I don't rate myself

LegacyUser

I'm 36, I recently handed in my notice as I was finding my job very stressful. The main reason was I had to drive long journeys, sometimes 3 hours to get there and three hours back, leaving at 7 in the morning and not getting home until 9 or ten. I was under constant pressure in the job and had to work on my own with no help and to top it all I had to work through lunch every day.
Some days were OK but I had days like the above at least twice a week. Also my boss was a slave driver with no interest in my welfare.
I think I did the right thing as I had no life in the job and was worried and in constant bad humour.
I just hated the long journeys, not having a proper dinner in the evening when I came home, just being so knackered I went straight to bed.
Going out at weekends was a no-no, I need to rest to recuperate.
The problem is now I know I have no realistic chance of getting a job due to the recession.
I am convinced I will be a bum for the rest of my life, even though I obviously intend to look for another job (I have a degree).
I was planning to buy my own house but I can forget that now, (I still live at home with my parents).
I've never had a girlfriend as just don't believe any female would want to spend time in my company, even though I am reasonably intelligent,humourous and good-looking.
A few nice girls have liked me but I just didn't believe I was good enough to be with any of them.
I a way leaving the job is a relief as I never felt like I was the equal of my workmates, I felt inferior.
I tried to be the same as these academic types but deep down I feel I'm just not good enough. I want to hide myself away and not take on too much responsibilty as I feel will only fail anyway.I also made a few mistakes in the job which didn't help my self-esteem.
I am not in a bad way financially as my parents have land but I won't sponge off them.
It's terrible to complain as I know people who have cancer, I have nothing to complain about compared to them.
I thought I could be somebody but I was wrong, I'm a nobody and that's all I'll ever be.
Sorry to bore you but I had to let it out.

sunnyside

imanobody wrote: »

I tried to be the same as these academic types but deep down I feel I'm just not good enough.

Trying to be the same as other people is pointless and doesn't get you anywhere, just be yourself. Just because the job is academic your whole personality doesn't have to be. I work with similar academic types and I don't try to conform. They read academic journals and the Irish Times, I sit there and read about Jade Goody + Kerry Katona in the Daily Mail. It doesn't make me unpopular and I like being different.

In your next job just be yourself, it's easier.

Have you considered working abroad? It would help you become more independent from your parents.

Kenno90

Listen no human being is as useless as you think you are , you just got out of a bad job so maybe it's best to take a few weeks off and relax ,
as for never having a girlfriend , i'd say it's down to a confidence thing , your life will never change unless you change

LegacyUser

Kenno90 wrote: »

Listen no human being is as useless as you think you are , you just got out of a bad job so maybe it's best to take a few weeks off and relax ,
as for never having a girlfriend , i'd say it's down to a confidence thing , your life will never change unless you change

I need some time off to relax. I am exhausted from lack of sleep and stress. I personally feel that my employer is glad to see the back of me. I will probably not get a reference, I don't want to ask for one anyway.
It will be almost impossible for me to get another job, I was on the dole for eight months before I got this one, I was well happy at the start but like I say things went downhill when the new guy took over.
Part of my problem is that I am not happy in any job that requires some intelligence as I don't believe I have any. If I am honest thats part of the reason why I left.
I feel uncomfortable around educated people even though I am educated myself.
The problem is in my head.
I dread being at home for years on end with no job, getting more depressed and gloomy every day.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a worker, laziness has never been a problem.
It's just that with me it's more perspiration than inspiration.
I am on 20 mg prozac a day but had to cut it down to every second day.
I'm just a mess, why can't I be as good as everyone else?

LegacyUser

"The problem is in my head."

Yes it is.

Your conscious mind may not be aware of it - but you have SERIOUS self-esteem issues. You are a far more wonderful human being than you will ever realise at this point in time.

Obviously your self-degrading habit is so engrained that you need professional help to see, and appreciate, yourself in a positive light.

