Asking a girl for her number.....

LegacyUser

Went for a meal tonight and we were served by a gorgeous waitress. Anyway she talked to me and kind off ignored everybody else.....and she asked me how my food was after each course and asked nobody else. There definitely seemed like there was something there.

Of course as usual I bitched out and did nothing about it.


Just sitting at home now and Im raging about it. Im thinking what is the worst that could've happened....I walk up "Hi, id like to take you out sometime can I have your number" and she says no. Big fvcking deal, a few seconds of awkwardness for what could potentially be something great.


I say this now. Its all very well sitting at home but I know the next time Im in such a situation Ill just bitch out again and rationalise it to myself only to regret it later.


How can I get over this and just take a chance now and again? Ive never done it before (ask somebody for their number out of the blue). Is it the done thing? Has anybody any experiences of this (either asking or being asked). How do people do it? Was I right to leave it? Is it considered bad form or sleazey to do such things or should I have took a chance and gone for it?

Craft25

Why dont you go back? Get one of your mates, go for a couple of pints, pop into the restaraunt for a meal & ask her then!

At the worst she'll be chuffed about it, at best you've bagged the hot waitress girl!

The only way to get over that fear is to plough straight through it, regardless of the outcome the fear will be lessened next time.

tony1kenobi

It's only good manners to tip the waitress.

ManOfMystery

If you don't fancy face-to-face awkwardness, it's very easy. Go for a meal again in the same place, with a few mates, and when it comes to leaving a tip, give her the tip in her hand along with your phone number on a note. If she's interested, she'll call you ....................................... if not, she won't.

MadgeBadge

That's pretty cool, I would be really chuffed if someone did that to me, even if I didn't particularly like them. It's win win.

Armin_Tamzarian

This is an interesting question you pose.
It's happened me quite abit in the past, encoutering some nice girl
working in a shop, resteraunt, etc, hitting it off and wishing later that I had asked for her number.

I guess a major factor to consider in situations like this is if you
regularly frequent her place of work or not.

It would be pretty uncomfortable to get rejected and then have to see
her twice a week when you're getting your petrol for example.
Or have to then travel an extra 30 miles to get petrol just to avoid her.

The other thing that has restrained me from asking for numbers in these
situations is boundaries.
I've been concerned that I'd be overstepping the mark by asking a girl for
their number at work.
Fair enough if it works out well but I'd be worried that some shyer girls
would be possibly embarresed by this, even if they were interested.

So what is acceptable to do in these situations?

P.S. Just don't try a stunt I pulled once.
Really fancied this hot waitress, my Uncle egged me on to ask he for her phone number but I had a much better idea.
As we were leaving after the meal I slipped her a tip with my phone number written on it, (oh the shame).

WTF was I thinking like, the poor girl probably thought I was trying to solicit her.
Obviously she never called - the number probably got smudged or something.

suspectpackage

Here is how you get over this.

Go back to the restaurant and ask the girl out. You will be amazed at what this does to your self esteem and how you feel about yourself afterwards. Even if she says no, you will feel AWESOME.

Now, this is the only way you are going to overcome this because you will always have this great experience behind you whenever you think you are getting too nervous or shy and start with your rationalisations you'll be able to say, "Hang on, I went BACK to that restaurant and asked that girl out, I can do this!".

Now for my prediction... you won't do it. You will instead rationalise the reasons why you shouldn't do it and then make a similar thread in a few months.

I challenge you to go back to the restaurant (don't reply to this post saying you are going to do it, reply to this post when you HAVE done it).

Otherwise don't waste your time posting here, or don't waste our time reading it. I know that sounds harsh man, but its sh*t or get off the pot for you now and I really hope you do it! I'll check this thread back in 2 days and I hope to see you reporting what happened, not excuses!!

This decision you make right now, will have far reaching consequences. You decided to do it and you change completely as a MAN and this translates all accross your life (as I said, you'll be shocked by how good you feel and how it changes how you react from now on). You rationalise why you can't do it and you will bring THAT attitude with you from now on and I truely feel sorry for you if you choose that road.

Don't disappoint us!!

Gyalist

ManOfMystery wrote: »

If you don't fancy face-to-face awkwardness, it's very easy. Go for a meal again in the same place, with a few mates, and when it comes to leaving a tip, give her the tip in her hand along with your phone number on a note. If she's interested, she'll call you ....................................... if not, she won't.

