Is there something wrong with me?

Copper23

Hi,
I know I already posted about not being able to meet people but its not even that. I think there's something wrong with me. I'm quiet and dont' know what to say but girls just don't like me. They never do.

I had a girlfriend about 4 years ago, she stalked and harrassed me and my family. Came to my college, my work, followed me everywhere, upset sports events I attended, everything, until I early brokedown.

When I finally got rid of her 3 years later, I somehow met the most amazing girl ever. We seemed really happy but she got drunk and cheated. I was devastated. I tried to forgive her but it turned out she did it as her friends didnt like me and it was easier to listen to them and do that than actually breakup with me so after another little while she told me she'd never speak to me again, I was the most horrible person in the world and nobody will ever come near me again.

I'd say something if she wasn't right and I met someone else but I can't so shes right... no girl will ever want me... But theres something wrong with me. I dont try to be this horrible but still people must think I am. I dont do anything to harm or hurt anyone, I'm quiet, its the total opposite, I say nothing rather than say something hurtful!

Why am I so werid? Please help me find what is wrong with me? I dont feel like everyone else. I was never good but a year and a half ago this girl drove it home to me what a rotten person I am.

She said it since her and her friends set a challenge to go out EVERY night in a row they could and score... they were on 40+ when I was told this.... they can go out ANY night and score someone. I can't in a year and a half... I', broken.

star-pants

Copper23 wrote: »

She said it since her and her friends set a challenge to go out EVERY night in a row they could and score... they were on 40+ when I was told this.... they can go out ANY night and score someone. I can't in a year and a half... I', broken.

That's A) bullcrap from them and just stupid of them. What in godsname is the point in going out and scoring a bunch of random people?
You can be rest assured that even IF they did score a few guys, the guys were probably very drunk to partake in such a stupid game.

You do not want to be like that - it's good that you're not like that. I never understood the attraction of going out and scoring a list of guys for no apparent reason. You can score someone if they/you're drunk enough and there's no further interest.

Don't take the BS that she said about you to be true - you had a bad experience with the longterm girlfriend, it's understandable that you're a little wary. This latest one sounds like a bit of a b*tch to me. Kissing someone else cuz her friends told her to? Because she couldn't break up with you? Sniff sniff, BS I say. She just loved the attention probably.

You're not horrible - don't think that way. You're probably a nice decent quiet guy, and you will find someone (cliche I know) but it's true, in time, when you're probably not looking. And I'd rather be single than be with someone who was like your last gf hun -- you deserve better.

LegacyUser

Your certainly don't sound like a horrible person. Just someone quiet, whose confidence has taken a severe bashing. Firstly your better off without this girl - she sounds like a nasty piece of work. It's her loss not yours. It's true what they say - what goes around comes around. Her day will come believe me. Do you really want to be with someone who treats ppl like this? and openly boasts about having no self respect? 40+ my ass!!

Secondly, You need to pick yourself up and move on from both of your ex's. You'll meet the right person someday and these ppl won't matter anymore. Your better than that. I wish you the best

Copper23

If there was nothing in it I wouldnt have this problem where nobody likes me so they were both right saying nobody would ever like me. I assume they are right saying I'm a horrible person since anyone can get someone if they really want.

She has tons of friends and guys chasing her.. she's clearly not the one in the wrong...

I just dont understand why I am so bad.

starchild

hi copper

you sound very distressed about this, step back from the bad feelings for a minute and look at the situation

1) you say girls dont like you & they never do

- well this cant be true , you had one girlfriend (ok she turned out to be a tad mental but still she liked you)

- you met the most amazing girl ever & were together for a while (despite that fact that she dumped you she still liked you enough to be with you for a while)

i mention those just to show you that you obviously have the characteristics to meet someone and embark on a relationship

