Make Contact with First Love??

LegacyUser

Hi,
Would really appreciate some advice on this... When I was a teenager I went out with a guy, (i'll call him *David* for the purpose of this thread)for 3yrs.. was definately my first & only true love. Split up as his family moved to UK, and as time went by we lost touch and I got on with my life.. He lived in the UK for years. I never forgot him, and feelings never really went away.. surpressed, but never left. Anyway, I got married but since divorced. I bumped into *David* a few yrs ago while out in town and all the feelings came flooding back.. however i was with my then husband and kept conversation very short and left. (my heart sank at walking away) Didn't see him again until recently.

Anyway, I was out in town at Christmas and saw him and again the old feelings came flooding back, I was driving at the time and couldn't stop the car. Same thing happened today - saw him again still the feelings are definately there. It was all i could do not to jump from the moving car! Don't think i'm just looking back through rose coloured glasses, because our relationship was very good, but we were very young, I am in my thirties now and still feel the same having seen him again. Think he's back living in his home town again.

I really want to meet up with him again, don't know if this is a good idea, how to go about it, (without sitting outside his last known address and stalking him!)

My questions are: should I try? if so, how does one go about tracking down someone like that? Should l drop my number in his parents old house? is it a good idea? or should i leave well enough alone, my nan used to say "if it's for you, it won't pass you" do i just wait for faith to take it's course? part of me thinks - if he was interested in you he'd track you down-but as far as he was concerned i'm still married.

any advice would be very helpful. Thanks

Wibbs

Under my cynical shell is a very well hidden romantic gooey bit that says go for it. Not logical at all, but we've only one life to live(with due apologies to the Hindu chappies and chappesses out there), so I would try to reconnect. Now be prepared for being let down if he mentions his 6 kids and happy wife, but even then, knowing is better than not knowing.

LegacyUser

Maybe try looking him up on facebook? If he has a profile you can add him as a friend and send him a message and see where it goes from there.

Have you considered what on earth you are going to do if he's happily going out with or married to someone? and doesn't share your feelings?

You are on dangerous ice in my opinion.Leave it be and just occupy yourself with your interests before this becomes an obsession.
Hopefully some one else will come along

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Have you considered what on earth you are going to do if he's happily going out with or married to someone? and doesn't share your feelings?

You are on dangerous ice in my opinion.Leave it be and just occupy yourself with your interests before this becomes an obsession.
Hopefully some one else will come along

hi OP here..
yes, i've considered this and am prepared for rejection, I know he probably doesn't share my feelings and am fully prepared for this. I have read the book "he's just not That into you" so am well prepared for it if he's not interested! but at least i'd know. I'm not on verge of obsessing about this guy, I can't help how i feel tho, i just can't help feeling if i don't do something i will forever be saying "what if".. ? don't know what this feeling is.. probably insanity!..

cooperguy

I say you should go for it. I dont believe in all this fate stuff. You make your on fate. Be prepared for a possible let down though.

Adelante

Hey,
Im wit your nan on this, if it's for you, it won't pass you by, I don't believe in Fate or Destiny, I believe in creating my own destiny and my own luck, whereby I'm in control of what I do, whom I see blah, blah,blah. Stay positive and go for it,

If this is for you, you will align yourself towards your goal namely*Dave* -(ooooooooh you and Dave up a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G!!)sorry only messing
you'll find the way to reconnect with him.

Go for it. 2nd chance wish a upon a star make it yours

LegacyUser

thing is i don't know how to go about it aligning myself towards him - our circle of friends have all gone their seperate ways. Just searched facebook there and there are loads with the same name - most without pics.. it's a bit like a needle in a haystack.

kingofthecastle

definitely go for it, you've made up your mind anyway, you just want someone to reinforce that you're doing the right thing. You'll always wonder if you dont try. the problem you face is trying to track him down.

this is what i suggest? you seem to know where his parents live and with the help of the phonebook you should be able to get their number. then ring them and tell them you're an old school friend looking to get back in contact with him/ or pretend to be from some business and you need to get in contact with him urgently and you only have his home number

Failing this, you could try making contact or at least getting his number from a mutual friend.

