Another ex Story-what to do

LegacyUser

Ok well mine is kinda different! Here it goes.

When i met my current boyfriend i knew he wasnt long out of a relationship with his ex and that they parted as friends. We are together 2 years, bought a house last summer and everything is good except, his ex doesnt know i exsist.

He says because she hasnt moved on he doesnt want to rub her face in it by saying he is happy living with someone else. How can there friendship be genuine if she really doesnt know what is going on in his life!! They talk reguarly and he doesnt hide it from me, if she mails or txts he'll tell me. Im not worried of anything happening between them - anyway she lives in the UK.

Ive asked a million times for him to tell her and the answer is just no.

Should i just be ok with this and when she meets someone and is happy, i can then stop this eating away at me? ?

Any suggestions ?

Nevyn

If you are happy with your life then why do care what she thinks of your or if she approves ?

I do think that it is nice that he is not rubbing her face in it but I think the ex should
know that he is spoken for. He doens't have to share details of your life together
with her ( agian it's rude if he does imho) but he can't be helping her by not telling
her he is in a serious enough relationship to have bought a home with you.

Things is you can't make him do it, or make it seem like you are trying to make him choose but clearly the unacknowledgement of your place in his life to his ex is bothering you.

Talk to him about it, yes he should be more concerned for your feelings then hers
but it can be a tricky one.
There is a difference between telling an ex that you are dating someone and over sharing
details of how happy you are with your new partner and upsetting them.

Mixedup

i know exactly what you mean OP, i am with my boyfriend nearly a year, and knew him as a friend for years before that, so i knew his ex when they were together and was quite friendly with her. When they split she took it very badly, and a few months later we started going out, but he didnt want to tell her as she was still very cut up (neither of us ever saw her or were in danger of running into her as she lives far away), fair enough i said.

Its only when i ran into her by accident one day and she was chatting to me as if we were long lost sisters that it really hit me, and i told him he had to tell her, because she'd been asking to meet him (just as friends) and it gave me the creeps to think that the poor girl would have no idea he's moved on, and perhaps want to meet him thinking he was single.

He told her eventually, but she's taken it very badly, and hates the ground i walk on, but what can you do i guess!

if he's NEVER going to see her again, i'd say dont worry too much, but it isnt fair on her, or you, to keep it from her, she might be living in hope, and you'll be worried, insecure and weirded out every time she texts him.

LegacyUser

OP here! Thanks so much for your reply, makes me feel much better and that im not some mental case. Thanks

dazberry

Unregistered wrote: »

Should i just be ok with this and when she meets someone and is happy, i can then stop this eating away at me? ?

Realistically there's nothing you can do about it so I think you just have to let it go. For the record I think your BF is wrong. There's one thing about trying to spare someone's feelings - but when the ex finds out that this has been going on for 2+ years - it'll be the worst slap in the face she has ever got regardless if she's moved on or not.

I found myself in the situation of meeting a mates ex one day, and had to hold a conversation and look her in the eye knowing a lot more then she did. I felt so guilty over something that was absolutely nothing to do with me. As soon as I got the chance, I rang him and in no uncertain terms told him to sort if out - which in fairness to him he then did. It wasn't nice but its not fair leaving people in limbo just because some ppl don't have the balls to face up to things...

D.

star-pants

OP all you can do is what you've done already - tell him how you feel and that you'd prefer her to know he was off the market. As others said it's one thing not rubbing it in their face for the first few months but 2 years later? I guess if she lives in the UK it doesn't really matter but it's more the principle of it - why not let her know?
Maybe he feels she'll not want to be friends if she knows, and he likes her friendship?