I hate my Ex

LegacyUser

Do any of you still hate your Ex if they treated you badly? Or do you reach a point where you don't care anymore?

I hate mine with every single bone in my body. He was my first relationship as well. He destroyed my trust in men, used me and treated me like crap.

How should I stop myself from thinking about him?

Victor

Talking about it with someone, saying it out loud is one way that might help.

Then, after that, anytime you start thinking about him, distract yourself with something else.

jellie

how long has it been?

ill admit i did hate my ex for awhile. he treated my pretty badly & did some horrible things. i certainly dont like him anymore, but the hatred has faded. maybe because the strength of my feelings towards him has faded, im not sure.

you probably just need to give it some time, you sound like it might be pretty recent?

LegacyUser

It all sounds very idealistic; but take the positive from your experience, and thank him on some crazy level. You learned a lot about what to look for in men. Beware the dickheads n all that jazz.


I'm coming out of a 3 year relationship that was crippled by my ex having no trust in me, as her previous boyfriend severely ****ed her up to that effect; to the point of a suicide attempt. She really made it difficult for me to stay in touch with friends and go to social events on my own etc, but I don't "blame" her for this. I resented it for a good time towards the end of our relationship though.

They were my choices at the end of the day though, as was your choice to be with him (at some deep deep subconscious level the red flags were there but ignored, I'm sure?) I nurtured and encouraged this behaviour by accepting it as standard, when it's anything but.

Abe Lincoln said we shouldn't hate (someone can dig the quote from American history X up) - It's just baggage. I also once read a very learned quote on the wall in the jacks in Bruxelles that: "Hating is like drinking poison and expecting the other fella to die" (I think it was actually envy/jealousy or somethin). It's very true/relevant though.

Don't waste any more of your energy on him, expecially not retrospectively.

af_thefragile

Ii herd a good way to let go is to write a letter addressed to your ex. In that letter write down everything you feel about it. Just let it all out in the letter. Don't hold back at all and keep on writing till however long it takes. Once you're finally done writing. Seal the letter and then burn it or throw it away. Maybe even in a ceremonious manner. Tie a rock to it and drop it into the bottom of the sea or tear it into a many little pieces and disperse them over from somewhere. Play Ride of the Valkyries in the background just use your imagination!

But do it as to make an end to your life consumed by the thoughts and feelings of your ex. With the letter drowning into the sea or burning up in flames, so does any feelings of any kind you have of him go away with it.

Sounds over dramatic and crazy but it might just work. The point of doing all those things is to associate enough positive emotions to the process of symbolically letting go of you past which you've manage to wrap up and seal in that letter. The more strong positive emotions you associate to the process, the better it'll work. So it makes you feel good about letting go of it all, which makes you let go of it all for once and for all and you can start a fresh new life.

Puddleduck

Hate is like any other feeling, nurture it enough and it grows. Its very easy to hate someone, its very hard to think well, ok, they werent a very nice person to me but I learnt x y and z from it so Im better off for it.
I dont know very many people that like their exs but the hate fades over time until you really just dont care anymore. Instead of putting so much effort into hating someone, that really in the end isnt worth the effort spend it on bettering yourself. Do things that you would normally be scared to do, try new things etc. That way you can look back and think, well if I was still with him I wouldnt have done this.

LegacyUser

I hated my ex too for a long time, first relationship and she cheated on me and generally just made me mistrust women. Took me at least 4-5 years for me to eventually let myself go in another relationship for fear of the same thing happening again. She ruined my early 20's for me when I should have been enjoying my time with women but sure I grew up and now I dont hate her as Im old enough and confident enough to know that it is her that missed out. I do take happiness in the fact though that she has since had a string of men f*ck her over and she has come grovelling to me on several occasions saying she made a huge mistake in how she treated me as I was such a good guy etc and then tryed getting back with me. I no longer hate her though as she is too insignificant to me to give her a moments thought anymore. You may hate your ex for a while OP but it will fade but really dont let it tarnish how you see all us men. I was one of the good ones but unfortunatly I let nobody see that for several years as I was afraid to get close to somebody again so please avoid that scenario.

Document1

Wish I had a ex that was so evil... mine are all to nice almost :eek:

consultech

Puddleduck wrote: »

Do things that you would normally be scared to do, try new things etc. That way you can look back and think, well if I was still with him I wouldnt have done this.

I really like this advice.

cltt97

I hated my first ex as well. Total bastard, but I think more so I was angry with myself for having put up with it for so long... Once I got over that and better understood why I did or didn't do certain things he became insignifiant as well and all I could think was thank god I'm rid of him, and there was no hate but rather counting myself lucky. This is years ago now, and I can't even remember last time I thought about him!

LegacyUser

Hated my ex with a passion. Hated him when i was with him but was afraid to get out, kept threatning me until end i couldnt give a crap about threats. Very violent. I hated him for months afterwards and then i just forgot about him. Now i couldnt be bothered hating him, i dont feel anything. If i saw him i'd probably vomit alright

Persiancowboy

I'll come at this from the other perspective if that's ok. I have an ex who I occasionally see in town or in the local shopping centre and who, over 20 YEARS after we split, still radiates raw hatred at the sight of me!!!

I didn't cheat or beat her - after a very intense few months together I called a halt as I did not see us going anywhere and we were in my opinion too different to have any future together.

Neither of us are originally from Dublin but just to prove that our capital city is still effectively a small town, we both end up living in the same general area. Thankfully our paths do not cross very often - I would have no problem talking/chatting to her but that will never happen given the reaction she has each time she sees me.

I would have thought with the passage of time that sores would heal but obviously not in this case.....

Das Kitty

By holding on to the hate it's only yourself you are hurting. These kinds of extreme feelings can manifest themselves in a very real physical way. You're hurting yourself when what you really want to do in your heart is to hurt them.

What you should be aiming for is indifference.

Wagon

I was consumed by immense hatred of my first ex and her family for a while, them and their backwards ideals and how much she hurt me. Took a good solid year and then i just stopped giving much of a ****. Then no **** at all. Think it's a natural progression of the injured party.