Feeling Lost

LegacyUser

I’m normally a happy optimistic person but I have tendencies towards feeling blue sometimes.

Bit of background. I lost my job a number of months back, things got nasty and there is a court case looming. I should win it, but its still very stressful. I can’t find work and I’m running out of money fast. Basically, it looks like I am unemployable.

I’m a renter, but I love where I live and don’t really want to move as I’ve moved so many times over the years (about 8 times in10 years) and I want to stay where I am and hide.
I’ve put on so much weight over the past year about 1.5 stone and I feel I don’t have the confidence to go out anymore and food is my only comfort. I’m single female, 30’s and used to be described as stunning, now all I see is wobbly flabby flesh and wrinkles. I hate the way I look.

There is someone that I have a quasi relationship with, but it’s complicated due to his situation (baggage) and location. I know he cares for me, but not enough. I should just walk away.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this, because I know there is nothing anyone can do to make it better, only I can do that.

I was on the phone to my sister earlier and I didn’t really want to talk to her and wasn’t the upbeat form i usually am and I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I’ve found that my friends really only want to know me when I’m in good form. No one wants to listen to a misery guts. I’m the one they turn to when they have problems as I’ve good common sense and am a good listener etc, but they can’t cope with me when I’m not the strong happy person they are used to.

My parents are not the type you can turn to. My mother lives in a world of her own and I’ve never been able to rely on her for any form of support. My father is from a different generation and would just be annoyed with me for behaving this way and I’m afraid of him when he gets like that. I’ve always had to look after myself and sometimes I want the world to leave me alone and forget about me.

I want this feeling to pass, I want to be able to find work (if I’m honest, I’m not even trying that hard anymore) I want to be motivated to lose weight, get a job so I can be self sufficient and happy again.

estar

i know its hard when you are known as a coper and a problem solver and then its your turn to have problems and people cant cope with the role switch. however all sympathy that i might feel for you aside, having someone to moan to, or friends that sympathise might take away the blue feelings for a while but wont get you what you want.

there is absolutely nothing and no one stopping you from getting what you want except yourself. its not your friends or your parents that have the control - it is you. you are the one in the way of you. now we all like a good wallow. it would be better if you had more support. but you don't need it. if you arent working there is no excuse not to be out getting fit. and i dont care if you dont want to, want to stay in bed, want to hide. get out there and walk for two hours a day until you are back to your ideal weight for your height. eat 5 a day. exercise, clean healthy food will help you feel better and lift the mood. this is a priority. 1.5 stones is not a lot. aim to lose 2-3 pounds a week and make this your main goal for the next month.

you need to start part time job hunting, or volunteer job working. re-do the Cv and ask the friends to look over it with you. i would wait for that court case to settle if i were you, and in the mean time vigourously pursue some volunteer work. visit old people in your community. offer respite care to a mother of a disabled child. be useful. use your people skills. use that common sense. in feeling useful our self esteem goes up.

you dont sound clinically depressed to me - the tone of your post to me is more - stuck in a rut. and thank god for that. you have caught it in time. i hope i am not mis judging this. if i am let me know. are you sleeping more than usual or not at all. are you having black thoughts. if so a GP is on order.

make this the last day you arent actively pursuing your goals.

1. weight loss, fitness and general well being
2. getting some volunteer work to re-discover the skills you have after the messy work situation
3. mental preparation for the court case. the above two will help number 3. but writing down your fears, and sharing the fear and worry with people can help.

when faced with many troubles, make a list. works for me!

and if the man's baggage is another partner. dump immediately. life is too short to have a man that isnt fully available.

get out in the sunshine and go for a long walk, have a long hot bath. buy a crappy magazine, enjoy a healthy salad for dinner and then pat yourself on the back for day one of the new you.

one day at a time builds a new life.

estar

dont be afraid to share your feelings. maybe the disappointment was the distance she heard in your voice. if you just said - oh i feel like i need a bit of encouragement and to hear positive things about myself.

that isnt moaning. thats asking for positive feedback, and any good friend worth the investment we make in friends should be good for that any time.

dont be afraid to share your needs for positive affirmation. its not too much to ask for 15 minutes of a friends time to say some positive things like - rememebr when you helped me, that was great.

maybe growing up with distant parents has made you un-used to sharing your fears and needs, hence you end up with an unavailable partner despite coming across in your post as warm, capable, and just a little off the track. i instantly warmed to your post, and wanted good things for you.

i am sure that your friends feel the same. we all get a little lost some time. you sound like a great person. love yourself and give to yourself what you would do for a friend.

LegacyUser

Thank you for your understanding.

Somtimes I feel so silly for feeling this way and so ashamed of myself because of some of the choices that I have made.

I want my life to begin again, I want it back. I like the person I was before and I want her back.

Writing things down does help and the list is something I need to write. It's hard to face fears, but I do understand that it has to be done and once they are faced, they aren't really so bad.

I imagine that you are some form of a healthcare professional, you are very good at what you do. Thanks again.