Being chatted up

LegacyUser

OP here - guys just "look at me"!!! one night i was in a club and i noticed a guy looking at me - i could see he wanted to come over - he kept edging over with his mates!!! it was nearing the end of the night and he STILL hadn't come over. so when i was getting ready to leave he THEN said something to me!! i was kinda pissed off at this stage that he waited so late and i just left! If he had just come over at the start of the night then who knows what would have happened.

entropi

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here - guys just "look at me"!!! one night i was in a club and i noticed a guy looking at me - i could see he wanted to come over - he kept edging over with his mates!!! it was nearing the end of the night and he STILL hadn't come over. so when i was getting ready to leave he THEN said something to me!! i was kinda pissed off at this stage that he waited so late and i just left! If he had just come over at the start of the night then who knows what would have happened.

What happened here is that he wanted some time with you that night, even a few mins to check you out with a chat but wasnt fully sure if you were interested. You should have just walked up, took his hand and brought him away from his mates...you get what you want at that point and even if it dont work, you tried and he still gets his ego boost from his mates, a win-win situation:)

Passenger

Why were you expecting him to approach you?

Why does the man have to do the approaching. It's 2009. If you see somebody accross the room who you like the look of and they seem approachable then you go to them. Otherwise this situation will keep arising.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here - guys just "look at me"!!! one night i was in a club and i noticed a guy looking at me - i could see he wanted to come over - he kept edging over with his mates!!! it was nearing the end of the night and he STILL hadn't come over. so when i was getting ready to leave he THEN said something to me!! i was kinda pissed off at this stage that he waited so late and i just left! If he had just come over at the start of the night then who knows what would have happened.

You were annoyed that he didn't come up until the end of the night yet you did nothing yourself? Why didn't you just go up to him?

Women annoy me sometimes. Alot of them feel that men are cowards for not coming up to them in pubs/clubs yet they would never do it themselves.

shellyboo

Is this the same as the other being chatted up thread? I'm totally confused.

cantdecide

Unregistered wrote: »

...i could see he wanted to come over - he kept edging over with his mates!!!...i was kinda pissed off at this stage that he waited so late and i just left...

You don't know him or the sky above him. You certainly don't know his pain threshold when it comes to rejection/ humiliation. A few bad approaches and his nerve could be shot.

He wasn't born to please you and there was nothing stopping you approaching him because clearly you were checking each other out. In other words, if it were in him to bite the bullet, then he would have done it so what were you waiting for?

Mr. Frost

Unregistered wrote: »

You were annoyed that he didn't come up until the end of the night yet you did nothing yourself? Why didn't you just go up to him?

Women annoy me sometimes. Alot of them feel that men are cowards for not coming up to them in pubs/clubs yet they would never do it themselves.

And then by the sounds of it you were just plain rude to him at the end! How do you think he felt then? :rolleyes:

star-pants

Have to agree with other posters -- you could see he was looking your way. You did nothing and when he finally made a move you were ticked off cuz he took so long?
It's a little unfair I think - he could have been trying to work up the courage or any other number of reasons. He could have been wondering why you didn't go over to him either.
He bit the bullet and made the first move and you just left.

I really don't think you have reason to be annoyed.

Cuddlesworth

He spent the entire evening plucking up the nerve to talk to a pretty girl. He goes over and she leaves because she's annoyed he took that long. He feels rejected.

Do you think hes going to be faster at getting rejected next time?

Supra lover 87

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here - guys just "look at me"!!! one night i was in a club and i noticed a guy looking at me - i could see he wanted to come over - he kept edging over with his mates!!! it was nearing the end of the night and he STILL hadn't come over. so when i was getting ready to leave he THEN said something to me!! i was kinda pissed off at this stage that he waited so late and i just left! If he had just come over at the start of the night then who knows what would have happened.

You madam are a fool

It is 2009

Woman should go up to guys like this and make the first move they do it in america woman go up to men and tell them what they think or chat them up.

Its not the stone age any more where men have to do everything.

maybe he wanted to talk to ya at the end of the night where he wont have to shout over music or was waiting for you to be on your own and not have to talk to you with your friends around ever think of that.

Poloman

Firstly he did the make first move by making sure you noticed he was looking at you. Did you look back at him and smile or just look away?

