Am i missing out - virgin at 27

LegacyUser

Hello,

I am a 27, almost 28 year old female and i am still a virgin. Is there anything wrong with me? It is not as if i have never had the opportunity but they were mostly drunken opportunities. A few men wouldn't wait until i was ready. Their loss. And another one man called me his girlfriend after agreeing to go to the cinema and have a drink with him. That was to fast. A few men didn't believe me and told me to stop lying and just get it on with them.

I would like to wait, so i wouldn't end up regretting it and since i am going on 28 and waited so long i would like to wait for my one and only true love. But i haven't met him yet. I am in no rush yet to be honest and i am not desperate to meet him at 28, cause i am going to have to spend the rest of my life with him. And that is a long time.

Its obviously not the first thing i tell them but am i going to scare any potential man off by saying i am a virgin at 28? Am i missing out on anything?

LegacyUser

Not at all. I am a guy who was a virgin till I was 25 and like you turned down opportunities etc and when I finally did it it was nothing special at all. Big big let down, it was more hard work then it should have been, so id say wait till your ready. If a guy doesnt wanna wait then his loss, id know id wait if I liked someone and in all honesty id be flattered if a girl I got with was willing to lose their virginity to me but then again I wouldnt know unless they told me as I never ask how many partners someone had.

Pherekydes

It might be a cliché, but nothing will scare off your one true love.

Regarding the age old question (How long, etc), wait as long as YOU want. And don't let anyone tell you different.

Regarding missing anything? Well that depends on your relationship with your one true love. Sex can be the most awful joyless chore, or it can be the most wonderful thing to share with another person. But only you can find this out for yourself.

Best wishes for the future.

MJOR

Sex is something that is personal to everyone. You are doing the right thing for you! Only you know when it's right.

No, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but this attitude:

I would like to wait, so i wouldn't end up regretting it and since i am going on 28 and waited so long i would like to wait for my one and only true love. But i haven't met him yet. I am in no rush yet to be honest and i am not desperate to meet him at 28, cause i am going to have to spend the rest of my life with him. And that is a long time.

I find a bit worrying. That you say 'I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life with him.' Seems like you're imposing rules on yourself here. What if it doesn't work out with the guy you thought was your 'true love' Are you going to stay with him because you're 'not allowed' to sleep with anyone else? What's wrong with sleeping with someone you like and are going out with without the pressure of thinking you have to be with them forever?

sunnyside

There's definitely nothing wrong with you OP but I do think you are missing out. There's always a chance you won't meet "the one", I mean hopefully you will but it's not guaranteed.

Having sex really should be on the list of life experiences along with college, travelling, etc....

Sometimes it takes a bit of practice before you start enjoying it. I'd prefer to have some idea what I was doing before having sex with "the one" I'd hate for the big romance fantasy to be ruined by awkward, clumsy, inexperienced sex.

Sex means taking your clothes off, in your 20's your body is probably the best it's ever going to be and it's a shame to waste that.

I know some girls in the same situation as the OP, they have set impossibly high standards for men (and I can assure you my standards aren't low). I think that sexual relationships happen much more easily after the first time, which is probably why a lot of the men the OP has met aren't willing to wait, they just aren't used to that idea.

It is probably true that if he really, really wants you he will wait but I've seen a lot of men post on here saying they wouldn't wait, they are tired of women putting sex on a pedestal, that it really isn't that big a deal, etc

LegacyUser

[quote=[Deleted User];59422869]No, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, but this attitude:



I find a bit worrying. That you say 'I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life with him.' Seems like you're imposing rules on yourself here. What if it doesn't work out with the guy you thought was your 'true love' Are you going to stay with him because you're 'not allowed' to sleep with anyone else? What's wrong with sleeping with someone you like and are going out with without the pressure of thinking you have to be with them forever?[/QUOTE]

I am not imposing any rules for myself. I waited so long that now i would like to wait for like i say my one true love. That is just me. I would like to think that there is a future for us, eg marriage. I don't think there is any couple that would think of divorce when getting married. If it happens, it happens. But it is not something i would like to think about when getting married. There is nothing wrong with moving on. You certainly do not have to stay with them forever, if it happens.