Make an appointment with a counsellor today. Please.

Look on it as a work task: "Take the blindfold off my eyes within 2 months"

LegacyUser

It sounds like I am having regrets when I say this but I am not really as if I add up all the reasons to stay in the job and all the reasons to leave, then the reasons to leave are a lot greater.
I had no friends in the job as I didn't meet people day to day. I loved my time in college as I had so many friends, I was unable to make friends in this job.
I wanted to join a club or something to make friends but I couldn't as I didn't know what time I finished any day of the week so I couldn't make plans.
I would be too exhausted to make plans to go anywhere anyway.
If I had something to look forward to in the evenings it would make even the worse job more bearable.
I just wasn't enjoying life in the job. I had money but does that counter any argument?
Lots of people work in jobs they hate but they probably have stronger willpower than me.
Maybe I'm just weak?
I had a dream of buying my own house but that's all it is now: a dream. If I stayed in the job I could probably afford it but the money I've saved (about 20 grand) will have to be used to tide me over until I get another job.
That could take years though but I am lucky as I don't have to pay rent or pay for food.
My self-esteem plummeted when I was unemployed before so the same will happen again now and I will be back into the vicious cycle again.
My sister and my three best friends have good jobs so I am the useless one (again).
On the positive side, I have a number of options open to me:
I could go back to college but I would have to ask my parents for money.
I am working on a website that could lead to something, I think I am quite good at it but then again it could be a waste of time.

*Honey*

imanobody wrote: »

I need some time off to relax. I am exhausted from lack of sleep and stress. I personally feel that my employer is glad to see the back of me. I will probably not get a reference, I don't want to ask for one anyway.
It will be almost impossible for me to get another job, I was on the dole for eight months before I got this one, I was well happy at the start but like I say things went downhill when the new guy took over.

It sounds like you could have a case of construtive dismissal on your hands.

What I wanted to say is that you sound depressed to me, your lack of self image, your (should I say) near loathing of yourself sounds to me like some suffering very much from depression. Can I suggest you see your doctor and see what they can do? They don't necessarily have to put you on meds, it could be you need to be referred for therapy of some kind. I would suggest that you see what you can do to sort yourself out first, before looking for another job.

Best of luck.

irish_bob

iamnobody wrote: »

It sounds like I am having regrets when I say this but I am not really as if I add up all the reasons to stay in the job and all the reasons to leave, then the reasons to leave are a lot greater.
I had no friends in the job as I didn't meet people day to day. I loved my time in college as I had so many friends, I was unable to make friends in this job.
I wanted to join a club or something to make friends but I couldn't as I didn't know what time I finished any day of the week so I couldn't make plans.
I would be too exhausted to make plans to go anywhere anyway.
If I had something to look forward to in the evenings it would make even the worse job more bearable.
I just wasn't enjoying life in the job. I had money but does that counter any argument?
Lots of people work in jobs they hate but they probably have stronger willpower than me.
Maybe I'm just weak?
I had a dream of buying my own house but that's all it is now: a dream. If I stayed in the job I could probably afford it but the money I've saved (about 20 grand) will have to be used to tide me over until I get another job.
That could take years though but I am lucky as I don't have to pay rent or pay for food.
My self-esteem plummeted when I was unemployed before so the same will happen again now and I will be back into the vicious cycle again.
My sister and my three best friends have good jobs so I am the useless one (again).
On the positive side, I have a number of options open to me:
I could go back to college but I would have to ask my parents for money.
I am working on a website that could lead to something, I think I am quite good at it but then again it could be a waste of time.

i reckon a dose of travelling could be just what the doctor ordered , sounds like youve got no ties ( woman , kids ) holdiing you back so i say , head off , youve little to loose

LegacyUser

I have worked in a job in the past that really brought me down & I know it is very hard to feel worthwhile when you are so downtrodden. Take it from somebody who knows - you will begin to feel better about yourself but you need to get yourself back out there soon & not wallow in misery. You may not get a job straight away in this economic climate but you can do something - if you like web design, do a course in that, or do some voluntary work. It does get better, I can tell you - two years on after leaving my crappy job I feel happier than I have ever been, even though I am in a lesser job that pays about half of what I used to earn.

