What to do?

LegacyUser

Okay, so I've never posted here before and I don't even know if it's the right place or anything or if it's too trivial of a problem but anyways, here goes


I've been going out with my BF for just over 3 years now; for the first two/two and a half years everything was pretty perfect, the odd fight/argument now and then but nothing out of the ordinary.

But for the past half a year though, we've been having more and more arguments, when I say we, it's usually me who initiates them and I can't seem to help it - it's like anything he does annoys me these days, like purely small, trivial stuff, like habits and idiosyncrasies he's always had that now suddenly annoy me, or some stupid thing he says that really irritates me and it's gotten to the stage where we can't have a proper phone call or conversation without one tiny little thing blowing up into a stupidly huge argument.

I hate myself for the fact that I can't seem to stop giving out to him for silly little things that never used to annoy me, but do - I know the problem lies with me, cos it's not like he's suddenly changed, he's the same as he ever was, nothing's changed about his personality or attitude or whatever. He's even more confused than I am and sometimes apologises for the sake of it, even though we both know it's not his fault.

I never thought that I'd end up posting here about something like this, don't even know if I'll post it cos it must sound pretty stupid to anybody reading it. When all of our niggly little fights began, I thought it was just a phase but lately it's been worse than ever. I hate saying this, but I almost feel like I'm arguing with and giving out to him because I want to change him or something - Does this mean that I can't accept him for who he is, and if so, is it fair to continue on with us if all I ever do is give out to him? I love him but I'm beginning to think I'm not IN love with him, it's all so bloody confusing and I'm just not quite sure what to do

Thanks to anymore who trawled through that, it feels good to get off my chest even if nobody replies! :P

cantdecide

Are you sure you aren't depressed??

If you're sure you aren't and he grates on you when you both know he's done nothing, then Imo, it doesn't sound good.

Are you afraid to break up with him?? Try to imagine yourself being happy having broken up with him a month ago. If it isn't too hard to imagine, then that tells its own story.

MagicMarker

Are you sure you're not subconsciously trying to push him away, make him the one to break up with you so you don't have to?

In a lot of cases this kind of behavior in a long term relationship (imo) is a sign of discontent.

LegacyUser

Have you been in the process of trying to change your life in some way, or advance yourself? Do you feel he is holding you back from this / not helping / not being conscious of what you are trying to make better? I think sometimes when we have a vision before us of where we want to be at (on any level: personal, professional or social) and our nearest and dearest are not growing with us in the same way, we can experience what you are - impatience & frustration - because we feel we are outgrowing them...

stupidusername

cantdecide wrote: »

Are you sure you aren't depressed??

If you're sure you aren't and he grates on you when you both know he's done nothing, then Imo, it doesn't sound good.

Why would depression have anything to do with it?

cantdecide

stupidusername wrote: »

Why would depression have anything to do with it?

Sabotaging a perfectly good relationship or taking a pessimistic view of the most trivial matters.

stupidusername

cantdecide wrote: »

Sabotaging a perfectly good relationship or taking a pessimistic view of the most trivial matters.

Is that something that people with depression do? Why is that a part of it?