How to know when a relationship is over?

LegacyUser

I need some advice. I'll try give as much background as possible.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for just about 2 years. I am mad about him and despite being in my early twenties, I can see myself spending forever with him. Lately though I've been feeling very put upon. I try to tell myself that it's just because we only see each other at weekends, but the feeling is prevailing more and more.

Basically I feel like he criticises me a lot. If I'm driving or doing any activity he tells me every minute things I'm doing wrong. If I relate stories to him of my day, he tells me what I did wrong in them. I try and explain what I feel I'm doing and he tells me I'm making excuses. I can't win. We argued about this before and he stopped afterwards. It's now 6 months later and the behaviour has started again, only I feel worse this time. The other day he told me I was crap at something. This isn't the end of the World, except I've spent 4 years studying it in College, and 6 years studying it in Secondary School. This all sounds so petty.

He also seems to dislike my personality too. He keeps getting frustrated that I am always stressed and angry, but I'm not. He is my boyfriend and I vent to him, especially as I AM under a lot of stress right now but now I feel like I can't talk to him at all. I feel like I have to hide the real me, which at the moment is a stressed person, because he doesn't like that person.

When ever I try to talk to him he immediately retorts that 'I am always getting at him' which makes me feel like I can't raise any of this with him. The issues might sound petty but when you feel like the one you love doesn't like your personality and criticises every thing you do and tells you you're doing it wrong, you rapidly find yourself losing your confidence.

I love him to bits and don't want to break up with him but I don't know what to do. I feel like he is trying to train me, like a dog, but if I 'train' him not to be so critical am I just as bad? 95% of the time we are extremely happy together and rarely fight, but I have been put down my whole life and I can't do it anymore, not even if it's only 5% of the time. The thing is, I know I will get responses from you that are critical of him and I will become immediately protective and defensive of him. I know I still love and want to be with him, I just don't want to feel like I'm tiptoeing around.

bluecell99

Sounds like he has a lot of issues and you are the receiver for his anger/rage/unhappiness with life.Why put up with this?What do you get out of it?

It does not say alot for your self-esteem that you choose to be with someone like this.The operative word being choose.

You have choice's.I hope you make the right one.

Good luck.

jim o doom

all relationships contain compromise. I myself can be quite critical and a bo***cks basically - but I have learned to control that - exactly the same as my OH has changed things about her behaviour that weren't fun for me.

Essentially; we compromised and we are happy.

He stopped before, so there's nothing saying if you talk to him, he won't stop again - remember relationships involve work, if you want them to work.

Also you say you cannot face up to even 5% criticism, even if things are hunky dory 95% of the time? sounds to me like you are the one who doesn't want to compromise..

bubblewrap

I don't want to offend any guys but men always seem to think women voicing their opinions is nagging or is seen as us getting at them. I know that is true of my boyfriend.

I think you need to sit him down and ask why he finds it acceptable to put you down all of the time? Say it in a calm manner to stop him thinking you are getting at him, I think (and I say this because I am the same), you are so scared of losing him, you may be coming across as a doormat in a way and he is taking advantage. You are scared of rocking the boat in case he walks.

You need to put your foot down, no one should act like that towards someone they supposedly love.