Lonely

LegacyUser

I am a 25 year old male with no friends & no social life. I have never been intimate with a girl, not even when I was in my early teens. Back in those days, I was very shy and couldnt really talk to people. It feels like I missed out on my teen years. College was ok, I had a couple of good friends but that was it. I try to keep in touch but they are based in different countries now and it is tough. Now I am going through my 20's and it feels like I am missing out again.

At Christmas, I was off work and went home. I never felt so depressed. I am not talking about feeling down here, I am talking about feeling very depressed. It is not too bad when I am at work cos at least I am around people. There are a couple of people at work that I would consider friends but thats all and again it can be difficult to arrange anything outside work. I havent taken a day off yet this year cos I have nobody to do anything with. Just work work work.

I live in a house with 2 others and get on well them too but they have their own friends and I dont go out with them. They usually go home at the weekend. I play football every week but again, I just know those guys from work & football. Wouldnt really consider them friends.

The thing is now I am not as shy as I used to be but the problem is that I have no one to hang out with, no one to go out on the town with. So, I always stay in. I need to find friends but dont know how, I would love to be in a group just like Friends on TV but I just dont know where to go or what to do. I did a course before christmas and it was ok, I talked to people at it but didnt keep in touch with any of them. I dont think anybody in the course kept in touch. I like going to pubs but have noone to go with.

I feel real loneliness during the last few months.

I was thinking about doing some volunteer work but am not sure if thats a good way to meet people. People suggest clubs but I am not sure what I could do. Also Work makes going to a club regularly a little awkward.

Now, I think I'll be alone forever without ever experiencing what it would be like to be a loving relationship, It really gets me down.

Kevster

Hi,

I knolw how you're feeling. i just turned 26 and I have no 'real' friends that I go out with. I get offers to go out, but I just have no interest. Maybe my situation is a little different from yours in this respect, but I often wish that I would be more interested in socialising.

By the way, why is it 'awkward' to go out with work colleagues? Could it be that it is only awkward in your mind and that you are using this as an excuse not to try to socialise? It won't be easy, my friend, and it will take effort. When you get an offer to go somewher, GO.

LegacyUser

"Hi,

I knolw how you're feeling. i just turned 26 and I have no 'real' friends that I go out with. I get offers to go out, but I just have no interest. Maybe my situation is a little different from yours in this respect, but I often wish that I would be more interested in socialising.

By the way, why is it 'awkward' to go out with work colleagues? Could it be that it is only awkward in your mind and that you are using this as an excuse not to try to socialise? It won't be easy, my friend, and it will take effort. When you get an offer to go somewher, GO. "

Thanks for your reply.

Ok, Its not awkward in that sense. Its just that my workplace is in an awkward location in that its remote. Thers no going for pints after work or anything like that. The problem is that I get no offers anymore cos the friends I had have moved away

ding-dong

Try meetup.com, I joined recently and there's loads going on that will allow you to meet randomers. I actually gave this same answer to a similar post the other day, but I swear they're not paying me! - it seems like a genuinely useful site for people who don't know where to begin

af_thefragile

I say go ahead with the volunteer work. If not anything it'll get you outside an in contact with other people so will improve your people skills which is always good.

And then you should look at getting out more and going to places where you'ld interact with different people more. Like join a gym or join a sports club or maybe work on a hobby like take art classes, do a photography course or learn to paint.
Ya know, anything that would get you to meet new people and you'ld also enjoy doing so if not anything, you'ld atleast learn or develop a skill!!

You could also go to gigs. They're brilliant places to meet new people as the whole music gets them all charged up and if you don't know what to speak about you could always speak about the band(s)! There have rarely been any gig that i've gone to where i haven't met someone new or made a new friend. Almost every gig i've been to, i've met cool new people and made new friends.

One tip for making new friends at gigs, go alone or if you're with your friends, don't hang around them much at the gig. If you're with your friends all the time, you only speak to them and won't speak to anyone new or make any new friends. If you're by yourself or not much with your friends, you'll interact more with the people around you and that way you'll make new friends!!
This could probably also apply to parties and pubs and stuff...

