Girl seems... careless.

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a girl for 2-3 months and getting on well, I really like her.

Basically one of the only things bothering me between us is the way she sometimes just seems out and out careless, for example about contacting or getting back to me.
It's actually as if I don't exist sometimes, even when I'm actually there with her.

Every other day that we text each other, I'm left hanging inexplicably without a reply, usually 'til the next day or something, when I get a "fell asleep", or "ran out of credit", or "was very busy". Like it's grand, if you want to go to sleep or are too busy, just send me a BRIEF message saying so and I will know that's that, I'm not left wondering.

Other times when we've arranged to meet in town at night, I will call/text her and get no answer, no reply. Last weekend it actually took about 6 missed calls and a voicemail just to get a txt reply from her, and even at that she didn't bother coming to meet me where we were supposed to, she just said I should come along to where she and her friends were.
So she said she was very drunk at that time that night, which she was, but I just don't see that coming into it really. Answering a call really isn't that hard regardless of being sober or not.

So basically everytime we seem to be getting on great and I think she may really like me, she will pull some careless **** like this, just makes me think she's not bothered about me at all.
I'm not mad into being in constant, immediate contact via phone or anything demanding. I'm very laid back about it and in all practicality this behaviour doesn't really affect me other than the bad, worrying vibes it leaves me with...

I have once or maybe twice sort of gently mentioned these instances to her, she basically just played it down as her having been drunk the last time. I let it go of course, don't want to make an issue of it.

As I said, I think she's great, gorgeous, really like her. Unfortunately she's said she doesn't quite want to officially "go out" with anyone right now. She wants things kept relaxed and with low expectations, so if I start taking exception to not being replied to etc, it will definitely make her feel like I've got too much in the way of expectations or something. She doesn't seem to want the "pressure".
I wouldn't normally mind that, but the fact that she's against going out with me makes me wonder if she's unsure about me somehow, or doesn't really care.

I don't know what to think or do here. Should I continue to hold my tongue and say next to nothing about it? Will I somehow eventually stop caring whether she makes any effort to be in contact with me?

Should I start doing the same thing, playing it overly cool like this in an effort to have her realise A) it's not nice to be left hanging and to try to make her want me more? (you know, the old "treat 'em mean..." bull****)

MagicMarker

You need to forget about her.

She doesn't want to be with you, and you clearly like her more than she likes you, this is her way of telling you. You're just not getting the message.

The_Conductor

I wouldn't read anything into it.
There are people out there who simply don't think.
Its not that they mean anything by it- simply it doesn't enter their head to reply to a txt, make a phone call or initiate conversation.
Certainly its antisocial- and you need to ask yourself- is this the sort of person you want to be associated with- but they can be just as loving as the next person.

If her personality type clashes with yours- you have the answer.

Gone Drinking

MagicMarker wrote: »

You need to forget about her.

She doesn't want to be with you, and you clearly like her more than she likes you, this is her way of telling you. You're just not getting the message.

Bingo!

Madame Razz

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I start doing the same thing, playing it overly cool like this in an effort to have her realise A) it's not nice to be left hanging and to try to make her want me more? (you know, the old "treat 'em mean..." bull****)

OP, I think this girl has made herself very clear about where she stands on all of this.

For reasons best known to herself and possibly nothing to do with you(or it might be, I can't say) She has said she doesn't want anything serious. You can only commend her for being open enough and honest enough to admit that.

This girl has made her mind up; and that won't be easily changed. You can't force her hand on this one, you are not in control.

Now, you can go about playing it cool or whatever if it makes yourself feel better, but the chances are she won't even notice.

In a way, it's really not fair that this girl is stringing you along like this, but I suspect she doesn't mean to, you are allowing yourself to be strung along.

You like this girl OP, and maybe she does like you, but she's not prepared to be committed, and I suspect you want some level of commitment, which is why I think you should walk away from this, and save yourself anymore bother and hurt, cos it's clear from your post that to a degree it's starting to eat you up.

