Self harm-may trigger

LegacyUser

Is self harm really that bad?

I'm in my early twenties now, but in my mid teens I started self harming (partly as a reaction to sexual abuse at a young age by a long dead family member). I've been very stressed and distressed recently by college work and issues with family, and I've returned to self harm as a coping mechanism (it's been years since I've done it). I realise that the sexual abuse is probably still an issue, I never told anybody about it because the abuser is long since dead, and the sick bastard isn't worth tearing the family apart.

But, is self harm something that needs to be stopped, or a valid way of dealing with stuff? The release I get immediately is undescribable, and the aftermath-when I see the cuts or burns or bruises, or when someone bumps off me and they hurt-feels so brilliant. It's like, yes, I'm not just being dramatic, look what I've done to myself, I'm going through stuff, I feel it, it's valid. I don't do any huge damage to myself, I'd never try and kill myself or hurt myself to the point that I end up in hospital, I just want the pain and the scar. Sorry to get graphic (and I did warn that this may be triggering) but what I do is cut words into my upper legs or arms, burn myself with cigarettes, or bite myself. Seeing as I did it sporadically through my teens, haven't done it in years and have now restarted...is it worth getting help? I really, genuinely, don't want to stop. I've suffered with ED-NOS in the past (so I obviously express psychological pain physically) and in my experience, self harm is a lot less damaging....

I'm sorry for the ramble and the drama, I guess my basic question is; I was sexually abused as a child, I'm dealing with it, but should I tear my extended family apart by publicly acknowledging the abuse or deal with it in a way that doesn't bother me but that is viewed very negatively by a lot of people. I'm happy to keep doing this, but maybe I should talk to somebody? I never thought I'd start doing it again.

Nevyn

Self harm is not a vaild way of dealing or not dealing with things.

You can seek out help and start dealing with those issues for your own sake
you don't have to confront people or tell extended family.

http://www.spunout.ie/health/Healthy-mind/Self-harm

Support services:
Pieta House- Centre for the Prevention of Self-Harm or Suicide
Web: www.pieta.ie
Email: mary@pieta.ie
Pieta House offers a specialised treatment programme for people who have suicidal ideation or who participate in self-harming behaviours. In particular, this centre targets people who have already attempted to take their lives. This service is free of charge.


Samaritans PHONE: 1850 609090
(Northern Ireland PHONE: 08457 909090)
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Web: www.samaritans.org
Samaritans provide confidential, non-judgemental support, 24 hours a day for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide.


ChildLine FREEPHONE: 1800 66 66 66
Talk to ChildLine online.
Web: www.childline.ie
Childline is a 24-hour a day service for young people up to 18. Childline offer support to young people through their listening service over the phone and through the website. You can call Childline for a chat or to talk about any problems you might have.

Click here for other organisations that can help.



Why people self harm

Self-harm is often used to relieve tension or anger. It might also be a way to let out feelings and deal with sadness, stress, self-hatred or depression.

You might not know why you self harm. If you talk to someone you trust (a doctor or counsellor, friend, relative or teacher) they can help you start to understand the reasons. It’s important to get help: people who self harm are at a higher risk of suicide.

Some of the reasons people give for self-harming:

* Not being able to show your feelings by crying or in other ways.
* Physical hurt takes your mind away from emotional pain like a death or family problems.
* Self-harm relieves stress from exams or work for a little while.
* You want to forget about being abused or bullied.
* Hating yourself and hurting your body in punishment.
* When you feel out of control, self-harm is a jolt back to reality.
* Self-harm makes you feel alive.
* Some people say that self-harm makes them feel real and in control. Instead of crying or screaming at someone, maybe you hurt yourself instead.

http://www.oneinfour.ie/
http://www.drcc.ie/services/index.htm

RossFixxxed

Everything Thaed said!

You NEED to see someone professional on this to deal with the underlying issues.

There are FAR more productive outlets than this. I remember having a terrible day (and I mean absolutely black), getting on my bike and cycling over the wicklow mountains. I just put every bit of anger, upset etc into pushing the bike harder. By the time I got home I felt great.

For six months of this I was more confident, better shape (six pack... i miss it), happier, and generally better able to cope. That's just one solution.

I would recommend (and I know it attracts hippies, weirdos, and total new age gob****es) meditation. Mindfulness of breathing is great and does help a lot too!

Take every measure you can on this. You won't know yourself when you're on the mend and you will realise how destructive this behaviour is. Trust me on this one, been that soldier!

Good luck OP,
Ross

LegacyUser

Self harm is not a vaild way of dealing or not dealing with things.

Charming and incorrect. It is possible to hold the following view: accept that there are times when harming is a legitimate survival strategy, not a suicidal gesture or attempt and not be 'pro self-harm'. Just because it's taboo and frowned upon unlike getting wasted doesn't automatically mean it's invalid. The reasons why people harm themselves are often very complex and need to be understood in this respect.

