My dad died

snowy2008

my dad died 6 weeks ago today, somedays i have good days and some dyays are bad days, like today when all i want to do is cry, i miss him so desperatly and i was thinking of going to see a medium just to see if she could contact him for me just to see if hes ok, the last time i saw my dad he told me how much he loved me but i just want to knwo if hes ok and theres an afterlife, i get so jealous hearing other people talk about there dads but mines gone

agent_smith

Hi Teresa,

First off sincere condolences on your loss. I'm not going to pretend I can understand what your going through. But like many others here, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
To be honest I would advise you against going to a medium, I think it may only upset you more. You are likely to be very vulnerable right now to the right/wrong suggestion. I think you should talk with a grief councillor first who may be able to help you through this upsetting period in your life.

Poloman

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss its never easy and you will have good and bad days thats normal. Its a traumatic event in ones life losing someone they love dearly.

Please dont visit a medium. they are rip off artists and they could easily say something in their lies that might upset you un-necessarily. They play on vulnerable people which you are at the moment. If you need to speak to someone its better to talk with those you love. Friends/family/partner etc. They are the people who actually care and wont be looking for silver to pass their hands.

It takes time. It will get easier.

prinz

teresa2008 wrote: »

my dad died 6 weeks ago today, somedays i have good days and some dyays are bad days, like today when all i want to do is cry, i miss him so desperatly and i was thinking of going to see a medium just to see if she could contact him for me just to see if hes ok, the last time i saw my dad he told me how much he loved me but i just want to knwo if hes ok and theres an afterlife, i get so jealous hearing other people talk about there dads but mines gone

Take care of yourself. You will have good days and bad days - thats natural. It's important to focus on the good ones. The important things is that you keep him in your memories, especially the good times, and in particular the last time he saw you, to me it sounds like he said what he wanted to say before he went and you should take some comfort in that. I wouldn't recommend going down the medium-seance route. If that's what you feel you have to do, then go for it. But will it really give you closure on things? My own father has a terminal disease so these are things i've had to confront over the last year or so. To be honest there are many people out there who would love to hear the last words you heard from their father... the child of the PSNI officer killed a few days ago being one example. Try to focus on the good times, and remember its something everyone has to go through - losing their parents. Take care.

Red Alert

Hey, losing your dad is very tough, I can't imagine what it must be like.

Don't go near a medium or any of those other con artists. They make their money from picking on vulnerable people, they have no real qualifications and they make their business from crackpottery. They cannot contact people in the afterlife but take people's money by saying they can.

What is important is that you dad said he loved you - and he knows you love him. Take every day slowly as it comes, you will have bad days, but things will get better. And talk to people, friends, family, priest, whoever. Go for a walk on your own, some place like up the mountains or in a nice forest, say your thoughts or feelings to your dad out loud. Try also and get your work/study load made a bit lower over the next while.

smileysurfer

Im really sorry to hear that! It cant be easy for you.
I would say to stay away from a medium also, Im a firm believer that whatever they claim to be able to do is a load of rubbish, there con men! They make a living from scamming the upset and vulnerable!
Its natural for you to be upset, there is no limit on time to grieve, give yourself a chance and remeber the good times. Your Dad is resting in peace so dont worry.
Take care

snowy2008

my dad was very sick for a really long time and he took his own life, my mother is left on her own now and we all do try and visit, im with her every weekend, but shes just heartbroken and im trying to be strong for her and some sort of comfort, it just doesnt feel like its going to ever get any better

LeixlipRed

Really sorry to hear about your loss OP. But it's absolutely vital you dont go near these con-artist mediums. Go to a grief counsellor. Turas le Cheile in Kilcock specialise in suicide related bereavement. Make an appointment. Their details are here. Good luck

Mr. Incognito

My dad passed away from Prostate cancer last Jan and it's taken me the guts of a year to come to terms with it- it WILL get better with time.

DO NOT go see a medium- these people are hacks and charlatans. If you want to talk to your Dad you don't need any conduit to do it- just go visit his grave and have a chat- you have a nice parting memory of him- hang onto it.

teresa2008

teresa2008 wrote: »

my dad died 6 weeks ago today, somedays i have good days and some dyays are bad days, like today when all i want to do is cry, i miss him so desperatly and i was thinking of going to see a medium just to see if she could contact him for me just to see if hes ok, the last time i saw my dad he told me how much he loved me but i just want to knwo if hes ok and theres an afterlife, i get so jealous hearing other people talk about there dads but mines gone

Very sorry to hear that R.I.P

Like Mr incognito said-don't go near a medium.
Your Dad is in a safe place now don't disturb him with one of those people.He's there because it was his time to go despite how tough it is on you.

This too will pass.Visit his grave and talk to him there.
Theres nothing wrong with talking [not out loud] to him anytime anywhere when you want to.
I've lost both my parents now and yes it is very difficult.It's inevitable.

Take care.

Liam Byrne

Hi Teresa

It'll be 7 years next week since my dad passed away, and I was placing the acknowledgement in the paper yesterday and could feel myself breaking down on the phone to the newspaper's receptionist......

It's definitely not easy, and you need all of the support you can get; lots of things have happened in the meantime that I'd love his opinion on - some that he'd have approved and offered support for, and others where he'd probably have rolled his eyes and wondered what the hell I was thinking or why I was letting it get to me.....

Bottom line (and the way that I cope) is by remembering that the only reason this has such an impact on me is because of what he meant to me and did for us.....if he wasn't a great dad then there'd be no huge sense of loss. Yes, we had our iffy moments and disagreements - we're both human - but he did his best and brought us up along with mam to be fairly sound and decent folk.

