Is it all about sex

LegacyUser

Is there no guy out there who is willing to get to know a girl first and not just want them for sex. As i write this im preety hurt, a guy i been texting meeting up with and what i considered getting to know, casually text me this morning saying, "this isnt going to work out, your just teasing me the whole time".

From the outset i made it clear i get to know someone and like to see it going somewhere before i'm willing to committ to sex. He had assured me it wasnt just sex he wanted and i got the impression, that he did want to get to know me. But yesterday when i called over to see him, and we were messing about, but didnt have sex, it clearly made him think. And after receving that text this morning about me teasing him, it hurt. I said to him i wasnt and that i wasnt being full on and looking for a relationship but i did want to take things slow to see how things went, before we had sex, and he replied with i dont even want that.

My question why lie, why say i want to see how things go i not just after sex and meet up and drive 2 hours to meet me because we lived far away from one another, why lead me on?? God it sucks, can i get some perspective

PirateShampoo

How long have you been txt and meeting?

LegacyUser

Not long about 3 months or so.

Otis Driftwood

My guess is that he thought by saying

it wasnt just sex he wanted

that you would think he is a nice fella,different from the usual plus coupled with him driving 2 hours to see you,you would automatically drop your knickers.
Feck him,and fair play to you for sticking to your guns.I will always maintain that any bloke who is genuinely interested will have no problem whatsoever waiting to have sex.The waiting makes it all the better.You just happened to meet an asshole.

Nothingcompares

what's your preoccupation with withholding sex? if you don't want to have sex with your boyfriend ...

LegacyUser

Its not withholding sex, its because at the back of my mind i felt sex is all he wanted. I asked him so many times where do i stand with you, and his reply was, i am not looking for a relationship YET, i just came out of one a while back i broke up with my ex, but i like seeing you, he continued to emphasise YET. I took that, i understood and as i said to him, ok take things slow, get to know one another and see what happens. But it's like this, i never said i never wanted sex with him, and i don't think i'm wrong in saying lets take it slow, see how it goes, and he agreed with this (least i thought he did), but again when i did'nt give into him yesterday, he decided hell she is just teasing me, and his response i didnt even want to see how things went. I feel a fool.

Otis Driftwood

Nothingcompares wrote: »

what's your preoccupation with withholding sex? if you don't want to have sex with your boyfriend ...

Did you read the original post or do you consider texting and meeting up with someone a couple of times to be a boy/girlfriend??????If you do then I have had about 50 girlfriends.:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

nedtheshed wrote: »

My guess is that he thought by saying that you would think he is a nice fella,different from the usual plus coupled with him driving 2 hours to see you,you would automatically drop your knickers.
Feck him,and fair play to you for sticking to your guns.I will always maintain that any bloke who is genuinely interested will have no problem whatsoever waiting to have sex.The waiting makes it all the better.You just happened to meet an asshole.

Rubbish.

OP, if you want to refrain from sex then can I recommend that you DO NOT fool around with them. WTF is the difference anyway? It's all part of the big picture.

I'm a man, I like sex, waiting is one thing, but it gets to a stage where it's just taking the piss and YES when you add fooling around into the mix I can see why he would think you're just teasing.

You're going to have to face facts that sex IS a VERY important part of a relationship. Without it, there is no relationship. Him dumping you doesn't mean he's an asshole at all! He's just a guy who has needs that you're not fulfilling.

Craft25

Maybe you could have done a better job explaining to him what's going on for you that makes you want to wait.

Maybe you were right and sex was all he was after. Given that this is your instinct i would not discount it, Instinct is usually not far wrong!

Either way there seems to be a communication gap and communication is crucial, be it verbal or otherwise. Sometimes just the look in the eyes meeting accross a room is enough to say two people want the same thing, sometimes it requires the two people to talk it out deeply.

After getting his text you could use it to hash out what is misunderstood between you (and there is misunderstanding; he is misunderstanding you regarding your motivation & vice-versa) or you could just leave him go because "all guys want is sex!"

What could he do to assure you that he wont just shag you and run off? What could you do to assure him that you will be able to trust him one day?

LegacyUser

Which is why i refrained from sex because there was no relationship, he led me on to think that by keeping in contact and saying ooo i don't just want sex, , that we would get together, and when i didnt give into him and drop my knickers, he treated me like deep down i knew he would. You find the girl who wants to used for sex and then cast aside.