My 0.02

Henry Ford III

6 calls? Are you mad? Walk away.

yermandan

What the others said OP... She seems to be just not that into you and I think you know this deep down and dont want to accept it as you do like her a great deal.

Personally, whether it be a girlfriend or even just a friend, I cant stand when people are lazy about being in contact. Now I'm not saying all day everyday contact because by anyone's standards that is unreasonable (although I do know many couples who cant function without the other knowing their every step - not good) but a certain level is just plain manners and is respectful and courteous.

I feel for you OP but maybe for your sanity it is time to walk away and afford yourself the opportunity to find yourself someone that wants to be in a relationship with you as much as you want to be with them

Cheers

Oh The Humanity

Its not so much girl seems careless OP as girl IS careless.

You're not getting the message she is giving, whether you are in denial or just inexperienced I am not sure.

Unfortunately she's said she doesn't quite want to officially "go out" with anyone right now

Thats means you are on the back burner myabe for sex and/or attention but you are not her boyfriend, so stop trying to act like one cos you are letting her make a mug of you.

who007

6 calls goes firmly under the "needy" banner.. Forget her and date someone else. Really, it's written all over your post that she doesn't see you as relationship material.

Wibbs

You've not enough boundaries in how you would like to be treated. This sooner or later will turn her off you completely.

alexandros

run away!

there are lots of clingy females out there.. go find one.

jim o doom

she's not sure and she wants to take it easy.. and yer starting to seem a bit clingy and annoyed about lack of contact/absent mindedness..

Be more independant. don't contact her frequently, in fact do it rarely - let her make up her own mind about the situation - but if you start acting like yer in a relationship when you are not in one & she has issues with being in a relationship currently - then it's gonna end either way.

You must also realise that it may very well end - so don't put all your hopes on this girl because if you become too emotionally attached to a person who doesn't have that same emotional attachment to you - that could drive her away as well.

agent_smith

Hey,

Know its not easy, but were I you, I would back off. Let her form her own attachment to you. That will be hard to do if she feels smothered.
And if you back off and she doesnt come chasing then one way or the other you have your answer and know what she expects!

Rayne

alexander.t wrote: »

run away!

there are lots of clingy females out there.. go find one.

Love it!!!

She don't deserve you! Plenty of 'clingy' girls will love you!!!

"She's just not that into you"

ManOfMystery

You're acting and behaving like someone in a fully functioning relationship, expecting your partner to be considerate and answer/reply when you get in touch with them (which I would also). On the other hand, you've admitted she doesn't officially want to be in a relationship at the moment. There's your problem .............. she wants to do her own thing and have you there when & if she needs you. Move on ..........

House of Wolves

It must be really eating you up if you posted this at nearly 2 in the morning. Id say dont waste your time because your going to get hurt. That kind of behaviour would be ok for maybe a month, but three is way to much.
you should really know her by this stage and I think you know yourself and these posts really arent going to change your mind.
(note 6 calls is way too much, really try not to do that!)

Eadaoin_

She is just not that into you!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheDollyParton

Sounds to me like she's using you. Walk away, dignity intact, and find someone who is interested in the same level of respect and commitment you are.

LegacyUser

She isnt from Wexford by any chance! I dated a girl for a bit and she was like this, never replied to texts for days, never initiated conversations and even once left me hanging for a week as to whether we were going out and it wasnt until 6pm on the night in question after me contacting her several times that she let me know we were going out. Just simply being inconsiderate. I brought it up with her and she just got very defensive about it. Well I didnt call her again! Id recommend you do the same OP, its more hassle than its worth.

tbh

simple. You know what she's like. Is she worth it?

if yes: Suck it up.

if no: find someone else.

LegacyUser

Sometimes people can be actually that, as you describe it, careless. My friend is like that, even to her husband. She doesn't mean to be but never really pays an attention to her mobile phone.

I would say just don't ring or text her for a while and see what happens. If there is no contact, then you know your answer. If she does actually like you, then she may start initiating stuff.