2) The girl who cheated on you, dumped you & then said she would never speak to you again is in my opinion very immature as possibly so are her friends

you are far far better off without anyone like this in your life

3) there is absolutly nothing wrong with being quiet and introverted, i know many people like this & when i got to know them i found them to be wonderful people and great friends

4) i believe you are dramatically lacking in self confidence & its only you that can change this. You dont have to become loud or extroverted just believe in yourself. From what i read in your op you have all the qualities that many people look for in a partner. you just cant see it in yourself

whatever you do dont allow a failed relationship and some crass comments to dictate the next couple of years in your life

5) decide what your goals/aims are, having a relationship will obviously be one of those, there are tons of threads here about meeting new people many containing great advice, have a look at them or post here giving some details about what you do , hobbies what part of country you are in & i would say you will get a lot of good suggestions

Wibbs

Copper23 wrote: »

If there was nothing in it I wouldnt have this problem where nobody likes me so they were both right saying nobody would ever like me. I assume they are right saying I'm a horrible person since anyone can get someone if they really want.

Nope, a couple of people said that and they said that in extreme emotional circumstances and they were immature. Hardly a basis for a good judgement of yourself. hell I can think of a load of people who have told me in my life, that they couldn't stand the sight of me. Big deal. Plenty others didn't and actually one of those that did, then tried to get it on with me. Nuf said.

Plus you had a woman so obsessed with you that you ended up living in stalkerville. Clearly(though OTT) she thought enough of you to make you the focus of her flipout.

She has tons of friends and guys chasing her.. she's clearly not the one in the wrong...

OK so she's young and by your account "amazing". In other words cute enough and outgoing enough to be noticed(though sounds like a nightmare). Cute gets you pretty far if you're a young woman. Shallow men will overlook more of your shortcomings as they think cute is a rarity. It isn't BTW. Its bloody everywhere. Shallow women will want you around as well, so long as you're not too cute of course. Again big deal. Her cuteness won't stand to her as much as the years and the maturity kicks in and life knocks the edges off her. She better have more going on or she's boned.

I just dont understand why I am so bad.

Because this is what you believe. It has little to do with reality except what you make of reality. How you view reality. If you believe it always rains in Ireland, well all you'll see is the rain and you'll ignore the sunny days as freak events as they don't fit into your worldview. It's all about your worldview. Change that and you'll start to see and enjoy the sunny days and deal with the rainy days.

Maybe think about counseling to give you a map to that better worldview. You may well find your own map, but asking an expert i such maps would save you a lot of time.

Copper23

I know my aims,
I want to know someone nice will like me and I want to be able to spend some of my time with that person.

I can see how way of making a person I want like me.

I no nobody, there is nobody in my life I could ask out or that I like. I'd have to just walk up to someone in the street and thats never going to happen, they'd think I'm a freak, so how can I EVER get a nice girl like I want. It won't ever happen, they won't like me and I;ve nothing to say.

Wibbs

You know you're right. Yep. It will never happen. It will never happen because you believe it will never happen and act as if it'll never. So it won't.

However, if you believe it will happen, it will.

Sadly people would often rather be "right" than happy.

Irish-Princess

Hi Copper,

Listen just because you ended up with a psycho that harassed you and then some slapper that did the dirt on you time after time doesnt mean there is something wrong with you.

Dont let a girl put you down. Get yourself out there and have more confidence in yourself because that is the main thing .

Dont worry there is someon out there for everybody but sometimes it takes longer for people to find happiness..

The one comes along when your not even looking.

Good luck

star-pants

Wibbs wrote: »

You know you're right. Yep. It will never happen. It will never happen because you believe it will never happen and act as if it'll never. So it won't.

However, if you believe it will happen, it will.

Sadly people would often rather be "right" than happy.

Wibbs has a point. Your attitude won't help you at all. If you believe you're worthless then you are worthless.
I've been through periods of that myself, thinking what's wrong with me? why do guys always break up with me? Am I that horrible? etc..
And for a while, you believe it, you think it's true and you can let yourself into a dark place thinking that. Sometimes people just aren't suited, or you managed to choose the wrong person. When you have enough space and time and you look back, you'll see that it wasn't 'your fault' or 'you being horrible'. That it was a combination of things.

