 wrote: »

That's just way OTT!!!

Are ya mad - its HER house.... Sod him and get him where it hurts. Why should he be allowed back into her home after what he did.

MIN2511

SarahSassy wrote: »

Are ya mad - its HER house.... Sod him and get him where it hurts. Why should he be allowed back into her home after what he did.

Reporting the jeep as stolen is WAY OTT!!!

I am not mad, thanks

SarahSassy

MIN2511 wrote: »

Reporting the jeep as stolen i WAY OTT!!!

Ok maybeeeeeeee a likkle bit but he deserves no respect or understanding from her.

Stheno

SarahSassy wrote: »

Ok maybeeeeeeee a likkle bit but he deserves no respect or understanding from her.

Whilst that may be true, reporting the jeep as stolen to get her ex fiance in trouble with the police if he is caught driving it, is afaik illegal, it would be classed as wasting police time.

She's perfectly entitled to change the locks as she has done, as it's her house.

chickenhawk

Sell the jeep for dirt cheep. Or do something that can embarass him.

Make sure everyone knows he's a cun7.

As for your "friend" get all your other friends on your side and blank her.

Just make them both suffer anyways!!!

MIN2511

A few of the replies here come across as being childish and immature

What they did is wrong, they betrayed your trust and abused your generosity.

My 2c
The relationship is obviously over, start calling everyone involved in the wedding(Caterer, venue) etc. Cancel your orders, hopefully you can get some reimbursement.
Contact family, inform them of the situation.
Get your next closest friend to stay with you as you are not fit to be on your own.
If you can book a holiday, somewhere hot, somewhere with nice men... A little bit of attention will do you good, boost your confidence and might help you get over your EX quicker.
You do not need any explanation, you don't need them to tell you their versions...
It's not the end of the world, you can survive without them

It's easier said than done, my heart goes out to you.

mbren

The fact that you came on here and asked if you should call it off for fear of showing them cheaters up, tells me that you deserve WAY better than him!!

Get rid of him and get on with your life.

Sorry for your troubles!

LegacyUser

To OP, you poor thing you must be numb with shock.
Hope by now you have told someone close like family member. I found out exH was cheating after 25years. He was a cheat as a newly wed but I kept trying to make it work, ...at least you haven't wasted all more years on him like I did.
It took me 2days to tell my family,it was as if telling it would make it more real so I avoided it at first.
OP you will get through this,and T.G. you found out now before you were tied and had kids etc.
Hope you are ok and can confide in family..hug to you.

Board Walker

oh you poor thing!

you shouldnt be worried about what people think of them! you gotta make sure its true and end this marrage! you seem like a warm hearted person, he or she clearly dont deserve to be within a mile of your presence

LegacyUser

i rang my mam last nite and she called over. I told her everything, she is disgusted with my ex friend and ex partner. We got through two bottles of wine and made a list of everything we need to cancel. I have cleared our joint accounts and have the jeep back. I told me if he didnt drop it back i would report it as stolen. he had it back within 10 mins. i didnt open the door havent spoken to him and dont intend to i have wasted enough of my time with that loser. i am going to tell all my other friends 2nite, wish me luck. i appreciate all of you replies i feel i can tell ye anything as ye dont know me. thanks xx

ManOfMystery

Well done you - first step is the hardest, but at least you are taking steps now to separate yourself from that loser. It sounds to me like he was having his cake and eating it, particularly as you were well enough off to treat him very well. Your friends will support you fully

bubblewrap

Unregistered wrote: »

i rang my mam last nite and she called over. I told her everything, she is disgusted with my ex friend and ex partner. We got through two bottles of wine and made a list of everything we need to cancel. I have cleared our joint accounts and have the jeep back. I told me if he didnt drop it back i would report it as stolen. he had it back within 10 mins. i didnt open the door havent spoken to him and dont intend to i have wasted enough of my time with that loser. i am going to tell all my other friends 2nite, wish me luck. i appreciate all of you replies i feel i can tell ye anything as ye dont know me. thanks xx

Well done, you have taken some positive steps already, keep it up. You are a million times better than those two, just remember that.

Cecilia Ann

OP, well done.. You sound a little bit more positive already...
It will get easier and rememeber you ahve had a lucky escape!!

I agree with MIN2511- a holiday would do you a world of good, No matter how down you are a bit of sun will help even a little,

Take CareX

Oh The Humanity

Unregistered wrote: »

i rang my mam last nite and she called over. I told her everything, she is disgusted with my ex friend and ex partner. We got through two bottles of wine and made a list of everything we need to cancel. I have cleared our joint accounts and have the jeep back. I told me if he didnt drop it back i would report it as stolen. he had it back within 10 mins. i didnt open the door havent spoken to him and dont intend to i have wasted enough of my time with that loser. i am going to tell all my other friends 2nite, wish me luck. i appreciate all of you replies i feel i can tell ye anything as ye dont know me. thanks xx

Very glad to hear that you protected your things and money. I hope with the help of your Mam and others you continue to be strong, I think you are right cutting him dead too. Contact would only make it more difficult.
A very good start made, stay strong.

I hope your future is everything you deserve, I am so glad you are shot of that pair of treacherous snakes.

STUBBORNGIRL

Op my heart goes out to you! that is any girls worst nightmare! No one expects their fiance to cheat and least of all with their best friend! you can rest in the fact knowing that he is not the only guy out there to be living off his girlfriend and cheating! I met a guy last November and was with him twice - now i found out after the first night that he had a girlfriend and confronted him the second night to which he replied that his girlfriend had left him for Oz- Apparently she was gone for 7 months and was coming back to him, Nice chap was keeping her house warm until she returned (rent free)! i was with him again not knowing the full story but yeah, low and behold going out with her 3 years and felt lonely!! ARE you for Fecking Real - he even cried to me that he loved her! Im sorry now but he didnt love her , anyway sorry point of story is -now she is home - he is living with her in her house rent free - cheating on her - goign to lap dancing clubs and it appears that their relationship is merely one of convenience (for him anyway)!AND WORSE OFF SHE IS NONE THE WISER THE POOR THING! like you she had bought him his favourite sports car- its bad when his best friend is telling my friends that he actually thinks he hates her! Imagine that! So Op my message to you is be glad you found out sooner rather than later what he is like and hit him where is hurts most - The pocket!! 8 years and vegging off you - Im disgusted!!

There is light at the end of the tunnel and believe me you will get over this! Hold your head up high - you have done no wrong here - it is him and your friend that should be ashamed of themselves!

Take

LegacyUser

i have just come off the phone with the travel agent, i am going on the honeymoon with my friend marie

Cormb

The two of them have caused you so much heartache and upset - I'd be tempted to tell the whole world what they did you.
It would serve them right.

paperclip2

Unregistered wrote: »

i have just come off the phone with the travel agent, i am going on the honeymoon with my friend marie

Honey, I am seething reading your posts. You are so well shot of that muppet. Thank God you found out now. You go abroad with your friend and have the absolute best time. I know its going to be tough but you will get through this. Thinking of you.
((())) Hugs.

Wibbs

Nappy if you've nothing to add to this forum, please refrain from posting here. Also read the charter of this forum. Thank you. Infracted.