Boyfriend mixed message

LegacyUser

A short while ago things between my boyfriend and me were a bit strained. We hardly spoke or went out. This was down to a few factors we were both stressed about i.e. work and money and friends.
A few weekends ago, we were in bed and he turned to me and did the 'where are we going?' speech and asked me if we'd be better taking a break. A friend of his had just split up with his girlfriend and my boyfriend said this made him think of where we are going. Obviously this came out of nowhere and I got so upset, I cried all night and didnt sleep and had an awful time. Then he said 'no i don't want to break up with ya'. But why did he say it then?
Things are good now, we're getting on well and back to socialising but sometimes I have a deep down doubt that because I acted how I did he backed down. He hasn't said anything about it and is back to being himself. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and I don't want to bring it up with him.

Wagon

Ask him. We can't read his mind.

Poloman

Ok I think this is the classic male/female thing.

Maybe you were both having doubts or he was as ye were going through a rough patch. Its normal to have those thoughts during a rough patch (depending how long ye are together). You want to talk abbout it he doesnt. As far as he is concerned it has been mentioned and is done and dusted. If you bring it up it will only cause unease. Perhaps he just wanted re-assurance from you that you were into him and not feeling negative towards him. Sure money is always a strain but you dont need money to have a godo time. Be imaginative and creative. Plan watching tv, or going for walks or cooking a nice cheap meal.. pasta and mince and a candle followed by a cosy night on the couch watching tv or a film.

You say he is back to normal so enjoy it. Personally I wouldnt raise it again.

smileysurfer

The only way you can know for sure is to bring it up with him and ask him straight out.
If he brushes it off then dont back down. Something like this is important and you need to know where you stand! otherwise if you keep it to yourself the worry will drive you mad.
Good Luck

ManOfMystery

If he doesn't bring it up again, why worry? Every couple has ups and downs, and every couple goes through periods where there may be a few doubts here and there. At least its obvious that he wants to have some kind of future with you, or he wouldn't be asking about it.

Gyalist

A few weekends ago, we were in bed and he turned to me and did the 'where are we going?' speech and asked me if we'd be better taking a break. A friend of his had just split up with his girlfriend and my boyfriend said this made him think of where we are going. Obviously this came out of nowhere and I got so upset, I cried all night and didnt sleep and had an awful time. Then he said 'no i don't want to break up with ya'. But why did he say it then?

It's quite likely that he did want to break up with you but it was your reaction that made him change his mind. Many men act against what is possibly in their best interest because they instinctively become protective of tearful women. The only way that you will know is by having a chat with him about it and hopefully he will be honest with you.

I find it very curious that he'd wait until you were in bed before bringing up the subject.

Nitxteha

You were having problems, he saw how his friend "set free" from the girlfriend, and he may have been stressed about your relationship.

Obviously he considered the option because he may have felt "jealous" of his friend's new situation (the grass is always greener on the other side..:))

He threw the bomb and when he listened to himself he got that awful feeling that he was going to lose something good in his life and set reverse.

I wouldn't worry. Act normal and caring with him, and give him more space than usual, you'll see everything will be ok again. All couples have this sometimes, I think.

LolaLuv

Gyalist wrote: »

It's quite likely that he did want to break up with you but it was your reaction that made him change his mind. Many men act against what is possibly in their best interest because they instinctively become protective of tearful women. The only way that you will know is by having a chat with him about it and hopefully he will be honest with you.

I find it very curious that he'd wait until you were in bed before bringing up the subject.

I agree with this. If you start crying it becomes much much harder for a guy to go through with it. I don't know what you should do, but if it's really bothering you bring it up sometime when you know you won't start to cry again. Say something like "I'm sorry I reacted like that the other day. I want you to be able to voice your concerns for me, etc." Tears can't hold a broken relationship together. Better to find out what's on his mind, imo.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

A short while ago things between my boyfriend and me were a bit strained. We hardly spoke or went out. This was down to a few factors we were both stressed about i.e. work and money and friends.
A few weekends ago, we were in bed and he turned to me and did the 'where are we going?' speech and asked me if we'd be better taking a break. A friend of his had just split up with his girlfriend and my boyfriend said this made him think of where we are going. Obviously this came out of nowhere and I got so upset, I cried all night and didnt sleep and had an awful time. Then he said 'no i don't want to break up with ya'. But why did he say it then?
Things are good now, we're getting on well and back to socialising but sometimes I have a deep down doubt that because I acted how I did he backed down. He hasn't said anything about it and is back to being himself. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and I don't want to bring it up with him.

Well, I for one can read this as clear as a bell:

He DOES want to break up and gathered together his courage to tell you.

But then you cried all night and he got guilty and backtracked telling himself he'd find a better time etc as people do when they are conflicted.

Look, a mixed message from a man is ALWAYS ultimately a no.

You can do yourself a favour and save yourself the roller coaster ride and get off now. If you decide to stay and try to change his mind, you might but much more likely you might not.

Ive been in his shoes and Ive been in your shoes, You would be far better off taking the short term pain of a break up than linger on painfully for ages while he messes you around.

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote: »

It's quite likely that he did want to break up with you but it was your reaction that made him change his mind. Many men act against what is possibly in their best interest because they instinctively become protective of tearful women. The only way that you will know is by having a chat with him about it and hopefully he will be honest with you.

I find it very curious that he'd wait until you were in bed before bringing up the subject.

Yep, had a friend who did this. He tried to break up with his girlfriend on 2 occassions but when she start crying he backed down. Didnt stop the inevitable, they broke up a couple of months later.