His Mammy

lilmissprincess

Ok, this may seem like no big deal but it's really getting me down.
I'm seventeen, my boyfriend is sixteen, theres a year and a half between us.We've been together two months. After much mocking from friends and everything everyone seems to be over the age thing, except for his parents.
We can only see each other at weekends because he's in Waterford and I'm in Wexford, but it seems now that his parents are refusing to allow him into town at all.
They haven't hidden the fact that they don't like me at all. I met them once about three weeks ago and they told him that they don't approve of me at all after I left.

I'm just wondering how I can get his mother to come around. I do well in school, I'm not exactly going to be on a young offenders list and I've been brought up with manners and all that. Other people can't see the problem.

Any help would be much appreciated, thanks.

LMP

RedXIV

ok, my mother was (is still) really over protective of me, and i'm 22. She didn't like alot of my first girlfriends and despised some of my friends. In all the time that she's known these people only one of them ever changed her mind for the better and that was my best mate. She didn't like him because he started me drinking, i used to go on the tear with him and god knows if he was up to something, i'd be behind him. However, when times got tough, he was always there to give me a hand with stuff, cheer me up when i got dumped and make sure if i was ever TOO twisted, that i got home. It took my mam about 4 years before she realised that he was actually a nice guy because she was that stubborn.

OTHERS that tried to buy my mothers affection when they were affiliated with me were quickly blacklisted. so based on my mother, you shouldn't bother with the sending her flowers or spending quality time with her. Treat her son with nothing but respect and she'll come around eventually

LegacyUser

I've had four children with my partner and his mother still doesn't approve. His family in general have been really rude over the years. They have never made any effort to get to know me, I mean the first time I met some of them, they wouldn't even say hello back to me and actually stood in front of me to talk to my OH. I have no idea why except for that fact that I'm from another county and he left home to join me and they don't like dubs?? I'm not sure if this is the real reason but he reckons it is. His life has gotten on track since we've gotten together so I couldn't be a bad influence but for them, I'll never be good enough.

Mothers can be very protective of their sons. My own mother disliked my brother's fiancee at first but she loves her now. Your boyfriend's mam might be afraid you'll hurt him or distract him from school. It's probably not you, just all girls that she has a problem with and she might get over it if she gets to know you. Just be the bigger person and try to be nice and respectful even if they aren't, it will cause less problems for your boyfriend if they have no reason to complain about you iykwim.

Beruthiel

A lot of mothers will be of the opinion that nobody will ever be good enough for their son. Therefore there is no point being anything but yourself.
Unfortunately the fact that her son is only 16 means she is still in charge of him and he will not be able to do much until he hits 18.
She would appear to be very strict if he is not allowed out at the weekends. He could point that out to her. At his age, she should be starting to cut him some slack.

MotorwayTR

lilmissprincess wrote: »

Ok, this may seem like no big deal but it's really getting me down.
I'm seventeen, my boyfriend is sixteen, theres a year and a half between us.We've been together two months. After much mocking from friends and everything everyone seems to be over the age thing, except for his parents.
We can only see each other at weekends because he's in Waterford and I'm in Wexford, but it seems now that his parents are refusing to allow him into town at all.
They haven't hidden the fact that they don't like me at all. I met them once about three weeks ago and they told him that they don't approve of me at all after I left.

I'm just wondering how I can get his mother to come around. I do well in school, I'm not exactly going to be on a young offenders list and I've been brought up with manners and all that. Other people can't see the problem.

Any help would be much appreciated, thanks.

LMP

Do you wear hoopy ear-rings?

Silverfish

MotorwayTR banned for 7 days for repeated trolling.

metrovelvet

What is the age of consent in Ireland?

Silverfish

metrovelvet wrote: »

What is the age of consent in Ireland?

Can you explain why you need to know this?

Sinall

It will probably take time for his mother to come around to you. When I was in school, my mother was always a bit suspicious if I had a boyfriend who was a year or two older than me - she was concerned that they would be more "advanced" !

It's not something that can be fixed overnight. Do his parents have problems allowing him into town to meet other friends, or is it just when he wants to meet you?

meganj

mammy's and their sons...

just hold on for a little while, she doesn't know you. I know it's hard when you think someone doesn't like you but if she got to know you better maybe that would change.

And anyway so hwat if she doesn't like you, he obviously does. And if she continues to push him away from you while your doing all you can to be the best gf ever then the more he's going to see that she's being ridiculous.

Just don't complain about her and keep your mouth shut if he's giving out about her, because you don't want to start slagging his mammy off because you may not always be his gf but she'll always be his mammy.

Dragan

Look, his Mum is going to be taking the long view. He's 16, your 17, it is highly unlikely that you guys will still be together in the long term. Might sound harsh but that's just the way it is. There is no point in seeking his mother approval because it is unlikely to be forthcoming. She is just taking the long view that at some point you will be a source of hurt for her son and statistically speaking, she is right.

Not a whole lot you can do about that except enjoy your time together and prove her wrong?

Overheal

Just give it time. 2 months is not a lot of time at all. And these Irish Mammies - if I ever forget everything, the 2 things I will remember about the Irish is the Drinking and the Mammies.

Just give it time and be a good influence on her son. If you really want to be in the good books, don't go getting him into trouble, buying him cigarettes and alcohol, getting him to skip school, etc etc. Believe me, anything he does wrong while you are together she is going to point the finger at you - its YOUR fault his grades are slipping! He's always on that phone when he is supposed to be studying! Bla bla bla. This is how those wimmin think, I am sure of it.

