Breaking up with girlfriend

PolishPete

hey all. i am currently thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend. we met whilst i was on a working holiday in ireland. i am australian and she is czech. she has been with me in australia now for like 5 months, i met her family over xmas in her home country. we have been going out for about 11 months.

i do love her and i know she loves me too bits but i am about to finish my university degree. it will take 1 year to complete and i know once ill finish ill want to go overseas to north america or europe to work. and i know once i am overseas again i will be wanting to sample all the different women and go and do whatever and whenever. the only way she can stay is too get a spouse visa. i am not planning to get married! it feels really too serious for me to handle!

another thing is she has put on a load of weight since i have been with her i know that this sounds selfish but i do not have the sexual attraction i had once to her!

so my main reasons for breaking up is

1. i am 26 and want to travel again after i finish uni
2. she can only stay if i get a spouse visa for her which is expensive and very serious
3. i am not sexually attracted to her like i once was


i still emotionally care about her alot and she is a really good honest kind girl!

am i a bastard?

Otis Driftwood

Not really.It would be worse if you stayed in the relationhship and your heart isnt in it.

arybvtcw0eolkf

PolishPete wrote: »

hey all. i am currently thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend. we met whilst i was on a working holiday in ireland. i am australian and she is czech. she has been with me in australia now for like 5 months, i met her family over xmas in her home country. we have been going out for about 11 months.

i do love her and i know she loves me too bits but i am about to finish my university degree. it will take 1 year to complete and i know once ill finish ill want to go overseas to north america or europe to work. and i know once i am overseas again i will be wanting to sample all the different women and go and do whatever and whenever. the only way she can stay is too get a spouse visa. i am not planning to get married! it feels really too serious for me to handle!

another thing is she has put on a load of weight since i have been with her i know that this sounds selfish but i do not have the sexual attraction i had once to her!

so my main reasons for breaking up is

1. i am 26 and want to travel again after i finish uni
2. she can only stay if i get a spouse visa for her which is expensive and very serious
3. i am not sexually attracted to her like i once was


i still emotionally care about her alot and she is a really good honest kind girl!

am i a bastard?

1. You don't love her (I think you love you!).

2. Your not a bastard, your just shallow.

3. Let her go, it'll break her heart initially but she'll find someone who truely loves her and someday she'll wake up and realise she's just dodged a bullet.

.

LegacyUser

Take care of numero uno mate: YOU!

People break up everyday, it happens. Unfortunately for her it's a difficult situation, but she's an adult, so she'll be fine. They always are.

PolishPete

Mairt wrote: »

1. You don't love her (I think you love you!).

2. Your not a bastard, your just shallow.

3. Let her go, it'll break her heart initially but she'll find someone who truely loves her and someday she'll wake up and realise she's just dodged a bullet.

.

at the start of the relationship i was head over heels in love with her. i still enjoy her company and ill know ill miss her too bits. but i know i still have so many things i want to do on my own before i settle down! and yes i feel like a shallow prick for thinking this way.

shellyboo

PolishPete wrote: »

at the start of the relationship i was head over heels in love with her. i still enjoy her company and ill know ill miss her too bits. but i know i still have so many things i want to do on my own before i settle down! and yes i feel like a shallow prick for thinking this way.

OP, don't feel bad. At least you're being honest with yourself - now you need to be honest with her. It would be more cruel to string her along and keep her in a relationship where she's not valued. Cut her loose and let her find someone who's better suited for her, and go off and enjoy your travels.

scarymoon1

polishpete - your exactly like my ex. he dumped me because he wanted to "play the field" and was too young to settle down. he was 26 also. i had moved to his part of the country to be with him also. in the end i ended up hating me ex (he went out with me for 4 years and probably always knew he didnt want to settle down - yet he went out for with for 4 years - stringing me along). break with with this girl NOW because the longer it goes on - the greather the risk it will end up like my situation!

PolishPete

shellyboo wrote: »

OP, don't feel bad. At least you're being honest with yourself - now you need to be honest with her. It would be more cruel to string her along and keep her in a relationship where she's not valued. Cut her loose and let her find someone who's better suited for her, and go off and enjoy your travels.

thAnks,
the truth is a do value her as a person. if i had met her in a few more years, once i am ready to have kiddies she would be the one. i just feel bad doing this to someone who i know cares about me so much. i just feel like it a pretty petty reasons and i know the mission of putting her on a plane at the airport is going to be really hard.:o

LegacyUser

Your going to have to bite the bullet and be honest with this girl and tell her what your future plans are. Both she and you deserve to be with people who want to be with you, anything less is just settling for something.