To end i'll just say don't give up. Keep trying different things and different approaches until you finally find your group of mates and that special person.
Just never give up! Never give in!!

LegacyUser

I know the feeling MrLonely - suddenly realising all your college friends and social circle have scattered and being left alone. Im the same, found it quite difficult in school to go beyond my own little group of friends and was so delighted when i reached college and found it much easier to interact with people but after 4 years was suddenly on my own again. Im in a different situation in that I have a large family and sometimes just find myself tagging along with siblings and their OHs!

Even though I have tonnes of work colleague etc who i spend everyday with its very hard to make actual friends to hang out with. I think by the sounds of it though you meet plenty of people but you just need to be the one to "reach out" as such and suggests pints etc after work or soccer, as you say if they're not friends anyway what do you have to lose!!

Clubs or activities are hit or miss, you have to try a few, but its worth it. I've been joined a few since i left college and have made a couple of good friends out of only one of them, so it is worth it just takes time :-)

Good Luck with it!!

Susyblue

Its hard landing back into the outside world after college. I'm pretty much in the same situation as you! I feel like I know and talk to lots and lots of people but none of them are my friends in that I dont spend time with them outside the workplace. And I find it hard because people seem to have their own little groups that are hard to break into!

I think you've got to be the one to organise pints or something similar. Sometimes people are just never brave enough to be the one asking or inviting others to something! But someones gotta do it and I assume many people are in the same situation and would jump at the chance!

Good Luck!

kittensoft1984

ding-dong wrote: »

Try meetup.com, I joined recently and there's loads going on that will allow you to meet randomers. I actually gave this same answer to a similar post the other day, but I swear they're not paying me! - it seems like a genuinely useful site for people who don't know where to begin

That wbsite is a mine of information!! Ive joined a couple of groups already!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. While not really helpful, it is comforting to know that I am not the only one who has found myself in a situation like this. I guess I can only keep trying and start getting out to clubs more....
Thanks again.

Fantasy_Suicide

Hi MrLonely.

I find myself in a very similar position from time to time, and most of the time I just have my boyfriend and that's it.

I know I used to have a great laugh when I'd go out with some of the boards people on here? Boards.ie do have regular beers, as do many of the other boards. I used to go out with the body mod boardsies all the time, and I made some great friends that way.

I got tired of relying on my boyfriend for company, so I joined a dance group. We go out for drinks the odd week, and I have the best two hours of my life at these classes. I would suggest going down that route?

I hope this helps in some way, because there is no worse feeling than being alone.

Hoping things get better for you very soon
-Emmie xx

LegacyUser

im in exactly the same situation as you op and it is a struggle after college when your friends seem to disperse.i think i will take a look at that site meetup.ie and see is it any good. Seems to me there is plenty of people in the same situation anyway which is comforting in one sense.

LegacyUser

similar situation with me too, mr. lonely. it is comforting to see others know how i'm feeling! i've been living in ireland a few years and at first i made lots of friends in work and went out all the time. but i've now changed career paths (similar to you, not finding it so easy to mix with them outside work), some friends have left the country and many are now in relationships. lately i've been twiddling my thumbs most weekends and it's *really* getting to me!

i think its good advice to try to instigate things yourself if possible, or even ask people you know from work if you can join them on a night out with their friends. any opportunity is one more chance of meeting friends and less time spent alone. i'm doing my best to try this as much as i can.

i joined a volunteer group once and met a ton of people that way - that's a great idea. not only will you meet people, you'll have a new interest too.

the best thing to do is stay positive because things don't stay the same way forever!

LegacyUser

After school I lost touch with my close friends, I made other 'friends' but they were just people I associated with on a night out and soon lost contact with them too. I'm from a small town, where everyone knows everyone, people have established friendships and don't want new friends and there aren't clubs etc to join to meet new people. It gets very lonely sometimes. I feel sometimes like my 20's are flying by.