Alcohol over me

Koushki

Thank you so much to those of you who have replied, i deleted it because i felt uncomfortable that i knew my ex would read it as he uses boards to, but i thought to myself, i don't care what he thinks and i would like him to see how normal people react to his disgusting behavior.

About what someone asked about why i didn't tell my family, i told my dad but i didnt tell him that he had hit and choked me, because if my father knew that, he would go over to his house now and actually murder him.
not even that, because i care about my ex, i dont want anything bad to happen to him.

I wish i didnt delete the other thread now, if any mods or someone could maybe put it back i'd be grateful, because then other posters can maybe help me out.

And yes to some people, i always knew it was wrong once he began to hit me when he became drunk, and i knew it should have been the last time when he left me in the middle of the street unconsciene, and i know now that he is not worth my time anymore.

to the person who said i could pm them, i forget your name as it all has been deleted!but thank you very much i could do with any support at the moment because i cannot speak to my friends about this issue, as firstly hardly any of them have ever even had boyfriends. i have a guidance counselor in school but he doesn't say anything, he just listens.

thank you to everyone who took time to read the other thread.

Alanstrainor

Leave this waste of space. He's not worth worrying about. You might be upset for a while but ultimately you'll realise leaving that excuse of a man was the right thing to do. He was physically violent with you! Drunk or not, that is, well, well out of order.
From reading your post, it seems you already know the above, you're just worried about losing someone you care for. As for your leaving cert, that could be the one thing to keep you occupied, concentrate solely on that, and forget this loser.
EDIT: Hmmm you've deleted your post....the above still stands.

minidazzler

Get rid of him, you don't need the added stress of some 24 year old baby who has a drinking problem.


Broken heart or not, you don't need him. He is bad for you, and will get into a trend of borrowing money.


Let me ask you this. Why are you with him? And saying you love him is not a real answer because there are reason's you love someone. Post those reasons.

bluecell99

My sympathies to you - you have been thru it.But you have done the right thing.For your sanity and health you must never go back to him.Only he can change - if he wants to.I reckon he is a along way from that.You dont need him.You deserve better and it will come.Just live life,get on with things and cut him completely from your life.Dont bend;beware of the calls begging forgiveness and the hes so sorry lark.

If you go near him agin you could be killed.Its that serious.

In a short time you will thank your stars for being strong and moving on.

take care.

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.You have made the biggest step in getting away from him.Drunk or not,there is no excuse for a man(and in his case I use the term lightly)to ever lay his hands on a female.Its fairly obvious he has an alcohol problem and with the stressful time you have coming up thats the last thing you need in your life.If you do see a future with him then tell him straight,booze or you.
You are so young,may be heading off to college in September and will experience so many new things and meet tonnes of new people.You dont need an abusive drunk wrecking your head.You are entering what should be the best period of your life - finished school with the world before you.Dont let him drag you down.It is going to be tough on you if indeed it is over for good but IMO while he is like that then there shouldnt be any reservations on your part in ending it.Let him sort himself out and concentrate on your leaving.Good luck to you.

star-pants

My goodness you poor thing *hugs*

That guy (I'm sorry) is a absolute baxtard. He doesn't look after you, doesn't care about you or your life, self centred, and don't get me started on how he physicially treated you. If you weren't under enough pressure and stress I would say you should go to the gardai and make a formal complaint immediately. I still think you should - but maybe get a friend or family member to go with you for support.

You're quite young so in a way I could understand how you felt you needed him even after he mistreated you. But you will never make that mistake again, a horrible lesson for you to have to learn hun, but use it to your benefit to never allow yourself in that situation again.
You say you told your father -- how did he react? I know you said you don't get on too well with him, but I would assume he'd try and be supportive and/or get really mad at the ex. You should probably tell your mother too, if you can, and hopefully she can comfort you, if I was there I'd have you bundled up with hugs.