Craft25

Then you dodged a bullet.. there should be at least having a laugh together, or interesting conversations or passionate attraction or some other sort of connection other than 'keeping in touch' in hope of sex - well shot of him, find a decent bloke! they do exist!

next time trust your instinct and dump him earlier!

LegacyUser

In response to his text today, I said to him that, yes i want to have sex with you, but i want to see that its going somewhere before i do that. From the outset i made that clear, and he agreed. He replied today with, i don't even want that. I don't know what to do really, he seems to have made his mind up on me ignoring me.

thedeadpoet

Just for your information, there exist plenty of men that aren't preoccupied with sex. As a male, sex always came last on the list for me, and (coincidently) likewise for most of my male friends.

Interestingly enough, I've always found that its been the female who makes the first move in that respect. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever made the first move, and I've had sex many a time.

LegacyUser

Thanks craft, i just feel a fool for liking someone who i really wanted me to like me for the right reasons, and sex would'nt have been an issue then . All the good guys are hiding!!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Which is why i refrained from sex because there was no relationship, he led me on to think that by keeping in contact and saying ooo i don't just want sex, , that we would get together, and when i didnt give into him and drop my knickers, he treated me like deep down i knew he would. You find the girl who wants to used for sex and then cast aside.

You have a really messed up view of sex, who said he was going to cast you aside? If you didn't want sex and weren't in a relationship, why did you fool around with him?

You were the one throwing out mixed signals, if anything, you were the one leading him on.

But of course, you're stuck in fairy tale land, so I don't expect you to agree with me. You just continue on with the ''all men want is sex'' attitude, see how far that gets you.

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

You have a really messed up view of sex, who said he was going to cast you aside? If you didn't want sex and weren't in a relationship, why did you fool around with him?

Rubbish, OP is perfectly entitled to fool around with whoever she wants without having sex with them.

Unregistered wrote: »

You were the one throwing out mixed signals, if anything, you were the one leading him on.

More rubbish, the guy said he didnt want a relationship, OP made it clear she wasnt going to be having sex without knowing where she stood.

OP - bullet successfully dodged, betcha in a couple of months times you will be delighted you didnt waste any more time with this guy. If all he wanted was the ride then he wasnt worth it.

There are plenty of nice fellas out there, just keep looking and dont lower your standards for anyone.

LegacyUser

He has cast me aside, he told me ooo this isnt going to work, He knew from the start that id like to see it going somewhere, in the hope that we could develop something a bit more, i was'nt going to come on strong, saying i want a relationship right now. Furthermore to that, i do not live in a fairytale, i know not all guys are like that, but at the moment, my posts are referring to this fella

Craft25

Yeah you feel like a fool now but you'll be glad in the end, won't make the same mistake again - lesson learned!

The best way to miss out on all the good guys is to go about with the wrong one on your arm & on your mind!

thedeadpoet

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks craft, i just feel a fool for liking someone who i really wanted me to like me for the right reasons, and sex would'nt have been an issue then . All the good guys are hiding!!

You're either very young, or genuinely very naive. If you want to attract a male so passionately, then you must shift your attitude to that of a more positive one and discontinue judging all men based on one experience - because you will get nowhere otherwise.

Naturally, men will most often possess a higher sex drive than females, but its a certain class of males that use women for sex and have no interest in a relationship. We call these people 'promiscuous'.

Craft25

thedeadpoet wrote: »

You're either very young, or genuinely very naive. If you want to attract a male so passionately, then you must shift your attitude to that of a more positive one and discontinue judging all men based on one experience - because you will get nowhere otherwise.

Naturally, men will most often possess a higher sex drive than females, but its a certain class of males that use women for sex and have no interest in a relationship. We call these people 'promiscuous'.

C'mon be fair, she is judging on her bad experience.. does she not have a right to feel hurt at the moment and write off all men for a bit, thats only natural FFS.

I tell you what is a skewed attitude to sex - Your assertion that "naturally" men posess greater sex drives than women! You're meeting the wrong girls mate

thedeadpoet

Craft25 wrote: »

C'mon be fair, she is judging on her bad experience.. does she not have a right to feel hurt at the moment and write off all men for a bit, thats only natural FFS.

Be fair? Whats fair about judging all men (including me) based on one experience? Its no more natural than rape, theft or murder. Its stupid. 'Skewed', even.

