Not interested in people...

LegacyUser

Hi I'll try and be brief. Basically I'm not interested in having friends or relationships. I prefer being by myself. I feel sad a lot, and I think this has something to do with it. But the problem is, like i said, that i'm just not interested in others. I'm heterosexual but I just don't find myself attracted to any girls out there, and I don't have any friends, apart from "a few people I know" sort of thing. I just don't have much in common with anyone and all this being on my own is getting me down. And I feel like my life is just one big wait.. i feel like I'm just killing time until I die. I've sort of 'done things' with my life..and feel like there's nothing left. Now I'm not 'bragging' or anything when I say this but everything I've been 'into' in the past bores me now because I sort of did it until I was the best at it, and then I had to give it up because I couldn't stand the atmosphere of jealousy (that's Ireland I suppose). Again, I'm not trying to brag or anything (I'm anonymous so how could I?). And also in life I find myself doing less than my best at things because I'm afraid people will hate me for being too good at it. What should I do with myself? I just feel lost and lonely and depressed and I waste all my free time online now and in front of the tv.

Salome

If you are feeling depressed, the first thing I would suggest you do is see your GP - it sounds like depression is making you feel this way. If you want help, if you want to feel differently to the way you currently feel, make the effort, see a doctor and ask to be referred to a doctor who specialises in helping people who feel the same as you.

That_Guy

Wow. I know that some people do prefer their own company at times but not all of the time.

I think as a previous poster stated, you need to see a GP. You'll end up just going mad with your own thoughts and nobody there to help alleviate them.

It's for your own good. I know it'll be tough for you but one step at a time and you can do this.

You seem fairly talented though from what you say that you do things to the best of your ability. It's easier said than done but you gotta put yourself out there, get involved in groups that do activities you are good at and socialise.

Good luck.

star-pants

Agree with the other posters,

you're a bright and talented chap who has a lot ahead of him he can experience.
It does sound like the fact you're down is making you pull away from people and socialising. I understand that, sometimes when you feel sad you just don't have the energy to deal with people, to put on a happy face. And sometimes you think it's easier and fairer on others if you pull away, so that they won't have to deal with your sadness too.

But that's not the case at all, what'll happen is you pick up hermit like tendancies and then find it hard to deal with others. The sadness is something that needs to be sorted hun - and it can, honest. I think perhaps a trip to your GP and explain how you're feeling, they might be able to recommend or send you to a counsellor or someone trained to be able to understand and talk to you about getting out of a rut.

You can do it and then things won't be as sad, and you'll find you've more interest in life and people and enjoy it more. Best of luck x

LegacyUser

ive felt this way before and i know your pain. Being that lost and lonely is the worst feeling in the world..i think you should reach out to a friend to talk to or a gp....believe me it'll help ease many of those feelings and they'll help you find your path..good luck with everything xx

glezo

why not try going on a chat line like smooch-its free..

people wont judge you from chatting on-line and you never know wat could happen out of it..

also as the others have said i would highly recommened you goin to you gp. you never know unless you go

good luck

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

It is said that people who aren't interested in other people aren't interesting themselves, and aren't interested in themselves. With that in mind, I'd like to ask what are your strong points? What are you interested in and what do you do that you might possibly share with others?

Is it possibly you just haven't found what you want to do with your life yet?

cafecolour

I'd definitely go to your GP and get referred for counseling. You say you don't want to be successful at things any more since you are afraid people will hate you for it? First, that's an odd way to think. Second, if you truly had no interest in forming friends with people, why would you care what others thought of you?

I'd say that the depression is definitely hindering your desire for social contact, with in turn makes you more depressed. You might also have some underlying behavioral tendencies - Asperger's/mild autism for instance - that also is make social contact more difficult. All of this can be managed with the help of a good counselor.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I don't think I have any disorders. I'm actually great around people. You'd never guess that I was a loner. In fact, when with others, I'm usually one of the most outgoing..I sort of getting frustrated that others aren't the same. I act confident when I'm out because I know that people don't know the 'real' me. I'm an extremely private person. I hate when people want to know anything about me, like where I live, what I do etc.. I have a sort of 'recognisable' image though. If you saw me, you could probably pigeonhole me into some category. That makes me comfortable, because it sort of tells people everything they need or want to know (true or not) without me saying anything, and I can sort of play the role.

I just find that I have no interest in meeting and interacting with people on a regular basis. My problem is that my loneliness is driving me mad. I can't hold onto friends. It seems that I lose contact with people... I feel like if I call, email or text anyone they'll think that I'm a desperate and clingy person and that I'm annoying them. I suppose the best way I can describe it is that I don't feel 'good enough' to be friends with anyone. I think to myself, 'Why would anyone want to keep in touch with the likes of me?'. While I'm good at sussing people out on one level, I find it almost impossible to read whether people actually like me, or if they're just being polite. If I like a girl I don't know if she likes me back. So I've sort of accepted that I'll probably be a loner forever. I can see myself in ten years living alone with a cat and a computer, talking to myself and spending my evenings watching reruns of Friends, Fraiser and Scrubs on E4.

