Would YOU want to go out with me?

Monkey61

This is going to be a long one...

I'll start by pointing out that I have recently gotten out of a long term relationship which has left me quite open about my feelings and left me used to a certain level of emotional intimacy and honesty that I find myself imposing upon strangers and sort of forgetting boundaries.

Right, so I got chatting to a girl online which escalated into the exchanging of really long emails everyday for about two weeks - and we agreed to meet. We went for a (more than a) few drinks and she invited me to her friends party. We started kissing before we got there and continued throughout the party. She spent the whole night happily showing me off to all of her friends and we had a great night. The next day was spent just the two of us being hungover and watching TV in her house. Lots of hugs etc.

The following week I had sent a few emails and such but she wasn't really replying. She had agreed to invite me out with my friend who was coming to say with me the next weekend.

Mistake number one - I text her when horrifically drunk and mentioned that I thought she was amazing. She thanked me for that and invited me out and confirmed what we were doing that weekend.

Mistake number two - I was quite nervous so had a bit to drink with my friend before heading out. I had also started on some medication that can react strongly with alcohol - but I had no idea how much. We met up with her and her friends and I completely blacked out and have lost most of the night. My friend told me that I was chatting to her loads and was kissing her for a while - but I don't remember and have no idea what I might have said.

What I do remember, is getting lost in a club at the evening's end for what seemed like hours and then getting very upset because I thought she had been ignoring me all night (didn't remember spending any time with her) and then was convinced that she was chatting up someone else in front of me. What made it worse was that her friend asked me what was wrong and I pointed at her supposedly chatting someone up and said I really liked her. To which he sighed and said "Ah yeah, but you know Emma, we all saw you together last week and thought that was it, but, you know..."

So very drunk and upset I pulled her aside and she asked me if I was okay. I said no, gestured over to the people I had pulled her away from and told her that I really liked her, but wasn't going to be messed around. She was pretty shocked that I was upset, said I didn't know her yet, I said I wanted to - to which she said "RIght lets do it, lets go out on a date and get to know each other." And she specified a day.

I of course, had to drunkenly text her to confirm this later (no reply), then I sent her an email the next day confirming and apologising for the drunkenness (no reply). What has made it even worse, is that I noticed the next day from photographs that the person I thought she was chatting up was actually her best friend who had just arrived and she hadn't seen yet.

So lots of embaressment as I now seem like an internet weirdo and don't know how to fix it. If she actually wants to meet me on the agreed date then grand - but if I don't hear from her, is it okay to call her on the day to confirm - or will I just seem like the freaky stalker I'm sure I have come across as.

Would you be put off by my not playing it cool? I really like her and I want to pursue a relationship with her - but fear I have made myself too available and messed it up already.

How can I claw back some dignity and fix this?

RacoonQueen

Did you explain to her that you were on medication that didn't mix well with alcohol? It mightn't be too believeable but take it slow and choose words in an email/text carefully and she might be up to meeting you again.

drunkmonkey

Upsetting to see another Monkey in trouble, don't be 2 upset about it, it's usually monkey behavior...we've all done it....

Best think you can do is talk to here (don't txt or email, it's not cool). pick up the phone and call her, pick the time correctly, not in the middle of home and away or something wait till the ad breaks.....

best of luck, remember "talk to her" no txts or emails....

Sinall

How far away is the date set for? I would give it a few days if possible before contacting her, so as to give her a chance to get over it if she has been put off.

NewFrockTuesday

Upsetting to see another Monkey in trouble, don't be 2 upset about it, it's usually monkey behavior...we've all done it....

Too funny!


Yah. Agree. Its not like you got mad drunk and went on a rampage boxing the heads off her mates or anything. Just give her a shout before the date to confirm and then relax Dont be all needy and honest and all that palaver. Just take a fresh sheet from the dating folder and start again.
Where are ye going out of general nosiness? (Its lunctime and Im bored)

Monkey61

Date is set for the day after tomorrow - so very soon!

Monkey61

Deepsense wrote: »

Where are ye going out of general nosiness? (Its lunctime and Im bored)

I don't know actually - didnt set a location. I was thinking dinner cos it is less sleazy and "Ooo I just want to get you drunk".

Mr. Frost

Draw a line under it and move on. She doesn't seem worth it to me, not to mention interested.

How to avoid in future? Don't drink so much, especially if you're on any meds.

