Questions for guys - would I be the booby prize

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.

I have a question for the guys and please be gentle. My ex-boyfriend is having difficulties with his wife and they recently separated - she has a drink problem and other issues. I didn't want to get involved with him until he knew what he wanted to do as I didn't want to cloud his judgment. I know before you say it he is an ex for a reason, but we have discussed all of that, he knows exactly how I feel about him and I told him.

After many days heart to heart they have decided to go to couples counselling - but he isn't sure it will work - but after being together so long he feels that they should at least try some professional help before they call it at day. He has asked that I do not stay in contact with him for the next few months as any decisions needs to be based on solely how he feels. I completely respect his wishes and have told him I will stay away.

Now ..... question is ..... if after a few months he decides it isn't working out and we start dating - would I be the booby prize as such, in the sense he knew he had someone to fall back on. The nice part of me for his sake hopes he can be happy and work everything out. The other part of my that loves him after all this time is hoping that it doesn't work out so we can give it a shot.

Is this one of these situations where I'm going to be told 'He's just not that into you' and to get over it that he has made his choice and it wasn't me - or is there a glimmer of hope.

Thanks in advance.

Joey the lips

You will never really know when you think of it. I think as you say your worried that if he finishes with his wife he will take you as second best so to speak

But what if he does not finish with his wife - You wont be anything.

So if he finishes with his wife and goes to you set ground rules that you expect. That have him treat you like you should be lucky to have got him.

I would not usually get involved in emotional baggage but you sound like you have the sense to see through it all

TheZohanS

No you won't be the booby prize.

Your ex has a wife and he's trying to make another go of it by the sounds of it. What sort of a guy would he be if he just ran off with someone else?

Fair play to him for giving it another go. If things don't work out between them and the two of you do get together at least you'll know you're with a decent man.

Now leave him alone, he's married and with his wife. If he wants you he'll contact you.

LegacyUser

'No you won't be the booby prize.

Your ex has a wife and he's trying to make another go of it by the sounds of it. What sort of a guy would he be if he just ran off with someone else?

Fair play to him for giving it another go. If things don't work out between them and the two of you do get together at least you'll know you're with a decent man.

Now leave him alone, he's married and with his wife. If he wants you he'll contact you.'




Thanks TheZohan,...

You hit the nail on the head ! I mean ... Oh my God, how right you are ! He is a decent man and I should completely respect his decision.... would I really want to be with a man when the going get's tough kicks his wife to the kerb and the answer would be no.

So what I'm thinking to ease my heart is ... if he decides to stay with his wife, she is a lucky woman and obviously he is a decent man to make it work with his wife. If it doesn't work out with his wife and he does contact me and we get together I know its because he does want me.

Thanks for your help....

iguana

I agree with The Zohan but would add that while he is attempting counseling you should not put your life on hold. Go out, don't close yourself off to other guys. If you meet someone you like, date them and don't base how you feel about them on what your ex does. If he decides his marriage is not savable and seeks you out but you have found someone else, then that is just life. You don't owe him anything and shouldn't wait for him. You would be doing neither of you a favour if you do that.

If one day you do get together that is great, but don't base your actions on that scenario becoming a reality.

cantdecide

You wouldn't be. Definitely not.

He's doing the responsible thing and you can be sure that that's the kind of staying power you would want from him if you two end up together. Reading between the lines, he has also more or less asked you to not be with someone else. It sounds to me like if he weren't married to the other lady, he'd be with you right now....

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Well, I'm back - it has been almost 8 weeks and my ex has sent me an email saying that things were really crazy since we last spoke and that he would like to meet up and have a chat.

I'm terrified. If he wants to meet me to tell me that there are going to stay together I think that will be a little bit cruel - as it would be something I would have already known through the lack of contact, but what if he wants to meet to say they have decided to call it a day.

I know I don't know what he is going to say, but there is the part of me that feels horrible, as I am hoping it didn't work out with his and his wife as I do love him - but I wouldn't want anyone to go through the heart ache of a separation especially not someone that I love- and I'm not sure what happens now.

herya

Look, it's good and honest of him to want to meet you and talk to you whatever the situation is. Prepare yourself and go, hopefully you'll get to know where you both stand. Good luck.

BumbleB

he is a good man and his behaviour is commendable.

Phoenix_Rising

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi all,

Well, I'm back - it has been almost 8 weeks and my ex has sent me an email saying that things were really crazy since we last spoke and that he would like to meet up and have a chat.

I'm terrified. If he wants to meet me to tell me that there are going to stay together I think that will be a little bit cruel - as it would be something I would have already known through the lack of contact, but what if he wants to meet to say they have decided to call it a day.

I know I don't know what he is going to say, but there is the part of me that feels horrible, as I am hoping it didn't work out with his and his wife as I do love him - but I wouldn't want anyone to go through the heart ache of a separation especially not someone that I love- and I'm not sure what happens now.

Oh you poor girlie - i know exactly how miserable that "waiting to meet up" feeling is.

* hug*

If you dont have anything on before you meet him, go soak in a bath and put on a face mask and stuff. It sounds stupid i know, but it will kill time and if you feel nice and feel that you look well meeting him it will make you feel more confident.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hey ,

thought I would update you .... Well I lost as such ... we met up at the weekend and I stupidly turned up looking great Nice tan, nails, hair, dress - hoping to show him what he was missing, but not looking like I tried too hard ....

We had a coffee, had a chat, the weather, his job, the family, yaddha yaddha yaddha - it worked - but ... he told me he has been to counselling with his wife and working on the marriage but he had been thinking of me alot and basically wanted to see were the feelings he had for me still strong if we met up and he admitted that they were.

He apologised profusely but said that he REALLY REALLY sorry, that this was the end and he would not be able to contact me again - EVER - and would appreciate it if I did the same. He told me he was scared of the feelings that he has for me and he needed to see me to see if what he was feeling was real, and it is too real for him - and he just can't see me or contact me any more - EVER.

I was so calm I think I freaked myself out. I accepted what he was saying and I told him out straight that I was happy that he has made this decision, but I was sad that he hadn't chosen me. We tried to keep it light with the whole 'It's better to have love and lost .....' and then I told him I had to go as I didn't know how long he had so I made arrangements, gave him a hug wished him the best and left.

I am very proud of myself, I held myself with poise and dignity, until I got to the car, and I sobbed like a baby, I cried and cried and cried and cried and then when I thought I had composed myself I cried some more. I felt my heart break into a million little pieces. I know it's horrible, but I haven't stopped eating since and that was 2 days ago. I think I am just about eaten out and should be OK - but my god....

I have to admit I am now hitting the pissed off stage. I have probably put on 10 lbs in the last 2 days, feel like crap, and allowed myself to do this. Why couldn't I have exercised it out of my system. The only good thing is I have a wedding in 6 weeks, so watch out single guys !!!!!

Just thought I would let you know, I won't be the booby prize. Onwards and upwards eh !

starchild

you have a great attitude and i think you could not have handled it better, i hope everything comes good for you

mylittlepony

you have a great attitude and i think you could not have handled it better, i hope everything comes good for you

+1

Hope everything worked out for you since. Best wishes