Paying Your Respects?

Kintarō Hattori

Hey Folks,

A good friend of my parents died the other day. They were rather young and I had met them just a handful of times when I was home. The remains are being taken to church tomorrow with the funeral on wednesday. I can't attend the funeral as I have to work so am going to go tomorrow and give my sympathies to the family.
I'm going as my mother and father would expect me to go. I don't think my other brother who lives away from home will be going. I know I'm going for the wrong reasons but I'd be forever blacklisted if I didn't go.

My question is 'Would you go?', considering you never really had much to do with the person but your parents were very close to them and they were young?

I'm a little conflicted as the girlfriend says she doesn't see why I should have to go and she doesn't think she'll be going with me but yet it'd anger my folks tremendously if I didn't go.

barbiegirl

What harm in going? It's never a waste to take a little time to think about mortality and to be there as a comfort to your parents.

Nevyn

You are not going for the person who is dead or thier family you are going to be there for your parents in thier grief and hopefully will make the experience a little easier on them
be it driving them or being an arm for your mother, or to give either of them a hug
or to just be there to listen to them and help them process it all.

Lets face it unless your parents were teens when they had you this will bring up the
spectre of thier own mortality and what may happen to them in the next decade or so to come.

You may well find yourself in converstaions with one or both of them passing comment
on what or how they want things done for themselves when the time comes.

The putting together of the family to go and offer thier condolances is a show of respect and honour from one family to another and is a very 'clanish' things to do.
It is often the gaelic way and something that people from other countries don't get.

CDfm

Its a "community" thing and you are showing your support for the loss of someone.

Salome

As it's a friend of your parents, it's out of respect for them that it would be nice for you to go. The removal is half an hour out of your day - is that too much to ask?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I know someone who would attend the opening of an envelope. She attended the funeral mass, burial and lunch afterwards of someone's son who she'd never met and hadn't seen the father in a few years. Some people are just grief tourists.

BarnhallBull

You should go.

It's not a huge effort on your part to be there, but I promise that no matter what your relationship with the deceased or their family, they will appreciate that you took the time to be there to offer your condolences/support.
Even if you feel you're there for the wrong reasons, they won't see it that way, every little bit of support is appreciated at a time like that.

smileykey

I always see going to funerals as things you do, not for the person who has passed away, but for their friends and family left behind. Your parents might want you there to comfort them or to support them in their comforting of others. Where's the harm in going. It's a few hours of your life which may help your parents, or maybe some other randomer who you happen upon at a time of need.

dimejinky99

Go. We have a funeral wednesday too & it's good to see as many people as possible & see how many people they touched even remotely.
It'll be good and you'll have done something good. Not enough of that these days. Too often people don't fulfill these these things and the world would be better if we all did.
i think so anyways.

seanybiker

Bit of a balls going when ya dont really know em. It doesnt take long anyways so you be grand.

Kintarō Hattori

It's a bit more than half an hour of my day, more like 7 hours or so in total due to travelling. Not to worry though, I'll head down there anyway.

Thanks for all the good advice.

MJOR

It would be worth it to your parents

dny123456

you should go in my opinion.

Kintarō Hattori

dny123456 wrote: »

you should go in my opinion.

I mentioned a few posts above I would.

JC 2K3

I wouldn't go to the funeral of a friend of my parents unless I knew them in some less than vague way, nor would my parents expect or ask me to go....

And personally, if someone close to me died, I wouldn't want a load of people who barely knew them showing up... I'd find that disrespectful, actually, but I don't think that's the normal viewpoint in Irish society.