You've not had the best experiences - heck I had a bunch of crap experiences too, guys who cheated, lied, broke up with me to be with someone else they'd already met. I always felt it was my fault - clearly I wasn't good enough. But dammit that can't be the case. Unless I want to grow old alone. I have to be more positive, work on my personality etc. And make better choices perhaps. But you can find someone who you'll click with fantastically, and you'll wonder 'where have they been hiding all my life?' and more things will make sense. You'll realise 'I'm not horrible, I just hadn't met the right person'. And you will be happy.

Copper23

No girls pay me attention. Where could I possibly meet one? What cld I possibly say?

star-pants

Copper23 wrote: »

No girls pay me attention.

That you know of, if you think you don't attract any, then you won't. People pick up on confidence levels too.

Copper23 wrote: »

Where could I possibly meet one?

Anywhere, a night out with friends, at a dance class, at the gym, in the workplace, at a hobby you take up..

Copper23 wrote: »

What cld I possibly say?

Well don't say 'omg you're paying attention to me? but i'm horrible an noone likes me' :P
Just be yourself, say hello, ask about them, tell them about you. Your interests, likes dislikes, random stories, things that happened, things you want to do, things you've done, tastes in music/film/books etc...

estar

who is this amazing girl with the ability to see into souls and tell us all exactly what we are? i want to meet her, and her amazing devining abilities so that i can learn all the truths of the universe, and all about myself.

if i was to listen to you and take your opinion of this faun on top of this fantastic golden pedastal you have her on i would immediately make her queen of the world!

never mind that she :

1. dumps people because her friends tell her to
2. is completely anti-social in the manner in which she does dump people - leaving a trail of devastation in her wake rather than being nice and polite
3. scores people as part of some kind of game - classy, that

she isnt exactly the most stable individual is she? the most secure? would i go to this person for advice or an opinion - eh. probably not. she sounds young dumb and full of, anyway.

the issue here is not the lost love of your life, (or the second greatest escape however you want to look at it) it is the death spiral of negativity you are currently in.

someone dumps me. they dont like me. everyone will dump me. everyone hates me. i hate me. i am the worst person in the world. i am worse than the worst killer in the worst jail.

the above is what you are engaging in. and you need help to get out. you sound depressed. see your GP. see a counsellor or talk to a wise experienced older relative or friend to help you get perspective on this.

perspective.

you are not a terrible person. what you are is very negative, full of self doubt and loathing and in need of some methods to help you start thinking positively and seeing the world, and your role in it in a more realistic light.

and the next time you start thinking of how your life wont be complete as that girl didnt like you - please read my list.

1. dumps people because her friends tell her to
2. is completely anti-social in the manner in which she does dump people - leaving a trail of devastation in her wake rather than being nice and polite
3. scores people as part of some kind of game - classy, that

if i knew this girl, i would take her disliking me, as a compliment tbh.

now if she liked me, then i would be worried.

starchild

Copper23 wrote: »

I know my aims,
I want to know someone nice will like me and I want to be able to spend some of my time with that person.

I can see how way of making a person I want like me.

I no nobody, there is nobody in my life I could ask out or that I like. I'd have to just walk up to someone in the street and thats never going to happen, they'd think I'm a freak, so how can I EVER get a nice girl like I want. It won't ever happen, they won't like me and I;ve nothing to say.

the answer is in your own post, "there is nobody in my life that i could ask out or that i like"

You need to put yourself in situations where you meet new people. i know its sometimes not an easy thing to do but it can be done.

Prior to doing this i would still encourage you to change your way of thinking, relationships sometimes have a natural life span and can end for a variety of reason. You need to build up your self esteem to cope with this as the first person you go out with may not be the one for you

Hyndsy85

I dont mean to be an asshole or anything but i think this thread started by copper is completly fake. Its just someone having a laugh.

