Am I over reacting?

useful_contacts

THIS PI HAS BEEN EDITED TO HIGHLIGHT THE ACTUAL PROB

MY friend ANN is 22 now- im 23, kates 22... I know ANN 9 years and im closer to her than kate is ... ann and her partner were trying for a baby the last few months and shes now 3 and a half months pregnant.Im so thrilled for her.

2 weeks ago(she was 14 weeks gone) i told a friend we both know over ten years she was pregnant,ann text me that night giving out saying it wasnt my business to be telling people shes preg,i said sorry.

Today Kate announces on bebo ann is pregnant and told a girl ann knows 3 months that anns preg and ann doesnt care.

i dont get her giving out when i tell a close friend of ours shes preg, but doesnt mind kate announcing it to everyone.

Just wondering what people think?I tend to over react on things and i think i am now- but just want others opnion- im planning to say it to ann about the "giving out when i told someones shes preg and not caring when kate tells everyone "thing

Sorry its so long- But if ye think im over reacting tell me cos i think i might be

Mr. Presentable

You are over reacting. Relationships are not just defined by how old they are.

MagicMarker

Over reacting.

useful_contacts

nipplenuts wrote: »

You are over reacting. Relationships are not just defined by how old they are.

did u read the whole thing?

i asked was i over reacting about the fact kates allowed tell everyone anns preg but when i told someone she ate me

Stheno

Yes you are over reacting, you have no idea how the other two are as friends between themselves or anything else.

Be happy for your friend and her pregnancy and support her all you can, rather than obsessing about smaller stuff like this, otherwise you might well lose yourself a good friend.

LegacyUser

I can see why you would be very upset
Especially if you feel you were closer to the woman
But only Ann can say why she chose your friend over you
People have various reasons for these things it could be any number of reasons why
she chose Kate, I would try not take it too personally and be happy for your
friend and to be honest I wouldn't even talk to Ann about the whole telling people
she's pregnant thing, I am sure the woman is stressed enough with the pregnancy than to be worrying about such a trivial thing.
Don't be worrying and don't make an issue of it

useful_contacts

nouggatti wrote: »

Yes you are over reacting, you have no idea how the other two are as friends between themselves or anything else.

actually i do- im always over with ann, shes always giving out that kate keeps showing up at her house without calling ahead , and only txtn her when shes probs and ignoring her when shes new bfs

Iv never done that, i wouldnt dream of arriving at anyones house without calling ahead, and i always talk to her- TBH last time id a major prob ann ignored me for 2 weeks (and admitted later she just didnt know what 2 say 2 me)

MagicMarker

useful_contacts wrote: »

did u read the whole thing?

i asked was i over reacting about the fact kates allowed tell everyone anns preg but when i told someone she ate me

That was two weeks ago, maybe there were certain people she hadn't told at the time? Maybe she was just having a bad day?

Stheno

useful_contacts wrote: »

actually i do- im always over with ann, shes always giving out that kate keeps showing up at her house without calling ahead , and only txtn her when shes probs and ignoring her when shes new bfs

Iv never done that, i wouldnt dream of arriving at anyones house without calling ahead, and i always talk to her- TBH last time id a major prob ann ignored me for 2 weeks (and admitted later she just didnt know what 2 say 2 me)

No you don't, you only know what Ann tells you, and from the second paragraph in your post above, it sounds like you are not on the same wavelength you might have been.

star-pants

Well, I can see how you'd be a bit ticked off tbh. You can't say boo but the other girl can tell the world as such. She was over the 3month marker so you wouldn't have thought she'd minded you telling one person.
Although, without knowing the ins & outs of their friendship and the situation, it might be an over reaction.
Ann & Kate may just have a closer friendship than you realise and maybe because she's closer to her/Kate is godmother - she's allowed to spread the word?

I don't know if I'd bring it up with Ann, because it could be taken the wrong way/blown out of proportion and you could mess up a friendship. If it was a case of constantly happening then I'd say something but you could just be taking things a bit more harsh because you are disappointed you weren't godmother, understandably.

useful_contacts

MagicMarker wrote: »

That was two weeks ago, maybe there were certain people she hadn't told at the time? Maybe she was just having a bad day?

she was 6 weeks gone when she told me and my fella she was preg.. i said nothing to anyone for 8 weeks ...

she had told everyone at the time i told our friend (of 10 years ) and she gave out to me, i dont think its fair that kate can tell the world, and when i tell someone i get abuse. Thats hardly fair me and annie are very close, she txt me ten minutes after she lost her virginity for christs sake, she tells me everything

MagicMarker

useful_contacts wrote: »

she was 6 weeks gone when she told me

she had told everyone at the stage she gave out to me, i dont think its fair that kate can tell the world, and when i tell someone i get abuse. Thats hardly fair me and annie are very close, she txt me ten minutes after she lost her virginity for christs sake, she tells me everything

Oh, okay then. In that case I'll just tell you what you came here to hear.