Mr. Incognito

I personally think you're watching too many Disney movies. Your own true love? I can't help but think of the Princes Bride and Buttercup.

The fact is in modern society sex is a normal part of the dating process. I'd have no problem waiting for a girl for a reasonable vetting period but to be honest if she told me she was waiting for her one true love to sleep with and wanting to spend the rest of their lives together I'd be running out the door. Maybe I'm just a cynic and I do admire your principled approach but it's not for me. Finding out if I'm sexually compatible with a person means more to me as a barometer of a relationship than whimsical notions of chick flick romance. The only way to know that is to sleep together. I've been in the situation before that the girl wanted to wait a year and I said no thank you very much. I think sex makes a couple closer and is a vital ingredient to making that "in love" state. Trying to find "the one" without it I personally believe is naive, but hey I could be wrong.

Best of luck with the fairytale. Hope it works out.

Nervous Wreck

Agree with Mr. Incognito entirely. Sex is personal and special, sure. And your first time should be special cos yer always gonna remember it as your first time! However, your first time is gonna be clumsy, awkward and kinda crap.... whatever age you are.... So why do it to yourself? Have fun with someone and if you like them enough, go for it! Waiting around for someone to climb up your hair before you'll climb into bed is naive and is gonna leave you feeling disillusioned in the end. Sex won't be fun for a while after you start having it because it'll take a while for you to become comfortable with it and become aware of what you like/dislike.

Is there anything wrong with you for your decision? Apart from naivete, no.... But are you missing out? Definitely.

pwd

You're building a very high pedestal for whoever you decide is the one for you. They will fall from this great height and shatter into tiny pieces.

Yes you are missing out. You must be cold inside after denying yourself intimacy for so long.

jack9219

Grow the F*uck up n get poon!

pwd

jack9219 wrote: »

Grow the F*uck up n get poon!

She already has a poon. What she wants is a ding-dong. (You didn't read this thread did you)

spinandscribble

i waited until i was in love to lose my virginity. i think it was a good idea as it meant i felt comfortable and in the long run i think it was beneficial. still, i was young enough to realise i might love him then but i had few ideas of being with him forever. at the same time you need to be realistic. sex is important to a relationship and it sounds like you would almost wait until you're married.

i don't honestly think you can know if someone is the person you want to spend the rest of our life with UNTIL you sleep with them.

LegacyUser

I probably came across as too fussy but i'm not. I was never into those druken opportunities and i have never had a serious enough relationship. I was shy right up until i was 23 which i am glad i was, cause i probably would have lost it for the sake of it if i wasn't shy.
It is something i don't want to rush into and i really don't want to regret it, that is why i want to wait. Im just waiting for the right man and not just do it for the sake of it. I do wish there would be some kind of future and not just some short term relationship. I dont want to lose my virginity to someone that is going to dump me a weeks later.

Bill Cosby

Missing out ? yes i think so.

I dont know how you will know that its your true love without having sex.

If you and your "true love" are not compatible in the bedroom then its hard to pinpoint them as the "true love" me thinks.

Good luck with your search.

Wibbs

jack9219 banned for a week for trolling. Please read the charter of this forum when you return.

Dudess

sunnyside wrote: »

I do think you are missing out.

Debatable. Some people attach a lot of emotion to sex and would be happier going without it than having emotion-free casual sex. The OP seems like that.

There's always a chance you won't meet "the one", I mean hopefully you will but it's not guaranteed.

I agree. So consider striking a balance OP if you don't want to risk never having sex (just having sex to see what it's like, is a good enough reason to do so too). Have you ever met a guy whom you just thought was hot and you got that feeling you'd just love to get physical with him? There's nothing at all wrong with having sex based on that alone. Ok, it's not as good as sex with someone you're in love with, but it's still pretty great.
But maybe you're not a very sexual person either and you'd have to have an extremely intense intimate connection with someone before having sex with them - if that's the case, so be it.

