Dumped again...

JangoFett

I put up a thread a week or so ago about my gf talking about wanting to take a break, telling me she wanted me to change and I had to grow up and for some stupid reason, the whole "pregnancy" thing became a ****ing issue.

So then the other night she called me, we had a fight and broke up with me. It totally sucks of course. We had a trip booked to New Mexico and all and I'm trying to get a refund from the airline so that's more hassle for me which is bull**** I don't need.

Why do girls tell you everything is great and you're a great guy and then tell you they want to change a load of things about you? And tell you they don't like you around your friends...who are also her friends.

Christ I hate break-ups. Why are women so damn infuriating?!

Allison91

You could say the same about men!
But sorry ye broke up Ive been dumped recently too..

JangoFett

Yeah, I'm in the angsty phase right now

Caliden

Be civilised about it. Take it on the chin and carry on.

If her friends are your friends too, then so be it. Doesn't mean that you should stop hanging out with them because she says so. You may need them now more than ever to get over it also so if I were you I wouldnt stop hanging out with them.

PK2008

JangoFett wrote: »

Why do girls tell you everything is great and you're a great guy and then tell you they want to change a load of things about you? /

Thats one thing that drives me mad, I cannot for the life of me understand that- I know its bordering on generalising but every girlfriend Ive had has said that- it literally does not make any sence, how can you love someone then want/try to change them- insanity!!

JangoFett

Yeah, exactly!!

Wanting to change you but not telling you what has to change, expecting you to read their minds, drives me crazy

Thornography

The phrase "they're not crazy, they`re just women" comes to mind...

Don't torment yourself with thoughts of change. If someone wanted to be with you for YOU, they`d never ask you to change.

Rodar08

men do that too - very infuriating.

Nitxteha

what was the issue with the pregnancy? Is she pregnant? Or does she want to get pregnant?

Wagon

JangoFett wrote: »

I put up a thread a week or so ago about my gf talking about wanting to take a break, telling me she wanted me to change and I had to grow up and for some stupid reason, the whole "pregnancy" thing became a ****ing issue.

She didn't want you to change. She wanted you to get angry at her and do the hard part of breaking up so she wouldn't have to. A complete cop out.

That said, I know exactly where your coming from on this. I assume you wouldn't try and change someone yourself as you wouldn't be posting here asking what the motives are for it if you did. I only have theories myself. One in particular is the drama thing. Both sexes are prone to this but from what I've seen it seems to be more common with the birds. Keeps things 'exciteing'. The challenge of taking someone they don't like much about and attepting to change them into the person they think they should be is like a game. Eventually, when/if the work is done the boredome sets in and the eyes start to wander.

Or if the other person has a good head screwed on their shoulders and won't change then the break up happens as they're too stubborn to give in Now I'm not talking about stuff like refusing to give up drink if your an alcoholic or refusing to give up drugs if you're a junkie. Just the little things that make up who you are like how you dress, your sense of humour, your interests etc...

I didn't see your other thread, but to be frank I think you had a lucky escape. You'll be fine soon mate but in the meantime by all means be angry at the bitch if you have to Good luck!

ziedth

JangoFett wrote: »

We had a trip booked to New Mexico and all and I'm trying to get a refund from the airline so that's more hassle for me which is bull**** I don't need.!

Is that fully paid for? Why not just fly there with a mate or on your own get a connecting flight to Las Vegas. No better place to be single then Vegas.

Sorry to hear about it though.

Wibbs

JangoFett wrote: »

Why do girls tell you everything is great and you're a great guy and then tell you they want to change a load of things about you? And tell you they don't like you around your friends...who are also her friends.

Men can be equally daft too in fairness. Both genders can be complete bloody numptys and there is a lot of common ground for respective daftness. I reckon that there can be general gender diffs though.. I would say IME that women are more into fixer uppers. They see a guy, like a guy, but have an ideal for a partner in their heads and they see the guy as mouldable. Some women will see no problem critiqueing a guys life and lifestyle and looking for change, but if the guy did the same there would be ructions. I reckon part of it is a test too. To see how far you'll go along with her. If you meet her halfway(within your own boundaries) then cool. If you don't do enough it'll increase friction, but strangely makes some women work harder at you. If you go too far along with her, it can make them lose interest. If you throw in unrealistic romantic expectations then it gets worse. Personally I'm happy enough with myself in general. If they want to see changes and they're changes I would like to see in myself then fine. I would welcome their support. If not then byeeeee.

Wagon mentioned the drama aspect and it used to confuse the hell out of me too. Some were way worse than others. Some I never got the drama from. The ones who were bad though? Sheesh.:eek: OK now this is my humble and a generalisation, but my take is that women's drama is just an extension of their emotional involvement in a relationship and their generally more emotional response to their social environment. They need more emotional involvement, emotional novelty and excitement than men do in general. If they are not getting that in a healthy way from the man in the relationship, they construct "drama" to make up the difference. By healthy I mean, if the man meets her halfway emotionally, keeps her on her toes emotionally, excites her romantically, stimulates her intellectually etc. If he does that, then drama is much rarer. She's getting her "fix" in a good way. It's better for the man too as he can express himself emotionally in a different way to how he may be used to.

