Urgent

LegacyUser

Hi, I am 17 years old and I really need help from you guys.

I'm starting to feel very depressed. I used to be happy and content with life, but over the last 6 months my life just feels so crap.

Last night I went to the cinema, by myself like always, and I just felt so down about all the young people with their friends, girlfriends etc. and having so much fun together. Same today, even with all the big crowds in the city today, I felt so lonely..and pathetic.

I really feel I'm wasting the most fun years of my life, and feel really sad I have nobody to be friends to with.

What can I do? Please help me.

I know it might seem trivial but it is really getting me down. Before I never minded being a loner, but its finally starting to hit me. I look at myself and don't know how I am like this. I workout in the gym all the time, have plenty of interests and I feel that I have some sense of humour.

Well anyway thanks. Advice would be great.

Goat Mouth

well of course you're going to feel lonely if you keep comparing yourself to every group you seen not to mention putting yourself into those situations.

I can't say i am (or was) just like you because i did (and do) have friends, but there were times i felt so lonely and i just couldn't connect.
Honestly what might help is to start a hobby or something and get yourself interacting with people (don't necessarily have to be of your own age either, unless you're really fastidious about it)

You're 17, so im assuming that you're still in school?
If so, then it's coming up to exam time and let me tell you, they are the darkest times of a teenagers life.
(ok they were for me, but i'm only in around 3 years older than you, so those times are fresh in my mind, but i have friends also, who are still in school who feel too conflicted)

If you're not in school, again i can realte because I went straight into work at your age and to this day i still feel like i've no one to talk to.
I too go to the cinema on my own (but that's me im a movie buff)

anyway sorry to divert, just trying to get it across that others feel the same.

Again other than making hobbies I cant see how to help you on making friends front.
Can i ask (assuming you are still in school) what are you like that you've no friends to help yee get through the days?

star-pants

Hi OP,

it's not uncommon for a lot of people to feel like you do. Sure I was in town today and I was with a few friends, yet I felt awful lonely. Watching people in their happy lives, it can make you sad. But - you need to sometimes look at that and say 'i'll have that happiness one day' and smile to yourself as you realise you're happy for those people to be happy.

As regards making more friends / finding others to hang out with, perhaps joining a club of sorts might help? you say you go to the gym all the time, good to work out, but it's kind of a singular person thing. Would you play any sports? Join a local/school/college team? It's easy at your age to have drifted from some of your school friends, and with college coming up it can be daunting if you feel a bit lost. But you will be ok, honest.
Find a club, whether it be sports or dancing or chess or whatever, and you'll find people of similar interests to you.

LegacyUser

If you're in school/college or part of any clubs you should try to start a conversation with someone. I know it sounds easier said than done, but give it a go! Ya never know, they may have the same interests as you!

And if you're not part of any clubs, maybe you could join some. You said you had a lot of interests so you should be able to find something you'd like to join! I know that it can seem daunting going somewhere where you don't know anyone, but many of the other people there are probably in the same position.

Sorry if my advice is crap. I kinda know what it's like cuz I was always by myself in school! But work up the courage to talk to people! Good luck! (sorry if this was of no help).

Overheal

Are you reaching out to people? You can find anyone to go to the movies with. Try asking around on your fackebook or something, but don't go alone - kinda crap imo. Which is why I rarely go - that and money

But let me just say that at 17 your life hasn't even got started yet so don't worry about having your midlife crisis. All those american high school movies blow it all completely out of proportion. Those movies make it seem like theres something new and exciting around every corner, when in reality one HS move probably covers all of the Writer's High School experiences from 4 years fit into 90 minutes, and then they are spun around and hyped up to sound interesting.

I'm 21, living in a new place, I know nobody, and know exactly how you feel. You're never going to have it all all of the time, just recognise the good moments and enjoy them.

As for interests, find a club, society, or just a brick and mortar shop where you can hang out for a little bit and strike up a convo with someone. Happens all the time at the vinyl shop by my grocers - not that im interested enough in music to get stuck in but especially the owners of those kind of places are always up for discussion, and customers just come and go from the conversation.

Outkast_IRE

I think if your relatively fit you should think about a sport if your intrested in any, cause once your part of a team then there will be regular events together etc.

Armin_Tamzarian

Alrite mate...

Sorry to hear that your so down.

