Virginity issue

LegacyUser

Hey PI, sometime reader but first-time poster. As such, I'm aware that my problem isn't exactly a novel one ne'er seen before, but other topics on this issue (both here and elsewhere) were so different from my experience that I feel the need to set out mine.

I'm a 22 year old male college student, and recently the fact that I'm a virgin has begun to bother me a lot. I say recently because until recently (starting at age 19) I had convinced myself, privately, that I was asexual. In retrospect this was a very bad idea and was basically a way for me to run away from sexual frustration and jealousy instead of confronting these issues.

The reason I said other threads on the issue didn't speak to me is that (for guys at least) the people in question tend to be very shy, socially awkward etc. Now, I dropped out of school due to illness at 13 and took several years to recover, after which my confidence had been totally destroyed and I had become used to total social isolation and had no social skills to speak of, so I used to be in a similar position. But in the last 3 years I've been able to turn my life around to the extent that I genuinely am now a sociable person, and for pretty much the first time in my life I'm enjoying the experience of having a circle of close friends, and plenty of friendly acquaintances also.

That's where my problem really comes in. Since most of my college friends are somewhat younger than me (18-20) me being the older one actually makes people assume I'm *more* experience at these things, to the point of asking me for relationship advice. Obviously I haven't told anyone that I am a virgin (it never really bothered my while I was doing the asexual thing) but it's only when 2 of my 18 year old friends began a relationship with each other that my considerable dissatisfaction, loneliness and the sheer stress of having a problem that no-one else in your life even suspects really hit me. It was a lack of confidence in knowing that many people around me had so much more experience (not just sexual but social in general) that made me run away from sexuality a few years ago, that feeling has only gotten worse since then and greatly undermines my ability to do anything about it.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here really, I'm not really looking for "how to get chicks" type advice, I guess more than anything I'm wondering if anyone else has had similar or relevant experiences themselves?

Anyway, thanks for reading.

haven27

I'm female a bit older at 27 and missed out on a lot of school during my teens aswell. So I spent about four years practically isolated most of the time, lived on books and tv etc. When I started doing college full time at 20 (did a course before that), I was still pretty innocent, built up friends slowly but it was totally like being a teenager when everyone else has been there and done it all.

So I think I spent most of my early twenties trying to figure out what the hell was going on, anyway your not alone, feel free to pm me if you like, all I can say is that it does get better.

Aprilsunshine

Worrying or stressing about this is silly because a) you're not 40 and a virgin and b) you have made friends and developed a social side.

So you will meet someone at some stage who will attract you and things will just happen from there. Best way to start any relationship is friendship so you're on the right track.

Sparks43

ok

step 1 get comfortable with you

step 2 understand that women are differant and unusual and you will never have any hope with them

step3 choose a man

step 4 maybe not

be confident for you to post here means that you are a decent person have faith and trust in yourself and you will do better


tc and gl

cantdecide

For different reasons, I had all kinds of weird ideas floating around in my head too when I was around your age but all I can say is that you do get through it completely.

At your age these things start to become quite quantifiable- it can hit home to see much younger people having progressed and 'developed' further. You aren't the oldest virgin in history and you're neither the first nor last to have these feelings of lost time and loneliness. Look forward and talk to your friends and let them know that you're lonely.

If you're in a good place to start thinking about getting these boxes ticked, then good. When you find the right girl, you will be able to tell her that for various reasons, you're still a virgin. It will be okay...

Overheal

Its like saying you havent hit a Home Run yet, but you're forgetting you still have to step up to the plate, find a bitcher, and run the first 3 bases. Cant be running around, running into girls and thinking sexsexsexsexsex you have to relax and take it one small step at a time, and be comfortable knowing that with patience, good things come to those who wait...and dont try to force a sexual encounter on the first date.

themadchef

I was still a virgin at 22. I had almost finished college at that stage. I had plenty friends in college, went to lots of parties, stayed out all night and really really enjoyed myself. Sex to me wasint something that came into the equation. TBH, i guess i was really paranoid about getting pregnant and i was never in that serious of a relationship, my career was more important to me at the time.