Men and women are pretty much the same. Individuals differ far more than genders. Where there are diffs and its mostly relationship wise, they're just a different way of processing that world. It would be better if men took on board some of the advantages of women's view and it would be good for women too to see it through a man's view at times. That's a good relationship.

Chalk this up to experience. Look back and see if there were areas she was dead right about and if they exist and you do need to change for you, then work on them. Don't drop your mutual mates. If she pushes you on this point, push right back.

kaa

JangoFett wrote: »

I put up a thread a week or so ago about my gf talking about wanting to take a break, telling me she wanted me to change and I had to grow up and for some stupid reason, the whole "pregnancy" thing became a ****ing issue.

So then the other night she called me, we had a fight and broke up with me. It totally sucks of course. We had a trip booked to New Mexico and all and I'm trying to get a refund from the airline so that's more hassle for me which is bull**** I don't need.

Why do girls tell you everything is great and you're a great guy and then tell you they want to change a load of things about you? And tell you they don't like you around your friends...who are also her friends.

Christ I hate break-ups. Why are women so damn infuriating?!

girls r from venus and men r from mars:)

wel i never seen ur lst thread but sounds like she was bit of a control freak. and dat u were lucky but stil break up r hard.
TBH i really think in a relationship dere is always sumthing u wud like 2 change bout ur partner but f***ing hell like who wud wana change a persons personailty cos dat is wot make u fancy them. dat is just a sign dat ye r not ment 2 2gether really.

ya bull**** from d airlines is not helpin either. but if u do get a refund. y dont u book another hol wit d boys r go away 4 a weekend on a drinkin session and enjoy urself and been just u.

cos dere is sum1 out dere dat will not want u 2 change which is wot u want in a relationship is just been u.

Nevyn

kaa wrote: »

girls r from venus and men r from mars:)

wel i never seen ur lst thread but sounds like she was bit of a control freak. and dat u were lucky but stil break up r hard.
TBH i really think in a relationship dere is always sumthing u wud like 2 change bout ur partner but f***ing hell like who wud wana change a persons personailty cos dat is wot make u fancy them. dat is just a sign dat ye r not ment 2 2gether really.

ya bull**** from d airlines is not helpin either. but if u do get a refund. y dont u book another hol wit d boys r go away 4 a weekend on a drinkin session and enjoy urself and been just u.

cos dere is sum1 out dere dat will not want u 2 change which is wot u want in a relationship is just been u.

In translation:

kaa wrote: »

Women are from Venus and men are from mars:)

Well I never saw your last thread but sounds like she was bit of a control freak. and that you were lucky but still break ups are hard.

TBH I really think in a relationship there is always something you would like two change about your partner but f***ing hell like who would want to change a persons personality cos that is what make u fancy them. That is just a sign that ye are not meant to be together really.

The bull**** from the airlines is not helping either, but if you do get a refund why don't u book another holiday with the boys or go away for a weekend on a drinking session and enjoy yourself and been just you.

Because there is someone out there that will not want u to change which is what you want in a relationship is just to be you.

Please do not use text speak I don't have the time to transcribe and translate post so that people can understand them.

Loxosceles

JangoFett wrote: »

Christ I hate break-ups. Why are women so damn infuriating?!

Because the only woman you can trust is one who knows precisely what she wants. Now go look for one.

JangoFett

Nah, I really liked this girl, somehow missed the crazy and now here I am screwed over again bec ause of a girl and what she calls "her issues". Happened me before, completely missed the crazy and then she tried to turn me against my friends, telling me they were saying all this crap about me when they were saying the opposite!

The pregnancy thing was she was pretty late with her period, about 3 weeks, she had done a test and it was clear and when she got her period she got REALLY mad at me for being so relieved. I'M not ready for kids, I'm still a kid, 23, well, a kid at heart...young adult in everything else.

LegacyUser

I suspect she doesn't really want to break up at all. Otherwise she'd be the most relieved about not being pregnant. She's using the threat of breakup to force you to change/work out her own rejection issues. So yes if you are a clever man she's still there to be played.

Or if you're a very clever man you might keep walking.

m3llowship

eVo|tempest wrote: »

The phrase "they're not crazy, they`re just women" comes to mind...

This is something that I have pondered with for a while.

Not all women are crazy, but, as most women will agree, they all have the potential to be.

Jango, as your best mate all I have to say to you is this.....are we going on the beer tonight or what?

I jest, I know the ins and outs of this story already!

m3llowship

ziedth wrote: »

Is that fully paid for? Why not just fly there with a mate or on your own get a connecting flight to Las Vegas. No better place to be single then Vegas.

Sorry to hear about it though.

THATS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID TO HIM!!

Salome

I think your reaction to her possible pregnancy sealed it for her - you didn't react as she thought/hoped you would so she knew that you weren't the right man for her.

I'm inclined to agree. Move on.