Failing this, just pm me and ill give you a few more ideas of how to find someone.

LegacyUser

Hi,
Thanks for that - i do definately feel its the right thing to do, as you say - she who dares wins...I just feel i will regret it if i don't at least try. I know i felt that at x-mas - kept thinking "you should've stopped the car" but assumed he was only home for hols, but when i saw him again yesterday i think he's moved back. Have tried phonebook - but they are not listed. As i said don't have contact with mutual friends as we all went our seperate ways years ago. don't know how to go about this at all. It's gas.. if i were trying to avoid this person i bet i'd keep bumping into him!

kingofthecastle

would just like to know if you made contact with him and if so did it have the the fairytale ending you were hoping for. the depply hidden romantic in me is curious?

LegacyUser

kingofthecastle wrote: »

would just like to know if you made contact with him and if so did it have the the fairytale ending you were hoping for. the depply hidden romantic in me is curious?

Hi OP here...

I didn't exactly make contact myself - but my sister & my friend (who were sick of listening to me debating this) - one drunken night decided to take matters into their own hands took it upon themselves to write my name & no on a post-it and popped it in his mother's letterbox.

First i knew about it was when i got a voicemail from a very stern sounding lady asking me to call her back. I think it was his mother, but she wouldn't give her name, just wanted to know why I wanted to contact him! I explained what happened but I don't think she believed me I was so MORTIFIED it's not even funny!. - Had to apologise, profusely, now i'm sure they think I'm some saddo.. so I definately won't be making contact!!

I'm still cringing now and barely speaking to the two "Cupids".. I'm praying now i don't come face to face with him.. wouln't know what to say I'm so embarressed!!! but still see the funny side.... (i think!)

Nervous Wreck

Don't be crazy! What's love without a little embarrassment?! You're gonna throw away the chance of rekindling something with the "only one you've ever loved" because his mother is an aul' biddy!? You're in your thirties, still pining after someone you loved as a teenager... Does that not tell you that it's worth even trying!? Slap yourself out of it and pick up the phone!


Edit: Not right now though, it's fairly late.

kingofthecastle

at this stage you've nothing to lose, put a note in an envelope and post it to him at his home address, he'll get it the next time he's home. worse case scenario you dont hear from him, on the other hand you might get an unexpected call from him asking you out for a drink. either way you know and there's no more thinkin, what if? oh and let us know how you get on

LegacyUser

Thanks for the words of encouragement, but I'm going to let it go, I'm just assuming that was his mum (sounded like an older lady) but could have been his mrs for all i know. And I'm sure she mentioned it to him.. and in any case - he didn't ring. (I keep imagining him standing beside her when I rang) So I think there's my answer.

I know my friend & sister meant well - but I think it made me look like some desperate woman hanging on to the past... How sad is that!! Think i should just get on with my life, if it was meant to be he would've called. I don't need anymore embarrassment!! And Because of that call, if i met him now i wouldn't be able to just walk up and say Hi, like i would've before.

i'm sorry to say there won't be any fairytale ending here... pity that!

LegacyUser

kingofthecastle wrote: »

would just like to know if you made contact with him and if so did it have the the fairytale ending you were hoping for. the depply hidden romantic in me is curious?

hey op here.... just to let you know - i did make contact - bumped into him in street :-) was rooting for car key's, looked up and there he was!! as it turned out... he no longer lived at that address - so i've no idea who that person was that rang me. so he know's nothing of it!! TG! - so we ended up going for coffee & a long chat.. it was great! he never married or had children. We have met up a few times since and so far so good :-) but it's early day's yet and don't know about the fairytale ending but so far it's all good:-)

LegacyUser

this is one of the most romantic stories i've heard in ages and definitely re-enforces my belief that "whats for you wont pass you"........... no matter how long you have to wait:)

best of luck with it;)

and i'm sorry but couldn't help laughing wondering how you found out that that wasn't his house that they put the post-it in?.............did you actually tell him your really embarassing story!!LOL

Faith

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,
I bumped into *David* a few yrs ago while out in town and all the feelings came flooding back.. however i was with my then husband and kept conversation very short and left. (my heart sank at walking away) Didn't see him again until recently.

Just to clarify, you're separated from your husband, right?

