Family driving me insane

LegacyUser

Hi, I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, but it’s possibly for some moral support and opinions. I am 21 years of age, and currently living away from home for the first time. However, this is only for the duration of the college year, and I’m going to have to move back home permanently in May when I finish my degree, well until I get a job anyhow.

My problem is that I have a 17 year old brother, and their is constant arguing and fighting in the house between my mum and step-dad and my brother. They get into a massive argument and then drag me into it, and look for me to solve the problem. Even now, when I go home for occasional weekends, they start on at me about each other’s fault. I get phone calls during the week from my parents asking me to talk to him. Then, when I point out that both parties are at fault, my mother will shout at me and tell me to shut up and that I know nothing.

A huge amount of the problem is that my mother refuses to take any responsibility for my brothers attitude problem, and insists that it’s caused by his dad brainwashing him, he’s 17 years old, he’s sees his dad once every two weeks, and up until he turned about 13 I also went with him to see his dad, so I know this isn’t true.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have tried telling them I don’t want to get involved and refusing to help, but I just get abuse for that, and end up having all the bad moods taken out on me.

I’m completely at my wits end. I love my family, but right now I dread being around them, speaking to them, everything, and I’m really dreading the thought of moving back home. If I felt I had any other choice I would take it, but I don’t.

I'm sorry about the essay like rant, but it's driving me insane.

Kevster

Hi,

You just just say to yourself that this is not your problem, and then leave it at that. You don't have time to be the mediator anymore in this, and you have your own life to be worrying about. If/when you go back home - and another such incident arises - just say "This isn't my problem" and then leave the room. You could also just tell them directly what is on your mind (i.e. - that you're sick/tired of being the mediator).

Always stand up for yourself dude, and say things as they are. I'm 26 now but I remember being 21 and hating not being able to just say what was on my mind. I now say whatever is on my mind and I am in much more control of my life.

Kevin

LegacyUser

Hey,
I'm in a similar situation. At this stage, I hate going home for the weekends and getting calls cos I know I'll be dragged into arguments, have to put up with my abusive sisters or else have to play agony aunt to my mam who complains unendingly about money, her boyfriend, my siblings etc.. as well as seemingly expecting me to somehow fix all these problems. Like you, I'm going to have to go back home in the summer and I'm dreading being there full-time.
If there's a sure-fire way to stop your family putting you in the middle of their issues, I haven't found it. It's harder with family then with friends cos their problems are always going to be your problems. I think that the best way to deal with it though, for me anyway, is when they try to get you involved, calmly tell them how you feel about it. Don't get mad/upset, don't feel you have to make excuses, just say "I don't want to be a part of this" True, you might get stick for it and they'll still try and get you involved again but at least you've been honest and refused to let yourself get dragged in.
Maybe you should talk to them about this and explain how much pressure they are putting you under. Who knows, they might actually listen. If not, well hang in there and don't let them get you down. Just remember that it's not your place to solve all their problems.