⌐_⌐

CDfm

Well Im a divorced Dad of teenagers and it doesnt bother me when they are dating but a few pointers.

My 15 yo daughter was in that situation and the Mum was really fairly nasty in a Lois in Malcolm in the Middle kind of way- calling my daughter "the Girlfriend".

The guy used to come around to my house but really most of my issues were kind of general sensible things. Having mobile phones switched on(they used to go on silent), checking in if you are late and need a lift home and saying where you are going. So I am going here taking the bus with X + X and will be back at X time on the bus.So punctuality & predicability is a must really.

When they were dating he became less shy and awkward and so his Mum blamed my little angel. It is a growing up thing and him dating made her feel well "old".Nothing you can do about that or growing up.They used to wind your woman up something terrible by racing up to his bedroom and closing the door.

Now for the downside/lecture -you are at an age when naivety means you think you are safe when you are out like in town and really you are not - I had another evening cleaning my older son up and getting a doctor after he got mugged. So its not all about you two - there are others who are well dodgy & you two may go to places that his parents think are not safe.She might be OTT but thats cos she loves her boy.

Assuming his parents are reasonable -try to work out a general set of rules etc that mean when you are out together they are not pulling their hair out.I nevermind being asked to collect my kids when they are out but some parents ham up the unpaid taxi- but secretly like being asked.

Best of luck OP -nice post -it made me smile.

lilmissprincess

I get the overprotective thing, I live with my aunt at weekends for work purposes and she's constantly wanting to know where I am, who I'm with, there are certain sides of town I'm not allowed go.
But its like she's trying to break us up the way she is going and that's whats really getting to me.
He's in TY, I'm in sixth year, so its not the study side of things from his side.

I guess this is just going to take a lot of time and patience.
Thanks.

CDfm

lilmissprincess wrote: »

I get the overprotective thing, I live with my aunt at weekends for work purposes and she's constantly wanting to know where I am, who I'm with...

...it could be - but its unlikely - its only about in the remote possibilty something goes wrong that she needs the information to come and get ya...which would mess up her evening and she doesnt want to do

a little tip...if BF is their oldest or only child this is a first time event for them...so accept petty rules ..its a trust thing and you might concider staying in and watching a dvd with him the odd time and getting a lift to and from from your aunt to get credibility.

minidazzler

If he's an only son, then short answer, never. Simple as, she will never really think anyone is good enough.

If not an only son, then you will more than likely have to marry him before she approves. And even then it's tenuous.

Joey the lips

3 thing come to mind!

Dont worry about it - If your o/h sees you worry he will row with his mom and this will drive a further wedge

Give it time: If the relationship lasts it will have proven itself to his mom.

Be nice: Be nice and courtious around his mom, even if she is an arrogant so and so!

If in time she does not come around and the relationship lasts she will have to make the effort to see the grankids

I would say dont come between a mother and her son but this seems old fashioned or sexist or something but you know what I mean, most sons ask their moms for advice so just be aware although he is rowing he is still talking to her

Just given it time. Time really is on your side!

For the record: My sister was hated by her mom in law. When kids came along all that changed! I am not suggesting you have kids but time will be on your side!

CDfm

Console yourself with the thought that you are young and wrinkle free and she is not.:D:D

metrovelvet

Silverfish wrote: »

Can you explain why you need to know this?

Because if she is over the age of consent and he is under the age of consent and they are having sex then the relationship is questionable. That is why I need to know this. Also, I am curious because I dont know. There seems to be an age issue right? That is where the conflict lies right? That is why I am asking. Should be obvious to you, cant believe I have to explain this.

dudara

metrovelvet, let's leave the age of consent thing out of it. It's not really relevant.

He's in TY, I'm in sixth year

Maybe this is her issue. You're doing your LC and potentially off to college, while he will just be starting his LC cycle. Very different life stages.

metrovelvet

dudara wrote: »

metrovelvet, let's leave the age of consent thing out of it. It's not really relevant.



Maybe this is her issue. You're doing your LC and potentially off to college, while he will just be starting his LC cycle. Very different life stages.

Of course its relevant. Its called statutory rape if the relationship is sexual.

dudara

metrovelvet, it is not relevant to the issue posted by the OP. Please do not continue down this line as you are derailing the thread.

dudara

MissHoneyBun

metrovelvet wrote: »

Of course its relevant. Its called statutory rape if the relationship is sexual.

No it's not relevant and you know why -because it's none of your business! Thats not what the OP asked. You must feel really good about yourself telling a young 17 year old girl that she's raping her boyfriend, who's all of one year younger :rolleyes:

It sounds like they'd have a perfectly normal, happy teenage romance if others stopped interfering. Yes teenagers need guidance but they're not children so Mammy needs to cut the apron strings and allow her son to become an independent young adult.

We've all done things as teenagers that we'd never do now, it's called learning!

Zaph

MissHoneyBun, just in case you hadn't noticed dudara's post immediately before your's let me spell it out for you - there is to be no further discussion regarding the age of consent issue on this thread. It's not relevant to the OP's issue. The next person who goes off on this tangent will find themself banned for a week.

MissHoneyBun

Good luck to you OP, do whatever's best for you and your boyfriend and fukk everyone else