Craft25 wrote: »

I tell you what is a skewed attitude to sex - Your assertion that "naturally" men posess greater sex drives than women! You're meeting the wrong girls mate

Check my previous post. I'm meeting all the right girls, mate ;]

aare

(not)suchafool wrote: »

Is there no guy out there who is willing to get to know a girl first and not just want them for sex. As i write this im preety hurt, a guy i been texting meeting up with and what i considered getting to know, casually text me this morning saying, "this isnt going to work out, your just teasing me the whole time".

From the outset i made it clear i get to know someone and like to see it going somewhere before i'm willing to committ to sex. He had assured me it wasnt just sex he wanted and i got the impression, that he did want to get to know me. But yesterday when i called over to see him, and we were messing about, but didnt have sex, it clearly made him think. And after receving that text this morning about me teasing him, it hurt. I said to him i wasnt and that i wasnt being full on and looking for a relationship but i did want to take things slow to see how things went, before we had sex, and he replied with i dont even want that.

My question why lie, why say i want to see how things go i not just after sex and meet up and drive 2 hours to meet me because we lived far away from one another, why lead me on?? God it sucks, can i get some perspective

Let me go back to your original question, and give you the straightest answer I know.

Y'know what?

I am ancient, and experience STILL corners me into asking the same question, almost every time I let a guy near me (and frankly, the times it isn't about sex, it seems to be about using me for something way more pathological, and even less to be recommended :eek:).

It gets even less reasonable when you are old and cynical enough to say to yourself "ok, but you would look so pretty on my pillow, and I DO need the exercise to burn a few calories" and say "bye bye poppet, and thank you" the next day...

...THEN some of them even go so far as to place themselves in your line of sight acting like lovelorn kine, on the edge of thowing themselves into a volcano, for as long as it takes to get a reaction from you that they CAN reject and hurt, even in the smallest way.

I can't explain why they do this stuff, let alone excuse it for you...so why deny it? Or blame you?

I know you aren't to blame, and I know I am not either...but I also know something else I can't explain...

Look around you...the world is full of considerate lovers, husbands and fathers...so at least SOME of them definately cut the cr*p occasionally...

Full marks for not settling for less...

K_P

Unregistered wrote: »

Rubbish.

OP, if you want to refrain from sex then can I recommend that you DO NOT fool around with them. WTF is the difference anyway? It's all part of the big picture.

I think this is quite a good point which the OP hasn't addressed. Reading this thread, there are two quite contradictory pictures of your relationship. Either you were innocently getting to know him with a possible expectation but no real pressure of it resulting in a relationship. Or you were meeting up with someone you live 2 hours away from for three months and "fooling around" with him but not having sex for fear you will be tossed aside if you do immediately after.

What's the big difference between the "fooling around" you were doing and having sex? You say he gave you the impression that you would end up together, but because he didn't get what you assume he wanted, he lost interest. That seems to be a big assumption for you to make. Just because he said he was interested in more than sex, that doesn't mean what you had was ever going to go somewhere.

And to be honest, telling him that you want to have sex with him but not before you know the two of you are going somewhere is pressuring him just as much as you feel he's pressuring you. You're using sex as a bargaining tool. Not exactly the healthiest start to a relationship.

I don't want this to seem as though I'm coming down hard on you, but there seems to be a lot of assumptions and miscommunications between the two of you and there's quite possibly blame to be placed on either side.

LegacyUser

TBH,i would prob have felt the same. If i was him, and i liked you i would do anything initially to get on with you and to make a good impression of myself knowing that at some stage you will like me even more and then both of you will consent to sex, sex to a man i think is like a scoring a goal in a game of football, you need to do plenty of preperation and then it will come!!. If we were seeing, texting and kissing each other for three months and on the last occasion we had a fumble i as a guy would prob expect sex to happen especially after 3 months as that is quiet some time in my opinion to wait for sex, If i was you i would reconsider the duration that you make any man wait for before sex and what you do with them in between as i think he is right saying you are just teasing him.

cantdecide

I haven't read the whole thread but as a guy that is more than willing to wait for the right girl, my feeling is that every time you fooled around, you were dangling it in front of his face but yanking it away just when he was starting to think that now was the time. IMO, sex and all that other stuff are part and parcel of the experience and if I thought that a girl was getting her kicks out of controlling me, I'd start to really question what she was really playing at.

LegacyUser

Just as a guy I have to say I have never once in my life initiated sex for the first time with a woman. It has always been the other way round. So OP not all guys just use woman for sex. Id be perfectly happy to wait if I liked someone.