It's lovely and romantic if you are.

Eve_Dublin

This is one of the most romantic, real-life stories I've ever heard! It actually brings a wee, little tear to my eye...I'm such a sap! You've made my day!

I know it's still early days but sincere best of luck with it all, OP!

Let us know how you get on.

Dublin_Gunner

This is excellent! You couldn't write this stuff (or then again, maybe YOU should!).

The twists and turns in one page of Boards.ie had me glued to the screen until I found out what happened.

I'm delighted for you, as I was going to post that you should go for it anyway, as even with the embarrassment, you'd not know what would happen.

Hope it all works out for you OP, this sounds like exactly the type of story that needs to be shared in these times of doom and gloom.

You brought a smile to my face, and hopefully he'll bring a smile to yours

Maddison

Unfortunately people can change with time. I had never forgotten my first love & always imagined scenarios where we'd bump into each other & skip off into the sunset hand in hand. After 5 years I bumped into him not so long ago & we had a chat & arranged to meet up....he seemed cool enough. Met up with him as arranged & It turned out he had changed into the biggest a*shole ever....that shattered any illusions of my fairytale ending.
But then again yours might be different....so go for it but keep in mind that he might not be the same person as he was when you were together.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

this is one of the most romantic stories i've heard in ages and definitely re-enforces my belief that "whats for you wont pass you"........... no matter how long you have to wait:)

best of luck with it;)

and i'm sorry but couldn't help laughing wondering how you found out that that wasn't his house that they put the post-it in?.............did you actually tell him your really embarassing story!!LOL

No - didn't tell him! he'd think i was some kind of psycho! The embarrassment was too much the first time round! he just mentioned they'd sold the family home a few years ago.. he is living on the other side of town... (PHEW!) Don't know if it'll go anywhere... but if it does i've no doubt the two won't be able to keep their gobs shut! hopefully by then he'll see the funny side!

He hasn't changed a bit - a bit older and wiser, i hope!

One poster asked if i was seperated from my husband. Yes, Free and Single!
thanks for all your good wishes - brought a smile to my face :-)

LegacyUser

HI,

I am going unreg for this for obvious reason but I think you should go for it.

I too was in the same situation a few ywears ago although I was not free and single. I had met my first love and all the feeling came flooding back. I did indeed meet him and do not regret a moment of it. It very nearly ended up in a full blown affair but I realised he was living in the past and I was hanging on to feeling that were not real. Feelings that were long gone but were ressurrected. I do not regrete my encounter as it was so nice to go back to that stage of my life but in reality I have change and so had he. I am glad we aeparated and fond other people to share our lives with. He is a special friend and always will be. We are still good friends with strict rules! Although he has more feelings for me than I have for him we are hinest wth each other. OP my point is who knows......go for it and especially if you are both unattached. I wish you luck but tread carefully. Live in today and not the past. Be true to yourself now. The feeling of long ago are gone but should be treasured. find new feelings now if they are there. good luck.

willy wonka

Unregistered wrote: »

hey op here.... just to let you know - i did make contact - bumped into him in street :-) was rooting for car key's, looked up and there he was!! as it turned out... he no longer lived at that address - so i've no idea who that person was that rang me. so he know's nothing of it!! TG! - so we ended up going for coffee & a long chat.. it was great! he never married or had children. We have met up a few times since and so far so good :-) but it's early day's yet and don't know about the fairytale ending but so far it's all good:-)

OP this is a fantastic story. I am delighted for you and it's great to know that fairytales still happen is this cynical day and age

LegacyUser

Hey OP

That's a great story! Best of luck with it and keep us posted!

Salome

I'm delighted to read this - it's nice to have some good stories for a change!!!

I so agree with one of the comments about living in the past. You are very different people now - older and wiser, you were married etc. Basically, think of the future, enjoy reminiscing about the past but move on to whatever the future might hold.

But yayy! A good PI story for a change!!!

kingofthecastle

this is almost like an episode of "sex and the city". genuinely delighted for u OP, almost brings a tear to my eye. Hope it all works out for you, either way you'll have no regrtets or a life time wonderin "what if"

keep us all posted! we wait in anticipation:)