As regards your Leaving cert - yes it's important and yes you're having a much rougher year than others. But remember you're clever and strong, you looked after that silly excuse for a bf and yourself for this long, you can get through this. It will take a good while to heal, and you might even benefit from counselling (you could see if your school has a counsellor/one to recommend). You will be able to concentrate on your exams and you will get through them hun. You're levels above this guy and you need to get through this for yourself, get your LC and keep improving your life (unlike him).

There's always people here and feel free to pm me with anything if you just need to talk or vent. You've been through a terrible time hun, but you need to tell your mother/close relative/friend because you need emotional support. Then I do suggest a formal complaint, drunk or not that's unacceptable brutal behaviour of that guy. You're doing right to block him out of your life, don't respond to him or anything of the sort.
You take your time to relax and heal, but try not to neglect your studies too much because you've come this far it would be horrible to let that guy ruin your future.

*hugs* and good luck, remember pm is always open

estar

where are your family in all this? why are they leaving you to face this alone.

you dont know how to feel because you are young, and probably never have experienced this type of behaviour before and are in shock. you should feel outraged, and im wondering why you arent. im wondering why your family let you see someone so much older who takes you drinking under age, and is so obviously in trouble themselves.

when someone chokes you and leaves you passed out alone, you dont take them back. you put as much distance between them and you as you can. no matter how much you love someone, you always have to love yourself more, at your age particularly. and if you love yourself, you do what is good for you.

he needs help. and he can only get help when he wants help. you cant make him. he wont do it to your schedule. leave him to deal with whatever is troubling him, and focus on yourself.

you are too young to see such an older f^cked up man. you hve the rest of your life to go out with men.

you only have one or two shots to get a good leaving cert. in twenty years time do you think you will regret

- not studying OR

- breaking up with mr aggravated assault

NEVER SEE THIS MAN AGAIN HE IS DANGEROUS.

i cant say it any clearer than that. you deserve better? why arent your family taking care of you? why arent you confiding in them? why are they letting you go out with a violent alcohol abusing man who steals from you and abuses you when you should be with people your own age being carefree?

why are you letting yourself be a victim? judge men by thier actions not their words.

what did you dad say when you told him?

please take care of yourself.

Koushki

minidazzler wrote: »

Get rid of him, you don't need the added stress of some 24 year old baby who has a drinking problem.


Broken heart or not, you don't need him. He is bad for you, and will get into a trend of borrowing money.


Let me ask you this. Why are you with him? And saying you love him is not a real answer because there are reason's you love someone. Post those reasons.

all i can say is because i love him.but i cant hang onto the relationship through love only, he wont work on himself and he wont change, and that's what really hurts. that he doesn't want to help himself, i've told him coutless times i would help him, and he was bringing me down, so when i think about it, i don't love him . i just looked after him.

but im so used to being with him. im used to having him there, and i think the routine will be the hardest thing to get over.

since i deleted my original post, some of my answers are what appears to be the original post now.

My mother lives in france and she is going through a really rough time at the moment and if i told her about everything that happened, she would be too upset, and i don't want to add any more stress into her life, she doesn't need it right now.

like i said i dont get on with my father, well i havn't recently anyway, but i only told him about my boyfriends alcohol problem. if i told him about him choking and hitting me, he would kill him. literally. and the last thing i want is for him to get hurt.

minidazzler

You kind of contradicted yourself. (well kinda in a roundabout way.) in your last post.


You say that all you can say is you love him. But I don't believe you do, and I don't think that you think you do.

You then said your used to him being there!!!

That's all this feeling of "love" is actually familiarity and fear of the unknown!!!


Just give it a few weeks and get over him, then I advise you go out with fella's your own age for a while!!!! Live your youth, and enjoy yourself. Don't get tied down in relationships too young!!!! Go out with your friends and just have a laugh. There is plenty of time for you to have Boyfriends, but you and your friends could be going your separate ways in a few short months!!!

