Losing faith in people

LegacyUser

I had a long post in mind but I'll try not to ramble.

Basically, for the last while, I've been losing my faith in people and becoming paranoid and bitter. I was always a bit shy but came out of my shell a good bit in college, and ended up a pretty friendly and positive person by the time I graduated. College was alright, no major problems, but since I left, into the 'real world' if you will, I've been constantly disappointed by people. My last job, half the girls in the company turned on me for no apparent reason. I was nothing but friendly to everyone, one girl decided she didn't like me and all her friends stopped talking to me. Went as far as to report me to the boss for a false accusation, the boss and the HR manager took their side and called me defensive when I, shocked and confused, tried to tell them it wasn't true (it was a very, very minor petty thing as it was! And it never happened). After that I never felt comfortable there again and left to do something else.

I've lived in a good few houseshares as well and I just can't believe how selfish and rude people can be. I could write three pages on this, but no point going into details. I'm not naive by the way, lived out of home since I was 17, paying my own way, but the people I live with seem to get weirder and weirder. My latest flatmate treats me with utter contempt, makes it clear she's using me to help with the mortgage and doesn't even bother to say hello when she comes in. It's bizarre. The last one tried to tell me I couldn't shower in the mornings because it was 'her' time. What's wrong with people? I'm not looking for a best mate, I'm looking for people who are polite and civil and don't make you feel uncomfortable in your own house!

Another thing, my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me and lied about it for weeks. I was suspicious of a girl he was friends with and went to visit in switzerland, directly asked him if anything had happened and he said no, and got angry at me for suspecting him. Ended up reading a text message from her on his phone confirming the cheating. This was the worst betrayal of all, OK from colleagues, they owe me nothing, but this is a guy I'd been very serious about for a long time.. Why are people so sh*tty? How can people be so awful and treat people so badly??? I'm not perfect, but I try not to hurt people. I try to be cordial and friendly. I'm a loyal friend and girlfriend. I consider myself a nice person and with the exception of a few good friends, all I get back is sh*t.

in2dblue

Welcome to the real world..
The thing you have to remember is in life just because you would do something nice for someone, or you wouldn't do anything bad intentionally or use people etc does not mean that everyone else is like that.
I have learnt that most people are out for number one and that is a fact!
The work colleague thing was probably just jealousy on their part and then blown out of proportion.
My suggestion is to go on an assertiveness course.
Try not to be bitter or angry about things, I can guarantee you that the same has happened to most people.
Learn from the experiences and move on

smileykey

Housemates, work mates, etc rarely become close friends so all your missing out on is acquaintences who'll come and go in your life and never make a big impact. I've learned not to expect much from such people and think that maybe you may have to too. It's not a nice idea to think that that may be necessary but I've been a lot more comfortabe with myself since coming to that conclusion. And then, if someone ends up nice and exceeds your expectations you can be pleasantly surprised

Look at the positive side of things - at least you have a group of close friends, that's what matters at the end of the day anyway.

I really hope you told the shower girl where to get off, if not then the previous poster may be right about the assertiveness classes

P.s. - we're not all bad.

MadgeBadge

OP I feel your pain, it's something I also was shocked to realise. Bad things happen to good people too.

In your case you a appear to be a little more unfortunate than the norm. You need to take time to be angry, hurt, shocked etc. But (it was coming), then you need to get on with it. Wallowing in these feelings lead to bitterness and turns you into one of these fruit-loops you encountered in your last job or variety of house-shares.

When I'm down and a feel like everything and everyone is against me, this is what I do; (this is going to sound a little Oprah, I'm sorry) I write a list of all the positive things in my life. I look down the list and try to feel why it's positive or why its so important to me.

Hope things look up soon.

LegacyUser

hey I've had the exact same experience. I'm still not entirely resolved about it, but one thing which seems most logical is not to become misanthropic or lose faith in the idea that most humans are not inherently stupid and nasty, because this means you break the cycle which has made the people you've encountered that way. This is the ultimate victory over them and the mentality they represent.

Why are they assholes? Because most likely they've had negative experiences and are exacting revenge on other people, fairly impotent really and it just perpetuates the hatred.

However, having gone through such experiences I don't care what other people think of me nor do I let anyone push me around because I walk tall. All these things considered when you look at wars, political corruption and self interest you can't help but feel at a loss as to whether a lot of people are really dumb. I would say a significant minority are idiots and they're more vocal and active than most, but the world is more civilized now than it has been at any time in history so that alone gives me faith in the benevolence of most people who want a better world.

LCDeelite

My last job, half the girls in the company turned on me for no apparent reason. I was nothing but friendly to everyone, one girl decided she didn't like me and all her friends stopped talking to me. Went as far as to report me to the boss for a false accusation, the boss and the HR manager took their side and called me defensive when I, shocked and confused, tried to tell them it wasn't true (it was a very, very minor petty thing as it was! And it never happened). After that I never felt comfortable there again and left to do something else.

That sounds like good, old-fashioned jealousy on their part to me.

