Love depression

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. Im suffering quite badly with depression for the past month. It started when i was semi rejected at Christmas when texting a girl from college and then when i gave her a gift at valentines. Altho i never actually asked her, i was told by her friend shes no interest. Why cant i find the strength to get over this. Does anyone think theres ever a chance after rejection or is that it?im not the type that goes for a lot of girls i usually take a while to pick one, and being honest am not short on offers.. I suppose seeing this person everyday now is making it worse, esp how she chats away with my mates and then almost avoids conversation with me since the valentines thing. I feel like a ghost and cant deal with it. Ive had to leave class so many times with the numbing depression. How the hell do i beat this. Everytime i look at her now it makes me like her more! And im a few years older too so i feel like a total fool.

smellslikeshoes

Move on, meet new people and forget about her, tearing yourself up about her is going to help nothing. The old saying is definitely true, there is plenty more fish in the sea.

Tar.Aldarion

Poor lad, it sucks. The only cure is time, years in my case. If you can avoid her until you get over her I would suggest that or you may ruin any friendship etc.

Wibbs

Iin my humble it happens to most men(and women) at some time or other, so we've all worn the fool tee shirt. I had the matching tour jacket once:). Where you focus your attention a little too much on a particular person. Maybe at a time when you're not sure of your own path in life. It becomes a self sustaining feedback loop kinda thing, which feeds back into that unsure feeling that triggered it..

Now obviously there are more fish in the sea. Better fish too. And logically you know this to be true, but it rings hollow with you emotionally in the middle of this, because of course you want that particular fish and nothing else will do.

Accept that your feelings stem from a basic unreality in that your feelings are not returned. Accept that the feelings you have are little to do with this person and in fact if you got this person, chances are pretty good the feelings would be temporary if you've not looked to yourself and found your direction in life. For yourself. Accept that the feelings come from you entirely and as such are under more of your control than you think. Accept that this will pass too. That's the most important thing.

If this gets too much for you, then maybe a visit to your college counselor to take the pressure off wouldn't be a bad plan either.

InReality

very good post above.
All I can say is that I've been in a similar postion to you and it does suck.

See a doc. If your diagonesed with depression -
I'd keep in mind that while your depression might have been triggered by the approach/rejection, the depression ITSELF will be making your thinking more negative/inaccurate about the whole incident.

So it is a cycle.

Best of luck with it.

LegacyUser

Thanks alot for the posts. I suppose Ive to wait for the love chemicals to leave my head. So true about the inability to logically move on. Still trying to deal with my ex having moved on(its been 6 months, except for a brief fling with her for 2-3 weeks over Christmas), and suppose am looking for something new to help forget about the old one..just thought this girl was nice but obviously not to be. I do suffer badly with depression for the past 10 or 11 years but more recently just thought I had beaten it or was getting there, then have felt it creeping back in over the last few months gradually getting the suicidal thoughts back every day now...logic just doesnt play a part. I suppose the rejection from this girl has been the straw accross the camels back. The notion of the depression coming back, someone told me the flipside of depression is grandiosity, being 'above it all', never panning out to a medium, which is starting to ring true as what might be happening, the pride of thinking I could get this girl being cut to shreds triggering the low. Does anyone think I should say something to her? Like maybe 'Oh I did genuinely think you were nice but maybe its not meant to be..can I clear the air and at least be friends?' or is this the biggest statement of denial ever..? Maybe I should just ignore her from now on.

banshee_bones

IMO.. you need a distraction.

OK it didnt work out with this girl and thinks are awkward. It happens. Move on to the next person.
Concentrate on other things going on in your life, take up hobbies or sports or do something new to expand your social horizons so you meet new people and dont have to spend all of your time with the mutual friends that ye share.
After all, out of sight is oout of mind!

cagefan

well, Im in a similar position and this is what im doing! I've deleted all her details, facebook, mobile anything I have! I've joined a new mixed sports team! I've got in contact with old friends, trying to make new ones, taken up an old sport i played years ago, basically Im staying as busy as I can and having as much fun as I can..I really never thought it would be as easy as it has turned out! Jst get out there and start doing things and stop thinkin about things so much. Hope it helps

LegacyUser

Poor guy.... Look i know what thats like and i know it sounds crap 4 u now but give it time and it will get better..... I know its hard bcuz u see her in college all the time!!

But u know what they say: the only way to get over sum1 is to get under sum1 else;)

zero_nine

Someone suggested seeing a doctor. Don't. This is natural, learn the hard way, "Every man gets his roasting". It is hard seeing her every day though. You're going to need to get tough with yourself and make yourself move on. IT doesn't feel like it now, but some day you'll look back on this and think, thank F*** I got away from that situation- possibly when you've got some dolls ankles at your ears LOL This sounds like a thing known as "oneitis" defined as "oneitis is the malaise that occurs when you get hooked on a person who does not reciprocate your interest." Theres loads of stuff online that speak of ways to get over this. Search under "oneitis". Its a bit mental what you find, cos its all from the "pick-up" community but still there is wisdom there also. Avoid looking for sympathy though, it makes it worse. And makes other people tired.

How I know? Happened to me too. And continues to happen. As I speak to you i speak to myself!

mini mouse

Is the situation with this girl really the problem or is it something else ie.you're ex??
I've been in the same boat.... things were a bit rubbish for me but it was easier for me to focus the way i was feelin on this idiot boy than deal with the real problems I had? Denial in a sense?
Have you gone to see a counsellor ? it really helps to be able to say what you want to say , get things off you're chest without the fear of being judged ya know?

I firmly believe things happen for a reason, maybe it just wasnt meant to be with that girl? you deserve someone that appreciates you !

Best of luck with everything ....stay positive ....you will beat this low!

LegacyUser

You dont need a councellor, you dont need a doctor. Been in this situation twice before and I find the best way to deal with it is to delete numbers, emails etc as someone else said and then I just think to myself "f*ck her, she is the one missing out"...I usually get over them pretty quickly! Rejection isnt nice, its sort of a blow to the ego but if you know your own self worth and realise that you cant help how people feel then its easier to move on.