Over attentive friend

gaeilgegrinds

Ok, have this friend. Only know her six months. We get on well but she is SO attentive. I mean she remembers everything and asks loads of questions. Sounds great but is actually wrecking my head now. She is constantly in contact with me, to the point I feel I cannot breathe. She also treats my friends like hers and appears to start every sentence with, 'X says,' X being me. It is far from flattering and when I brought it up with her she says she just finds me so interesting. I think perhaps she is lonely. Also she appears to copy everything I do, I got a new bf, so did she, new hair, so did she, new car...you guessed it. What should I do?!
Regarding whether I'm prepared to lose her, I'd rather not but I cannot put up with all this neediness and being around me all the time. Many would say I'm lucky to have her, yes and no.
Any comments or opinions...

Otis Driftwood

LOL,its a very obvious case of hero worship!Do you mind me asking what ages are both of you?Had a similar situation years ago during my leaving cert year.For some reason I was considered "cool" in school. (jesus i feel like a dork even writing that :pac: ) and one guy in particular was doing exactly what your friend is doing.Same clothes,music,movies,sayings,he even graduated to Marlboro red from Silk Cut Blue!He eventually grew out of it.It sounds like your friend is having a bit of an identity crisis TBH.They obviously like you and it is kinda flattering but it gets old very quick.I reckon just wait to see if this person continues this way.Its a very tough spot though because they are in awe of you so anything you say will potentially be very hurtful to them.Tread carefully!

Jules

Moved from tLL.

puglover

gaeilgegrinds wrote: »

Ok, have this friend. Only know her six months. We get on well but she is SO attentive. I mean she remembers everything and asks loads of questions. Sounds great but is actually wrecking my head now. She is constantly in contact with me, to the point I feel I cannot breathe. She also treats my friends like hers and appears to start every sentence with, 'X says,' X being me. It is far from flattering and when I brought it up with her she says she just finds me so interesting. I think perhaps she is lonely. Also she appears to copy everything I do, I got a new bf, so did she, new hair, so did she, new car...you guessed it. What should I do?!
Regarding whether I'm prepared to lose her, I'd rather not but I cannot put up with all this neediness and being around me all the time. Many would say I'm lucky to have her, yes and no.
Any comments or opinions...

Get over yourself girl. Good fpeople are hard to come by and there is nothing in this post that sounds needy about this girl. She obviously is a little bit in awe of you for whatever reason. I wonder would she hold you in such high regard if she realised how bitchy you can be?

Das Kitty

gaeilgegrinds wrote: »

Ok, have this friend. Only know her six months. We get on well but she is SO attentive. I mean she remembers everything and asks loads of questions. Sounds great but is actually wrecking my head now. She is constantly in contact with me, to the point I feel I cannot breathe. She also treats my friends like hers and appears to start every sentence with, 'X says,' X being me. It is far from flattering and when I brought it up with her she says she just finds me so interesting. I think perhaps she is lonely. Also she appears to copy everything I do, I got a new bf, so did she, new hair, so did she, new car...you guessed it. What should I do?!
Regarding whether I'm prepared to lose her, I'd rather not but I cannot put up with all this neediness and being around me all the time. Many would say I'm lucky to have her, yes and no.
Any comments or opinions...

I don't think you're overreacting at all to be honest. That behaviour would annoy the crap outta me. If it were me I'd start scaling back contact.

However, you say you'd rather not lose the friendship. In this case you're going to need to sit her down and have a frank and honest talk about how she's acting and how it's making you feel. You could be lucky and affect a change in the behaviour. I doubt it though!

Nevyn

Oh I've had that happen they are fed up with thier own life for what ever reason
and yours is a lot more interesting so they work thier way into it.
They start making friends with your friends, you can't go anywhere but they are there,
they start to work thier way through your taste in books, music and clothes and start
to take up an intrest in your hobbies and tag along everywhere.

They work at knowing more about your friends then you do, knowing more about
the bands/authors/intrests then you do. It's like they decide they want a new life
and it's yours.

Often you are never going to live up to their impossible standards and then things start
to turn nasty. They will try turn people against you and oristrise you from the very
people/places/hobbies that they were introduced to via you ie they try and replace you.

I would suggest you lessen the contact between you and her.
She is only going to know as much as she does from you telling her.
Yes it can be very flattering but honestly what are you getting from it ?
Surely freinds should add to your life and not take from it.

Overheal

For lack of a better phrase you could pass her off onto some of your other friends. Instead of clinging on to one person she can take on from several. Gets her out of your hair and has the added benefit that she wont just be a carbon copy of you, but will start to pick and choose what she wants to make of herself out of the best qualities of you and your group of friends.

gaeilgegrinds

We had a chat and she has turned psycho, found myself saying things that sounded like we were breaking up...bit odd.
She needs to find her own way, I mean I'm not her crutch and even though she's great she's sapping my energy. Maybe all this is a bit selfish but when at the cinema tonight with the better half she texted six times and rang three...cutting contact for a while.