If you look away then I wouldnt approach however if I noticed the girl smiling I would then approach and ask if she would like to have causual sex with me hee hee. Or i would until she was coming back fromt he toilet and say hi as we passed and if she stops then cool and if she grunts and walks on then thats that. Move on to choice number two.

I t does take two peope to engage each other not just the man. I think its completely unfair on the man having to take the risk of approaching to get shot down. Its not the year 1809. Women have approached me and I found that first of all a turn on that they had the balls (maybe the wrong word) to do that. Confidence is a good thing. Use it.

RossFixxxed

Do you know why a lot of guys are getting very ****ed off with approaching?

I'll give you an example. I'm in a relationship of 7+ years. So there is no motive for me approaching. What I simply wanted was a lighter. So I saw 2 girls smoking and walked over. I got THE filthiest look I've ever seen, you know the type. I asked for the lighter and got filthier looks. Lit my ciggie up and said 'thanks very much, have a good night girls'. She then looks at me and says 'I will do once you get your ugly ****in face away'.


I mean come on! I clearly wasn't even trying something on, I was walking right away. This sort of thing happens a lot to a lot of people. If I was single I'd say that would have really, really stung me bad.

Go approach a guy if you like him, a lot of them are sick of these stuck up women believing they're all that.

And to the girls, it doesn't take much effort to be polite. I'm sure you get a lot of sleezy stupid guys, I understand how annoying it can be, but if the guy is polite, there's no need for that.

R

cantdecide

RossFixxxed wrote: »

...'I will do once you get your ugly ****in face away'...

Yikes...

We all have similar stories. Mine was when some girl said something similar when I wasn't even facing in her direction- I was in conversation with a male mutual friend. I mean how far up yer arse does your head need to be for that??

OP, I hope you're getting the picture here...

Mr. Frost

cantdecide wrote: »

Yikes...

We all have similar stories. Mine was when some girl said something similar when I wasn't even facing in her direction- I was in conversation with a male mutual friend. I mean how far up yer arse does your head need to be for that??

OP, I hope you're getting the picture here...

I said 'excuse me' in a nice, normal way walking past a girl once, and she just looked at me with disgust as if 'how dare you speak to me'. I wouldn't mind but I'm actually a good looking, normal, nice guy...it was strange to say the least. I just laughed at her!

shellyboo

Yes yes... some women are horrible rude b*tches... but with some drunken slobbering men it's the only way to deal with them. It's a learned response - not a very nice one - that feeds into a vicious circle.

Drunken men aggressively approaching women > women get defensive > women take it out on nice guys > nice guys are scared to approach women > nice guys get drunk to get the confidence to get women > women complain about how there aren't any nice guys approaching them.... and round and round we go.

OP, there are a million reasons why a guy might not be interested in you, you don't have to take it as a personal rejection or an indication of your value, self-worth or attractiveness. Any given guy you fancy in a pub could be taken, gay, a priest, asexual, really a woman (!), just broken up with someone, have a horrific disfiguring disease that prevents him from having relationships, be a deaf mute, or, he could just be shy.

You need to stop being afraid of so-called 'rejection' when you won't even be the one being rejected. All you need to do is be open to being approached - you'll be the one doing the rejecting or approving. It's a tiny, tiny, basic thing to simply look at a guy and smile, and once that's done, once you know he's interested, it's very easy just to say hello. You need to give these guys some sort of opening, otherwise they're never going to chance their arm for fear of getting the kind of abuse the guys are talking about.

smileysurfer

He was gearing up to talking to you all night and when he finally got the courage to do so so walked off! Your fault! You could have gone over to him if you thought he was interested. Lets be fair here!

John Mason

i am sorry but WHAT ????????

he made it very clear he wanted to talk to you and edged closer but you stayed stuck to your mates and didnt meet him half way and YOU ARE COMPLAINING


seriously, grow up

STUBBORNGIRL

i agree with everything that Shelleyboo said! Spot on and to the point!

