Mum having mid life crisis

LegacyUser

Alright, I mightly ****ed up earlier.

My mum is 50. Now I'm all for staying young and that, but seeing your mother out at your local nightclub is pushing things a bit far. She's after getting a tattoo (eugh) and she's started using facebook.

Now i was the first to encourage her to try out the net, but I just had a look at it for the first time in a few months. She's got all these pics of her posing with these creepy Turkish guys commenting under them. Typical 15 year old emo ****e.

I know the immature flammers will come on and say "it's cuz ur embarased of ur mum. ur a bad sun.."

Well **** right off. It is embarassing. She's 50. She's married with 4 Kids. She needs to cop on.

What do you say to this? How should I approach it.

star-pants

My friends mother is around 50 or so, has two grown up kids. She's got facebook (I have her on mine), she goes on dating sites, she goes out to the pub/club with us sometimes. She's a lovely woman and I've no issue with her still living her life, neither do her daughters, they invite her out!

I think that if it's really really bothering you - maybe just say that she should be careful about guys leaving comments (as they can see her details) or something. But stopping her from having fun / exploring things is not something you can do. If she was driving a bright yellow porsche with hideous low cut tops and out drinking every night with different guys - you could say something for her wellbeing but you can't stop her. Embarrassing or not, she wants to live her life.
Not to probe - but you've not mentioned your father - is he still around? If your mother's single (as such) then she may want to get out there and meet someone for herself.

gollyitsolly

I wouldnt worry about it. She will probably get tired very soon:D.Sure what harm is she doing to you apart from embarrasment and that wont kill you. Leave her alone and let her do her thing. A tatoo is nothing to fret over. Isnt it great she isnt sick or moaning all the time. If she is happy and not hurting anyone wheres the harm?

herya

Is your problem with her activities or with her taste? If you find her "fun" overdone but apart from this you support her going out etc. you can always talk to her and educate her a little on what's in and what's out these days. You can model your facebook in so many ways but being 50 and new to the scene she might be mindlessly copying raunchy 14 year olds while in fact she might be looking for something different, still fun but more classy. You can probably help her enjoy herself without embarrassement.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

Alright, I mightly ****ed up earlier.

My mum is 50. Now I'm all for staying young and that, but seeing your mother out at your local nightclub is pushing things a bit far. She's after getting a tattoo (eugh) and she's started using facebook.

Now i was the first to encourage her to try out the net, but I just had a look at it for the first time in a few months. She's got all these pics of her posing with these creepy Turkish guys commenting under them. Typical 15 year old emo ****e.

I know the immature flammers will come on and say "it's cuz ur embarased of ur mum. ur a bad sun.."

Well **** right off. It is embarassing. She's 50. She's married with 4 Kids. She needs to cop on.

What do you say to this? How should I approach it.

It's because you're embarrassed of your Mum. You're a bad son.

No, really. She's not doing anyone any harm. As you say, her kids are grown up... time for her to have some fun, no? If you don't like seeing what's on her Facebook, don't have her as a friend. If you're worried about her safety, make sure she has the privacy settings on full.

If you don't want to see her in the local nightclub, don't go the same night as her. She's an adult, she can get tattoos, have a Facebook page, go to clubs if she likes. If she was single, unmarried, no kids and 50 you wouldn't be batting an eyelid... just because she has a family she can't enjoy herself? Bit unfair.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

She's 50. She's married with 4 Kids. She needs to cop on.

You're right of course.
We should all just lay down and die once we hit 40.
We should cop on to ourselves and realise that life is only for the young and older people should know their place and know it's over for them now.
How dare she behave in such a way that might embarrass her family.
Your mother has some nerve to be out enjoying her life and living it to the full.
You had better put her in her place asap, we can't be having her happy and squeezing every last drop out while she still can.

TheDollyParton

Your mother is entitled to behave in whatever way she sees fit, however you are also entitled to feel whatever way you feel. I understand your embarrassment, but I think it's unfortunate that you can't view this as your mother deciding that her life isn't over yet, and she might as well get out and have some fun! Whether or not you agree with her choices, she is an adult and entitled to make them as long as she is not hurting anyone. And your embarrassment doesn't qualify as hurt as far as I'm concerned. Try and let go of it a little, focus a little more on your own life and a little less on hers.

stovelid

shellyboo wrote: »

As you say, her kids are grown up...

Not all of them, it would seem.

Tiz me

Maybe she believes in life before death.
How very dare she.

LegacyUser

My mother did something quite similar. Tatoo, belly button piercing etc. Hipsters, thong on display etc. And she's quite a bit older than 50. Quite hilarious looking back, I actually had to pull up her trousers once because her jewelled flower was on display. Not hilarious at the time though, I can assure you.

I understand completely where you are coming from. It was quite pathetic really to see her behaving like that. She behaved in a very selfish manner on many occasions, flirting inappropriately with much younger men, ignoring the fact that she was married.

