She's smaller then average and I'm above... help?

LegacyUser

Hey everybody!

Im writing her due to a problem me and the missus are having.
It's simple in nature i suppose, but annoying and stressful all the same.
So due to this i would appreciate if anybody could help me with their experiences/advice.

Ok, so a bit of background:
I'm a 21 year old male, have slept with girls before, and im going out with a girl for a long time who has never slept with anyone.

This in itself isn't a problem, in fact i rather like the idea of being her "first".

The problem:
We are a mismatch of size, i'm on the above average side of things, but she is very small.

Now in the past, she has done all the other stuff with he ex's or other guys whatever(i didn't ask much detail as don't want to know details). but she has never had much experience with penetration, prefering cliterous stimualtion as her way of climaxing in past.

I am assuming that due to lack of attention here she hasnt ever realy "widened" downstairs.

The problem: That we cant have sex seems to bother her alot. More then me infact, i know we will get there in time, and i love her and am willing to wait/do what i can to make the experience as good as possible for her. We are trying to remedy it by the means of slowly progresing with inserting fingers etc...

But as we both live with parents, time to do this can be well, sparingly come by.
Also self masturbation on her part is out of question, i approached this subject, but she was't comfortabel with the idea(again not an issue/problem i want alternatives if possible)

She also claims that fingers inserted in her feels "weird". I'v assured her that is normal at first until you get used to it, but to be honest. I don't realy know! Is it?

So far i can just about fit 2 fingers into her with a bit of pain on her part. but more would be needed for sex.

What i want:
I see all the time people on this board saying sex for first time need not be painful etc... can anyone enlighten me as to what im doing wrong even when it comes to fingers? And how i can speed this up, as in get to stage where we can have sex sooner because this is causing her soem distress, which i want to prevent?(and lets not forget i want it all to!)

LegacyUser

im sorry, she's basically not ready and/ or is definately not comfortable on some level.... A woman doesnt need 'widening' as you put it... she needs to be relaxed, properly aroused and comfortable about what's happening....

PK2008

If you've ever seen a new born baby you'll know the vagina is designed to accomodate alot more than an "above average sized" penis so unless we're talking about as Pringles can here you should be ok.

Spend more time on foreplay and relaxation, try wetting your fingers, oral, and lube.

Craft25

some girls don't like the boney less flexible sensation of fingers inside them, they are not made entirely of soft flexible tissue & blood as a penis is.

maybe put penetration on the back burner for a while? Her body response seems to highlight some anxiety on her part. Maybe she feels too much of a pressure to be good in the sack, or to please you? Maybe it's just a little too early for her?

LegacyUser

wat i think here is that she is tensing herself up once you go in cause shes afraid/knows its going to hurt..
and that really makes a huge differences
if she was more relaxed it would be totally different, lightin the mood some nite

book into a hotel/b&b(seen as your both at home) use candles, bring a radio use lubes (might give her mmore confedence that it wont hurt)

and see from their

Amazotheamazing

Had the same issue, you need to research positions which allow for penetration to occur.

LegacyUser

Op here.
Don't exactly knwo what to make of this.

So basicaly she isn't ready is what you are geting at?

I tried the B+B thing, well it was hotel but same story.

So it's down to her lack of relaxation/not being ready?

Is there a way to test?

She says shes ready to have sex, and she brought it up in first place. She will happily initiate physical stuff with me regarding this, so i know she wants to...

But i don't understand how she wouldn't be ready? shes not young(same age as me 21) and she gets wet etc down there, she is able to climax etc no bother...

Could it be simply nerves and anticipation of pain that is causing her to not let it happen subconciously?

She has mentioned a few times anxiety in regards this fact as one or two of her friends have given her horror stories.

Any suggestions people?

Mina Loy

A woman doesnt 'widen' like wearing in some new shoes, she may be wet but unless arousal is sustained its not gonna happen. Shes obviously nervous or uncomfortable.

Op, first of all is she not comfortable merely with discussing masturbation with you at all or doing it at all? It's rather rare that the latter would be true and perhaps this might indicate her being uncomfortable with sex in general which might lead to problems with doing it with you as well. Personally I would strongly recommend you suggest to her she spends some relaxing time in a comfortable space and figuring out what feels good for her penetration-wise, as there's not much hope at all of you learning for her if she can't guide you at all.

Secondly, without ANY intention of medical advice, unless the problem is purely her not being fully ready for sex and still being uncomfortable despite "warming up", or still over-anxious regarding 'horror stories', this may be possible? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus
Or perhaps you might chat with her re: these horror stories and get them in the open and laughed off- she might relax more.

Otis Driftwood

Possible cause.

http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-symptoms

pookie82

Mina Loy wrote: »

A woman doesnt 'widen' like wearing in some new shoes, she may be wet but unless arousal is sustained its not gonna happen. Shes obviously nervous or uncomfortable.

Hang on now this isn't necessarily true for everyone. The first time I had sex (or tried) it took a lond time for him to....eh....."fit". Granted I'd be fairly petite by most standards and the OH is a big guy, so that didn't exactly help, but there is most definitely, with some women, a need to gently widen before penetration can be achieved. After a prolonged period of having sex in my case there was a definite "widening" (that sounds so crass but no other way of putting it) in that there was easier penetration which felt more comfortable as time went on. This was because I was physically accomodating to it, not because I felt more relaxed or got used to it etc. ALthough a vagina is designed to stretch for babies etc, it can be quite "tight" before any penetration has ever taken place. Not every girl can accommdate herself to it right away, so don't fret too much OP.

Basically what you need is patience. And she needs to do some homework herself without you being there. I can totally relate to her feeling of "weirdness" at having something "inserted" there for the first time, it does feel very strange for some girls. So get her to practice with HER OWN fingers on her own. Tell her to use ample lubrication and begin with just inserting one or two fingers at a time. It might still feel weird but with time and practice she'll get more comfortable and used to the feeling of being penetrated and the fact that it's her own fingers means she'll be far more relaxed and in control. For some girls it's quite natural to tense up if they've never been penetrated before. It doesn't necessarily mean they're not ready, it just means they're feeling an entirely new sensation which is alien and uncomfortable so their body tenses up in reaction to it. It kind of annoys me the way people jump on the "she's not ready" bandwagon or "she must have vaginismus" bandwagon. She sounds like she's perfectly happy to start having sex, being the one to initiate it, but first time sex is often tense and painful, making girls tense up and penetration very difficult - that doesn't mean you have a medical condition on your hands.

Get her to try using her own fingers for a while. Tell her you guys can forget about penetration for a while until she'd used to the sensation and not freaked out by the feeling. I disagree that it sounds like she's not ready - I was perfectly ready, but my first time was no walk in the park.

Anyway, hope it helps and good luck.

Miss Fluff

She doesn't masturbate and is not comfortable with you having you use your fingers on her? Sounds to me like she's not ready, regardless of what she's telling you.