However i have a little spin on something that happened to me on Sat night! I saw this guy looking at me so i started smiling back. He would turn away and then look back and smile- A game i thought he was playing with me! Anyhow he was on his way to the bar and out of nowhere (so not like me) i asked him if he was going to the bar - cringe - anyway got so tonguetied i totally flipped up and said - i'm having a vodka - thanks!! really brazing! anyway he didnt get the vodka but he was flirting with me - and totally was buying a drink for another girl who he was obviously with in his little group!! but now i can understand why the op wouldnt approach the guy first - she could have totally got the wrong end of the stick! (okay we all knwo she didnt by him approaching her at the end of the night) but those people saying she should be the one approaching him need to ease off!

If something is going to happen it will and nothing will get in its way - What is meant to be will be -

Even if she did wrong is running away from him at the end of the night - she has learned her lesson - she probably wont do this again! but no need to beat herself up about it!!

What is for you wont pass you - a good friend once told me that - and i firmly believe it!

So best of luck Op

LegacyUser

im not complaining - i wasn't really interested in him anyways. but ya i guess il start to make a move from now on and see what happens

homerun_homer

Unregistered wrote: »

i was kinda pissed off at this stage that he waited so late and i just left! If he had just come over at the start of the night then who knows what would have happened.

You would have just left earlier in the night?

Now the poor guy goes home thinking that the girl who may have been interested and was making eyes with him all night didn't like him in the end. Walking away when he starts to talk even at the end of the night is not cool given you were interested.
This means the next time this chance arises for him, he may have a bit less confidence and won't even make the obvious moves he was doing to get closer to you and hopefully get more attention from you.

Congrats OP, though you didn't mean any harm you are not helping the situation of many a man that comes along and asks why girls are so difficult these days.

Poloman

shellyboo wrote: »

You need to give these guys some sort of opening, otherwise they're never going to chance their arm for fear of getting the kind of abuse the guys are talking about.

I'm immature I know. :rolleyes:

thebigcheese22

Unregistered wrote: »

im not complaining - i wasn't really interested in him anyways. but ya i guess il start to make a move from now on and see what happens

Glad to hear it! It is such a neanderthal way of looking at things, men should always make the first move :mad:

Some guys are too shy (I'd know!:o) and its a lot more attractive to guys if girls go against the norm and develop balls! In a metaphorical sense of course

cantdecide

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

...was buying a drink for another girl ...now i can understand why the op wouldnt approach the guy first - she could have totally got the wrong end of the stick....

'Welcome to our world' comes to mind. This is the risk every approacher takes. Fair play though. Don't let it deter you.

Was the bloke incredibly rude to you??

Her sticking her neck out is no different than him sticking his neck out. It's no different for men or women and hiding behind convention is not a justification for being rude...

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

im not complaining - i wasn't really interested in him anyways. but ya i guess il start to make a move from now on and see what happens

So what are you moaning about then? If you wearn't that interested in him, why are you even starting a thread about it?

But yes, approch lads. We do like attention.

smileysurfer

Unregistered wrote: »

im not complaining - i wasn't really interested in him anyways. but ya i guess il start to make a move from now on and see what happens

Yes why did you start this thread then??

shellyboo

smileysurfer wrote: »

Yes why did you start this thread then??

Wagon wrote: »

So what are you moaning about then? If you wearn't that interested in him, why are you even starting a thread about it?

But yes, approch lads. We do like attention.

Guys, this (I think!) is a continuation from another thread the OP started about how she never gets chatted up.

LegacyUser

op here - i didn't start this thread - it was a post in the other thread like shellyboo said but somehow it started as a new thread! apologies to all!!!

shellyboo

Mayhap a mod could merge them for clarity's sake?

Epicpriest

im a ba***rd for chatting up the best looking girls in the place.

i do get rejected sometimes, but it's only because the girls are idiots. (i mean the rude ones who respond like you've just kicked them in the back of the head)

if someone approaches you and is not brash etc, but is polite and just tried to make casual conversation then if you have any reason not to speak to them just tell them honestly instead of putting on a disgusted face and saying something like "get away from me".

i do get good responses from the majority of women i approach, but i would say i've only been approached about 3 times in my life (even though there's been countless women giving me signals", if it's equal rights and all that, why dont women make moves?

THE REASON -
1) the reason women are so harsh on guys, is because there's so many guys hitting on them.