So think of it from that angle; any time you get sad, remind yourself that that's because of who he was and what he was like......and have a "chat" with him at times - both the "what will I do/how would you advise me, dad" times AND the "how's it going - hope you're doing well / thanks for helping out from there" times. Keep him as part of your life and in your mind......it won't stop ALL the sad moments, and will probably add a few bittersweet ones, but it'll serve as a recognition of what he meant/means to you, and whenever I go I'd be happy if I knew people still thought of me and cared and maybe even missed me.

I don't know what's "next"; I'm not the most religious and it's more of a hope than full faith, but I do know that wherever he is he's laughing and joking with my little niece who passed away last year, and they're probably pulling the piss out of each other....

Sorry if the above is long-winded (that's SO unlike me [not! :P] but your post struck a chord and the timing is just after my call yesterday to the newspaper.

But yeah - any time you're worried, or sad (or happy) say "hi Dad".......

And best of luck - it's definitely tough, but like I said it's only tough because he was a good Dad, and that's why it's a compliment to him....and you can let him know at any time just by thinking of him.....

Take care,
L

6th

Speaking as soneone who knows some genuine mediums I'd say dont go near them right now. Its not what you need and those I know would agree. Take some time in a quiet room and just say out loud what you want to say to him, talk to him like he was there.

Sorry for your loss.

Overheal

teresa2008 wrote: »

my dad died 6 weeks ago today, somedays i have good days and some dyays are bad days, like today when all i want to do is cry, i miss him so desperatly and i was thinking of going to see a medium just to see if she could contact him for me just to see if hes ok, the last time i saw my dad he told me how much he loved me but i just want to knwo if hes ok and theres an afterlife, i get so jealous hearing other people talk about there dads but mines gone

Im sorry to hear that OP we lost my stepmother 2 years ago and that was hard enough on me, she did a lot to rear me.

I've had a family member go see a gypsy once and he found it an eye opening experience - but he could also handle himself. Those people aren't the straightest folks on the best of days, and these days are not.

If you need to speak with anyone about the afterlife I'd suggest you go to some house of worship, possibly a church. Sit down in a confession booth or something, speak with a priest, let them know if you aren't catholic or anything but they will still give you a bit of unbiased spiritual advice.

At the end of the day its so fortunate you were on good terms with your father when he went. I was always fairly ungrateful to my stepmom and while we got on well enough I felt for a while I could have done a lot more. But in the end we parted on good terms, and you can honor your father's memory by being the son/daughter he raised. Parents will live and die for their children, rest assured you were the most important thing to him in the World. As long as you're alright, so is He.

Good Luck.

Joey the lips

teresa2008 wrote: »

my dad died 6 weeks ago today, somedays i have good days and some dyays are bad days, like today when all i want to do is cry, i miss him so desperatly and i was thinking of going to see a medium just to see if she could contact him for me just to see if hes ok, the last time i saw my dad he told me how much he loved me but i just want to knwo if hes ok and theres an afterlife, i get so jealous hearing other people talk about there dads but mines gone

Hi, What do I say, Sorry to hear of your loss. I will say a prayer for yourself and your dad.

On another note, My own Dad died last year and my mother went into shock when she saw how I reacted. She has since said something to me when I am passing on to you and hope it helps.

" I did not have you cause I wanted you to look after me. I had you cause I loved kids and wanted my own. I want you to be happy and safe, Wealthy is a bonus. One day I will die. I do not want you to be sad. Cause the thought of you being sad makes me sad. So the day I die, morn me and miss me but remember I love you. Move forward with life. Drop by every now and again and tell me how your getting on but always remember I love you"

To that end remember your father and mother love you dearly. I believe even when your argueing with your parents they still love you cause they admire your spirit.

Take care and never feel alone when you have memories.

smileysurfer

Joey the lips wrote: »

Hi, What do I say, Sorry to hear of your loss. I will say a prayer for yourself and your dad.

On another note, My own Dad died last year and my mother went into shock when she saw how I reacted. She has since said something to me when I am passing on to you and hope it helps.

" I did not have you cause I wanted you to look after me. I had you cause I loved kids and wanted my own. I want you to be happy and safe, Wealthy is a bonus. One day I will die. I do not want you to be sad. Cause the thought of you being sad makes me sad. So the day I die, morn me and miss me but remember I love you. Move forward with life. Drop by every now and again and tell me how your getting on but always remember I love you"

To that end remember your father and mother love you dearly. I believe even when your argueing with your parents they still love you cause they admire your spirit.

Take care and never feel alone when you have memories.

That is the most touching post Iv read in a long time! Im literally welling up at my desk here! K ..deep breaths...
.... Im so sorry for both your losses, Im lucky enough to have not lost anyone in my immediate family so I dont know how someone would cope with such a loss. For your mother to say that and be so supportive and loving is lovely to see! an inspiration.

LegacyUser

Sorry for your loss, my da died 3 months ago. It was a big shock to me too. I know exactly how you feel. Grief for me came in uncontrollable waves, you’d be fine one min and balling the next. Have to say though the waves get further and further apart.

I did go to medium, a very good one though, she knew his name and what he died from n everything, she also said death was a relief to him and he was at peace. Maybe she was just good at guessing i don’t know but it made me feel like maybe I will see me da again some day. I’m not a vested interest or anything. I’m a man by the way, I didn’t even believe in that stuff before. (usually a woman’s thing)

I made a memorial website for me da as well, this has been a good way of remembering and releasing grief for the whole family. I’ve made videos of him (ye know pics with music), written poems about him and put them all on the website. This is how im getting through this, maybe its going to be different for you but you will get through this, ye have to remember that.

snowy2008

thank you all so much, im in tears here, but they are happy tears