LegacyUser

My God, when I read that, I got a fright! I thought I must have posted it in my sleep or something! It's me to a tee! Except I got the house I dreamed of. And now I face losing it! That's quite a wrench. But I quickly discovered, that the house I always dreamed of, was not delivering the land of milk and honey I thought it would, and facing losing it, I realise it wasn't really what I should have been prioritising in my life at all!

I am otherwise exactly in your position, although maybe a few steps forward, in that I am presently seeing a counsellor. To talk everything through is so good. Your head is full of a jumble of stuff you have not had a chance to sort out. I worked 80, 90 and 100 hour weeks, falling into bed every moment I got away. So I know how you feel. Talk it through with a counsellor, and as you talk, you will be able to look at everything more constructively, and make some order of it all. Then you can decide what is important in your life, and what you need to throw away.

You need to stop and reassess your values. You need to stop assessing your worth based on what other people will think. To hell with what others might think, they are more worried about themselves, and what others think of them. Your problems are far bigger to you than they are to anyone else.

Take a break, to hell with work and money for a while. What do you enjoy doing in life? When are you happy and content in yourself? Do what YOU want, not what you think others will admire. They hardly care less.

Be aware of being bitter over all the time gone by. I am inclined to dwell on that, but whatever it was, it was a powerful case of life experience, and if it makes you really appreciate the time you have left, it will have been worth that at least.

You can now continue your life in roughly the same track, looking over your shoulder wondering what people are thinking of you, or you can ignore everyone else, as they are ignoring you for the most part, you are very small in their lives, and you can begin to live your life for YOU.

You are carrying a load of junk round in your head. You cannot progress properly until you start sorting that out, all those feelings, worries, resentments, fears. Go and see a counsellor. If your experience is not good, go and see another. There are WONDERFUL counsellors out there. My first experience with a counsellor was AWFUL, and I vowed never to go again. But then I went to another, and it really helped me sort things out, as I still am.

So do that first, NOW. Then start prioritising other things in your life, i.e. your interests, your hobbies, your life, YOU! Put other people WELL down your list of worries and fears!

Good luck, there's a really bright, inspiring life just beyond your reach! Stretch and grasp it. It's WONDERFUL!

Outkast_IRE

Go travelling man hopefully you have a little bit set aside just pick somewhere warmer than here and go for a while dont plan anything too specific just see where you end up , just get there and go with the flow!!!

tony1kenobi

How long were you in that job you just left?

Armin_Tamzarian

You said that you didn't enjoy your job but you seem to have fond memories of college.
Perhaps it would be worth having a long hard think about what sort of job you would actually be happy it.
Going back to college might be the thing for you.
It sounds like you could afford it and you're young enough.
Another bonus is that by the time you finished in college the economy will hopefully have steadied out abit (hopefully).

A few friends of mine had been in jobs for years and they hated them.
It took some guts but they went back to college and re-trained and it's the best thing that they ever did.


Regarding the travelling suggestion +1.

If you've never backpacked before then there's something you should know.
If you go around hostels around Europe etc, they are full of people who just set off on their own.
You could spend months travelling around the world and everywhere you go you'll have no problem getting in with people and travelling around with them for abit if you like.

You'll not meet a more decent and welcoming bunch as the people you'll meet backpacking...

-All the best, hope thing's get better for you...