2) the reason women say "no decent guys chat me up" is because men get rejected in a bad way so much, that they try to change their approach, and act brash or rude.

3) the reason men do the above is because WOMEN NEVER APPROACH... so men have to do it all the time, and get rejected....

4) Circle, started by women who think it's 1926, even though everything is pretty much equal.

Sanjuro

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here - guys just "look at me"!!! one night i was in a club and i noticed a guy looking at me - i could see he wanted to come over - he kept edging over with his mates!!! it was nearing the end of the night and he STILL hadn't come over. so when i was getting ready to leave he THEN said something to me!! i was kinda pissed off at this stage that he waited so late and i just left! If he had just come over at the start of the night then who knows what would have happened.

I'd say you did wonders for his confidence. It's not as easy as you may think. And its reactions like yours that make it that bit harder for us guys. Try a bit of empathy next time.

Copper23

So you gave a guy signals who you didn't like...

Wondered why he was afraid to approach when you are already calling yourself beautfiul...(the attitude most girls have)

And when he finally thought he'd nothing to loose you act like that?


So even if he did approach you earlier it would ahve went nowhere right? Since you had no interest in him? Yet you led him to believe he had a chance?

God almighty, I dont want to say anything that'll get me banned but girls like YOU are the VERY reason guys get so fecked up...

What exactly had you to gain from all this? Aan ego boost by coming online telling us all you are gods gift?? So what exactly is your problem? Some guys like me are the guys who you tool around and tell us we a worthless, and as a result feel like crap constantly. Not being able to get anyone is a problem, being stuck up and destroying guys confidence then boasting about it is hardly a problem!

Motley Crue

Op did you ever think this guy was just nervous

LegacyUser

maybe he was - maybe the reason i wasn't interested was his lack of certainty in coming to me. but im like this so i don't know why it put me off him. do guys prefer confident girls do you think to quiet ones??

SoWatchaWant

Unregistered wrote: »

maybe he was - maybe the reason i wasn't interested was his lack of certainty in coming to me. but im like this so i don't know why it put me off him. do guys prefer confident girls do you think to quiet ones??

Well it depends, OP. But alot of men would like the forward approach from. It's out of the ordinary, yes, but it makes us feel happy inside when you come up to us:)

Of course, I've no hope of reversing this small piece of sexism in the forseeable future, so I'm always prepared to chase girls. It's just the way it its, what are you gonna do, eh?:rolleyes:

cantdecide

Shy and quiet all the way for me please. When coupled with self respect, inner confidence, strength and depth of character and that's my tick list satisfied...

I suspect most guys will prefer the outgoing up-for-it type though. Especially when they've had a skinful themselves. Stop being closed off. Try to open up more when out and about. You don't have to be the life and soul and you don't have to turn into a drunken slapper to get more attention.

LegacyUser

how do i "not be closed off?" you mean smile more etc?? but i don't want people to think im a slapper and looking 4 it!!! (which i am - haha. messing)

LegacyUser

Speaking for myself I would be nervous about approaching a guy if we were making eye contact because I need to be convinced that he is interested enough in me to approach me. If I approached him I would be afraid that he wasn't really interested in me but because I chatted him up he might think "not terribily interested but she'll be grand for tonight"!

Homer Sexual

Gee, people have such 'problems' these days...

murrmurr

Thanks to the OP for reaffirming my idea of Irish girls.

Every one of my mates is dating/married to foreign girls (myself included), guys i grew up with or even when i meet guys i went to school.

Irish girls will sit there (practically with their arms folded) and wonder, why any guys won't chat THEM up. All night with a big puss on their face or they'll get so drunk and convince themselves they're having a good time.

It is not the 1950's, get that silly idea of chivalry courting or whatever it is (catholic upbringing?) out of your head.

If you see someone you like, GO FOR IT!, plenty of guys here will admit that they like being chatted up - a woman that knows what she wants.

Otherwise you'll end up on the late late show like those women a few months ago wondering why they can't get a man, i.e. because foreign women from the ones I have met are fun and don't pussyfoot around.

Or maybe you were a '10 to 2' - a chick he'll try to pick up just before the club closes as he was desperate!

just my two cents anyways!