LegacyUser

Yes 3months if we saw each other regularly, but to be honest we rarely met up with work and the distance, and any time that we did, was him wanting sex, I wasnt ready to have sex with him, was enjoying spending time with him not enough. My own doubts prevented me from going the whole way with him, if he liked me enough, and was'nt after one thing, he wouldnt have said today, that he did'nt even want to take things slow and see what happened.

aare

Unregistered wrote: »

Yes 3months if we saw each other regularly, but to be honest we rarely met up with work and the distance, and any time that we did, was him wanting sex, I wasnt ready to have sex with him, was enjoying spending time with him not enough. My own doubts prevented me from going the whole way with him, if he liked me enough, and was'nt after one thing, he wouldnt have said today, that he did'nt even want to take things slow and see what happened.

You did the right thing for you.

You were honest, you tested him and hoped he would pass, but he failed instead...which is probably also the right thing for him.

So, believe it or not, however sh*tty it must feel, it all turned out for the best.

dee8839

OP, if I didn't know better I'd almost think you were me and I'd just forgotten I'd posted that!! The same thing happened to me, basically. A guy I was meeting regularly (3 times a week), texting, etc. He gave me the impression that he didn't mind waiting for me and that we were leading towards a commitment. Then, when we finally did sleep together, he did a total 360, kissed another girl in front of me the next night we were out in the same place, then apologised and blamed it on ex issues. I foolishly gave him a second chance, and he did it again. Lesson learnt. I was just so sure it was leading somewhere that when it fell apart and I'd already slept with him I really wanted to try to make it work.

In short, be glad that you didn't give in as easily as I did. If you said deep down you always thought he would cast you aside then you clearly don't trust him, and trust is essential for a relationship and for sex. I don't really think this guy was necessarily being unreasonable tbh, as at least he did make it obvious that he wasn't satisfied to just let things happen. It doesn't really make him a bad guy. The whole fooling around thing would, to be realistic, frustrate some guys. Doesn't mean its wrong on your part, just something to bear in mind.

I'm living in hope that there are nice guys out there. Do yourself a favour and keep hoping the same. What else can you do - give up? Good luck.

Jumpy

There is a lot of tiptoe-ing going on here, it has to be said straight - 3 months? Depending on your age many guys would consider that taking the piss. If it was your first time, then its different. But if the guy had reasonable experience you would find that three months is an awfully long time before he would start having doubts.

LegacyUser

This is not going to be a negative post but a truthful one from a male pespective. Firstly i can understand where the girl is coming from but she seems a bit defensive/naive afterall as any healthy relationship should have sex after a certain period but you should feel comfortable with your partner first. I am currently single myself and from my point of view women can seem be defensive on initiating sex because they think all men just want sex from them. When i am chatting up women i dont know its very hard to convince them otherwise.that is why i mostly end up dating girls i know, because they know my background and seem comfortable with me. I can understand why girls feel like this though as there is plenty of men out there just loooking for sex but the majority of men are honest just looking for a nice girl but the overall impression i get at times is negative.

username123

Jumpy wrote: »

There is a lot of tiptoe-ing going on here, it has to be said straight - 3 months? Depending on your age many guys would consider that taking the piss. If it was your first time, then its different. But if the guy had reasonable experience you would find that three months is an awfully long time before he would start having doubts.

Do you really think so? Depending on how often they were seeing each other and the nature of the dates, how long they spent on the phone with each other etc..etc... 3 months might be perfectly reasonable - it really depends on individual circumstances, and how much each person was emotionally putting into the 'relationship'.

LegacyUser

The fooling about just happened, i liked him i wanted to take things further, but my gut feeling said this guy wants you just for sex, i hoped not, and although he told me otherwise, it became apparent yesterday, forgive me if i feel hurt by a guy who failed to give us a chance.

nomorebadtown

at the end of the day OP, it is your call whether or not you want to sleep with this guy. equally its his call to point out if he feels you are being a cocktease and finish things. you are waiting to see "where things are going"...i'll tell you where they've gone - totaly sexual frustration and the end of the relationship. there is no right or wrong here, you shouldnt have sex if you dont want to and he shouldnt have to stick around if you are "fooling around" and stopping just as he feels things are happening. live and learn. move on.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks craft, i just feel a fool for liking someone who i really wanted me to like me for the right reasons, and sex would'nt have been an issue then . All the good guys are hiding!!

OP, what ages are ye?

3 months is a long time and if he want's to enjoy sex with you, it doesn't mean he is using you.



you're opinion on sex is that girls get used for it which is totally wrong.

Craft25

Why is everyone making this about the girls opinion on sex? It is about her opinion on THIS GUY!!