Don't do this. It may work in the movies but the chance of it being successful in real life is practically zero. I'll bet that you've never tried it either.

zxcvbnm1

suspectpackage wrote: »

Here is how you get over this.

Go back to the restaurant and ask the girl out. You will be amazed at what this does to your self esteem and how you feel about yourself afterwards. Even if she says no, you will feel AWESOME.

Now, this is the only way you are going to overcome this because you will always have this great experience behind you whenever you think you are getting too nervous or shy and start with your rationalisations you'll be able to say, "Hang on, I went BACK to that restaurant and asked that girl out, I can do this!".

Now for my prediction... you won't do it. You will instead rationalise the reasons why you shouldn't do it and then make a similar thread in a few months.

I challenge you to go back to the restaurant (don't reply to this post saying you are going to do it, reply to this post when you HAVE done it).

Otherwise don't waste your time posting here, or don't waste our time reading it. I know that sounds harsh man, but its sh*t or get off the pot for you now and I really hope you do it! I'll check this thread back in 2 days and I hope to see you reporting what happened, not excuses!!

This decision you make right now, will have far reaching consequences. You decided to do it and you change completely as a MAN and this translates all accross your life (as I said, you'll be shocked by how good you feel and how it changes how you react from now on). You rationalise why you can't do it and you will bring THAT attitude with you from now on and I truely feel sorry for you if you choose that road.

Don't disappoint us!!

Well said man.

Couldn't have put it better if i tried.

Armin_Tamzarian

Gyalist wrote: »

Don't do this. It may work in the movies but the chance of it being successful in real life is practically zero. I'll bet that you've never tried it either.

+1

As shamefully described in my post above...

fabbydabby

Go back to the restaurant and ask the girl out. You will be amazed at what this does to your self esteem and how you feel about yourself afterwards. Even if she says no, you will feel AWESOME.

This. I speak from experience. DO IT!

vinnyryan

Gyalist wrote: »

Don't do this. It may work in the movies but the chance of it being successful in real life is practically zero. I'll bet that you've never tried it either.

Its bullet proof. No Awkwardness either, she simply calls or doesnt call either way shes flattered!

zxcvbnm1

vinnyryan wrote: »

Its bullet proof. No Awkwardness either, she simply calls or doesnt call either way shes flattered!

It is not bullet proof at all.

YEs you are correct in that there are only 2 possible eventualities.

However - any girl approaced like this will nearly definitely not call.
As in - for her to ring sudenly it feels like she is doing all the chasing.
She simply won't call.

So what's the point in doing it at all.

Nervous Wreck

Up until a couple of years ago, I'd never randomly asked a girl for her number. Then I met a girl at a party and we had a great chat and at the end of the night, without any plan to do it at all, I just blurted out "Can I have your number?" and she said yes. I called her a couple days later and asked her out for a drink!!! She said no, of course. But it was still cool!

LD 50

suspectpackage wrote: »

Here is how you get over this.

Go back to the restaurant and ask the girl out. You will be amazed at what this does to your self esteem and how you feel about yourself afterwards. Even if she says no, you will feel AWESOME.

Now, this is the only way you are going to overcome this because you will always have this great experience behind you whenever you think you are getting too nervous or shy and start with your rationalisations you'll be able to say, "Hang on, I went BACK to that restaurant and asked that girl out, I can do this!".

Now for my prediction... you won't do it. You will instead rationalise the reasons why you shouldn't do it and then make a similar thread in a few months.

I challenge you to go back to the restaurant (don't reply to this post saying you are going to do it, reply to this post when you HAVE done it).

Otherwise don't waste your time posting here, or don't waste our time reading it. I know that sounds harsh man, but its sh*t or get off the pot for you now and I really hope you do it! I'll check this thread back in 2 days and I hope to see you reporting what happened, not excuses!!

This decision you make right now, will have far reaching consequences. You decided to do it and you change completely as a MAN and this translates all accross your life (as I said, you'll be shocked by how good you feel and how it changes how you react from now on). You rationalise why you can't do it and you will bring THAT attitude with you from now on and I truely feel sorry for you if you choose that road.

Don't disappoint us!!

Well put. I could have used advice like that a couple of times in the past few years.

