Weekend Dilemna - how to approach this friend I fancy

LegacyUser

Usual story. I'm the fella who has fallen for a good girl friend who I would prefer to be my girlfriend!

So I have dwelled on it and want to say something - do I come straight out with it or go for subtlety.

I haven't a clue how she will react. We have been friends 3/4 years.

LegacyUser

go for it

minidazzler

Go for it, but be prepared for rejection, and the friendship going cold for a few months.

MIN2511

Meh... you win some and lose some...

Go for it, if she's interested happy days and if she isn't... Move on! My only problem is if she rejects you it will be hard returning to what ye have now...

me2gud4u

I love these kind of scenarios but before you launch into telling her that you like her maybe you should dwell on a few things...

firstly, do you think your friend may have any idea you like her?Maybe you should drop a few hints prior to telling her how you feel so you can get an idea if she is feeling it.... test the water a bit?

I know you're prob dying to tell her but sometimes it is better to have an idea if she is interested because if not, it could be slightly awkward after and given that you are both good friends, it would be better not to chance it entirely and compromise your friendship?

that said, you are both friends so clearly have something in common already and get on great....friendship is the foundation to any successful relationship!Let your gaze linger on her a little bit when you are chatting to her, brush against her gently, flirt a little, tease her, if the reaction is good, (here comes the idea!)mention the oscars and any film that won an oscar, say how you have not seen it (at which point she prob will admit to having seen it or not)and if she hasn't suggest you go see it together and go for dinner after....gives you both some time alone and to figure eachother out as potential boyfriend/girlfriend material??

Carpe diem and all that!!good luck!

LegacyUser

friends suggests platonic friends but not always.. have you ever had any physical contact with her on a night out say a few kisses or anything? but nothing romantic came of it etc

Zillah

"Nowadays people die of a sort of creeping common sense and realise too late that the only thing one never regrets are one's mistakes."

If you really like her, go for it. Obviously there's things to consider; Has she given any hints that she likes you? Are you close/honest enough with each other that she can turn you down but keep the friendship? If not, is that a risk you're willing to take?

Also, how old are you? These things are easier the older you get I find. When you're young (say 21 or less...) it tends to be awkward and more difficult. With maturity comes the ability to deal with these sorts of things very straightforward. If you're younger then maybe just try some flirting and see how she responds. If you feel up to it then you could just come out and tell her that you're interested, or just ask her if she wants to get dinner.

This doesn't need to be a huge or difficult situation. It really depends on your personalities and the kind of friendship you have.

Whatever you do though, if this is important enough for you, don't let it slip by completely and look back thinking 'what if?' You could always ask a mutual friend or two what they think, test the waters.

Final word of advice, do it sober or just a little bit tipsy. Don't try it when one or both of you are pissed.

CDfm

a bit like wanting to have your cake and eating it

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

a bit like wanting to have your cake and eating it

How so

smileysurfer

Id say go for it and just ask her out! If she says no you can (hopefully) go back to being friends. at least you'l know

LegacyUser

i told my good girl pal, i liked her , - well it wasn't mutual, but she was my pal so we just got on with it, love her to death, still wake up in the same bed as her after nights out, still go to the movies, i just got over my feelings, when i knew where i stood it didn;t take long. plus she now compares any girl i bring home and advises me. great friend still and will remain.

I just hope she turns round to me in the future and tells me she loves and i can burn her hahaha

Have you ever shown any indication of your interest in her in the past?

The problem many guys make when approaching a friend, is that they proclaim their interest like as if the girl should have known all along what was going on in your head. Fine, some guys approach in a shy manner, but still they've made the assumption that the girl knows beforehand your interest. And some women will know, but only some. With others you need to lay some groundwork of dropping hints to prepare for the actual transition. Check her out and let her catch you doing it, and don't shrug it off immediately. Touch her, hug her, kiss her on the cheek. Anything to alert her mind that you have more of an interest than just friends, without being creepy or oppressive.

Most women refuse a friends advances not because they wouldn't be interested but because its something new and they're not ready for it. It comes as a shock to the system, and they're not sure how to react.

Miss Fluff

Agree with above. Not sure some dramatic Scarlett O'Hara type declaration is going to do you any favours. Why don't you move slowly on this, drop hints, be flirtatious and hopefully she may come to think of you the same way. If you lay your cards on the table when she has no inkling that you feel this way, it will more than likely freak her out m'dear.

_blank_

Unregistered wrote: »

We have been friends 3/4 years.

:eek:


I'd say you are deep into the friendzone tbh.

Latchy

We have been friends 3/4 years

It's not like it's a stranger on stranger in a bar situation which can sometimes click into gear .She might say no but that wont nessacarly mean the end of the friendship , wil it ? Go for it .

CDfm

Unregistered.. wrote: »

How so

you are tired of your current relationship and want to line up a replacement first. thats a bit naff.

paperclip2

Yeah, seize the day and all that but if you already have a girlfriend, which is what I took from your post, then do the decent thing and at least break up with her first!

coillcam

Nothing to add really but yeah go for it OP and if she's a good friend and it doesn't work out you will still end up as mates. Nothing to lose, nothing ventured nothing gained.

agent_smith

Go for it. I really hope it works out for you

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for the comments.

I am single at the mo, so is she - so no dilemnas there.

I don't think the 3/4 year thing makes much of a difference. I haven't said anything, and am working up the confidence. Maybe she is likewise? Girls aren't too forward in these situations.

I am not naive enough though to think that i'll be in dreamland after this but think i'll just take her out for dinner, say it to her, and wait and hope

Zillah

CDfm wrote: »

you are tired of your current relationship and want to line up a replacement first. thats a bit naff.

Reread the first line in the OP carefully and then offer an apology.

Des

Des wrote: »

:eek:


I'd say you are deep into the friendzone tbh.

The friendzone is just a state of mind. Once in there, it can be hard to get out of it, but honestly its not that hard really. She'll be comfortable with your presence, so your advances aren't likely to freak her out too much as long as you don't go overboard. To get out of the friendzone, just raise her awareness that you're an attractive guy. The fact that you're friends just adds spice.

I usually become friends with women before i sleep with them. Just seems to happen that way, and while sometimes it doesn't work out, usually I can keep the friendship afterwards.

CDfm

Zillah wrote: »

Reread the first line in the OP carefully and then offer an apology.

sorry OP I read your "I would prefer" to mean that you were attached.

In that case trust your own judgement and go for it