Call Me Jimmy

As people have said before, OP you realize you sound like a big fat stinking hypocrite? Did you read your post after you projectile vomited it onto the screen?

Complaint: Saw guy that looked interested, was keeping tabs on him the whole night. He didn't approach me (until the end). GRRRRR

Mmmm_Lemony

murrmurr wrote: »

Thanks to the OP for reaffirming my idea of Irish girls.

Every one of my mates is dating/married to foreign girls (myself included), guys i grew up with or even when i meet guys i went to school.

Irish girls will sit there (practically with their arms folded) and wonder, why any guys won't chat THEM up. All night with a big puss on their face or they'll get so drunk and convince themselves they're having a good time.

It is not the 1950's, get that silly idea of chivalry courting or whatever it is (catholic upbringing?) out of your head.

If you see someone you like, GO FOR IT!, plenty of guys here will admit that they like being chatted up - a woman that knows what she wants.

Otherwise you'll end up on the late late show like those women a few months ago wondering why they can't get a man, i.e. because foreign women from the ones I have met are fun and don't pussyfoot around.

Or maybe you were a '10 to 2' - a chick he'll try to pick up just before the club closes as he was desperate!

just my two cents anyways!

I spent alot of time travelling in eastern europe, and have to say the Polish girls are absolutely horrible when you try to have a chat with them, particularly in big cities like Krakow and poznan, mind you they seem grand over here...

cantdecide

Unregistered wrote: »

how do i "not be closed off?" you mean smile more etc?? but i don't want people to think im a slapper and looking 4 it!!! (which i am - haha. messing)

Things that all people should do with all other people. Engage with the human race. Keep your head up and look around ie don't have your head stuck in your phone. Don't back yourself into a corner where people might have to run the gauntlet to speak to you. Look at people- all people. If someone needs to shuffle past you, acknowledge them.

As an exercise, next time you're in a shop or paying for petrol, look at the person serving you and as they hand you your change, look right into their face, smile and say thanks. They will beam right back at you. You feel good, they feel good- everyone wins. Btw, you must accept people as you find them. Just like that guy who was too afraid to talk to you- he is as he is and he wasn't born to please you. You would have to be pretty judgmental to treat him this way...

shellyboo

Mmmm_Lemony wrote: »

I spent alot of time travelling in eastern europe, and have to say the Polish girls are absolutely horrible when you try to have a chat with them, particularly in big cities like Krakow and poznan, mind you they seem grand over here...

I know, imagine! Girls who are brave enough to leave their native country to live elsewhere are more confident, outgoing and friendly than ones who don't!! Who'd have thought it

Lads, can we stop the whole 'foreign wimmins' thing? I bet you money if you go and chat to a load of men in say, New York, they'll be extolling the virtues of Irish women over New Yorkers - more friendly, more approachable, blah blah blah.

It stands to reason that someone living in a foreign country is naturally more outgoing than most - it takes a lot of courage and confidence to uproot yourself and move away, of course these people are going to be more approachable and friendly, they're trying to build a life here, experience the culture. Why would you bother coming to Ireland from anywhere if you were just going to sit with a face on you?!

Unregistered wrote: »

how do i "not be closed off?" you mean smile more etc?? but i don't want people to think im a slapper and looking 4 it!!! (which i am - haha. messing)

So smiling makes you a slapper?! You may just be a lost cause, tbh. Honestly. Smiling makes you look happy, confident, fun, approachable. Dancing on a table with yout skirt up round your crotch and your tits hanging out - that may make you look like a slapper.

Smiling, talking to, approaching, flirting, even KISSING a guy does not make you a slapper. Really it doesn't. Looking for men, even looking for sex - does not make you a slapper.

mysterious

Guys I see both sides of the situation.
To be honest, its not like its has to be the woman now to make the move, cus it's 2009

I'm a man, and in my experience, the woman does generally make all the moves, as far as showing interest and body langauge. I love when a woman approahces me, but not always. As I feel its a man's job to do the actual approaching and doing the external work. For me, it's like saying I don't need to do any work. I know people say this is all cave man talk. But the fact is this is the way we are hard wired.

If your afraid to go talk to a woman all night, your a wuss. I know I've been there, we all have. But this is confidence issue. Rejection is a fact of life. Move on try the next woman.