RacoonQueen

Monkey61 wrote: »

Date is set for the day after tomorrow - so very soon!

In that case I'd just send her a text/call her and tell her that you're looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. Then see how it goes when you meet up, you may need to apologise for how you acted or she may just let it blow over as a nervous, early relationship drunken mistake.

Sinall

Get in contact the day before to see if she's still on for whatever time/place you had arranged. If she doesn't reply then you know where you stand.

NewFrockTuesday

Yah - go easy on thhe alcohol def. Prove you sanity! I hope it goes well

Mr. Frost

mp1972 wrote: »

In that case I'd just send her a text/call her and tell her that you're looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. Then see how it goes when you meet up, you may need to apologise for how you acted or she may just let it blow over as a nervous, early relationship drunken mistake.

After she's been ignoring him?! I'd advise against this.

Samurai

ring her instead of text/email also during the day whilst sober, Man up!!

Monkey61

Jesus christ lads - as if by magic I just got an email saying "no problem" and asking what I'm planning for wednesday! Over the frickin moon here.

So now I really have to impress her!

Sinall

That's great Monkey 61! Don't go ott trying to impress her, try to relax and be yourself.

NewFrockTuesday

Yay! Im delighted for you! Monday looks a little brighter now!

Mr. Frost

Monkey61 wrote: »

Jesus christ lads - as if by magic I just got an email saying "no problem" and asking what I'm planning for wednesday! Over the frickin moon here.

So now I really have to impress her!

Nice one Monkey

RacoonQueen

Mr. Frost wrote: »

After she's been ignoring him?! I'd advise against this.

How do you conclude that she's been ignoring him? Have you never got a text or email that you didn't have time to reply to and then forget about it. :rolleyes:

Anyway, evidently she hasn't been ignoring him. Go figure.

Terodil

grats...

and stop being drunk all the time, it's not helping.

tbh

don't drink on the next date. Not even a little bit. I would say you're on two strikes here.

drunkmonkey

I wouldn't say don't drink, maybe read up a little on nice wine and impress her with your knowledge and mature attitude to alcohol. Show her you can be responsible around alcohol..:)

I would however turn your phone off for the duration of the night....mabe give her a little txt when she goes home, just to say you had a wonderfull night (don't say any more than that)

Monkey61

Just thought I'd give the update in case anyone was interested!

Basically the date never materialised. She postponed on the day with a pretty valid reason and still seemed enthusiastic about doing it another time. I decided to leave the ball in her court after all my chasing and haven't really heard from her since. She presumably just wasn't that into it at all!

Thus determined not to sit around moping, I threw myself back out into the world and in a bizarre stroke of luck (which never happens to me), and quite by chance, I happened to meet somebody else a few days later. We have been on several lovely dates since - none of which have involved alcohol!!

So thanks for the advice guys, it really cheered me up on the day and even though things didn't work out exactly how I wanted them to, "every cloud" and all that!

tbh

Monkey61 wrote: »

Thus determined not to sit around moping, I threw myself back out into the world and in a bizarre stroke of luck (which never happens to me), and quite by chance, I happened to meet somebody else a few days later. We have been on several lovely dates since - none of which have involved alcohol!!

see? you didn't know why you had acted the way you had, but now you know.
the universe takes care of everything

So thanks for the advice guys, it really cheered me up on the day and even though things didn't work out exactly how I wanted them to, "every cloud" and all that!

Another valuable lesson. Everything we do, and everything that happens to us, happens for a reason. You now know what the reason for your original problem was. It was so as you would be ready for this girl nice one man, good luck.

AnnieB82

Hi there, I can imagine you feeling upset about your behaviour alright, but if the girl genuinely likes you and you explain to her that your not normally that intense, she should forgive you.
On my first date with my fiancee, I got too drunk, tried to lift him up, lost my balance, and sent us both crashing on to a table knocking a pint on a poor girls lap. ( She looked like she was on a first date too, and of course I bought another round in to apologise) Anyway, my fiancee laughs about it now, and seeing as those drunken antics were not a regular occurence he didn't mind. Still makes me cringe though...
Just explain everything to her, and if she likes you, she wont mind your behaviour...

bubblewrap

Well done lovey! If you like someone, you don't leave it days/weeks to get in touch, if she gets back to you then tough, you have someone else now - you snooze, you lose!