I'll hazard a guess that if she met a guy she really believed in she wouldn't wait at all! All you can do in relationships is ask for what you need and want from the other person, if they arent up to providing it, move on.. simple as

EDIT; people are right though, better to not drag it out to 3 months next time & i can see how the heavy petting would be frustrating for a guy

Jumpy

Craft25 wrote: »

Why is everyone making this about the girls opinion on sex? It is about her opinion on THIS GUY!!

I'll hazard a guess that if she met a guy she really believed in she wouldn't wait at all! All you can do in relationships is ask for what you need and want from the other person, if they arent up to providing it, move on.. simple as

EDIT; people are right though, better to not drag it out to 3 months next time & i can see how the heavy petting would be frustrating for a guy

It is stemming from her attitudes to sex. You can tell that by the "is there no guy out there that is willing to know a girl first".
To her its a majorly big deal but to someone with any history of long term partners it would be very frustrating and annoying to have someone with a lot lower level of sexual maturity. Simply put, to most guys it isnt such a big deal.
OP, if you are one that has to wait a long time for it, then you really need to find someone who is willing to wait, I wish you luck with it, but its going to be tough for you, a high percentage of guys would consider it part of a relationship, especially after 3 months.
You make him sound like a bad guy, but he isnt. He just isnt the right one for you.

Jannah

Jumpy wrote: »

3 months? Depending on your age many guys would consider that taking the piss. If it was your first time, then its different. But if the guy had reasonable experience you would find that three months is an awfully long time before he would start having doubts.

Deleted User wrote: »

3 months is a long time and if he want's to enjoy sex with you, it doesn't mean he is using you.

Craft25 wrote: »

better to not drag it out to 3 months next time & i can see how the heavy petting would be frustrating for a guy

What the hell??! I was just about to comment that 3 months is way too soon to be having sex! This is insane! She had every right to deny him sex- she's not a vessel to him and there isn't an expiration date on waiting! Power to you, it sounds like you dodged a right asshole

LegacyUser

But we rarely saw one another in those 3 months, our main contact was mainly text or calls. And after a month and a bit of this, i said look id like to see us going somewhere, and he told me he wasnt looking for a girlfriend, but liked seeing me and said yea i'd really like to see where things go too. And yes i know the fooling about was frustrating to him,look i know NOT ALL are after one thing but from my own experiance, im only saying HE wanted one thing after saying he wanted to see where things went, and when i did'nt jump into bed, he turned around yesterday and said look, things are working out i never even wanted to see where things went. What do ya say to that.. Beats me.

Jumpy

Jannah wrote: »

What the hell??! I was just about to comment that 3 months is way too soon to be having sex! This is insane! She had every right to deny him sex- she's not a vessel to him and there isn't an expiration date on waiting! Power to you, it sounds like you dodged a right asshole

Hmmm, yeaaah... Im gonna have to go ahead and say you might want to be a bit flexible there rather than the 'you go girl, hes a prick, yo kick him to tha kerb mmm hmm' (finger clicks are optional here).
It really depends on your age. If the OP is 18-21 or so, 3 months might be considered a little short. Also if the OP is any age but it is her first time or if she is inexperienced/had a bad experience.
After that 3 months can be considered quite long.

seven-iron

just say to her
"hey, i earn 50 grand a year, have a new renault megane coupe. fancy a spin yea hum?"
she says: "yea sure,"
you say: "coolio, it has a six cd changer. wana take yer clothes off?"



she can only say no

Ironé

Really shocked by people's opinions on this thread. Just cause someone fools around with someone does not mean they should have sex. And the argument that it's 'frustrating' for him is rubbish. There is an awful lot you can do without actually having sex that will ensure both people feel very satisfied at the end

Deciding you want to sleep with someone, when you're looking at maybe the relationship being longer than one night is a big step. I mean it can make or break things. I think you need to trust that person. One night stand is a different thing - it's not about emotions its just about pure pleasure

I think you dodged a bullet - seems like you had a feeling about the guy anyway. I mean seriously he's basically saying that he doesn't want to see you unless you sleep with him. He needs to get a grip.

Did you have other bad experiences in the past? Cause in my own experience most men aren't like that.

Zascar

I think this guy is a saint to still be interested after 3 months of 'teasing' - most guys I know would not wait around anywhere near that long. OP obviously has issues with sex - and really does not understand men at all. Women need to realise that sex is absolutely hard wired into our brains and just cause a guy wants sex does not mean he is a bad person.