LegacyUser

Relax with a ciggie & a cuppa

LegacyUser

Strange9876 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I don't think I have any disorders. I'm actually great around people. You'd never guess that I was a loner. In fact, when with others, I'm usually one of the most outgoing..I sort of getting frustrated that others aren't the same. I act confident when I'm out because I know that people don't know the 'real' me. I'm an extremely private person. I hate when people want to know anything about me, like where I live, what I do etc.. I have a sort of 'recognisable' image though. If you saw me, you could probably pigeonhole me into some category. That makes me comfortable, because it sort of tells people everything they need or want to know (true or not) without me saying anything, and I can sort of play the role.

I just find that I have no interest in meeting and interacting with people on a regular basis. My problem is that my loneliness is driving me mad. I can't hold onto friends. It seems that I lose contact with people... I feel like if I call, email or text anyone they'll think that I'm a desperate and clingy person and that I'm annoying them. I suppose the best way I can describe it is that I don't feel 'good enough' to be friends with anyone. I think to myself, 'Why would anyone want to keep in touch with the likes of me?'. While I'm good at sussing people out on one level, I find it almost impossible to read whether people actually like me, or if they're just being polite. If I like a girl I don't know if she likes me back. So I've sort of accepted that I'll probably be a loner forever. I can see myself in ten years living alone with a cat and a computer, talking to myself and spending my evenings watching reruns of Friends, Fraiser and Scrubs on E4.

**** me dude... are you me? lol

U honestly sound sooooo much like me is godamn freaky.

I can honestly say I know how you feel 99%...

If you come back on here I've created an email address for you to contact me if you want, is temporary0909@googlemail.com

(I wont use my real email as it might be picked up by damn spam bots)

madbev90210

Hi OP
I actually have a few friends and seem to get on well with people when Im out or in new groups etc. however I do like to be on my own sometimes and if im going shopping etc I like to go on my own.. I think its because I feel il bore people or have nothing to say.. which im sure my friends would say is ridiculous but thats what I think!

Anyways, if you would like to pm me, we could perhaps be occasional friends where we keep in touch when we feel like it and dont see each other as desperate or clingy? !

If not, dont give up on relationships or friendships that could change your mind. Im sure your a nice person and you deserve nice things to happen to you. Be strong!

ladylouise

i am loner too i never had any friends, people are always making a fool out me because i am shy,quiet and i don,t fix in with any one.every where i go i sit by my self because i am not wanted,i even tried making friends and i wasn,t any good at that either.blokes don,t like me either.and they told me to my face they did n,t want me and did n,t care about me.
i did n,t choose to be a loner it just came that way .i was bulled a a lot and called names too.and rejected .i can,t any one so i stay by my self in social events.i find a corner and i stay there.

LegacyUser

Maybe the reason you don't have genuine friends is because you are not genuine with people yourself. You say that you act all confident and out going when you are out and get frustrated when people aren't the same. Just act yourself and let people see you as you are and not how you think they want to see you.
You also say that you do everything until you are the best at it. Why do you do it until you are the best at it and then drop it. It's like as if you do things to be competitive and not for the enjoyment or the interaction with other people. Don't get me wrong, I think it's good to do everything to the best of your ability but doing something just for the sake of conquering it is not going to give you much satisfaction in the long run. Perhaps you give off the wrong attitude in trying to get to be the best, and that's what others don't like. Do you think you might take things too seriously? It's just a thought!

You say you don't have much interest in people but you seem to worry a lot about what they think of you at the same time.
It sounds as if you are constantly trying to appear flawless with people. stop worrying about what people think of you. Act yourself! You don't have to be all loud and confident in a group to have a good time. You may find that you get along with most of the group but only really click with one or two them and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You say in your first post that you are not attracted to girls and in your next post that you don't know if the girls you like, like you back! SO, you obviously do like girls!

You don't seem to want to admit liking or needing people in your life as if that's some sort of flaw or weakness.

Just try being your authentic self. Let people see the real you. You seem to be hiding who you really are. Accept yourself as you are and let yourself relax around people. Stop being a showman.
I think if you start relating and interacting with people from a more genuine and open level you will find that you like being around people more and they will probably like you back. Take an interest in people and see if you connect with them as people first before you start worrying about what they will think of you. Relax and let friendships happen easily and naturally and then you won't be worrying that they will think you are desperate because you won't be so worried about them judging you.

LegacyUser

Reading your post sounded like you looked in my personal mirror and took notes.

How old are you? I'm 29. I've had a great life, have great friends and great job. Doesn't that sound lovely? But I'm a lonely old sole on the inside and nobody knows . I play up to the image that people have of me. Being successful, being 'happy'. I don't know how else to be. All of my friends are doing their own thing now. I get on well with them but more often than not they talk to me when they want to rant about their boyfriends or girlfriends and if she said this and he said that. Do they think I have nothing better to do than listen to this sh!te? Just because I am single? It just makes me fell all the more isolated.

I really have no solution for you. But when you buy your cat and I buy my dog can we go for a walk together and throw stones at all the happy people?!