I dont think you love her though, i think you care about her heaps, because if you did love her you wouldnt want to try out other women etc Thats not a bad thing, but i think you arent in love.

Why has she put on weight? Is she sick and medication causing it or bad habits causing it? I ask, because it might not be just the weight thats the issue but whats causing the weight, if she is sitting on the couch stuffing her face, no one will find that attractive. I really feel that sexual attraction is very important in a relationship and can be what defines a friendship versas a relationship.

I do have to say i worry about you wanting to try other women, you need to realise that women arent a commodity and not something you try, when you deal with feelings you dont just try something, so be careful in the future that you dont hurt someone.

As for your current situation, you know what you need to do and it aint going to be pretty but you cant marry someone for a visa, its the worst reason to get married. Marriage should be about true love!

Also dont feel bad or shallow about how you feel, you dont appear to be a mean person, you appear as someone who is trying to do the right thing. But please watch out for her being upset and hurt, esp as she is away from home etc it will be hard for her, but at 26 your meant to be a man so you will just have to take what she says on the chin!

PolishPete

scarymoon1 wrote: »

polishpete - your exactly like my ex. he dumped me because he wanted to "play the field" and was too young to settle down. he was 26 also. i had moved to his part of the country to be with him also. in the end i ended up hating me ex (he went out with me for 4 years and probably always knew he didnt want to settle down - yet he went out for with for 4 years - stringing me along). break with with this girl NOW because the longer it goes on - the greather the risk it will end up like my situation!

i dont wanna string her along for a year and a half whilst i am planning things in my head. it is wrong and she doesnt deserve it. like i do care about her thats the hardest thing. i have told her what i have been thinking about 2 hours before i posted this. she seem shocked but i just wanna b honest.

scarymoon1

YES - just be honost with her. She might not like to hear it - but your thinking of beings with other people! it will be better in the long run for her to find someone that really deserves her.

shellyboo

PolishPete wrote: »

thAnks,
the truth is a do value her as a person. if i had met her in a few more years, once i am ready to have kiddies she would be the one. i just feel bad doing this to someone who i know cares about me so much. i just feel like it a pretty petty reasons and i know the mission of putting her on a plane at the airport is going to be really hard.:o

PolishPete wrote: »

i dont wanna string her along for a year and a half whilst i am planning things in my head. it is wrong and she doesnt deserve it. like i do care about her thats the hardest thing. i have told her what i have been thinking about 2 hours before i posted this. she seem shocked but i just wanna b honest.

From what you're saying, OP, you're doing everything right. If your heart's not in it, then that's it - there's nothing you can do to change that. Best thing to do is give her a clean break.

All you can do now is make it as easy as you can for her, and being honest with her is a good first step. Best of luck.

Wagon

Be prepared for the possibility of your ex hating you and never wanting to see you again. While the hatred usually fades eventually, the reality is that friendships rarely work between ex's.

PolishPete

Wagon wrote: »

Be prepared for the possibility of your ex hating you and never wanting to see you again. While the hatred usually fades eventually, the reality is that friendships rarely work between ex's.

yeah i know. would like to stay in contact thou because we do enjoy each other company. i am very confused. i feel i love her but i have so much i ust wanna do with my life!

scarymoon1

can she not do those things with you?? or do you really want to be with other women? if so, then you know what to do.

PolishPete

well i bit the bullet and told her everything i had been thinking about. she was upset but now she seems ok. of course she is sad but she is happy ive been honest to her. i will really miss her but i cant just be in a relationship whilst i am thinking about other things. anyways who knows maybe in a while we might meet again! thanks everyone for your input. she is going to head home on either thursday or friday once i book the flights!

The Sweeper

I was going to ask, what visa was she on?

If she's just on a visitors visa, she's overstayed and will get a hard time at the airport and probably never be allowed back in Australia again. Better be sure you're not making a mistake.

If she's on a working holiday visa, she still has seven months left and I would suggest she might want to use that time to enjoy more of Australia, instead of going home just because you've dumped her.