For a lot of girls, like the op, they want to see if they like the person and if they can see a future etc, before making a decision on whether they can see a future in the relationship. For a lot of guys you cannot make that decision without first having sex with them. Sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship and many many relationships and marriages go bad because these problems. There is no way I could commit to a future in a relationship without knowing if we are going to be sexually compatible.

For some people this may not be an issue - I don't know perhaps they are not particularly sexual people and its just not important for them.

OP if a guy is only interested in sex he'll try his best for a few days, maybe weeks, but no guy is going to go to the lengths of pretending t like you for 3 months just to get a shag... I think you should be fairly safe with this guy. Can you not just make your own judgement on his character?

Silverfish

seven-iron wrote: »

just say to her
"hey, i earn 50 grand a year, have a new renault megane coupe. fancy a spin yea hum?"
she says: "yea sure,"
you say: "coolio, it has a six cd changer. wana take yer clothes off?"



she can only say no

I suggest you have a read of this forum's charter before posting here again.

Ironé

Zascar wrote: »

For a lot of girls, like the op, they want to see if they like the person and if they can see a future etc, before making a decision on whether they can see a future in the relationship. For a lot of guys you cannot make that decision without first having sex with them. Sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship and many many relationships and marriages go bad because these problems. There is no way I could commit to a future in a relationship without knowing if we are going to be sexually compatible.

I don't think she wanted him to make a formal commitment to her, I think she just wanted to feel comfortable with him before having sex.

Sex is a very important part of a relationship but it really is not the be all and end all. No-one should sleep with someone if they don't feel comfortable doing that. And he certainly should not be putting pressure on her. That's just disrespectful. Sex for women has completely different consequences - yes there's every type of protection out there but none of it is 100%. Some women need to trust someone (not a marriage proposal) just to trust and feel comfortable with someone, before making that step.

LegacyUser

Fairly safe you say, well if he was as interested as to stick around for 3months he would'nt have kicked me to the kerb like he's done. And thank you Irene, its exactly where i'm coming from.

seven-iron

[HTML]I suggest you have a read of this forum's charter before posting here again.[/HTML]

i did. i just wanted to give my advice for any bloke reading this ya kno. im sure there was at least one bloke who read this and said, "yea actually, i like her". "i would love to get in 2 her gaf to see her curtains and hey if a new renault megane coupe helps then what the hell." thers nutin wrong with tryna score a bird ya like. and then if she says no at least you get closure. like thers this bird i kno and shes amazing, i just hope the renault megane helps with the approach.

edit: sorry i didnt read the charter i'll read it now

Zaph

seven-iron wrote: »

i did. i just wanted to give my advice for any bloke reading this ya kno. im sure there was at least one bloke who read this and said, "yea actually, i like her". "i would love to get in 2 her gaf to see her curtains and hey if a new renault megane coupe helps then what the hell." thers nutin wrong with tryna score a bird ya like. and then if she says no at least you get closure. like thers this bird i kno and shes amazing, i just hope the renault megane helps with the approach.

edit: sorry i didnt read the charter i'll read it now

seven-iron, while reading the charter I suggest you also have a look at the part where it says that text speak is not allowed on this forum.

nice_guy80

i'm seeing a girl for the past 5-6 weeks. Nice girl, we get on well. still figuring out if I really like her... anyway

Now, I'm in no mad rush to sleep with her, but out of the blue she told me the other night she is a virgin. For no reason. I didn't ask her or anything. We were kissing at the time fair enough... But, is this a way of telling me to back off, or that she wants me to take it very slowly with her? Or that she's interested but nervous?

LegacyUser

Well seems you two wanted two different kinds of relationships, he wanted a sex buddy (some like to be just sex buddies) without the commitment to a long term relationship. You wanted to ensure a long term commitment, now you are disapointed in what?, that he did not give you what you expected. My opinion says its better you both move on cos you did not get what either of you were looking for from each other. There will be someone out there who wants to commit to you and you will have to find or be found

smileykey

If he only just wanted sex he would not have kept seeing you for three months without it. Would you have slept with him for three months without any signs of affection, if a loving affectionate relationship was what you wanted? I doubt it. I also doubt he would be affectionate, etc with you for three months if sex is all he wanted.

It's fine wanting to get to know someone before taking it to the next level but you have to understand that he has needs and they may differ from yours. If the speed he wants a relationship to move at may be different from yours you have to respect that and either come to a compromise or let him go. Some people just aren't compatable. Hopefully the next guy will suit your style more.