Being chatted up

LegacyUser

ok this is a personal issue to me - it might seem silly to others. Im a good looking woman but hardly ever get chatted up. I do go to clubs / pubs etc and i see other girls getting chatted up. maybe its because they wear a "shorter" skirt that me! Any ideas what I'm doing wrong????

Polleta

It may be the places you go to that what you are wearing. I find a lot of the time that I go out in jeans I get chatted up more than when I wear a skirt. In fact I was out on saturday night in Dublin wearing jeans and a top.. very little makeup (a quick dust of powder and mascara cos i had 2 mins to get ready) and I got chatted up loads!

I used to find the places I went all of my friends would get chatted up and not me. I don't think its how attractive a person is dressed or anything I think its more to do with how comfortable we look in ourselves and how much we smile etc.

I wouldnt let it get you down. You'll meet a great guy some time you don't expect it! x

MIN2511

Do you smile?
Make eye contact when you see someone you like?

1huge1

Try and chat up the guy yourself, they love that... well I do anyway

Kiera

Its all about confidence. You could be the best looking girl in the room but if you have no confidence and are hiding in the corner looking miserable then you will not be perceived as approachable.

Try lightening up and not worry about getting chatted up. Enjoy your night with your friends. Guys tend to go for the girls who are enjoying themselves.

pingpongz

Alot of guys dont approach hot women on fear of getting rejected Dont let it get you down... if you like a guy... approach him instead
Many of us poor lads have tried to talk to hot women only to get laughed at or told to **** off even if we are being as nice as possible.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Make eye contact with guys and they'll come over to you. Guys have fear of getting shot down and walking away with their tails between their legs

cantdecide

I've posted the same response to a similar topic recently.

You seem confident in your looks but if you are very good looking, most guys will assume you are spoken for, especially if you're interest in them is hidden. You don't have to go adjusting your wardrobe to get approached more- I love jeansy girls the most, for example.

If you want to be chatted up or approached, you will probably have to adjust your body language- nothing overt, but eye contact and smiling will do wonders. If you meet someone you like- chat them up. We love it. You won't have to worry about humiliating rejections. Blokes won't dismiss or humiliate girls like they do to blokes.

LegacyUser

what happens if i make eye contact and smile at a guy ans he's not interested and ignores me? i'd feel like a right tit.

mysterious

Unregistered wrote: »

what happens if i make eye contact and smile at a guy ans he's not interested and ignores me? i'd feel like a right tit.

So what, move on, hes a stranger, why worry what a stranger thinks


Also it might be your body language. I find alot of good looking girls tend to stand and be all closed and stick to other girls. They make it very hard to be approached.

Just be aware of your body language. It's important, even if your gifted in looks.

I know I can use my body language, to want to be approached or not, more times im unaware of it.

Also go and chat to guys. Like you would to anyone.

Salome

Unregistered wrote: »

what happens if i make eye contact and smile at a guy ans he's not interested and ignores me? i'd feel like a right tit.

So what? If you don't get yourself "out there", you're missing out on possible opportunities.

Perhaps you're giving off "unapproachable" signals to blokes - smile, laugh, if you catch someone's eye, smile at him. If you're looking all "closed-off" and not smiling or looking like you're a fun person, you won't attract anyone.

Relax - look like you're having lots of fun - men love girls who appear to have confidence and who look relaxed and happy.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

what happens if i make eye contact and smile at a guy ans he's not interested and ignores me? i'd feel like a right tit.

A big neon sign saying "REJECT" flashes on and off over your head :rolleyes:

Nothing happens... he looks away, you look away. Who cares? Nobody's gonna make fun of you. If you don't put out SOME signals, how will men find you approachable?

It's unfair of you to expect the man to make 100% of the effort because you'd feel 'a bit of a tit' smiling and being friendly. They're just as apprehensive as you are... all you need to do is show you're interested and open to being approached. The blokes have the hard bit, they have to actually do the chatting up!!

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

A big neon sign saying "REJECT" flashes on and off over your head :rolleyes:

What does this mean?????

Calibos

Good God Girl, get a grip.

You're worried about being rejected via eyecontact!!

Think about us poor blokes. Its not a case of a girl just not coming over to chat after we made eyecontact indicating rejection. Some of the nasty examples indicate rejection after we go over for a chat by telling us to F-off!!

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

What does this mean?????

I was being sarcastic... nothing happens, nothing at all. I don't understand what you're afraid of - no-one will know you were making eye contact except the guy you were looking at. Who exactly will think you're a tit? Why would you feel like a tit? No-one's going to laugh at you or even KNOW you've been "rejected". If a guy's not interested, he's not interested. Move along to the next one.

If you're so incredibly scared to the point that you won't even make EYE CONTACT with a guy, you're setting yourself up for disaster. You have got to put yourself out there.

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

What does this mean?????

it's the answer to your question what happens if I make eye contact and smile and he looks away. See, you are asking really really vague questions but you are expecting specific advice.

Q. Why don't guys chat me up? A. Try smiling more

you see? that's how it works. Not

Q. Why don't guys chat me up? A. Well OP the reason is that while inwardly you feel relatively self-confident, ultimately there is a part of you that fears rejection and this behaviour is amplified when you go out with your peers. Guys pick up on these subtle signs, such as you holding your drink accross your body - thereby effectively cutting yourself off, and the slight tilt of your head as you try not to look at your friends coupling off. This gives you an air of superiority, which, while not deserved - weeds out the gentlemen that would normally want to talk to you.


you ask us what you are doing wrong, but first you have to tell us what you are doing.

LegacyUser

op here- ok what i do!!! i drink, talk to my friends, walk around, dance!!! Maybe look around see who's about. but the thing is i don't want to give the guy the impression im into him - i just dont know why. i want him to come up to me. i suppose fear of rejection etc. your right.

MIN2511

Rejection?
Imagine how guys would feel if he approached you or your friends and was rejected, i believe in treating everyone with curtesy.... Even if you don't like the guy, avoid being nasty.

LegacyUser

no if he comes up to me then i show im interested - if i am. but with regards to smiling and eye contact i don't really do it. afraid that he might look away (hurt my ego!!) im never nasty to them.

MIN2511

Ah my dear hugs to you

Don't worry, it's no big deal... Try to brush it off... Yes your ego will be hurt but think of it as his loss and there are other fishes in the sea

cantdecide

Don't forget that you might smile or try yo talk to a guy in a club or whatever and he very well might just look away... he could be on a first date, he might be standing right next to his missus. The variables are infinite. You must accept that this won't work every time.

We're very simple animals. If we're available, you're pretty and you smile at us, more often than not, we'll dance to your tune:D Be confident, to me there's nothing more attractive than being shy- use it to your advantage but be assertive, too. You won't get the hostility us blokes have to endure every weekend...