LegacyUser

I'd love to have the guts to do what you did, even if it feels like you've done the wrong thing. My problem is that I have to pay a mortgage.
Look OP, I spend my whole time asking myself the exact same questions as you. I'm working 50-60 hour weeks in a job that I want nothing more than to get out of. I made a couple of mistakes a while back (nothing major, and no more than anyone else here has made), but I'm so paranoid now. I feel like I'm constantly being compared to everyone else, like I'm going to screw up again, and it makes me nervous, which means I'm highly likely to make more mistakes. I'm uncomfortable with the people directly above me and higher; they are quite cliquey, and it's not a nice atmosphere to work in.Sleep is hit and miss every night, depending on how the day went.I'll worry for hours about what I did that day, analyse what was said and who said it and why...it's so self destructive but I just can't seem to get out of the habit and it's making me miserable.I constantly feel like I've no clue what's going on, and it's so hard. I'm not stupid but some days I want to just hide in a hole somewhere.
I'm doing my best to find another job, but it's hard.The only reason I'm staying right now is because I know this will get me through the next year and I'm hoping the market will pick up a bit after that.
Anyway what I'm trying to say is firstly maybe you should take some time off.And secondly, there's nothing wrong with you and you're not alone in this.Your biggest problems sound like low self-esteem and an inferiority complex. It is actually all in your head. Travelling will give you a different outlook on life and allow you the time to figure out what to do. And you're not any better or worse than the rest of your family. Time and place have dictated that you don't have a job. It's not you personally that's the problem.

yeneewss

Nobody is a nobody. You are somebody - somebody to your parents, somebody to your friends. And, if you can't get a paying job, you could be somebody to so many people. Volunteer! God, that sounds so goody two shoes but really, if you listen to any news programme/afternoon chat show etc. you will realise that the best of people are volunteering because they cannot find any work. Why not use your time to help someone else. Or if you are not into that kind of thing directly, find another focus. Train for something. Set yourself a small, achievable goal in something and go for it. Train for the mini marathon (there's a male one in May - look up men's mini marathon) and raise money for charity for that. Do something that makes you feel like somebody and remember that you matter to at least one person all your life - your mother (she doesn't sound like you don't have a good relationship, or at least she sounds like you don't have a bad one). Mother's count on the importance scale. A..hole bosses don't!

LegacyUser

Jeez, there's so much sense in those replies that if I had to quote the parts I want to I'd be here all night!
It's funny that a few people mentioned voluntary work, it's something I've thought about although I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it.
I'd like to travel, I've never been anywhere farther than the UK, mainly cause I have no one to go with. I don't think that should stop me though.
I have about 20k in the bank that I was going to put on a deposit for a house but I could use some of it to travel and still have some left.

two years on after leaving my crappy job I feel happier than I have ever been, even though I am in a lesser job that pays about half of what I used to earn.

I would be prepared to work in a lower paid job if it meant I had a better standard of living.
I'm not asking for much, just a job where I have regular hours, is some bit stimulating, doesn't stress me out and I have an outlet outside of it;just time to do a night class if I want or join a society.
In this current job I don't have any friends from work as I don't meet them, I only speak to them on the 'phone. Some of them are nice enough and I would have liked to get to know them but I never got the chance.
I did shift work in a factory for a year and even though I didn't like it at least I had a few friends.
I went to college to get a job to improve my life, not make it worse, which is what this job has done.
Some one asked how long I'd been in the job;answer is about a year.
I would like to go back to college as I loved my time in college but I want to buy my own house as well.
But what if I'm wrong and the job I had was as good as it gets? What if
there actually isn't anymore to life than a s***e job and a jerk of a boss and occasional weekend on the p**s?
There must be more to life, there must be.

Armin_Tamzarian

iamnobody wrote: »

I have about 20k in the bank that I was going to put on a deposit for a house but I could use some of it to travel and still have some left.

Glad to hear you with a much more positive tone.

You'll have to think all this stuff out for yourself but it really
sounds like you should get away and don't be worrying about a house.

I think it's a fair assumption to make that house prices will continue to
fall for quite a while and whenever they do steady out I'd imagine
it will take some time before we see them rising by much again.

You could buy the house, move into it and still be in the exact same position.
Get out there and enjoy the world.