OP, the longer the self-harm goes on the more difficult recovery may be because it becomes so familiar as a coping mechanism, the default option of dealing with things. It is not really the self harm that needs to stop, but rather you need to look at the underlying causes, the stresses and the triggers (including college pressures, your family..not just trauma) and develop alternative coping strategies. Recovery can take a very, very long time, and it's not easy, but the thoughts and feelings to harm can quieten down. You seem to be quite self aware, but you will probably need professional support around addressing your issues, including the sexual abuse.

Here's a list of distractions that might help.

Before you self harm, ask yourself these questions:

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
What has brought me to this point?
Have I been here before?
What did I do to deal with it?
How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
What else can I do that won't hurt me?
How do I feel right now?
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
How will I feel after hurting myself?
How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Do I need to hurt myself?

http://www.rethink.org/living_with_mental_illness/coping_in_a_crisis/suicide_self_harm/self_harming/help_for_self.html

LegacyUser

selfharm wrote: »

I was sexually abused as a child, I'm dealing with it,

hey hun

i'm sorry to break it to you , but no you are not dealing with it.

i speak from experience.

i've been abused and i've self harmed. although i never self harmed regularly, (maybe about a half a dozen times in total) there was also the times when i was literally craving to cut myself and i felt like there was nothing else that would make me feel so much better. somehow i stopped myself on both occasions.

you think that self harm is helping. it isn't. it gives you a temporary release, which yes feels good at the time, but is not healthy, and i guarantee will only make you feel worse in the long run.

actually yes you are dealing with your sexual abuse, but you are dealing with it in a negative, harmful way.

dealing with it effectively involves HEALING from the sexual abuse, not cutting yourself to let out the anger, aggression and pain that you feel inside. you mightn't regret harming yourself now, but when you have healed from your abuse, the scars will serve as a premanent reminder of what you went through. you don't want that. i used to hate the scars on my legs cos every time i looked at them i thought of my abuse, and that wasn't what i wanted. thankfuly they have nearly faded.

unfortunately i can't say, ok OP to heal from sexual abuse you do a, b, c. healing is different for absolutely everyone. i can only do what is right for me, as you can only do what is right for you. and harming feels like it is what is right for you, but it isn't.

i promise you that there is a better life out there for you. you DESERVE to live a full and happy life free from the pain of the abuse. its not going to happen today or tomorrow, but you have to find what works for you, be it therapy or whatever, and really work at it. it is going to be **** hard, but it will be so worth it.

before you start the healing process though, you have to make the decision that you want to heal. that you are ready to make that decision. nothing can really happen until you make that decision that its what you want to do.

Part of the problem is that if self-harm has become part of your life and helps you deal with your feelings it may be difficult to imagine coping without it.

that's ok.

when you do find the courage and strength to stop harming yourself, i woudl recommend the following:

-find some sport or something that allows you to get your anger out. get a punchbag whatever. or go somewhere really far off where you can let out a scream. smash some dishes, whatever. you can let it out without hurting yourself!

-look after you. allow yourself to feel pleasure. take long hot baths, nice walks in the country whatever, allow yourself to feel pleasure too.

-have little milestones. treat yourself to something you want after say a week of not harming, a month etc.

-if you relapse it is not the end of the world. you more than likely will, since it has been such a part of your life.i know i did. when you do, don't beat yourself up over it.


i know you probably still don't feel that you WANT to stop. that decision can only come from within you, and will hopefully come in time. if you can, please do find the courage to talk to someone.

most of all, look after you ok. take care OP.

LegacyUser

been_there_too wrote: »

there was also the times when i was literally craving to cut myself and i felt like there was nothing else that would make me feel so much better. somehow i stopped myself on both occasions.

sorry, noticed a typo, but cannot edited since i posted unreg. that should say 'these occasions' rather that on 'both occasions'

thanks

LegacyUser

TypeA wrote: »

Charming and incorrect. It is possible to hold the following view: accept that there are times when harming is a legitimate survival strategy, not a suicidal gesture or attempt and not be 'pro self-harm'. Just because it's taboo and frowned upon unlike getting wasted doesn't automatically mean it's invalid. The reasons why people harm themselves are often very complex and need to be understood in this respect.

OP, the longer the self-harm goes on the more difficult recovery may be because it becomes so familiar as a coping mechanism, the default option of dealing with things. It is not really the self harm that needs to stop, but rather you need to look at the underlying causes, the stresses and the triggers (including college pressures, your family..not just trauma) and develop alternative coping strategies. Recovery can take a very, very long time, and it's not easy, but the thoughts and feelings to harm can quieten down. You seem to be quite self aware, but you will probably need professional support around addressing your issues, including the sexual abuse.

Here's a list of distractions that might help.

Amazing link, really, I find the ice cube works for me if I get the urge and the fact that my scars are so much more visible in the Summer puts me off doing it again.

I'm not sure the urges ever go away, right now my parents are divorcing and when I have a lack of control in my life thats when I feel the urge. Try all the suggesstions they are vaild and really work, good luck!!

mickeydevine

I'm no expert so this is only my opinion.

What your doing is abnormal but I wouldn't say its wrong. We each deal with stresses in our own way but just try and keep it under control. If the frequency and degree of harm increases then you have to break the cycle, for the health of your body alone. You've stopped before so it shows that you can when required. Be strong.

I'm sorry no-one was there when you needed help, I truly am.