I've felt exactly like that in the past and all I can say is that things will get better.

I know that when you get into a rut that it's very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
However, I'd be surprised if in the near future you don't look back at your present state and wonder how you were so down.

Regarding your comment about feeling pathetic, that's utter nonsense.
Some people are natural loners and they're suited to being alone more often than being in groups.

I'd describe myself as abit of a loner.
When I was your age I sometimes felt that I stood out when I was on my own, that people would notice and thing 'what a loser'.
You have to realise that it's insecurities that make so many of your peers feel the need to always be in a group.
People don't stand out as much when they're in a crowd.
Your probably standing out because you're feeling so self-concious and insecure.
If you notice any confident people who're on their own,
what sort of impression do you have of them? exactly.

As I got older my confidence increased and now I have absolutely no insecurities about being on my own.
It's not that I always isolate myself from other people,
I'm just happy with my own company.

The way you describe yourself really reminds me of myself when I was your age.

I think that the first thing you need to do is improve your opinion of yourself.
You already go to the gym and that's good for your confidence.
A healthy body is a healthy mind and all that.
Perhaps it would be beneficial if you gave yourself some goals to work towards, such as learning something, saving for something, etc.
This would probably give you a better sense of purpose.

I know it's not an easy thing to do but just forget about everyone else.
You need to get at peace with yourself first and foremost.
I truly believe that if you can give your life some direction and sense of purpose that you will soon start to see the light.
You'll get nowhere as long as you keep dwelling on the fact that you see yourself isolated and lonely whilst everyone else is out with all their friends.
Trust me, the lives of all these other people aren't as great as they appear on the surface.

So chin-up, start living your life for you and forget about other people.
You'll find that after you accept yourself for who you are that
in time friendships with other people will come naturally.

Hope things improve and I hope my hopeless ramblings have some positive effect.
Feel free to message me anytime...

myusernameis

There is so much more to life, sometimes especially at school, it feels like there is nothing much better. but really there is a much bigger life at there when you get a bit older, experiencing cultures and doing new things.

You could write a goals list...or try a new hobby...if you feel passionate about something like a new found hobby it may relight your spirit.

Although, most people go ups and downs if you feel like you're on a constant downer most of the time, six months is bit long, you could talk to your GP with how you're feeling. Then, you may be referred to a psychologist. It may help just to vent and sort through your feelings with an outside perspective/person.

Best of luck, OP.

Minxie123

Hello there sad soul,
Just wanted to reach out and say hi. You've gotten some good advice from the other posters on how to meet people but I just wanted to say that I remember being 17 and thinking that things would never get better but to my surprise they did! Keep the faith, it will work out for you.

PS: I've always wanted to be able to go to the cinema on my own but never had the courage

LegacyUser

hey op again, thanks guys for the quick and excellent replies.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Growing into an adult is very challenging sometimes because i felt like when i hit my teens the reality of the world set in, as kids we are protected and fed happy ending stories and we think people are actually living like that...

Reality is that everyone is overcoming challenges all the time and everyone has something they feel down about,

I have no parents or family ive been with my boyfriend for years and its been just us, i used to feel really sad at christmas because we had no one to visit most friends would be with families and it felt weird going to them for dinner anyway...

Then i realized my friends envied me because i was having a chirstmas without the stress of family etc...

Well my point is that when i was able to get to a place in myself where i accepted me and everything about me my happiness grew,


You sound like a very positive person and active goin to the gym, you prob have a fit bod too!

There is no reason why you cannot attract the perfect person/life for you if you start to feel more confident you will ooze that....

Im sure you will be flying in a few months, this may not be for you but i really got into reading some of the new age spirituality books- not the religious ones but ' the power of now' by eckhart tolle, he basically suffered deeply from depression in his 20s and was about to commit suicide,

he was in his room one night and couldnt sleep and he had a realization that the voice he was listening to telling him all the negative things about himself was not real, he realized that when he looked up at the sky or the moon and felt the present moment that he didnt have to listen to the negative voice and could just be in the moment,

it took me a while to get my head around it but my depression has completely gone using this concept, if you think about the negative chatter we all have in our heads it makes sense that we can choose not to listen to it and replace it with positive thoughts....


Anyway if your interested try his books they are no 1 best sellers in new york so they are quite popular.