If im wrong well then here is my advice:

You're not going to meet any girl with the attitude you have. They wont come up to you like you seem to be expecting. Nobody can help make a girl like you or make you better at talking to girls. The only way to get better is to do it

Wibbs

Hyndsy85 Please leave what's "fake" or not up to the mods of this forum. Also please read the sticky on this very subject for an explanation of why. Thanks. Infracted.

Hyndsy85

Fair enough, Should have read it before i posted

Copper23

Hyndsy85 wrote: »

I dont mean to be an asshole or anything but i think this thread started by copper is completly fake. Its just someone having a laugh.

If im wrong well then here is my advice:

You're not going to meet any girl with the attitude you have. They wont come up to you like you seem to be expecting. Nobody can help make a girl like you or make you better at talking to girls. The only way to get better is to do it

You dont know me or anything about me.

I'm sorry I don't live up to your perfection and being able to do all this but I can't, I have enough problems without listening to you boast!

Your problem isn't that you're a horrible person, it's that you're far too concerned about what other people think of you. There's no such thing as a horrible person. Everyone who's an asshole, can usually justify their actions. No one is just not nice, for no reason whatsoever.

If not being able to nail a different girl every night is your biggest problem, then you don't have it too bad, man.

Fact of the matter is, no one just approaches someone else randomly (unless they're overly confident/full of themselves). The only time i'll ever talk to ANYONE else, is if i'm stuck with that person and have to make conversation.


I know it's been done to death, many times, but you should try and get on some kind of course or attend some kinda group related activity of something you like. That way you get stuck with other people and have to make conversation.


I met my best friend whilst queuing up for WWE tickets years ago. We were both standing out in the cold for hours on our own, so we kinda had to introduce ourselves to each other. Other than that, the onyly people I know are from places i've went to school/worked/etc.


I haven't hung around with any of my friends in a long time. Weeks. I only have about two or three friends, and i rarely ever see them (by choice, admittedly). I prefer to be on my own, does it get a little depressing at times? yep, but ultimately i prefer to be on my own, so its my favoured choice. Just because you're not spending time with a dream girl right now, doesn't mean you never will be.


My advice would be.. get on a FÀS course (assuming you're unemployed, in these times of recession). That's what I'm doing. I'm a very quiet person, but I know I'll be forced into meeting/talking to other people at it, so i can't get out of it. It'll suck at first, but it gets better after the initial awkwardness.


But trust me man. You're not a horrible person.



Sorry for rambling.

Kimono-Girl

Copper23 wrote: »

No girls pay me attention. Where could I possibly meet one? What cld I possibly say?

you know my OH is really one of these nice quiet decent guys who told me not many girls would of paid any attention to him, yet i did! yes he was introduced to me by a friend i had dated briefly and remained friends with, but another ex had taught me a valuable lesson on finding nice guys in clubs!

It worked! he was quiet but the two of us sat on our own and talked (well as much as you can in a club), we arranged to meet up a few days later andf we left it at that, there was none of this make a move on her crap and i appreciated it at that early stage.

at first it was awkward yes, but we soon realised we had alot and i mean ALOT in common and so the more we talked about random topics For example bring up something like Sports, most girls love sport and as it turned out he was a utd fan im liverpool fan we had such a laugh over that one alone! or TV or hobbies or college/work...etc most people will find out alot about someone from the things they like/dislike.


so you could just talk about yourself ask her about her....


as for meeting a girl, anywhere! that night i was actually at the club on my own, went in there on my own and everything, ok im very good friends with the bouncer on the door and i talked to him for a bit bbut it just happened my friend was there on a college night with my now OH. it was totally random.


if you want them to pay you attention don't act just BE,

BE yourself, (most important imo)
BE confident
and BE talkative