Having sex really should be on the list of life experiences along with college, travelling, etc

Ah I disagree with that - it's a choice. Saying it "should be" anything is quite pressurising. People should go for particular life experiences because they want to, not because they're believed to be a rite of passage for every teenager/20-something.

Sometimes it takes a bit of practice before you start enjoying it. I'd prefer to have some idea what I was doing before having sex with "the one" I'd hate for the big romance fantasy to be ruined by awkward, clumsy, inexperienced sex.

I know what you mean, but these things aren't always an issue when the two people are crazy enough about each other. That may seem a bit idealised, but believe me, I'm far from idealistic when it comes to romance.

Sex means taking your clothes off, in your 20's your body is probably the best it's ever going to be and it's a shame to waste that.

Sorry, but I think that sentence is kinda silly. Ok, being comfortable with your body is bound to make sex even more enjoyable, but having sex in your 20s just because you've a good body and you don't want to waste it... is not good enough reason to have sex.

OP, sex can be just recreational, not always this sacred occurrence that takes place between two people who are in love with each other, so wait until you actually want to do it, but don't put it on a pedestal either.

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Of course you are missing out on a sex life but the question is really; is it worth missing out on?

I don't think any of us can answer that for you. If you have set your heart on waiting for Mr Right then can you settle for Mr Right Now? Will you always wish you waited?

If you are happy to wait & don't feel you are missing out, then carry on & wait and see how you feel with the next guy you are dating. Sex is such a changeable experience, even with the same person - and without knowing what the future holds for you, it's difficult to comment on whether you have more to gain by waiting or not.

Rosita

virgin@27 wrote: »

Hello,

I am a 27, almost 28 year old female and i am still a virgin. Is there anything wrong with me? It is not as if i have never had the opportunity but they were mostly drunken opportunities. A few men wouldn't wait until i was ready. Their loss. And another one man called me his girlfriend after agreeing to go to the cinema and have a drink with him. That was to fast. A few men didn't believe me and told me to stop lying and just get it on with them.

I would like to wait, so i wouldn't end up regretting it and since i am going on 28 and waited so long i would like to wait for my one and only true love. But i haven't met him yet. I am in no rush yet to be honest and i am not desperate to meet him at 28, cause i am going to have to spend the rest of my life with him. And that is a long time.

Its obviously not the first thing i tell them but am i going to scare any potential man off by saying i am a virgin at 28? Am i missing out on anything?

Is there anything wrong with you for being a virgin at 28? Certainly not.

But beware of making this a bigger issue for you that it needs to be, and wearing it like an albatross around your neck.

Your virginity is something to be neither guarded jealously for the sake of it nor flung away for the sake of it as if you were missing out on something major. That is to say you shouldn't let it define your relationships "going forward" as Brian Cowen would say.

But don't get hung up on the idea that you are doing some guy a massive favour by offering him your virginity, but neither get into the frame of mind that you must wait for a cross between Einstein and Mr Universe for the right moment.

Darragh29

virgin@27 wrote: »

I am not imposing any rules for myself. I waited so long that now i would like to wait for like i say my one true love. That is just me. I would like to think that there is a future for us, eg marriage. I don't think there is any couple that would think of divorce when getting married. If it happens, it happens. But it is not something i would like to think about when getting married. There is nothing wrong with moving on. You certainly do not have to stay with them forever, if it happens.

There's a fair bit of naiveity in this post I think. There is no problem with waiting until the man you will marry comes along, but if that doesn't happen until you are 38 or 42, will you be happy being a virgin between now and then, given that is obviously bothering you enough at 27 to post here about it now???

I'd chill out a bit OP and run with the ebbs and tides of life a bit more.

Snowie

spinandscribble wrote: »

sex is important to a relationship and it sounds like you would almost wait until you're married.

i don't honestly think you can know if someone is the person you want to spend the rest of our life with UNTIL you sleep with them.