Koushki

i guess you're right, but i was in love with him at one point. i think if i say now that i love him, it's more, he was my companion. I think you're right though, it's more the fear of the unknown.

i don't really want to go out with anyone else at the moment, the way you suggested i go out with someone my own age. i do not like the idea of scoring people on nights out who you have no interest in it's just because you're out and it's what your friends do.. im sure this isnt what you suggested but it's just, that's the way my friends act. they get with as many people as they can in one night, and i'm just not into that. at all. i really like being in relationships.

but thanks for the advice

star-pants

Koushki wrote: »

all i can say is because i love him.but i cant hang onto the relationship through love only, he wont work on himself and he wont change, and that's what really hurts. that he doesn't want to help himself, i've told him coutless times i would help him, and he was bringing me down, so when i think about it, i don't love him . i just looked after him.

That's his problem now hun - he won't get better due to his own idiocy and I'm glad you got away and didn't let him drag you down too. You did just look after him, and you felt it was something you needed, you felt you needed him. But in essence it was he who needed you. He's a waste of space (I don't like talking ill of people I don't know but you've said enough to warrent me to).

Koushki wrote: »

My mother lives in france and she is going through a really rough time at the moment and if i told her about everything that happened, she would be too upset, and i don't want to add any more stress into her life, she doesn't need it right now.

I understand you not wanting to stress your mother out further - obviously her situation might be tough enough. But you can still talk to her, she'd feel horrible if she found out later on what had happened and that you couldn't talk to her. You can leave out some of the more gritty bits if you want, but you can tell her about the bad relationship, how you feel sad and alone, she can still support you.
As for your dad, I do understand you not wanting to tell him everything because he'd want to tear your ex apart (as would I in his situation) but I hope you can still go to him for some comfort. Have you any close relatives you could turn to? or even a friends mother/friends older sister you might be able to talk to?

Your school counsellor isn't allowed to really advise as such, because they're part of the school system but you can still ask if they have any contact numbers for counsellors outside that they could put you in contact with. And maybe if you told them about this situation. If not, maybe see if you can get to your GP and they will definitely be able to refer you to someone. If you feel it'd be hard to explain to your dad without going into details, tell him you just feel sad and worried and stressed with all the situations and just want some guidance for it (if you need him to pay for the doctor etc).

You've gotten through the main part of it now hun - you've gotten away. Ignore this ex completely, don't even answer the phone to him, if he rings on private hang up once you know it's him. Keep him blocked on all msn/social networking sites and stay away from his local haunts. You need him far away.

PM is always open, I've had friends with rough boyfriends before, and my brother is currently just 18 and sitting his LC but having some serious personal problems so I understand the kind of stress you feel under.

Going Demented

I stayed with a lad who drank and got violent for over 3 years. Don't ask me why i stayed, i thought i loved him and he'd change blah blah blah. I have disfigured fingers, i have knife scars, i got choked to point of passing out. Took a long time to get out and as i had threatened it but always went back for so long he thought i'd never leave. Got the fright of his life when the last time i didnt go back and started seeing someone else. Then he decided to change. He said he got the shock of his life after that. Apparently now he doesn't drink etc but i wouldnt even think about going back. After a few months staying away with NO contact i realised i actually really disliked him. Now if i think about him i feel physically sick. I have been in a relationship now with someone for a year or so and he drinks and drinks normally. I thought i would never be with a drinker even social one after the other fella cause drink scared me so much. I've never been so happy, never knew things could be so good with someone, never so much as a raised voice from him. Get out and never go back and dont text and dont have contact. I know how hard it is, change your number and mentally block his out of your mind. Give it 5 months, you'll know you dont love him. (i know you won't believe me, i thought he was my world and i was so in love, by heck was i wrong, i was there out of habit)

Koushki

Thank you everyone. The last post really put things in perspective. and im sorry to hear that you went through it too, i wouldnt wish it upon anybody.
I'm going to be strong and just let him go out of my life.
thank you.