Social Anxiety and My Job

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm in my early 30's and suffer from Social Anxiety. It used to be very bad but I've a good handle on it now in most areas of my life. But this is not the case at work. To make matters worse I've been promoted in the past few months into a position that requires me to take a leadership role within a department.

I didn't realise the stress and grief this extra responsibility would cause me at the time but it's really getting me down. Also, I've been called up formally for my poor communication and leadership skills which I would directly attribute to the SA.

I'm just worried that management might start to push me towards the door if I don't turn my performances around. They don't know about my condition but I would dread to tell them and also would wonder if they need to know.

I'm currently trying to tackle my problem by using a highly commended audio tape series. It'll probably take 6 months to a year to see any noticable results. I haven't gone to my doctor about it because I do not want to rely on pills for this and cannot afford a series of counselling sessions at this time. Also, nobody knows I suffer from this, such is the nature of this mental illness, it's extrmely difficult to confide such information in people. There aren't really many options for sufferers of SA (outside Dublin) which is a pretty shocking state of affairs.

If things ever came to a head at work, could my managers be accused of discrimination? I just hate to think that we'll continue to have these meetings and performance reviews without any change from me. I'm trying but it's so hard to do even the simplest things sometimes. Somthing's gotta change

Is anyone else in the same boat? This is really getting me down.

MJOR

Paul McKennas instant confidence is meant to be excellent. I know two people that saw almost instant results from this book.


Secondly I think you need to approach your managers and ask them for some additional training... that is not an unreasonable ask and most people are very responsive to requests for help.
My heart goes out to you.
Good Luck x

Craft25

I'd say you'll have to seek out some kind of practical course or therapy that makes you confront your problem head on.. possibly group work..

if you identify the bad situations & then put yourself right in the middle of them you might fall on your face a few times but you'll soon realise that the world hasn't ended & it may lead you to a better place..

your work has obviously seen something good in you, that's a positive! They wont expect you to be perfect, so if you identify your weakness and work on it, confronting it head on then they will appreciate your willingness to improve.

You could also try activities like toastmasters or outdoor sports etc. to confront your social fears

LegacyUser

Just wanted to say i totally understand what you are going throught and like everything you have to go throught it to understand it.
If you have been able to over come it in other aspects of you life you will be able to over come this to.
The fact that you even took the position shows you have a desire to get over this,
Just try to take each day at a time and self talk as much as possible, when you feel that anxiety just keep telling yourself you can deal with it,
Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I also have Social Anxiety. A new girl recently started in my Job and as it is my job to help her settle in, i told her straight out that i have Social Anxiety and how it affects me and not to read anything into it if i seem a bit standofish from time to time. She is in her 30's and had never even heard of social anxiety until i mentioned it.

Its a debilitating illness and it takes a lot of mental energy to keep it under control but its tough at the best of times. The mental health services in this country are 3rd world equivalent and most people with SA are left to deal with it on their own or are prescribed mind numbing medication to help with the problem, often times the meds cause more problems than they solve.

If the new position is really affecting your health, you should talk to your bosses about giving some of the workload to another member of staff while explaining that you are working on overcoming your SA problems. A good boss will meet you half way otherwise you could ask to be moved back to a less stressful position that might help you to gain the confidence to have another crack at your current job when you feel ready in due course.

SA is much misunderstood. To give you an example, these are some of the things i've been called over the years by people i've worked with. I've been called Aloof, Standoffish, A Loner, Quiet, Paranoid etc. I'm really quite normal but there have been periods when my SA was really bad that i was constantly shaking and sweating when around people and unable to speak properly.

In saying all this, i have made strides and am also in my early 30's. I unerstand my condition much better now and am very open about it and will mention it to people if i feel it is appropriate. To have even climbed as high in your job already shows a lot of mental strength. Many people with SA can't work fullstop. I hope you can chat with your boss and find a resolution that suits everyone. Good Luck.

LegacyUser

OP, I am male and same age group..I am going through exactly what you are except I havent been promoted like you have!!.

In work - Meetings, group discussions, explaining things to people (even one on one), understanding simple things, going blank etc...Just looking at others do these things so easily makes it worse, but for me - its such a chore.
Stammering, forgetting things and generally very nervous and tense are my symptoms.
Because of this - job motivation and interest dips. However I do work hard on my own just to get things done and to make up for my lack of confidence and communication.

This is also getting me down so much. Started getting counselling a few weeks back.

OP-It would be great to meet and talk with you about this.

JJJJNR

just a little tip, if you start to feel you are losing your confidence or attention while talking to someone/listening, fold your arms in really tight to yourself and you will feel better. This helps your brain find your center, and makes you more aware of your surroundings. Have you ever seen the amount of people who talk/listen with there arms folded.

Another tip would be spin 5 times to the right and 5 times to the left, there's a sensor in your inner ear that needs to be stimulated, do it whenever you need to like first thing in the morning.

These sound like crazy solutions but they work and no one will know about them but you.

Stheno

MJOR wrote: »

Secondly I think you need to approach your managers and ask them for some additional training... that is not an unreasonable ask and most people are very responsive to requests for help.
My heart goes out to you.
Good Luck x

+1, talk to your managers and explain that you suffer from SA.

I know people slag off managers a lot, but it's not imo an easy job to manage people, and it's a huge investment on a managers part especially if you have an introverted personality/suffer from SA to move beyond the sphere of work, and build a complete picture of people around you.

It's hard work, and effort, and coupled with SA, it's not easy.

If you've a performance review due soon, that's a good time to bring things up, one thing I have found is that often I am my own worst critic, if you don't have a performance review due, then schedule time with a manager to discuss this particular issue, and ask for assistance.

And the very best of luck to you

sambuka41

I'd admire you for taking on this additional responsibility given your situation. I would agree with a few of other posters saying to talk to your superiors. They cant be accused of discrimination if they dont know. Sometimes these things do feel bigger than they really are! Most managers want their staff to talk to them and explain,it means everyone can do their job better. I can imagine that when you do this you will feel exposed which is not a nice feeling but it may help make life easier in the furture, try think about how it will help you do this job and feel better in yourself??

The mental health services here really are a joke. But there are some psychotherapists who will come to an agreement on price based on your earnings. Maybe give a few place a buzz and see? But you are to be commended for continuing to fight thru. Best of luck.