A little bit hurt by boyfriend's comment

LegacyUser

I was having a conversation with my boyfriend tonight. We both have an interest in a particular activity (sorry for being vague, it's just in case he reads this). He has being doing this activity for longer than I have been and he is better at it than me.

I told him that I look forward to do being able to do a certain harder aspect of that activity, which I should be able to do in under a year, if I work at it. He said 'oh, you'd probably freak out and be all 'aaaah' ' . We have a very similar sense of humour and I really don't think he was having a laugh about this. I told him that it really winds me up when someone thinks I cannot do something. He didn't apologise or say that he was just joking. He just said 'it's different at that level'. Has he no faith in me!?

This is actually a huge annoyance that it appears he honestly believes that I wouldn't be good at it etc. I work hard at stuff and when I do, I usually do fairly well at it. We've been going out for over a year now and I don't know if this should be such a deal breaker, but his comment almost seems like he thinks he's better than me etc.

Am I over thinking this!? thanks.

sardineta

At a stretch, it may seem insensitive. Prove him wrong, you're not made of glass.

star-pants

Are you sure he wasn't teasing you?

and then when he said 'its different at that level' might have meant, don't get your hopes too high as it's harder than you think, not meant in a bad way but to give you better perspective?

I don't think it's a deal breaker - I'm sure he didn't mean it the way you were thinking it. Perhaps he doesn't like the idea that you'd be better than him, and his way of dealin with it is teasing, but I wouldn't take it too hard unless you spoke to him and he told you he'd no faith or something.

Snowie

no offence what morw motivaion do you need then for some one you can't do something......

stick it to them then enjoying pinning the tale on the donkey

nkay1985

As others have suggested, he actually might not have meant it in the way you perceived. But we obviously don't know him and you should know him quite well after a year. So do you think he meant it that way?

Even if he did, he's just being a man. We're prone to doing stupid things. And it's a form of machismo to talk like you're better than your girlfriend, specially if it's something physical/skillful. I don't think it means he doesn't believe in your ability or anything like that.

Try not to make too big a deal of it in your mind. And the best way to deal with it is to prove that you can do it!

estar

yes.

Thomas_S_Hunterson

You seriously need to chill out.

He is and will always be better than you at tonnes of stuff. Fact of life. For any given activity, one of you will be better than the other.

LadyJ

Just forget about it. The best way to feel better about his comment is to just work hard and succeed. My dad always tells me that the best form of revenge is success. I use the word "revenge" losely in this case but, in general, I've always found the advice to be true.

CDfm

y6u really need to chill.

dont get me wrong but isnt being as good as him a bit competitive and may not be great for the relationship .Say its kickboxing and you say - i will kick your ass in 12 months- thats hardly going to make this activity fun and relaxation for either of you.

LegacyUser

star-pants wrote: »

Are you sure he wasn't teasing you?

Yes. I know when he is.

star-pants wrote: »

when he said 'its different at that level' might have meant, don't get your hopes too high as it's harder than you think, not meant in a bad way but to give you better perspective?

Perhaps. Thanks!. I'm competitive and I think I'm well suited to this activity. I don't like failing or being mediocre at stuff. That's why his comment threw me a bit.

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

no offence what morw motivaion do you need then for some one you can't do something......

stick it to them then enjoying pinning the tale on the donkey

That has always been true for me. Up until now. I generally think it's perfectly cool for anyone to doubt me/say anything negative to me etc and I'll take it. But I really don't want to be going out with a person who mightn't have faith in me.

nkay1985 wrote: »

As others have suggested, he actually might not have meant it in the way you perceived. But we obviously don't know him and you should know him quite well after a year. So do you think he meant it that way?

Even if he did, he's just being a man. We're prone to doing stupid things. And it's a form of machismo to talk like you're better than your girlfriend, specially if it's something physical/skillful. I don't think it means he doesn't believe in your ability or anything like that.

Try not to make too big a deal of it in your mind.

Hopefully, he was just indeed being 'macho' about it!, as it is more of a male-dominated activity.

Sean_K wrote: »

You seriously need to chill out.

He is and will always be better than you at tonnes of stuff. Fact of life. For any given activity, one of you will be better than the other.

It was never about trying to be better than him. I just want to be good at it, because I enjoy it. During the conversation we had, he tried to turn me off even wanting to improve and reach a higher level at the activity. As if there wasn't any chance in the world of me being good at it. From an outside perspective, I might just look blind to my abilities or something. But up until now, I've succeeded in anything I've really put my mind to. I do need to chill alright though!

CDfm wrote: »

y6u really need to chill.

dont get me wrong but isnt being as good as him a bit competitive and may not be great for the relationship .Say its kickboxing and you say - i will kick your ass in 12 months- thats hardly going to make this activity fun and relaxation for either of you.

Perhaps when I said 'He has being doing this activity for longer than I have been and he is better at it than me.', I gave the impression I wanted to be as good as him. I was trying to give some background.

I really don't care if I'm worse/as good as/better than him. Really, I don't!. I just want to reach the highest level possible of this activity,- It's what I personally want to achieve. Without him coming along pretty much saying not to even try. Surely, a boyfriend/girlfriend should be supportive, not undermining. Can't anyone see this!?.

Thanks for the replies, I know there are many more series issues going on in the world.

krudler

He has being doing this activity for longer than I have been and he is better at it than me.

you just answered your own question there, since you didnt name what it is, we have to assume its something that takes time to gain a skill at and patience, my friend can fly a plane and I've had one lesson, doesnt mean I'd get offended if he said its hard past a certain level and I may not stick with it

minidazzler

If this is about playing guitar, I think your BF may be one of my best friends!!! lol!!!:D



But anyway, I think he is just a bit threatened by you being able to do it better. Think nothing of it.