Men are external
Woman are internal.

These are the basics.
You ask a lot of guys, this I'm sure you will feel the same way. Guys are more frightened when a woman comes on too strong are too close. This is a sign the woman is more confident than the guy. The guy needs to make the intial move, as this shows confidence. It's like a guy conquering something. I beleve that a man to say they want woman chatting them up cus it's 2009 is obviously a wuss.

We have to look at things the way things "generally" go!! Yes, it is more natural for the man to approach the woman. The men are the intiators and the doers. Woman are not programmed like this. Now I'm not saying a woman should. But I think we men, should grow some balls, and just make the move if we are interested in someone. regardless of what time of the year or phrase of modern fuccking times we are in.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

im not complaining - i wasn't really interested in him anyways. but ya i guess il start to make a move from now on and see what happens

Hmmmm......sounds a bit like a Corrs song to me.....

If you weren't interested then you wouldn't have been p'd off that he didn't approach you and you definitely wouldn't be posting here about it.

Self-defence mechanisms - i.e. not approaching someone and statements like the above - are natural, but the old saying is true - nothing ventured, nothing gained!

If you checked around boards / PI, you might even find a post from a guy who's "p'd off that a girl who was looking at him all night didn't approach him"....

Liam Byrne

mysterious wrote: »

Move on try the next woman.

That IS cave man talk, implying that any woman would do....

It's rare enough that you'd see one woman that might be interesting enough to approach on a night out, let alone just moving on to another who'd "do" because someone else said no.

If I saw someone once a month that I'd think of approaching, then I reckon I'd be doing well.....I'm not saying that I'm up myself or fussy, just that I'm out for the night with mates or whatever and not actively "looking", and therefore it'll take a good-looking, confident-looking, interesting-looking girl who might (through eye contact or whatever) be interested in order to make me want to make the first move....

Moving from one to the next in the hope of a score smacks of desperation....

cantdecide

mysterious wrote: »

...These are the basics...

I would have said broad, sweeping generalisations...

Terodil

Unregistered wrote: »

how do i "not be closed off?" you mean smile more etc?? but i don't want people to think im a slapper and looking 4 it!!! (which i am - haha. messing)

So let me summarise:

You are afraid of SMILING because it might make 'people' (who??) think that you're a 'slapper'?

But you EXPECT him to WALK OVER to you and your group and try to chat you up in front of your friends, without any sort of encouragement? And when he does work up his nerve to go over and talk to you you tell him to push off. /golfclap

TBH, OP, seems to me that you have substantial issues with considerateness, empathy, and social recognition, rather than a lack of being chatted up.

unregisted wrote:

Speaking for myself I would be nervous about approaching a guy if we were making eye contact because I need to be convinced that he is interested enough in me to approach me. If I approached him I would be afraid that he wasn't really interested in me but because I chatted him up he might think "not terribily interested but she'll be grand for tonight"!

I can understand that point -- but how is that different for men? It's not, not at all.

mysterious

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Moving from one to the next in the hope of a score smacks of desperation....

That is one of the most stupid post i've ever heard in my life.


I tell you what desparation lingering over the same girl and dwelling on rejection. A man standing their all night looking at a woman and not making any moves. Is a wuss. I'm sorry but it's in our nature to do, move, act on our desires. It has always been the way. it wil always be the way. If a man dwells on the same woman and doesn't move on. Well you can be sure the woman will lose interest straight away.

Liam that is desparation, not someone getting of thier ass and admitting defeat and moving on. If I had your attitude I would of hung my coat Loooooong ago ffs.:rolleyes:


I find your post hilarious liam, absaloutely hilarious

cantdecide

mysterious wrote: »

That is one of the most stupid post i've ever heard in my life.

Everyone isn't the same as you are. Being just like you isn't mandatory.

mysterious

cantdecide wrote: »

Everyone isn't the same as you are. Being just like you isn't mandatory.

But his intepretation of how a man should act in this situation is nonsense and wussy.

This is reality. And he is almost saying a man shouldn't try or act or move on even if rejected.

You either sit and wallow in your problems, or you get up and make your life better. It was the most stupid advice I actually ever heard!!

Thats is the truth.