Don't listen to all the fantastically 'right on' commentators. What people fail to accept here is that parents are parent until they die, irrespective of how old their children are. That responsibility never leaves. While parents of course are entitled to their own life, they should behave in a dignified manner. Parents should behave like parents, not like friends. If your mother calls you her best friend, both of you need to get new friends.

The good news is that she will grow out of it. My mother is now mortified and it is never spoken off.

Xterminator

midlife crisis wrote: »

She behaved in a very selfish manner on many occasions, flirting inappropriately with much younger men, ignoring the fact that she was married.

POT KETTLE BLACK

you think your mums selfish ? Look in the mirror!

midlife crisis wrote: »

What people fail to accept here is that parents are parent until they die, irrespective of how old their children are. That responsibility never leaves. While parents of course are entitled to their own life, they should behave in a dignified manner. Parents should behave like parents,
.

when she is finished raising you, she cant go and enjoy herself? cop on to yourself. you put your mum on a pedestal, and when she fell off, you blamed her. your mum has the right right to be happy, and to try to find that happiness whatever way she sees fit.

And you can go and sulk in the corner if you dont like it. You sir/madam are a spoiled ungrateful child. Its not your mum that's too old, it you that hasn't grown up.

to the op .... i apply the same logic.

RossFixxxed

Yeah OP, HOW DARE your mother have a life, or do silly things she wants to do.

You should ensure she is locked in the kitchen ironing your clothes. Maybe you could cut nerves in her face surgically to make sure she can't smile? Or do what you can to make sure she dies alone and miserable?

Wouldn't that be nice?

Mods: I know the rules, but sometimes someone really is a selfish, childish, infantile little idiot who needs to grow up.

If she is THAT embarrassing have a chat with her, if she's really having fun then it's none of your damn business. She gave up how many years to rear her kids?

Grow up and get YOUR OWN life to live.
R

stovelid

midlife crisis wrote: »

Don't listen to all the fantastically 'right on' commentators. What people fail to accept here is that parents are parent until they die, irrespective of how old their children are.

Are you a parent?

If so, how do you feel about being hidebound to a certain code of behaviour for the rest of your life because you have kids?

LegacyUser

Xterminator wrote: »

POT KETTLE BLACK

you think your mums selfish ? Look in the mirror!

when she is finished raising you, she cant go and enjoy herself? cop on to yourself. you put your mum on a pedestal, and when she fell off, you blamed her. your mum has the right right to be happy, and to try to find that happiness whatever way she sees fit.

And you can go and sulk in the corner if you dont like it. You sir/madam are a spoiled ungrateful child. Its not your mum that's too old, it you that hasn't grown up.

to the op .... i apply the same logic.

Oh yes another case of 'right on' boardsie's jumping to conclusions and coming out with sanctimonious drivel.

So I'm selfish for caring that my mother is making a fool out of herself and behaving in a degrading manner and insulting the 40 years of marriage to my father?

I'm selfish for caring about my mother who her extended relations and friends are laughing at?

I'm selfish for caring about my mother who's doctor (GP) stopped treating her because she made an inappropriate pass at him (he's 20 years younger than her, married etc)

I'm selfish for being angry with her for upsetting her granddaughter when she showed her the tatoo?

So that makes me selfish - so be it. I'd love to see what your reaction would be if you were in the same shoes. Ha!

Don't dare judge me until you've been in the same situation. The fact is, its not OK to have fun while losing your dignity and hurting other people.

To be OP. There is nothing you can do. let her know that you are concerned about her behaviour. It will pass.

What_To_Do

OP,

Can you PM me? I have a few things I want to say that I don't really want to post on here.

smileysurfer

Beruthiel wrote: »

You're right of course.
We should all just lay down and die once we hit 40.
We should cop on to ourselves and realise that life is only for the young and older people should know their place and know it's over for them now.
How dare she behave in such a way that might embarrass her family.
Your mother has some nerve to be out enjoying her life and living it to the full.
You had better put her in her place asap, we can't be having her happy and squeezing every last drop out while she still can.

Took the words right out of my mouth!
Shes trying to live life to the full! Why begrudge her that? Id prefer to see my mother happy and enjoying herself than at home depressed! And if that means getting a tattoo (which there is no age limit on doing) or joining facebook or even going for a dance in the local night club then so be it! Hats off to her! Why not go clubbing with her? Sounds like your the one that needs to do the ''copping on'' and growing up!

hot2def

midlife crisis wrote: »

So I'm selfish for caring that my mother is making a fool out of herself and behaving in a degrading manner and insulting the 40 years of marriage to my father?

.

Hey. That's her call to make.

And if some mothers choose to tune out any whining brats srceaming "you owe me forever", well thats their choice too.



i tattoo a lot of middle aged women, who always say something about a mid life crisis, in the most self deprecating sort of way. they shouldn't have to bow to the wieght of childrens expectations on silly little things like this forever.

Its not a mid life crisis, its just that they can finally afford the time and moeny to do what they want, because they don't have to spend it all on YOU. And personally, I suspect that's why so mony grown up kids take it so bad - its a sign you aren't top priority any more.