They are to really good point's.
But todays socity isnt what it was 50 years ago there are very few taboos regarding sex in genral...But i think this thread may help, may add some weight to what spin is saying... ...
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055359451

TheDollyParton

Missing out? From my perspective, yes. I love sex, so I would really miss it if I wasn't having it.

However, you shouldn't settle with regard to who you do this with. I have a bit of a weird ethos when it comes to who I sleep with and when (its a little mental, I know this, so don't give out to me). If I'm with someone and it's a one night thing, I will go for it. I enjoy it for the physical act, nothing more. But if I meet someone and I really like them, and I think a relationship might develop, I always hold out for a while, that way when we do do it, it's not drunken and messy and there is an emotional connection there. I have yet to meet a guy who had a problem with this. Hold out for a decent one I reckon, but in my opinion, it doesn't neccessarily have to be your "one true love".

LegacyUser

I'm you're male opposite number

27, virgin, not comfortable with the narrow, alcohol based parameters of the existing dating 'scene' in Ireland. Frustrated by the lack of understanding from the majority as to why I don't view things just the same as them and play 'the game' exactly as they do. I too have no interest in sex without some emotional connection. I always feel that what is required is to cross over to the dark side of drunken groping with strangers and that's just too far a leap for me. It does seem to be a case of extremes. I could see myself enjoying 'casual' sex but my definition seems to differ from everyone else's in this country.

I agree with most of the sentiments above but for different reasons to those stated. I could meet someone special and I think that it's almost inevitable that she will have had more partners. She may very well have been 'satisfied' by her sex life. I feel that I, on the other hand, could de-mystify the whole thing, end up really liking regular sex and start to resent being 'stuck' with her.

I hate being told by mates to go and get drunk and screw around the same as they do. They can't understand that it's just the way I am. I keep wishing to find a happy medium. I'm trying online dating but I'm not being overwhelmed so far.

acontadino

yep op sorry but im much younger than you and alredy have done it with a few girls(HOTT as well) so ye plz you need to remember you won't be age for ever so take it with this opportunity and go for it..

good luck. bye

acontadino

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm you're male opposite number

27, virgin, not comfortable with the narrow, alcohol based parameters of the existing dating 'scene' in Ireland. Frustrated by the lack of understanding from the majority as to why I don't view things just the same as them and play 'the game' exactly as they do. I too have no interest in sex without some emotional connection. I always feel that what is required is to cross over to the dark side of drunken groping with strangers and that's just too far a leap for me. It does seem to be a case of extremes. I could see myself enjoying 'casual' sex but my definition seems to differ from everyone else's in this country.

I agree with most of the sentiments above but for different reasons to those stated. I could meet someone special and I think that it's almost inevitable that she will have had more partners. She may very well have been 'satisfied' by her sex life. I feel that I, on the other hand, could de-mystify the whole thing, end up really liking regular sex and start to resent being 'stuck' with her.

I hate being told by mates to go and get drunk and screw around the same as they do. They can't understand that it's just the way I am. I keep wishing to find a happy medium. I'm trying online dating but I'm not being overwhelmed so far.

:eek:

is it just me or am i the only one with a great idea?

Mr. Incognito

I think so Brain but how are we going to introduce two unregs.

NARF.

(Apologies for the joke in PI but it had to be done and it's not off topic imo)

snowy2008

your so lucky you still have it, i threw it away on a total loser but then again all my friends said they did it so i didnt want to feel left out, its such a precious thing and its a very special gift, give it to someone who truly deserves it, not all men are looking for one thing, theres someone special for every one out there, cherish it!

metamorphic

OP, I think you need to realise that it's not a golden ticket, and the person you give it to isn't going to be awestruck into being with you for the rest of their lives. If they're a decent human being they'll take it on board and give it it's due consideration. But I think you've built it up in your mind a little too much.

