Don't seem to have anything in common with anyone...

LegacyUser

I don't really know why I'm posting and I don't even think this is a problem that actually has a resolution but I would appreciate a response and maybe if you guys shared your thoughts.

I'm 21, single, in college, and I do actually have loads of friends, but I don't feel as though I have anything much in common with them, and every time I meet new people I find it really hard to connect, if that's the right word...

I have hobbies and interests most of which however I do actually prefer to do by myself, but on the odd occasion when I do get out and meet people with shared interests it seems as though it's the only thing we have in common or their outlook on whatever it is, or just life in general is so different that we often don't have anything to talk about at all.
I had a friend when I was younger, a girl I met and knew for only a few weeks, and I remember talking to her and how whether or not we had stuff in common we always seemed to be able to talk for hours, we just really clicked, when the weeks were up I was sad to see her go, and missed her she was the closest friend I'd ever had... but since I haven't met anyone that I've clicked with at all... it's like everyone else is on a different wave length or something and I really do just want to click with someone again.
My problem, I think, is that, if I had to leave where I am now and start new there isn't one person I'd miss in any significant way and that makes me feel crap.... almost selfish or something....

I'm a great socialiser and have plans nearly everyday to go somewhere or do something, and I meet loads of new people all the time but always encounter the same problem...

Can anyone relate? Am I maybe just meeting the wrong type of people? Get outside my social spheres? Am I just an 'odd-ball'?
Sorry, wanted to get it off my chest.

Overheal

Well thats a tough one to answer really. Would you then consider yourself a very rigid person? You mention a lot that when someone else's views are out of alignment with yours it leads to a lack of conversation?

Don't get me wrong, radically opposing viewpoints can drive anyone mad but if you can bend and sway a little, exercise some empathy and understanding, you get to see where they are coming from. Taking an example, I can talk with a Pro-Life or a Pro-Choice person because I can see where each of them is coming from and where they stand on the issue, even if I may completely disagree one way or the other.

At the end of the day you don't have to hit it off with everyone you meet but if you are finding you arent making a connection with 1 in every 25 or so people you meet, it may be you. You might be Linux, they might be a PC or a Mac - but you can all understand Java

RossFixxxed

I dunno man, there's a difference between different interests and nothing in common.

I mean myself and my gf are VERY different, she likes Take That, I'm more Tool, she likes pink fluffy things, I've shot pink fluffy things. She's an optimist... I'm more... umm.. grounded? But we have an underlying similarity, sense of humour and general take on things. And we get on great.

You dont' want mates that are clones of yourself.

Also it's the people who are enthusiastic but not trying to convert you are the great people to be around. Someone who really loves things and spreads that love on is great, someone who is rigid and just argues all the time on things (not debates) are a nightmare to be around. I've been that guy too many times!

R

hobochris

Overheal wrote: »

At the end of the day you don't have to hit it off with everyone you meet but if you are finding you arent making a connection with 1 in every 25 or so people you meet, it may be you. You might be Linux, they might be a PC or a Mac - but you can all understand Java

finally social interaction explained In a way I can understand...lol.

I felt the same way before, In a similar situation(I was also in college at the time, maybe the stress ad's to it),I found by obsessing about having things in common with these people I was isolating myself, If you let it go on for to long it will consume you and you'll end up depressed. I realized that its was the things that we didn't have in common which made us more interesting. As long as you like being in each others company and have a laugh that's All you need.

I have friend's I have things in common with and others I don't, Its no big deal we all get along & have a laugh etc..

barleybooley

Darling, just because people generally like being around other people (I literally go up the walls without social contact) doesn't mean everyone does. A good number of people are perfectly happy just to be on their own and life is too short not to do what makes you happy (as long as it's all legit and above board of course ). If you're not unhappy on your own, then why would you beat yourself up over it? It's not worth the heartache. Also, having very little in common isn't as a big a deal as you might think. So, you both wear black socks, big swinging mickey, tell me something interesting and a bit quirky, I'd rather not hang around with another version of me.

I really wouldn't give this much more thought if I were you, it seems to only be getting you down because you think it's a bit left of center but it's not! So, my advice to you would be go with your own flow and not everyone else's

Joey the lips

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't really know why I'm posting and I don't even think this is a problem that actually has a resolution but I would appreciate a response and maybe if you guys shared your thoughts.

I'm 21, single, in college, and I do actually have loads of friends, but I don't feel as though I have anything much in common with them, and every time I meet new people I find it really hard to connect, if that's the right word...

I have hobbies and interests most of which however I do actually prefer to do by myself, but on the odd occasion when I do get out and meet people with shared interests it seems as though it's the only thing we have in common or their outlook on whatever it is, or just life in general is so different that we often don't have anything to talk about at all.
I had a friend when I was younger, a girl I met and knew for only a few weeks, and I remember talking to her and how whether or not we had stuff in common we always seemed to be able to talk for hours, we just really clicked, when the weeks were up I was sad to see her go, and missed her she was the closest friend I'd ever had... but since I haven't met anyone that I've clicked with at all... it's like everyone else is on a different wave length or something and I really do just want to click with someone again.
My problem, I think, is that, if I had to leave where I am now and start new there isn't one person I'd miss in any significant way and that makes me feel crap.... almost selfish or something....

I'm a great socialiser and have plans nearly everyday to go somewhere or do something, and I meet loads of new people all the time but always encounter the same problem...

Can anyone relate? Am I maybe just meeting the wrong type of people? Get outside my social spheres? Am I just an 'odd-ball'?
Sorry, wanted to get it off my chest.

Well then you have something in common with me. It took me a long time to get around this. I still feel that way at times. I found mine developed cause of the long hours I studied in college.The problem becomes compounded by the fact when you are out you are studieing in your mind.

Try relax. I used to go the pictures I found this helped. When you are there ask if they have a film club or join the college one. Its the easiest way to make friends cause you dont have to think weather or not a film is good you know by the fact you are watching it.

I also joined akido. This killed me but it was full of fit ladies.

RacoonQueen

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't really know why I'm posting and I don't even think this is a problem that actually has a resolution but I would appreciate a response and maybe if you guys shared your thoughts.

I'm 21, single, in college, and I do actually have loads of friends, but I don't feel as though I have anything much in common with them, and every time I meet new people I find it really hard to connect, if that's the right word...

I have hobbies and interests most of which however I do actually prefer to do by myself, but on the odd occasion when I do get out and meet people with shared interests it seems as though it's the only thing we have in common or their outlook on whatever it is, or just life in general is so different that we often don't have anything to talk about at all.
I had a friend when I was younger, a girl I met and knew for only a few weeks, and I remember talking to her and how whether or not we had stuff in common we always seemed to be able to talk for hours, we just really clicked, when the weeks were up I was sad to see her go, and missed her she was the closest friend I'd ever had... but since I haven't met anyone that I've clicked with at all... it's like everyone else is on a different wave length or something and I really do just want to click with someone again.
My problem, I think, is that, if I had to leave where I am now and start new there isn't one person I'd miss in any significant way and that makes me feel crap.... almost selfish or something....

I'm a great socialiser and have plans nearly everyday to go somewhere or do something, and I meet loads of new people all the time but always encounter the same problem...

Can anyone relate? Am I maybe just meeting the wrong type of people? Get outside my social spheres? Am I just an 'odd-ball'?
Sorry, wanted to get it off my chest.

I can. More than you know.

I tend to mix better with people who are older than me...some of the people who I would now consider my closet friends are 20 years or so older than me...and they're people I WOULD miss if they weren't in my life anymore.

Feel free to PM me if you like.