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Parents being told their kids are "very advanced"

  • 28-02-2009 8:20am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭tallaght01


    "He's very advanced, doctor" is one of the most common phrases I hear when I'm doing developmental checks.

    I reckon that more than 50% of kids parents have been told this at some stage of their childhood, by a healthcare professional, or someone in education.

    As part of the grumpiness and curmudgeonliness (is that even a word??) associated with the ageing process, this has started to bug me lately.

    I keep doing devlopmental checks where parents seem disappointed because I've told them their kid is "normal". Most commonly, someone in the creche saw the kid colouring in between the lines better than most of the other kids, so have told the parents that little Timmy is going to be the next Stephen Hawkins. Having said that, I doubt he did all that well in his developmental check!

    Anyway, these people are bringing their kids in expecting me to tell them that their little one is light years ahead of their peers. I always tell them that's not the case. I know that might seem mean, but I don't want to add pressure to the kid's early years.

    Anyway, i'm just here to appeal to people never to tell parents that their kiddy is "very advanced" on the basis that he smiled at 5 weeks rather than 6 weeks :P

    I don't know where I'm going with this lol. It's just I was in this situation a few times this week, so I figured I'd share my thoughts :D


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,644 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    +1

    Of course it's different with my kid, he is "very advanced"! ;):p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    + 10 for the LOL's .

    Reminds me a bit of all those horrible contestants on X-factor who wont be told they cant sing .Then their gobfaced ( how there they say he/she cant sing ) parents wander back in to the aduition .....to have more shame and embarrassment heaped upon them , and rightly so . :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22 Ms_Nightengale


    OMG that made me LOL!

    I worked with children, mostly with children with special needs but I did spend some time working with kids of "normal" development and what you said is so totally true..ya just have to keep saying to the parents that each child develops at there own pace and even if little johnny can (or can't) recite the whole alphabet and count to a zillion at the age of 2 it doesn't mean he's different to any other child..he's just doin his thing - learning, developing and growing at his own individual pace.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 216 ✭✭livvy


    I'm sure educators reassure parents that their children are doing well when they are progressing - is it possible this reassurance is translated into exceptional ability by the time the parent gets home.
    Educators are doing a job and like the rest of us wish for this well done job to be acknowledged ie: telling Mary's mom Mary has a great grasp of numbers and can now count to 100. By the time she gets to the traffic lights Mary's mom believes mary = carol vorderman.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,644 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    ..ya just have to keep saying to the parents that each child develops at there own pace and even if little johnny can (or can't) recite the whole alphabet and count to a zillion at the age of 2 it doesn't mean he's different to any other child..he's just doin his thing - learning, developing and growing at his own individual pace.

    Definitely, our guy (2 at the moment) started counting "early" and was reciting the alphabet etc but it's purely down to him enjoying the whole process and grabbing adults and taking them to a keyboard and explaining to them which letters are which rather than anything else. He most certainly isn't a child prodigy though or anything silly like that.

    We adopted a "give him an environment full of interesting things and let him do his own thing" approach to learning. He'll have enough structured learning when he's older etc.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭tallaght01


    I think that some parents do indeed get the wrong impression. But I do think there's so much of it, that people must be overstating A) The kid's actual developmental progress and B) The importance of these things as a long term predictor of success.

    Interestingly, the true genius kids are often labelled as being disruptive.

    I keep quiet on this too, usually, as I don't want all the parents of my properly wild kiddies demanding they come off the ritalin, as it's stifling their gift :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 882 ✭✭✭ZYX


    I think it is just patients interpretation. It is the same with adult patients. How often have you heard from a patient say "my blood sugar was the highest the doctor had ever seen", "the doctor couldn't believe I hadn't died I was so sick", "my blood pressure was the highest the doctor had ever seen" etc.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭tallaght01


    ZYX wrote: »
    I think it is just patients interpretation. It is the same with adult patients. How often have you heard from a patient say "my blood sugar was the highest the doctor had ever seen", "the doctor couldn't believe I hadn't died I was so sick", "my blood pressure was the highest the doctor had ever seen" etc.

    That is a very good point in fairness.

    I have so many patients who are self described "medical miracles", when they have moderately severe disease.

    I do think people sometimes tell them these tings though.

    My local GP is a great guy. I really admire him. But he's a bandit for telling people they're really really ill.

    My mum does this impression of how he talks, and it's spot on, as I remember it from when I was a kid. He listens to your viral bronchitis chest and then has this high pitched exlcmataion "ooooohhhhhhhh my goodness you're very very sick. ".

    He's an amazing diagnostician, and he's seen it all. But he convinces half our estate that they're on death's door lol


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 926 ✭✭✭drzhivago


    tallaght01 wrote: »
    .
    My local GP is a great guy. I really admire him. But he's a bandit for telling people they're really really ill.
    My mum does this impression of how he talks, and it's spot on, as I remember it from when I was a kid. He listens to your viral bronchitis chest and then has this high pitched exlcmataion "ooooohhhhhhhh my goodness you're very very sick. ".
    He's an amazing diagnostician, and he's seen it all. But he convinces half our estate that they're on death's door lol

    Think I now that man, may have been a paeds tutor in past life in the late 80's early 90's

    On subject of kids agree totally, have 3 first walked and talked very early, think it was because I was on rotation down country and wife had no one else to talk to but is just a normal kid in school like the rest though the teacher does say she still is a bit chatty for class

    2nd guy 2 and half, still baby babbles but think the childminder watches medical day time tv stuff as he grabs auroscope when I come home looks in my mouth and tells me he has discovered the problem, then goes back to baby babbling

    3rd guy is just an eating machine
    All different, all do their own thing and develop their own ways, primary school great for bringing them on (sadly thinking of the days 36 years ago) when I was very advanced for my age!!!!!!


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Zyaire Thundering Dashboard


    Get what ya mean but have seen too much wanting kids to be normal, don't want them ahead of their peers or they might not fit in etc etc to regard it so much as a problem ?

    At least this very advanced thing is typical "my little darling is perfect" stuff, might even give the child more encouragement than trying to hold them back


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