2ndly, people can be intimate but things can still go wrong in relationships. You seem to think it'll seal the deal infinitely. I think it's a process you need to discover, people fall in and out of love, are physical, are close, sometimes it lasts sometimes it doesn't. Not that I "fear" for you, but I feel you've missed some hard lessons that may be even harder to take with your expectations of who you lose your virginity with.

Nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age, you expectation of what happens when you lose it is a little off I'd say.

zxcvbnm1

Ya - I think you're missing out.

I think you have it in your head that losing your virginity is a very precious gift that can only be given to 'the one'.

I think you are taking it too seriously.

Sex can be fun just for the sake of fun among consenting adults.
It doesn't necessarily have to be this precious thing which you seem to perceive it as.

I think you should loosen up a little and just enjoy life a bit more by experiencing life.

I'm not saying you should sleep with every single guy out there - but if you like someone and you sleep with him and don't end up marrying him and living happy ever after like some movie then there's nothing wrong with that at all.

I think your best chances at finding 'the one' is by having full relationships with people and after some trial and error then hopefully you will eventually settle with teh one you think you feel most compatible with.

You are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself hoping to meet this prince - which may quite possibly end up with you never meetuing 'teh one' as your standards will be too high.
You have to get in the real world and realise that thsi prince in all likelihood doesn't exist - and as with any relationship it will involve compromise along with the usual ups and downs.

In a nutshell - get out there and live a little and what happens happens.

sunnyside

zxcvbnm1 wrote: »

- but if you like someone and you sleep with him and don't end up marrying him and living happy ever after like some movie then there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Definitely especially if alcohol isn't involved. Outside of long term relationships leading to marriage it isn't all drunken one night stands you'll never see again.

hot2def

virgin@27 wrote: »

I was shy right up until i was 23 which i am glad i was, cause i probably would have lost it for the sake of it if i wasn't shy.
.

I don't mean to be unkind, but aren't you "keeping it" for the sake of it?


I used to have an attitude quite like yours, before I lost my virginity suddenly and without planning it. I came to the conclusion that there is no "it" to lose - no one doesn't get in a car for years because they want ther first time to be perfect, people don't avoid going to Flodrida becuase it isn't the right time.....


obviously you shouldn't do anything you don't want to, but at the same time, I think you might be building this up into a bigger event than it is....

LegacyUser

i used to think this way.

i followed through on it too. i am now with the one i know i am destined to be with. i love this person and could never leave them. and when i die, i know my one regret will be not having slept with anyone else.

its a horrible thing.

LegacyUser

virgin@27 wrote: »

Hello,

I am a 27, almost 28 year old female and i am still a virgin. Is there anything wrong with me? It is not as if i have never had the opportunity but they were mostly drunken opportunities. A few men wouldn't wait until i was ready. Their loss. And another one man called me his girlfriend after agreeing to go to the cinema and have a drink with him. That was to fast. A few men didn't believe me and told me to stop lying and just get it on with them.

I would like to wait, so i wouldn't end up regretting it and since i am going on 28 and waited so long i would like to wait for my one and only true love. But i haven't met him yet. I am in no rush yet to be honest and i am not desperate to meet him at 28, cause i am going to have to spend the rest of my life with him. And that is a long time.

Its obviously not the first thing i tell them but am i going to scare any potential man off by saying i am a virgin at 28? Am i missing out on anything?

You're not missing out on anything that'll count for a whole hill of beans. My wife-to-be is 37 and waited. I'm 45 and didn't.. in the past - but am now waiting with her.

There's sex (making lust) and sex (making love). I've done plenty of the former and it felt great at the time but kind of hollow too. I've never done the latter and it appears to me to be the case that you can't do the making love sex without first doing the making love.

Which means you have first to find the love. That there's a whole lot of pressure to do otherwise should act as a hint regarding the right way to go. I gather there's even "dating etiquette" which demands you should wait 'til at least the 3rd date before having sex - otherwise you'll be considered "loose"

*shakes head*