My Family have no interest in me

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I moved into our house 3 years ago and my mother has been up once or twice in this whole time. She lives 5 minutes walk away.
My partner’s family have been up loads more, especially his mum.
My mother will only visit someone if there is a drink in it for her and she can have a night of her and her friends getting merry.
Neither my partner or I smoke but we’ve never had any problem with people smoking in our house and my mum knows this too (she and my sister smokes heaps and swear they wont darken the door of anyone who wont let them smoke??)
I visit my mam every day on the way home from work and love our chats and can’t understand why she won’t call over. Her excuse is she doesn’t drive but she visits her best mate’s daughter once a week (for a drink of course) and my sister once a week (with me driving). I told her if she can ask me to drive up to my sister’s house why can’t she ask my sister to drive to my house? Her best mate is also a lover of drink and the two of them drink together every night at my mams.
My problem is that I’m now 12 weeks pregnant and very excited as is my partner. I doubt my mam will want to call over when the baby is born without a drink or two in the house which will be a total no go area for me and my partner. As for smoking, no way.
I don’t know if she has a drink problem or not, but her whole nightly social life is based around drink. She works during the day.
If she does this, and I’m probably jumping the gun here, how can I tell her to just call socially (ie no alcohol with her mates and go home)?
The sad truth is, she probably won’t come near me at all. Is it too much to ask for a normal mum to call around and have a cup of tea??
She also says I’m too clean (hello?) and she feels uncomfortable in my house. I am very clean but for God’s sake I have no qualms about people smoking so whats the problem?
Am I overreacting here? I’m so upset by it all (prob my pregnant hormones!)

Craft25

sorry to say this hun but it sounds like your mam has a drinking problem - not able to be anywhere without a stashed (or not even stashed!) drop on hand.. seems pretty clear

Joey the lips

I dont know why but this happens with a lot of families so much so I made it an issue with mine.

My mom used to come over and think my house was an excuse to get totally hammered. I think your family just relaxes better in your house take it as a compliment.

We lived less than half a mile 10min walk from my mom 20 min walk from her mom and we never say any of them. Her brother lived about 5min walk but in fairness he worked a lot. Her other brother would always drop by. He was sound sometimes 5min hello sometimes he's come in "Are ya watchin the gaa match sunday, I'll drop down"

One day we decided to move away 28miles away. Her mother blamed me,my mother blamed her. We told them simply "We never se any of you since we moved and if we do its only for drink so we are doing our own thing." Problem is now we see less.

I think familys are strange. When you'd like to see them you dont and likewise when you dont want to see them....

Thats familys for you!

luckat

Look on the bright side, Unreg. You don't really want your house full of drunken people puffing smoke into your baby's face when the sprog's born. This way, you have control: you can visit your mam.

Anyway, there are visitors and visitees. Some people are always the ones who are visited, keeping open house for friends and families - these people often feel quite shy about going outside their home to visit, even to family members.

It does sound as if your mother has a problem with an unhealthy lifestyle, as Craft says.