Sex isint a game. There can be serious consequences. There is no shame in being a 22 year old virgin. My advice is really simple. Wait for the right girl. Make it special, not just a target to reach. It's something you're going to remember for the rest of youre life, make it a good memory.

Did you ever notice you can wait and wait for a bus, then suddenly a load of them arrive at once . Confidence is attractive in a man, don't have the waiting look .

LegacyUser

I think waiting is a very bad idea... In my circle of friends I was the last to lose my virginity and this was a huge pressure and greatly affected me, It was a huge weight on my shoulders. You dont have to change yourself, just put yourself on the market, get a likeminded friend or 2 and hit the mean streets with a common goal.

My situation was quite different and I can tell you honestly that when the weight was lifted, it was not with anyone special, but this did boost my confidence immencely.

Good luck! May the force be with you!!

Dudess

Waiting for that special person is a bad idea all right, but I'm not sure I'd subscribe to the "doing it with whomever's available to get it over with" strategy either. Not everyone's comfortable with that and therefore shouldn't do it - just to fit in. At least be some bit attracted to your first person.

Also OP, just going by Personal Issues, you're very much not alone. People in their 30s have posted that they're still virgins. 22 is still very early in the wider scheme of things.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Get it over with. Its one of those things that shouldn't be a big deal but when you're a virgin it messes with you so much that it is a big deal. As soon as you do it you'll wonder why it was such an issue but for now it is.

I'd say drop your standards significantly and find someone. Go down the online dating route as well.

Dudess

The OP might not be into the idea of just getting it over with. Christ, no need for him to wait for the love of his life but no need for things to be so utterly cold either...

LegacyUser

themadchef wrote: »

Did you ever notice you can wait and wait for a bus, then suddenly a load of them arrive at once . Confidence is attractive in a man, don't have the waiting look .

Never a truer word said. I was a virgin till I was 25. I was a sociable lad, always out on the piss, plenty of friends etc just lacked a bit of self confidence around the ladies. I never put myself out there and never really got any attention (or else I never noticed it). Im talking literally for 24 years of my life I got nothing......then something just changed in the last year and I cant turn down the women quick enough (ok slight exsaduration but they do all come along at once).

Also, I had built up the whole being a virgin thing so much in my head that when I finally did it it was such a let down....what had I to worry about! The only saving grace I suppose is that it was with a little belter of a girl and not some random mess.....man she was hot!!!!

Dont worry so much, it will happen and good luck.

FANTASTIC

Unregistered wrote: »

I think waiting is a very bad idea... In my circle of friends I was the last to lose my virginity and this was a huge pressure and greatly affected me, It was a huge weight on my shoulders. You dont have to change yourself, just put yourself on the market, get a likeminded friend or 2 and hit the mean streets with a common goal.

My situation was quite different and I can tell you honestly that when the weight was lifted, it was not with anyone special, but this did boost my confidence immencely.

Good luck! May the force be with you!!

dont take advise on loosing your virginity from anyone that says "may the force be with you" :rolleyes:

End off the day its all just about gettn the confidence and just do it! its same as everything else in life sitting around thinking about it is 1000 times worse than just doing it:cool:

Overheal

Overheal wrote: »

Its like saying you havent hit a Home Run yet, but you're forgetting you still have to step up to the plate, find a bitcher, and run the first 3 bases.

For the record, I meant Pitcher. Just, wow.

LegacyUser

Dude not to worry I'm a fellow 22 year old male virgin myself and I'm not particularly worried about my situation and neither shoud you be. Still tho are some good points in this thread ...hmm

Beruthiel

Sparks43 wrote: »

ok

step 1 get comfortable with you

step 2 understand that women are differant and unusual and you will never have any hope with them

step3 choose a man
l

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