Scared to have a baby

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, its not the worst problem to have in the world but i wondered if anyone could offer any advice.

Im 30 years of age in a long term 12 yr relationship with my childhood sweetheart. We both had very bad childhoods and our parents were very abusive and dysfunctional, since we were 18 we have been each others rock and support and we knew we had to work hard to build a future for ourselves if we were to be happy at all.

Finally we have reached a place where life is good, and we have healed from the trauma from the past having to let go of many negative relationships along the way to live our own lives. We have a new home and successful business and although it is just us we are very content together.

We were having a few vino's last night and thought we might be ready to start a family, and feel it is the next step for us.

I feel very shallow in my thinking because i am not worried about being a mother but i am worried about how my body will change and it has always really terrified me. In the last 3 years i have put on a stone bringing my weight up to just over 10 and a half stone, i have not been comfortable with the weight gain and i feel if i have a baby it will change my body further.

I think some of my insecurities stem from watching my mum and my sister have their babies when they were in their teens and i saw what it did to their bodies which made me feel it would happen to me to, my older sister was very slim before she got pregnant and since she has gained 4 stone there and around and her stomach was so stretched it continued to look like she was pregnant after, she has struggled with her weight ever since.

I feel so stupid for feeling this way now that i write it, but does anyone else have insecurities about their bodies changing and would anyone have any wise words for me to help get over these insecurities.


With Thanks

xxx

yellowcurl

Ok, i don't have any personal experience of being pregnant/having babys etc. but i remember a woman in work telling me that she had been worried about the same thing so she started going to the gym for about a year before seriously trying for a baby with her husband. Then did yoga while pregnant and she said that the exercise was the best thing that happened to her. Like, the birth was less pain than she really expected it to be, and her body whipped back into shape in no time. Apparantly it's all to do with being acutally fit before being pregnant that determines how your body reacts or something like that. Hope that kind of helps.

LegacyUser

^ I kinda agree with this - if it is that much of an issue for you, work on losing the excess weight you have gained, work on your fitness, start taking your vitamins etc and prime your body.... There is no real need for women to gain an excessive amount of weight during pregnancy - the extra Kcal required to feed a growing baby equates to no more than what's in 2 slices of bread & butter (circa 250 -300 Kcal per day)... Many women either don't know this, or dont mind about the weight gain.. I suggest to deal with it before getting pregnant (if you know you're the type to get down about your size /weight) and remain moderately active during your pregnancy...Good luck!

star-pants

Firstly hun, you and your partner are not your parents or families. You are your own person, you've seen the mistakes made and know not to make them. I'm sure ye with both make wonderful parents

Secondly, I agree with the other posters, get your body in shape before the baby, get healthy, take up the likes of yoga, have your vitamins & minerals needed for a mother to be so your body can be in it's best shape before conceiving. And keep up the gentle exercise / yoga throughout (with advice from doctor etc) and breastfeed (which helps reduce the stomach/pulls the womb back into shape) and you'll be kept busy with the baby.

Redpunto

If ya started thinkg bout all the negatives about having a child youd never have one - yes body does change - yes you can lose the weight - as long as both think you can be good parents go for it.

If you want kids - have them

if you dont - then dont


But if you feel all these insecurities before even havin a child then you may not be mentally able/secure to have kids - you may beed to sort out any problems before you have kids - going through a pregnancy is no easy business - your hormones go mad and a hell of alot of women so through post-partum depression.

gowayouttadat

I think those thoughts are totally normal. I'm pregnant at the moment... surprise pregnancy... and since finding out I've had totally selfish thoughts about how it's going to change my body. Before getting pregnant I was so active, out 4/5 nights a week training and the thought of becoming immobile, even for a short period of time scares the bejesus out of me.
The body thing is a big issue for me too as I've always been so active I've never really had to worry about it up until now. Then there's the fact that I'm only 25 and don't want to spend the summer in awful maternity clothes while all my friends are strutting around the place in the latest fashions etc.

Basically, my point is, that even after you get pregnant you'll worry/fret/stress about EVERYTHING! It's completely normal. It's a big change for a woman, of course you're going to be freaked out over it. It took me weeks before I was comfortable talking about it to people. But just think of what you'll have at the end of the day. A little family with you and your partner and a baby.

Wantobe

It's completely normal to have those worries. I did too. I've had two children and am thinner than before I first got pregnant. In fact about a month after I had my first I weighed less than on my wedding day! The two reasons I would put it down to are: 1. Breastfeeding- boy does it knock the pounds off! and 2, I went for a long walk EVERY day while pregnant- 40 minutes to an hour. Bottom line is that even if you put on loads of weight while pregnant you can work at taking it off again afterwards, and it neednt necessarily be hard- every one is different.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your very kind support and comments,

I feel so much better and relieved it is normal to feel this way,


I now feel i have an incentive to get ready for a baby and i am excited about getting my body ready, just getting into the habit of being more healthy and active will help me feel better.


I also think it is nerves!

LegacyUser

It's perfectly normal to have the concerns you have. However you've got some sound advice here.

Women can put huge pressure on themselves to 'snap' back into shape after having a baby. Forget it for the first few months, you'll have had nine months to stretch to accommodate a baby so give at least nine months to get back to something resembling your previous shape.

TBH all the mums I know who piled on weight were A) not exercisers to start with and ate for two.
Why do you think weight watchers has such a devoted following - so many women are incredibly reluctant to sweat their guts out in a gym or playing sport and won't self-regulate what they eat.

You get out what you put in.

You only need 200 extra calories a day in the later months of pregnancy. If you look after yourself now, eat well and exercise regularly you'll find it a LOT easier to stay in shape after a baby because you'll already have formed good habits.

LegacyUser

Cheers again for the advice and support, yesterday i had a random email from a fitness instructor who wants to start classes on my estate, i mentioned i was interested in preparing my body to have a baby and she had recently had a baby and could help me where needed,

I couldnt believe she just walked into my life, i think its a sign!

Im going to take this year to prepare and go off the pill etc get fit and healthy and go for it!