You're not over reacting, Ann's a bitch.

Zaph

MagicMarker wrote: »

Oh, okay then. In that case I'll just tell you what you came here to hear.

You're not over reacting, Ann's a bitch.

MagicMarker, please try to behave yourself

Wibbs

TBH I can see why you're unsure/disgruntled over this. I reckon I would be too somewhat. Now people will tell you to "get over it" and that's all fine and dandy in theory, but given the circumstances, the least anyone would do is start to question the friend relationship and indeed question yourself(what did I do/not do/say/not say/been reported as saying/etc). TBH If they didn't I'd slightly question their mindset. Unless they were that very rare breed who was as balanced as the Buddha on a tightrope.

In practical terms what can you do and how do you handle it? In the former, I would say there's little that you can do. As for the latter I would say, although you can do nothing, you can be something. And that's her mate. The mate you've shared all these years and intimacies with. The mate that is carrying that child. The mate that will interact with that child and her.

In the end of the day, the title "godmother" is nice and all that, but it's just a title. "Father" and "mother" is a well worn title too and we all know examples where the title didn't match up to the reality. "Friend" is another important title. IMHO it's a bigger title than "godmother". Put aside the (understandable) feelings you have and remember the feelings you've shared for so long.

Basically be her mate like you always have been.

useful_contacts

MagicMarker wrote: »

Oh, okay then. In that case I'll just tell you what you came here to hear.

You're not over reacting, Ann's a bitch.

stop that- i didnt come to hear that- i love annie- and i like kate shes lovely. i dont want to lose any of them.I just wanted to kow was it fair cos i dont think it was

Wibbs

useful_contacts wrote: »

stop that- i didnt come to hear that

I agree you didn't. I'm all for opposing views, but just because someone thinks they're stating the obvious, it doesn't mean they are. Just what is obvious to them. I've been around myself and people long enough to at least know this; occams razor is of limited use in human relationships. This goes for those that agree with you as well as those who don't.

lolli

I can see why you'd be a bit upset over it but Ann probably just wanted to tell the long term friend the news herself and it probably wasn't as important to her to tell the short term friend.

dreamlogic

There was a time lapse of two weeks between you telling this person and Kate mentioning it to people. In the meantime word might have spread and it was no longer such a secret..
Also this friend that you told might not be as close to Ann, maybe she went and told other people and maybe that was why Ann didn't want her knowing so soon..

It's a small thing to be getting worried over to be honest and no point in delving deeper into what is meant as it won't get you anywhere. Let go and forget it.

mrsdewinter

OP, I agree with Lolli. The friend you told was probably a girl Ann wanted to tell herself. The friend Kate told may have been a random friend on the fringes of things.

In any case, stop worrying. Ann's gonna have her hands full from here on out. She needs a good friend but I'm afraid her focus will shift away from her friends and her old life to her partner, their new baby and all the practical things that have to be done.

Be there for her, but don't expect her to be as available as she has been up to now.

And by the way... could you tone down the text speak?

Zaph

mrsdewinter wrote: »

And by the way... could you tone down the text speak?

mrsdewinter, if you have an issue with any post on this forum please use the report post button instead of commenting on it on-thread.

Thanks

mrsdewinter

Apologies. I'll know for again

AngryBadger

She obviously felt that you were robbing her of the opportunity to be the first to reveal this information, and to be honest I have to ask how it didn't occur to you that she might be upset by you telling someone before she had the chance. She's pregnant, which is a huge deal, and her hormones are probably not helping.

So yeah, you're over-reacting. So she gave you a slap on the wrist for doing something that was in fairness a bit thoughtless. As the young people say, build a bridge...

Chinafoot

useful_contacts wrote: »

she was 6 weeks gone when she told me and my fella she was preg.. i said nothing to anyone for 8 weeks ...

she had told everyone at the time i told our friend (of 10 years ) and she gave out to me, i dont think its fair that kate can tell the world, and when i tell someone i get abuse. Thats hardly fair me and annie are very close, she txt me ten minutes after she lost her virginity for christs sake, she tells me everything

She tells YOU everything, that doesn't give you free reign to tell other people. 2 weeks can be a long time in a pregnancy and for all you know Kate may have been given permission to tell people or maybe Ann was just happy for everyone to know at that stage.

You over stepped the mark by telling your mutual friend (regardless of how long you've known them). Its not your place to do that and you deserved a slap on the wrist. Going to Ann and saying "I think its unfair that she can tell everyone but I cant" is going to make you look petty and childish.

Learn your lesson and don't go telling people your friends business in future.