OP. Do it. Go back and ask her out. If you dont you'll be kicking yourself. Voice of experience here.

ferrigan101

I have to say do it mate! Iv been asked out by women in work before and it makes me feel great! Always said no mind as iv got a great gf. Bet after you do it you'll feel like you have the biggest cojones in the world, no matter what she says! Its win win!

littlesurfer

do it do it do it

When I was a waitress i used to love it when a guy asked me out. even if I wasnt interested it made me feel great and i never turned anyone down in a nasty way. If i really wasnt interested i'd tell them i had a boyfriend or something.

You'll feel better about yourself and she'll be on a high for the rest of the day

mynamesjay

DO IT!!

Board Walker

Unregistered wrote: »

Went for a meal tonight and we were served by a gorgeous waitress. Anyway she talked to me and kind off ignored everybody else.....and she asked me how my food was after each course and asked nobody else. There definitely seemed like there was something there.

Of course as usual I bitched out and did nothing about it.


Just sitting at home now and Im raging about it. Im thinking what is the worst that could've happened....I walk up "Hi, id like to take you out sometime can I have your number" and she says no. Big fvcking deal, a few seconds of awkwardness for what could potentially be something great.


I say this now. Its all very well sitting at home but I know the next time Im in such a situation Ill just bitch out again and rationalise it to myself only to regret it later.


How can I get over this and just take a chance now and again? Ive never done it before (ask somebody for their number out of the blue). Is it the done thing? Has anybody any experiences of this (either asking or being asked). How do people do it? Was I right to leave it? Is it considered bad form or sleazey to do such things or should I have took a chance and gone for it?

next time either pass her on your number on a piece of paper or ask her if she would be interested in going out some time. dont ask her straight out for her number.

once ya do it once you will never have a problem doing it again! FACT

Final Approach

Speaking from experience, if you pass her your number on a piece of paper, chances are she will not call, and you will regret not asking her out face-to-face in the first place.

Follow the advice of 'Suspectpackage', and you cannot go wrong.

Armin_Tamzarian

Yes, the other posters are right.
Giving her your number puts her on the spot.
You'd effectively be wussing out of asking her out
by trying to get her to ask you out instead.

Also, listen to 'SuspectPackage', having done it myself it
does feel great when you find the nerve to march straight to
a girl and ask her out like that.
Even if she says no you will feel empowered by the action.

If she works in as place that you don't frequent that often then all the better.
You don't have to see her again if she declines.

C'mon, go for it...

P.S.
Please post back to this thread and let us know how you get on.
We'r all rooting for you...

dblennon

WHAT EVER YOU DO DON'T GIVE HER YOUR No.

I Read an interesting thing about why people find it difficult to ask for numbers.

It said that our fear of rejection is highly stimulated due to Evolutionary Pack or community living, where the strongest mated and the weak were rejected and expelled from the community and their genes died out.

This means that people have a huge fear of rejection even though we know that practice makes perfect, and get more pissed off after the fact if we don't take the chance.

Just get back there ASAP and say you want serve her dinner and ask for her Number.

Even if she says no she will be nice about it trust me on that!!!

bubblewrap

Why are people saying don't do it? How else do people get together? Telepathy?

Ask her, I think the idea of giving your number with the tip is a fab idea.

It is better than wondering what if, I have been rejected loads but does it matter? The right one will say yes.

dblennon

bubblewrap wrote: »

Why are people saying don't do it? How else do people get together? Telepathy?

Ask her, I think the idea of giving your number with the tip is a fab idea.

It is better than wondering what if, I have been rejected loads but does it matter? The right one will say yes.

I think the best way to explain why you shouldn't offer your number is to put the shoe on the other foot.

imagine you and me hit it off and were chatting and I made no attempt to get your No. if you just offered it up, how does sit with you.

I know it's not the same, but the principle is, by not controling your on situation attraction can be lost the majority of the time

bubblewrap

Well I think it is worth going for another meal to see how she reacts and if he is brave enough to do it if she is giving the right signs (but don't keep wimping out because you will get fat!)

dblennon

bubblewrap wrote: »

Well I think it is worth going for another meal to see how she reacts and if he is brave enough to do it if she is giving the right signs (but don't keep wimping out because you will get fat!)

