Please help me

LegacyUser

Hi, first time poster here. Im nearly finished college and I dont have a friend in the world. I stay in my flat everynight and in every weekend, I have a great family but no friend to talk to or have a laugh with and its beginning to drive me insane. Im always feeling down cos its always on my mind. I have problems with my personality, I cant seem to be myself or act natural around people or have normal conversations probably for fear of them rejecting me (which has happened many times in the past) which leads to people disliking me cos they think im weird. I get very depressed when I see groups of friends hanging out enjoying themselves and I feel im missing out on an important part of life. I want to be like everyone else and make the most of my youth. When i was younger i was a very loud, confident person but people rejected me (saying i was annoying, a know-it-all etc) and now i just cannot function normally around people. How can i be myself and make friends? Thanks

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.What have you tried to meet new people/make new friends etc?

As for your question of

How can i be myself and make friends?

that shouldnt be of concern because real friends are ones that love you,warts and all.I have friends that get on my wick from time to time and Im in no doubt whatsoever that I rub them the wrong way on occasion too but I certainly wouldnt change anything about them or myself.The reason we are friends in the first place is because of our different quirk's,its what makes us individual.I loath people that try to follow the pack or conform to some ridiculous ideal of what "normal" is.Its bullspit IMHO.Be yourself,try new things - sports,social groups.Hell even sign up for boards and attend one of their nights out.There is one happening towards the end of March.Details are in the Ladies Lounge.Ive never been to one myself but by all accounts they are great fun and a novel way of meeting new people in a safe and relaxed environment.Im sure someone else can give you more info on these nights if you ask.Chin up,it could be worse.:)

LegacyUser

Srsly. go to the boards beers. any of them. have a few drinks.. take it easy

Passenger

Well first of all I won't patronise you with the obligatory "Why not join a club/society night-class to meet people with similar interests" suggestion that gets bandied around way too much.

Are you interested in rebuilding a relationship with the people you drifted apart from or do you want to start finding new friends?

You need to regain that confidence you had when younger. Organise a night out with some people from college, maybe a class night out. Cinema, concert, Musuem, Boozer, etc.

Otis Driftwood

Passenger wrote: »

Well first of all I won't patronise you with the obligatory "Why not join a club/society night-class to meet people with similar interests" suggestion that gets bandied around way too much.

Thats hardly patronising advice in fairness.The OP said it themselves

I stay in my flat everynight and in every weekend

humbert

Boards beers are really pretty good for meeting people and it's quite easy to just turn up on your tod.

LegacyUser

Hey there, well I know what your saying. Was always branded as the "unsociable" type myself. I get on great with people but I tend to distance myself from any serious friendship as I never found it neccesary but the oppertunities have been there.
I find work enviroments are the best place you would create friendships from, its where you would spend most of your days and lets face it everyone there has at least a few good things in common and lots in common to talk about.

The whole "get a hobbie" thing is trying to force a connection with people and with anythinhg when you force it I find that doesnt work too well. The problem being you want something so bad but the answer is to not want it so bad and just leave it happen? Sucks I know and I hate people telling me that too lol.

I'm a twenty something guy and have a person choice to keep people at arms lenght but anyone with the open and honset attatude like you have will have no issues making a few friends in a work enviroment I think.

Most importantly you should know that your not alone.

Crow71

Cheer up, it could be worse, look at poor Jade Goody. Just keep hanging on in there, it will happen

Oh The Humanity

I cant seem to be myself or act natural around people or have normal conversations probably for fear of them rejecting me (which has happened many times in the past) which leads to people disliking me cos they think im weird.

I think this is as a result of this:

When i was younger i was a very loud, confident person but people rejected me (saying i was annoying, a know-it-all etc) and now i just cannot function normally around people.

What happened is people rejected you becuase of the raw, unadulterated you back then. So you tried to edit the unpleasant sides of yourself, but with limited success. It sounds like your confidence has been badly knocked by hurtful criticism.

All is not lost though, at least you have some feedback as to what the original problem was, you need to start using this as constructive criticism.

People said you were annoying and a 'know it all' . Good, those are things that can be fixed. I think knowing only the small amount I know here what you need is a coach of some kind to help you practice basics like:
real listening, natural body language, slowing down, not panicking, small talk and things like that. Someone who can give you OBJECTIVE feedback and homework to do on these skills.

How can i be myself and make friends?

You'll often hear it said, 'if people dont like you as you are, then they are not true friends' etc This IS true to some extent BUT is also quite unhelpful to someone who is having problems like you are at the moment.

If you are doing something unconsciously to alienate people then its better to learn to recognise that occurance and moderate it. The purist attitude of 'oh screw them all if they dont like me as I am they can go to hell' taken to its enth degree will end in lonliness...

Try to identify what it is thats alienating people, thats half the battle.
It could be you arer hogging the conversation, talking over people, droning on boringly, or always drawing the conversation back to yourself.....it could be NONE of those things...you need an objective opinion!

PirateShampoo

Crow71 wrote: »

Cheer up, it could be worse, look at poor Jade Goody. Just keep hanging on in there, it will happen

Whats that go to do with anything that the op has posted?

And dont get me started on Poor racist/bigot/bully/Jade Goody.

OP the only way to make friends is really to put your self out there. They wont come to you when your locked away in your room.

I know it can be hard to break out of your rut but once you take the first few steps it will get easier.

Crow71

PirateShampoo wrote: »

Whats that go to do with anything that the op has posted?

I was just making the point that things could be worse

shellyboo

Crow71 wrote: »

I was just making the point that things could be worse

Yes, but just because things could be worse doesn't mean the OP has to be happy with having no friends. If anything, you should be grateful for the life you have and live it to the full.

OP, I would really recommend getting into boards - I've only been a member since last October, and I've made loads of new friends, both online and in real life

Crow71

Crow71 wrote: »

I was just making the point that things could be worse

Is that what people come to PI to here?

What is wrong with you..?




edit: This is a tough situation OP.. I think the cliche advice actually works tho. Gym for fitness will give you confidence, you might not think it but it does.. Cookery classes etc. Anything and everything will help..

I know one girl who was left completely on her own, myself included for things she did.. She has more friends two years later than anyone I know from dance classes, music, cooking. everything.. it really works.

smileysurfer

Op I would definitely recommend you join a club, even if its completly seperate from college?
Im the opposite to you, I used to be quiet when I was younger, not as quiet as you seem to be from your post. I think If you just take the chance and stop holding back then you'l be pleasently surprised that people will infact like you and your personality. It mite only take one conversation and suddenly you'l feel even a small bit more confident

Beibhinn20

what about joining something like a night course? i know it's easy to suggest but try go with an open mind and don't beat yourself up if you don't make friends immediately. it might be tough but it'll be worth it! keep reminding yourself that you are worth getting to know.

jenny4385

hey there, im in the same boat as OP gonna go to nex boards beers by my self n just gotta force myself to be confident... there s ore to life than sittin in every night.... we just gotta get up n get out there

HotP0pp3r

Look pussy, get it together, do you have a pair of balls? Its time to man up, get out on the street and kick some ass. Open a can of worms and never close it!! Do you want skeletons in your closet?!?

acontadino

HotP0pp3r wrote: »

Look pussy, get it together, do you have a pair of balls? Its time to man up, get out on the street and kick some ass. Open a can of worms and never close it!! Do you want skeletons in your closet?!?

wtf.

ah op know how it feels, id be fairly liked but ever since my friends left at the same time, i never really have had much 'close' friends.