What do you think?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend since 2005, we met over the internet in 2004 in a chat room. he was not what I expected. He was looking for someone but I was not. He had seen a few women before I had to go to the UK on work related issues. He then ( I did not know this ) but he stopped seeing anyone because I was over and he wanted to meet with me. It took me nearly 5 months before I saw him. He was really nice and we grew even closer and over the 2 weeks I was with him, things happened and we have been together ever since. I have one child, he has none. He wants a long term relationship as do I. I think just about all the boxes are ticked but there are a few things that bother me a bit.


Before I ever knew him, he was in a long term relationship of something like 17 years and according to him, one day he got sacked from his job, got depressed, tried to find work, all the while she was reading up Dr phil and self help books, she played repeatedly 'Think I better leave right now' by Will Young. He said he never really payed attention to the music or the books, but anyway, she told him that she was leaving him and that there was nothing he could do about it. She told him she didnt love him anymore but will stay till he gets a new job. When he got a new job, she left. He does not know where she lives or the reason why she left him. Some friends are in contact with her but according to my boyfriend she didnt leave him for another man, just that she didnt love him anymore.

Having been with my boyfriend for sometime now, I cannot understand how she couldnt love him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. We have had our ups and downs and really downs but always stay. But I find the thing about his ex strange, I have asked him a few times about it but I get more or less the same reply.

What do you think?

Quazzie

He might not be ready to talk about it properly yet or maybe he is in a bit of denial about what actually happened with his ex. Either way you are happy with him now and thats what you should judge your own relationship on. he might be prone to a bit of depression, that was presviously brought on by him losing his job, but with patience and understanding if this happens again you can work through it.

The truth is you might never find out what happened in his last relationship, but you should concentrate your current one, as that who he is now.

thekinks

everyone has baggage. why are looking to their failed relationship to somehow validate yours?

Tim Robbins

Unregistered wrote: »

Having been with my boyfriend for sometime now, I cannot understand how she couldnt love him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. We have had our ups and downs and really downs but always stay. But I find the thing about his ex strange, I have asked him a few times about it but I get more or less the same reply.

What do you think?

I wouldn't even talk about the ex. It's in the past.

Oh The Humanity

The relationship might have just run its course and maybe they had become like brother and sister, it happens. Even with the best man you could become bored after 17 years.

Or she could have been a psycho. There could have been someone else.
Something that doesn't bother you about him could have drove her mad,
you just dont know.

I wouldn't get too hung up on it, I would be actually encouraged that he spent 17 years with someone, it shows hes a bit of a keeper more than anything in my opinion.

Wagon

Cos she was a stupid bitch?

Who cares? he's yours now.

Zaph

Wagon wrote: »

Cos she was a stupid bitch?

Who cares? he's yours now.

Wagon, may I suggest you read the part of the charter relating to unhelpful posts before you post in PI again.

bubblewrap

:eek::D

Be thankful she did fall out of love with him, he is yours now. It doesn't matter and shouldn't matter as long as you are both happy now.

John Mason

why would you care?

its in the past and has nothing to do with you or is it any of your business

Harris

You are with him since 2005 - that's 4 years.
Why are you wondering about this now?

prinz

Maybe they were really HIS dr phil books and he had an unhealthy interest

Seriously, sounds to me like that girl was sorting her own head out, with the books and that. Having read some of his books ( guilty pleasure ) they are quite interesting. I would say what happend had nothing to do with your fella and everything to do with the girl that left. And you'll never know why. Maybe she wasnt looking for the same things as him/you. Ifs buts maybes and nuts. You'll never know, obviously he doesn't know, so leave it at that, unless you want to track her down, which would make you a stalker tbh

Ginny

Why rehash the past, are their lingering issues which might effect your current relationship?
If not, then why go back over everything? You've been together since 2005, why is it a problem for you now?
The person your ex was in that relationship is most possibly not the person you're with now, and bringing up his past when its not causing any issues in your relationship may hinder rather then help your relationship.