Just in case there is any confusion, I am saying get out there ask for her Number ASAP, and remember its only one Fish in a pool of millions......

adzer86

IMO you should go for another meal. See how she reacts i.e. if she remembers you. If yes, try to get as much conversation in with her as you can before you ask her out as this will make her feel more comfortable around you rather than a hiya at the start of the night, then blurting out "gis ur numba luv" Also make sure she knows your name and vice versa before you do anything
Also she may not be serving you so you may have to catch her as you are going to the loo or something
Defo dont give her your number on a napkin or something... NAFF!!! How old are you 10? Passing notes in class???
Yea so as i said talk to her as much as you can and as you and your mates are leaving (make sure your mates are gone) call her or ask for her then go for it.

i71jskz5xu42pb

Don't give her your number. Not on piece of paper, not face to face, no way. If you're interested ask her for hers. Really, what is the worst that can happen?

Just don't do it like this (1:30 for the attention deficient among you)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D0555EtAZ4

bubblewrap

All this talking of going for meals is making me starving!

Anyway, have we heard from the OP since? I am dying to know!

Home4Life

great - superb advice

upmeath

I'm probably not alone among males on boards when I say that this is one of the most useful threads to have come up in a while, I've often wondered what the social norms are and how women receive these sort of unprovoked public advances.
As somebody said a bit earlier, it always seems to work in the movies, and we all seem to imagine the Americans as business-card carrying call-me-back-sometime maniacs, but over here we're a little more shy about things and most lads haven't a clue what to do when a situation like this arises, unfortunately more often than not we let the opportunity slip.
So thanks to the OP for raising this important issue!

Armin_Tamzarian

Yes, this thread has been useful.
I've been surprised that all the women replying have given
the idea a green light.
The asking for a number idea not the slipping her your number idea, of course.

Are there any girls out there who would have a problem with a guy
approcahing them for their number at work?

upmeath

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Are there any girls out there who would have a problem with a guy
approcahing them for their number at work?

I'd imagine they're the working equivalent of the "do you not know by looking at me that I have a boyfriend?" types you meet in clubs :rolleyes:

ferrigan101

bubblewrap wrote: »

All this talking of going for meals is making me starving!

Anyway, have we heard from the OP since? I am dying to know!

Me too! Have you done it op?

lickirishallsor

Waiting to hear how it went too!


To the OP, just remember, life is short, you spend longer dead, this is not a dress rehearsal, this is it we are live on air now, opportunity always knocks.

LegacyUser

well i was at one of our college balls and there was this stunner of a girl working at it. wanted to ask her out but didnt have the courage.
any way about two weeks later i was invited to another ball so i said id head along. this girl was working there again.
i passed her a few times, first just saying hi etc. then i decided id go for it, and just asked her if she wanted to go for a drink some time. she said yes. we met up the next week and six months down the line we are madly in love and inseperable.

Take risks, you only live once and the what if thoughts are worse than anything!

Eve_Dublin

My 2 c

I've been asked out in the past when I was working as a waitress or in shops etc and I loved it, even if I wasn't interested so I'd say go for it. Pop in to the restaurant and hand her your number.

A BIIIIIG However though: if she refuses, don't keep hassling her. Take no for an answer. I'm sure you won't OP as most lads wouldn't but I've had experience with men doing this in the past and it really wasn't fair on me because I obviously couldn't avoid them as I worked there and I also couldn't be rude because they were customers and I'd have my boss looking over my shoulder. I occassionally had men coming in day in, day out asking me out and trying to talk to me while I was working. Not cool and not fair.

It's the sleazy ones who mistook my friendliness for flirtation that got to me. They thought that gave them the green light to hassle me while I was working every few minutes and make my work environment uncomfortable for me. A lot of the time waitresses are friendly because they want decent tips as the minimum wage is abysmal. Saying all that, they're only human and it's very likely she was flirting with you...it adds a bit of drama to a pretty humdrum and stressful job when you get to serve a guy you fancy so I'd say go for it.

Slipping the number in with the tip is a good idea.

Eve_Dublin

Sorry, just read through the rest of the posts...other posters are right about not giving her your number...when I think back, they asked me out face-to-face or asked for my number so this would be the way to go. Takes some balls and confidence is initially the most attractive trait of all in a man.

But she might be a little bit speechless if you ask her out as this doesn't happen too often in our culture outside the pubs and clubs and her initial reponse might automatically be a no so if she does, maybe give her number just in case she changes her mind.:)