You've got a great opportunity that many would envy.
You can set off on your own with a nice wedge in your back pocket.
You don't have to worry about anyone else so you can go where you to go, when you want to go and do whatever you want to do.

LegacyUser

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

You could buy the house, move into it and still be in the exact same position.
Get out there and enjoy the world.

That's true, I'd probably be in a much worse position if I'd bought a house and then jacked in my job.
I could tell from a few people I've told that they think I am a nutcase to leave a job in the middle of the biggest recession in 20 years.
But what can I do? I was deeply unhappy in it, yes I know others are in jobs they hate too (that's probably why so many people play the lotto) but they probably have good friends or a boyfriend/husband/wife/girlfriend to make up for it.
My decision was probably influenced in part by the fact that my parents had told me whatever decision I make is OK and they will support me.
I am lucky in that respect but I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
My sister (who has a good job) called my parents phone today but I didn't answer out of shame (I used to do that when I was on the dole as well).
She knows I have been unhappy in the job and probably understands but I still feel like a quitter. Part of me thinks she thinks that too.
Part of me is glad I am gone as I feel like I didn't "fit in". Part of me regrets it as at least a job allowed me to hold my head up high a little bit.
Now I just want to cower in the corner and hide.

SaintHubbins

If you have any money at all, travel!!! Go to Canada, see some natural beauty and restore your faith in the world. They actually have seasons and snow is great in winter. Makes you feel really happy. Canadians are really nice as well. Ireland is not a good place to be depressed . My opinion with regards to jobs like the one you just left is, good riddance. Driving for that length of time for a dickhead boss? You were unhappy and you had the balls to do something about it. Well done. Have you worked similar jobs before? Did you feel the same then? I have worked various office jobs over the years and hated every single one of them, even though the people weren't always bad and I am hard working. I just didn't like the environment, being so close to other people, listening to other conversations, sitting on my arse for hours, not much brain stimulation. I'd say at least 50% of office workers are fake, arrogant or unintelligent **** anyways so don't beat yourself up about not making friends. I found it much easier to make friends when I worked in bars as people were more easy going and it was far more fun than a business environment. Also, I hated the idea of being a mere cog in a machine and that regardless of how hard you worked, it didn't really make a difference. My boss in my previous job dropped dead suddenly last year aged 37 and we actually got the speech from the head guy about the wheels of industry keeping turning. He was forgotten about after a couple of months. When I die I want the whole business to fold and then they build a statue to me!!! I have decided that I am never going to set foot in an office role again because it just doesn't work for me. Maybe you, like me, just have to find your niche in life.

Look at the pros in your life -

You have a degree. Regardless of what it is in, it will always stand to you and will help you when looking for further jobs. If you are going to study further then maybe look at something you really like, rather than just choosing something that will help you up a ladder you don't want to be on.

You don't have any ties, so can bugger off whenever you like. Forget about buying a house. The obsession with buying property is an Irish curse. Enjoy what money you have and be free!!! Bricks are not going to make you happy!

There are a few billion women in the world so you realistically have more chance of winning the lottery 10 times than not meeting someone. Maybe you haven't met the right girl yet and travelling will open your eyes a bit, and also make you more interesting to the opposite sex . Also not trying to start a riot here but Irish girls never really did it for me. My outlook on life was always very different to any girls I met. I don't want to settle down into a mortgage with kids, I don't want to go to the pub or club, I don't want to work the same job for years regardless of how well paying it is, and I don't give a **** about status symbols. I want good food, good quality of life, good sex, good entertainment, a purpose in life, enough money to survive modestly and unconditional love. I am happily married to an Indian girl and it's great, but it would never have happened if I hadn't got off my arse and travelled. Carpe diem!!! And if you ever having doubts about leaving this country for a while, then turn on tv3 in the morning and look at aiden cooney. If that doesn't get you running to the airport, then nothing will!