I've lived in a good few houseshares as well and I just can't believe how selfish and rude people can be. I could write three pages on this, but no point going into details. I'm not naive by the way, lived out of home since I was 17, paying my own way, but the people I live with seem to get weirder and weirder. My latest flatmate treats me with utter contempt, makes it clear she's using me to help with the mortgage and doesn't even bother to say hello when she comes in. It's bizarre. The last one tried to tell me I couldn't shower in the mornings because it was 'her' time. What's wrong with people? I'm not looking for a best mate, I'm looking for people who are polite and civil and don't make you feel uncomfortable in your own house!

God, your flatmates have/had some f*cking cheek to treat you like that. If I were you, I'd stand up for myself. I'm surprised you haven't had an overwhelming urge to give her a kick. Don't make any effort to be so nice anymore to the current b1tch you're stuck with- fight fire with fire. Just as she won't give you the time of day, then you should reciprocrate. You know the saying- 'Do onto others as they would do onto you'. See how that motherf*cker likes it. It'll feel good to not be the person who's the doormat all the time for once, as well. Offer to make her cups of tea and spit into the tea (stirring thoroughly afterwards, of course). :pac:

In the meantime, you might consider finding somewhere else to live. Or, what about moving into a flatshare with one of your friends (whom you know are nice and normal already)?

Another thing, my boyfriend of 2 years cheated on me and lied about it for weeks. I was suspicious of a girl he was friends with and went to visit in Switzerland, directly asked him if anything had happened and he said no, and got angry at me for suspecting him. Ended up reading a text message from her on his phone confirming the cheating. This was the worst betrayal of all, OK from colleagues, they owe me nothing, but this is a guy I'd been very serious about for a long time..

I would tell everyone you know who knows him about what he did. Make him look REALLY BAD to those who know him. Why should you be the victim here? He was the one who deceived you. You did f*ck all wrong. Another thing worth doing is to cease all communication with said cheater (if you haven't done that already).

Why are people so sh*tty? How can people be so awful and treat people so badly??? I'm not perfect, but I try not to hurt people. I try to be cordial and friendly. I'm a loyal friend and girlfriend. I consider myself a nice person and with the exception of a few good friends, all I get back is sh*t.

Most people are greedy f*cks and don't give a sh1t about other people. I'm sorry you've been exposed to those types. Well, you know how there's a balance of good and bad, yin and yang, etc, in the world? You'll find that your goodness will attract the less-than-virtuous. You just need to be more beady-eyed in interacting with people, establish clear boundaries, and don't be so quick to give of yourself to people until you've known them for at least a few months. The only way to get along in this world is to protect yourself- be more discriminate and selective with people. It'll save you an awful lot of unnecessary hassle in the long or short-term, plus, you're too good to put up with the likes of that crap.

Another thing you should do is to be more self-interested (not necessarily self-absorbed or narcissistic). You seem like an other-oriented, 'people person', which is a good thing in loads of ways- but not if you're around more cut-throat individuals. Focus more on your own likes and dislikes, needs, and enjoyment. Make a list of all the things you enjoy doing and endeavour to do more of those more often (within financial reason, time constraints, etc).

When you have a better understanding of who you are, you feel stronger in yourself and you're less likely to be perturbed by the bullsh*t of others. Anyway, anybody with questionable behaviour is less likely to direct that slush at someone who has an evidently strong identity.

Make 2009 your year of 'Me, Myself, and I'. Seriously. Your life's too short to bother even taking heed of jealous b1tches, socially retarded, oestrogen-overloaded flatmates, and cheating idiots.

You deserve better.

AngryBadger

OP you're not alone in this. I won't bother reciting my litany of cribs against society at large but suffice it to say I have many.

Try to view these people as being irrelevant. If you're working with people, it's great to get along with them, but don't make the mistake of assuming you're all buxom buddies. While it can be great to be friends with work colleagues, te problem is that inevitably a situation will arise where it's you job, or your friends. Without knowing the specifics of what happened with your previous jobs, I'd hazard a guess that you simply wound up on the wrong side of the wrong person, and that person was able to make it sufficiently miserable fo everyone else that they weren't willing to take your side. unfortunately this is the reality many of us face in the workplace. I've found if I don't expect much of people in certain situations, they don't dissappoint, and if I'm wrong about them, I'm pleasantly surprised.

As regards your bf. Since I don't know anything about the two of you, or your history I'm not going to comment on that. But again i say that if you don't expect too much form most people you will not be dissappointed.

Craft25

OP i think when you believe in values like friendliness, loyalty, goodness and manners and so on it can be quite easy to just blow it all off when the people you keep coming across in the world are selfish, petty, stingy and all the other crappy characteristics... it could be easy to stoop to their level..

Don't!!!! Stick to your good nature and your positive qualities and keep seeking out people like you!!

Cos if you stoop to their level you'll end up living in that small petty world for all of your life, and who wants that?!!

Perhaps try things like volunteering to try and meet people of a more charitable nature, then maybe in time you'll develop a solid circle of good people.. you dont have to put up with that crap so don't settle for it!